Thursday, January 5, 2017

Room of the past



Wouldn't it be great when the door to memories would be closed until you're in the mood to enter the room of the past?
Next week I'll have a few important appointments, and the week after it I'll live without a husband without knowing for sure if what he said is true.
He said my financial situation will be secure.

It made me think about things he said in the past
One of the main things: 'our love will be forever'.

Yeaaaaa...
I thought so, wanted to believe it, loved the romantic idea.
I was such a fool, so naive, so trusting, so longing for love.

It was like being pregnant: thoughts going until the delivery, forgetting, conveniently, that kids grow up, want your money, your food, clean laundry and always a smile.
I didn't realize there would be a lot of relationship after the day of white tule ad wonderful promises.
I expected happiness, care, love.
OK, it was there for a short while.

Then it turned out he had a limited array of feelings, was a man, couldn't do anything proper in the DIY area, and was living all for his own.

I tried to adjust, stay without criticism, forgive, and smile, smile and bloody smile.

When we got kids there was no return button available anymore.
I was a fulltime mom and dad, and he did what he loved most: travel, work, and travel.

I'm looking back now, closing that time of life.
The kids have grown up, 2 are still at home, until one finds a job and the other finishes her education and finds a job too.

I feel like an empty tissue box: the tissues are almost all used.
11 days to go and then I can be thrown away and I can reinvent myself again.


1/5/17


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