Monday, February 29, 2016

Unconscious mutterings 683

  1. Hold :: your breath
  2. Stubble :: fields of standing straw
  3. Checking account :: money? money.
  4. Dove :: Peace symbol
  5. Hollow :: sound
  6. Shape :: shift
  7. Full :: not empty
  8. Nails :: breaking
  9. Masking :: colouring blue around the mouth
  10. Host :: website

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Saturday, February 27, 2016

2 pink roses and a white one

Today we had our final goodbye from my best friend.

We first went to the gardencentre to get some beautiful flowers.
It's a very large building and it was all a complete mess.
In a way it fitted my mood and it was kind of soothing.
The organised place just had the rabbits and a few plants in place, the rest was a chaos, because they were doing away with the winterstuff and were making the whole space ready for easter and spring. Nothing had arrived yet, so they were cleaning corners and putting counters and tables aside.

Just the cut flowers were available.
The prizes were terribly high, but I didn't want to go somewhere else.

I took some white flowers, but couldn't get them arranged and then I spotted, somewhere in between, the most beautiful soft pink roses. They had a slightly darker lining around the petals.
I fell in love with them immediately.

I kept one rose, put the rest back, took 2 pink ones, and some waving green and that small white spotted stuff and made a flat bouquet.
The woman who was supposed to fix it, put a rope around the stems and some plastic around it and didn't even close that properly.
After all I was fine with that.
At home I arranged it again, fixed it, found me a proper card, wrote what I wanted to say and put the plastic around it again.
It looked perfect.
I've made a photyo, but I'm too tired to put it on the computer.

At the funeral house a wellknown person stood at the door. I've worked in the past with these people and parents of died babies. He asked if I wanted him to take it. So he did, and put it at a wonderful place.

I didn't feel like mingling with other people. I was with one of my daughters and that was enough.
They projected photo's on the wall. So I once again saw photos of her when she was young, a student, when we were young mothers and more.
There were many things in the service we talked about and it was nice to see she had used them. It was truly how she wanted it.
I also got some answers on questions I didn't want to ask the family.

She indeed had plans to see each other this month.
She had another chemo and a check up and on friday got the news the chemo hadn't worked.
None had expected things would happen so very fast.
On monday she died. Luckily she was able to say goodbye to her husband and children.
None had expected her to die so soon.....

When the service was over we got coffee. And like we discussed, there was no cake, but apple pie.
But I couldn't eat.
We went to write something in the remembrance book and went away.

Last week I've written a poem.
I'll write it in a nice card and explain why we left without saying goodbye.
Everyone of the family was talking and we didn't want to disturb.

Thinking about it all it was very nice and honoured the life of my friend very well.
But I don't want it that way.
The bare brick walls... I've always hated them.
Not too long ago they rebuilt parts of the centre and redesigned the interior.
Well, in the coffee room there's some colour, and the hall is not as small as it was (just as drafty though).
But it still is an unpleasant building.

So I want my goodbye in the buddhist center, which is probably far too expensive. But I'd rather have it in the woods.
And in the evening a campfire with the friends of my daughters having fun there too.

Well, I feel very empty and tired...

Have a nice weekend.


The Times of Your Life (1976)

1) This song is all about memories. How far back can you remember? What's your earliest memory?

I remember my grandfather singing a baby song to me when I sat on his lap. He died when I was 2.
The memory is very vivid and I also remember the cuckoo clock above him.
My next memory is when I was 3. At the beach.

2) The first line is "Good morning, yesterday." What do you remember about yesterday morning?

I was very sad because one of my very best friends died. (She was the last of a few.)

3) This song was originally a 60-second jingle, featured in a commercial for Kodak film. Do you ever use film? Or are all your pictures digital?

I would love to use films, but I can't get them developed anymore. So I need to use digital pictures.

4) Who took the most recent photo of you?

Last year a photographer, for my passport. Boy where they ugly.

5) This week's featured artist, Paul Anka, was born in Canada and enjoyed appearing in a made-for-TV Perry Mason movie with fellow Canadian, Raymond Burr. Do you enjoy courtroom dramas?

I used to, but not anymore. The seem to be all the same. And I don't have the time.

6) At 15, Anka won a supermarket contest by collecting the most Campbell soup can wrappers. The prize was a trip to New York. Do you enter contests and sweepstakes? Play the lottery?

Sometimes I enter a contest. But that's it.

7) This year Paul Anka performed throughout Florida (Palm Beach, Fort Lauderdale, Orlando, Clearwater and Fort Myers). The Sunshine State is a popular vacation destination. Do you have a favorite spot in Florida?

I've never been in Florida.

8) In 1976, the year this song was on the charts, an earthquake hit China. Have you ever experienced an earthquake?

Yes. But it was just a 4.5 one. Everything rumbled, like a truck drove into our back yard and then the shaking began. The pillpots fell from the shelves and things like that.

Later we experienced another earthquake. We sat on the couch and it was like the couch was on the waves of the sea.
The strange thing was that we were that afternoon at the place of the epicenter and I had the strong feeling to get away there as soon as possible. I urged Mister to drive the car fast to another place. The earthquake was hours later and when I heard where the epicenter was.....creepy.

9) Random question: Do you know CPR?

Yes.And used it with success.

Have a great weekend!

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Friday, February 26, 2016

Friday 5: Belly up to the Bar

What’s the Good News?

Don't know any good news at the moment. Maybe that the person I had to accompany to an appointment because he doesn't dare to stand up for himself has asked someone else to go with him. It's nice always to be available for others, but I'm so very tired, I can do with 48 hours in a day...or more.

When did you last Take 5, and how did you spend it?

You mean when did I take some real relaxtime? I don't know. It feels like I'm always running and busy.
The only time for me, without waiting for the laundry machine or something is when I go to bed and read a few minutes. But that's to get away from the day.

Who’s a Big Hunk?

The last interesting man I had a fun time with was Richard. A Scot from London. LOL!
We did nothing special. Just talking, laughing.

In what way has this week been a Rocky Road?

One of my very best friends died. And I'm taking it very hard.
Another person I tried to be friendly with just mailed me she won't have time for a coffee the next months because she needs to work for her physical therapy. Well, I'm not friends to be a burden to someone and she gave me that feeling.
It make me miss my died friend even more. She was such a caring and kind person.

What’s something you’re keeping Skor on?

I don't think I do that.
It's of no use. I try to help people whenever I can and that's it. I've learned to expect nothing back.

Have a great weekend.

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Thursday, February 25, 2016

Thursday 13 - 6

13 things my friend and I shared in the past

  1. being pregnant
  2. being pregnant again
  3. pregnancy classes
  4. another friend
  5. love for a warm coffee-time
  6. jewelry-making and other creativity
  7. thinking and talking about life
  8. interest in each other's life
  9. music
  10. spring
  11. colours
  12. longing to be outside
  13. accepting what we can't change

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Unconscious Mutterings 682

  1. Deep dive :: Long ago, olympic height.
  2. Puppies :: Want one
  3. Bow :: for the King
  4. Clown :: Clini Clowns
  5. Fresh! :: mint
  6. Munch :: Oh, I hate to hear people eat.
  7. Jack :: Russell
  8. Boiled :: Egg
  9. Elected :: Oh, what a nasty elections in America this year.
  10. Book club :: Free cutlery... I was able to get my student kitchen things together by ordering books from the Book Club

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Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Did I do enough?

The past days I had some sort of flu, with a throatinfection and pain in my ears and a very active nose. I even lost my voice.
But today my voice was back, though crackling, and my throat was hurting a bit less.

I think that dealing with that made me react with more emotions than I had foreseen.
But sometimes it's OK just to go with the flow. Unless other people are made upset too.

After I'd been to the doctor's practice to get the first shot of this week I decided not to stay at home.
The laundry and all the other chores looked at me and I didn't want to look at them. Simple as that.
So I went with Mister and the oldest to do some shopping across the border. Nothing special, we do that every week.

The skies were enormous! Bold white clouds, piling up, and below them dark grey, almost painted areas, with shedding of rain at the horizon. It was kind of comforting,. They float, whatever happens down on the earth.

I decided to buy a mala in memory of my friend.
Will look for one tomorrow.

I have been asking myself if I could have done more for her.
But I think I've done all I could.
I didn't step back because I was afraid of her or her illness, but because she wanted to live the last part of her life her own way. With her family.
She knew I was waiting for the moment she needed me.

Often she had in her life the feeling that life was not about her but about others. That always someone stepped before her when it was her time to shine. That her family liked her sister more than her. That others made choices for her, not with her.
I tried to give her her own choices. Tried to lift her out of the feeling that she was victim of circumstances into a situation that she could see her choices.
Even when she was in hospital I felt a kind of teacher, showing her that she could ask for a doctor to explain things again. She was growing fast... contemplating stopping therapy.
We both had our feelings about it.
When my father stopped therapy it was a choice for quality of life, not fear of side-effects, loosing hair and all the other fears that enter life as soon as the word cancer sounds. He was OK with living shorter, but more as himself, with a rapid deterioration in the end.
I lived with him the last weeks of his life. I told him it was OK to go.
It was the second time in my life I said it was OK to go to a dear beloved person. I was with my gram too.

My friend knew how I felt, what I went through. She was catching me.
And this time I had no one to catch me.
So I think it was her choice to do it this way.

She promised to call me if she needed me.
And I knew it was not about me.

So slowly a feeling of rest enters me.
I worry about her children. But her family is caring, and the children are not small kids anymore.
They're kind people, just like their mom.

I know that one day I'll feel her presence and that that feeling won't leave me.
She was such a kind person


Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Death of a best friend

Yesterday, at the day our town remembers a severe bombardment of WW2, in which 6 family members died, I wanted to go to the special service.
One way or another we didn't manage to go.
While the day progressed I started to have a strange feeling of doom.

It lasted, until I heard from a mutual friend that one of my best friends of my life, maybe even my very best friend died.
She was a very kind person, too kind to win the battle against cancer.

I feel so very sad.

We met during the pregnancy of son number 2.
Our friendship started quite intense, as my father was battling cancer. He died when my second son was 9 months.
She was there, all along, like we's known each other the rest of our lives already.

We both went through another pregnancy, and it was nice and fun to share our big bellies.
I was pregnant again and lost the baby.
Again she was there with wide arms, little smelly candles and soaps.
And when I finished the journey through fertility with twins, she was almost dancing of joy.

When I had another first balletperformance she was watching and admired me for following my heart to start ballet for grown-ups.
It made her follow her creative urges and she started pottery and making all sorts of wonderful things with clay.
She started a job and we both were caught up in far too busy lives, with children with special needs, men which were workoholics and families who claimed us.
Once a while we had a few hours together, catching up, sharing our innermost feelings.
Sometimes it was like we left in the middle of a sentence and went on talking the very same sentence months later, like we'd never been away in between.

I missed her terribly when I was in hospital with my heartproblems, but was also glad she didn't know and there was no need for her to worry about me. She was still the lovely person she'd always been, but there was often a glow of gloom around her, an understream of depression, of not truly coping with what life throws on our shoulders. So I was glad the girls didn't inform her about my bad time.

When I was well again we saw each other again.
She told she was dealing with breastcancer and could no longer hide it.
We had long talks, sharing our feelings about being ill, about the children, about feeling young in a body that was deteriorating.

Her treatment failed.
She was afraid to talk about death, but asked me how I felt when I was dying.
So I opened up the subject for her.
Told her about my feelings, about the way buddhism deals with dying and death.

A few weeks later she asked me to help her to find her own rituals.
So we tried to create new forms of goodbye, decided on the undertaker and some other funeral arrangements.
I gave her a bracelet in her own colours, so she would always have me near.

I hope I was able to give her the rest in her soul she needed so much.
Like I did, she walked the last part of life alone with her family.

And yesterday she died.

We didn't say a true goodbye, even though we knew in our hearts that the last time we saw each other that it was a goodbye for ever. But I didn't want to believe it then...couldn't.

I gave her all I had for that last part of her journey, and for the travels ahead...
But was it enough?

This afternoon I was sitting in the livingroom with one of my daughters when we heard a sound against the back window.
Like someone knocked on the window in flight.
Birds can't fly there.
So I thought it was my other daughter, knocking on the window to ask us to help her get her bags inside.
Her knocking always sounds different, but nevertheless, that's what we thought.

I went outside bu no one was there.
Nothing was blown against the window, nothing had fallen there...

Maybe it was her, keeping our promise to let the other know where still alive in death.
I don't know.

All I know is that I lack a best friend.
Most of my best friends of life are dead now.
My high school best friend lives very far away,
as does my first love and best friend.
My university friend lives in Belgium,
and I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I feel lonely, and I'm ready to move to Scotland.
Wish something would happen so I can go.


Sunday, February 21, 2016

Black shoes

One of my daughters is a ballet dancer.
Near the trainingscenter is a second hand shop and often it has some nice items.

She had seen dance sneakers and regretted that she didn't buy them when she was there.
So this morning I went with my other daughter to get them.
They were gone.

But I saw some nice other sneakers.
They fitted me, so they should fit her.
They were just 9 euro, so not much.

At home she decided she didn't want them.
Thank you.

The shoes appeared to be brand new, never worn
I assume the original prize was at least 5 times as much.
Considering the fact that I wanted all black sportshoes and wanted to go and look for them next week, I've done very well.

We also saw a nice chair for my other daughter.
I regret we haven't bought that one.

I won't send someone else.
We might get stuck with a new couch. LOL!

Saturday, February 20, 2016

Sixteen Tons (1955)

1) 16 tons = 32,000 pounds, because there are 2,000 lbs. to a ton. Without looking it up, do you know how many ounces are in a pound?

Our kilo = 2 pound = 10 ounces
In your system it's 16 ounces, isn't it?

2) The singer describes himself as having "a mind that's weak and a back that's strong." Think about yourself. Which feels more powerful today, your body or your brain?

Hihi, ask me with my body. LOL!
My brain is the strongest.

3) The poor chap in this song has money troubles. Are you good at sticking to your budget?

Most of the time yes. With no money it's easy to stick to your budget of nothing.

4) Tennessee Ernie Ford snapped his fingers as he recorded this song. It's been said that while it's possible to snap your fingers of both hands, the noise is louder with your "dominant hand." (So if you're a rightie, the finger snap will be louder with your right hand.) Try it yourself. Did you find this to be true?


5) Mr. Ford appeared as "Cousin Ernie" in three episodes of I Love Lucy. What's your all-time favorite sitcom?

I've seen some good ones, but for the whole family here it was "Cheers".

6) Tennessee Ernie took the money he made from his performing career and invested in a California cattle ranch. Think back to the last beef your ate. How was it prepared?

Mister prepared it and as he can hardly bake or cook.... It was with onions and the unions were better baked than the beef. So it was almost raw.... I gave it back.

7) Mr. Ford passed away at age 72 in 1991. That year, Dr. Seuss also died. What's your favorite Dr. Seuss book?

I don't know,. Maybe I've never seen one.

8) Gene Roddenberry also died that year. Mr. Roddenberry is best known as the creator of Star Trek. Who is your favorite Star Trek character?

Captain Janeway...among others.

9) Random question: We're having smoothies. What's your favorite?

Blueberries or woodberries.

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Friday, February 19, 2016

Friday 5: Beat It

What’s the last powder you dissolved in liquid?

Detergent in water.

What did you last sprinkle over a plate of food?

Sesame seeds

What were the last ingredients you blended?

Can't remember. The blender broke and I never bought a new one.

When did you last let something simmer?

I boiled water for tea today, does that count?

When did you last experience a stirring rendition of something?

Just a minute ago: 'bridge over troubled water'.

Have a great weekend.

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Thursday, February 18, 2016

Thursday 13 - 5

13 musical instruments I play

  1. piano
  2. organ
  3. harmonica
  4. recorder
  5. transverse flute
  6. ocarina
  7. bagpipes
  8. kalimba
  9. guitar
  10. violin
  11. hornpipe
  12. fife
  13. kora (a bit)

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Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Unconscious Mutterings 681

  1. Buff :: My mother wanted me to buff the silver every week.
  2. Spiderwebs :: with huge spiders...outside (I hope)
  3. Hostile :: unfriendly
  4. Viewed :: Seen
  5. Cross :: Roads
  6. Load :: Pile or burden
  7. Reboot :: Start again
  8. Smell :: Sniff
  9. Sniffle :: Irritating drawing in air through the nose
  10. Company :: Business

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Tuesday, February 16, 2016

Tuesday Health 3: rhesus babies

My daughter was one of twins.
They were rhesusbabies, meaning they had antibodies against their bloodcells in their blood, because the bloodbarrier between me and them had been severed.
Thanks to donors they had each two exchange transfusions and a couple of eosinophiles transfusions.

My father has been a donor for such babies for many, many years, so it was rather special to be on the receiving end.
We were very aware that three to six people had been called in to donate blood for our babies. They had to stop whatever they were doing so save our babies.
Thank you so very much!

I remember that I was waiting for the taxi after the last transfusion.
We waited in the large hall and a man came towards us. He could hardly walk, and I still wonder how long he lived after our encounter.
Politely he asked if he was allowed to say something to me.
So I asked him to sit down and tell me.

He said that he was moved by such a beautiful pink baby and that he wanted to wish us a very happy life.

We sat together for a while, watching the little girl, until I had to leave.

I still remember him. He was a bright light in a very difficult time in our lives.

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Monday, February 15, 2016

MGM 2016 Bloggers: insurance letters

Monday, Good Morning, dear readers.

Since the healthinsurance isn't a national matter anymore, but a whole pile of different businesses that offer all sorts of insurances, with all sorts of services covered or not covered it's a mess.
The kids were still insured with their dad's insurance, but this year they had to find their own insurance, especially after our oldest made wise choice last year and paid far less for better service.

We encountered quite a few problems.
It started with time and concentration problems. Some of our kids are dyslectic and can't read the endless lists of rules and regulations without forgetting most of what they've seen.
And they certainly didn't have the time.
So at the last fortnight I got stressed and the oldest stepped in and helped his brothers and sisters.


One of the twins got her paperwork done all in time and perfectly in order.

Then she got this morning a mail stating she had applied too late and the insurance would start in 2017.
I told her to mail back that she was already accepted, had her paperwork in, and had already paid for January and February.
She got excuses, and we assumed her sister would get the same letter..... nothing yet.

But their brother got one.
Stating that as the application was received december 6, 2016....yep, 2016, the insurance will start at that date, because the application should have been in a lot earlier.
I replied for him, stating that I was pleasantly surprised by such foresight and I would advice him (the sender) to fill in a searchform for the mail- and postservice for future lost mail. Maybe we had to do with a kind of time-hole, or maybe the mail got lost in a gravity wave.
I also said that I expect a correction of his mail, stating that the application was received in time and thus the insurance starts in time. Just as my daughter got her insurance in perfect order.

I wonder if my oldest had a perfect insurance last year due to the guy there sleeping behind his desk.
Well, he'd better be asleep than dealing with the mail....

Have you had troubles or fun with insurance letters?

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Bye, have a great week!


Saturday, February 13, 2016

The Theme from Love Story (1970)

1) The very popular tagline for this movie is, "Love means never having to say you're sorry." Here's your chance to rewrite it. "Love means _____________________."

Sharing a lot and listening even more.

2) The movie was famous for a montage of the lovers frolicking in the snow. Do you enjoy sledding, skating, skiing, snowball fights, snowmen, etc.? Or do you just want spring to hurry up and get here?

I used to love skating..a lot! Speedskating.
But I love the spring. Yesterday I heard the blackbirds calling for the first time this year... so spring is approaching. I feel excited, because I love all the surprises of spring.

3) In the movie, Oliver asks his father for $5,000. The money is required for wife Jenny's hospital treatment, but Oliver is too proud to tell his father why he needs it. Adjusted for inflation, $5,000 in 1970 is $30,000 today. How much would you be willing to lend a friend or family member without knowing the reason?

I don't have that's an easy answer.

4) In the movie, Jenny is the daughter of a baker who owns a little shop in Cranston, Rhode Island. Think of the last baked goods you consumed. Were they home made? Did you buy them from a bakery, the grocery store, or a coffee shop, like Starbucks?

I've never been to the last one.
Baked goods here are either homemade, from an english bakery or from the bread shop where one of my daughters works.

5) In 1970, when the movie was first released, California's First Lady Nancy Reagan said she liked it but was upset to hear Ali MacGraw's character swear. What's the curse word you use most often? (Feel free to spell it with *'s, in case Nancy Reagan stops by Sat. 9)

and: ****

6) Now 75, Ali MacGraw has let her famous hair go gray. She says she's glad to "look like a grown up." Do you feel your age? Or older or younger than your years?

My body is crap, condition wise, like bad wrapping paper.
My skin looks OK for my age. 15 years younger, at least.
But my mind is young.

7) MacGraw and her Love Story co-star Ryan O'Neal are currently on tour in the play, Love Letters, and they're drawing big crowds of fans who remember them in their famous film. Tell us of another movie couple you felt had romantic chemistry.

Meryl Streep and Robert Redford in Out of Africa.
Could have been me ...

8) Red is the signature color of Valentine's Day. Are you wearing red right now?

No. Just a bit of red in the sweater with scandinavian knitting in bleu, white and red.

9) Because Valentine's Day is such a big day for chocolate ... would you prefer a large, solid milk chocolate heart or a small box of four assorted chocolates?

Give me the big heart and a handsome man... come on... I'll only bite the chocolate.

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Friday, February 12, 2016

Friday 5: Pounding the Pavement

What was the occasion for your last going door-to-door?

Can't remember doing that the last years.
A few years ago I went from shop to shop to get advertisements for the paper I worked for. Does that count?

When did you last trip and fall?

A few months ago, when I invented a dive from the stairs and landing on laundry.
Oh, I was so lucky.....

When wandering about, where are you most likely to stop and take a photo of something?

When it's in the neighbourhood it's near the lake. Well...hmmmm...yes, I call it a lake.
Nice skies can be seen above it and in winter it's gorgeous there.

How safe do you feel walking around your neighborhood at night by yourself?

Rather safe, but it's very quiet here.

How do you feel about FitBit and other smart health gadgets?

Had to look it up.
As a former ballet dancer I don't need things like that.
Seeing how much they cost all I have to say is that they're good for the economy.

Have a great weekend.

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To Sweden

Son 2 is a parajumper.
His training consists not only of jumping from a small plane, but it means hard work.

He and his teammates jump with the same parachutes as they jumped with in WW2, and they love to jump from all sorts of planes.

This week he trains in Sweden.

I would have loved to have gone with the group and made photos, but ofcourse the money is a problem, but my physical condition too.

Yesterday I got a mail to tell me they'd arrived safely in Sweden and had a meal at Ikea.
Today I could only think what they were doing.

This morning when I woke up I found Mister again behind his computer. Again he didn't leave for work but worked from home.

He gets calls all day, and he talks rather loud at the phone. It bothers me, as he's sitting in front of the back door and I intended to hang the laundry outside.

I had to go for another shot, so I made him bring me by car.
I vented to the assistant/friend and she said that men don't realize they're in female territory. She was so very right.

I tried to ignore him all day. Especially after he said he didn't want me on the computer as his connection was broken each time we were on our computers. That's interesting, as he has his own connection and we have a different one.
Well, he thought I was handsowing the curtains for the front door, but I was on the computer doing my games. LOL!
I did some sowing when loading the computer, so I could hang the curtain, and it was nice.
It consists of two long small pointed tablecloths with a print of all sorts of keys and locks, sown together at the length seams. The girls loved it.

In the evening the place of the shot started to itch. Turned out there was a band aid on it, and I'm allergic to them. So I need to keep in mind to say it again at the doctor's practice.

Well, I wish you a good weekend!!


Thursday, February 11, 2016

Thursday 13-4

13 valentine presents I wont get this year and most of them I never got.

  1. A bunch of roses.
    I got a bouquet of roses twice, at the beginning of our relationship. He considers it a waste of money.
  2. A diamond ring
  3. A box of chocolates. So I buy one myself.
  4. Dinner at a restaurant. He took me twice in 36 years.
  5. A trip to... somewhere. So I went with the oldest to the coast.
  6. A car.... Haha.... even when it was a pink one I wouldn't mind getting one, but he has to include the money to get a license.
  7. Earrings. Bought 5 pairs for a euro a few days ago. I bought....
  8. Sexy underwear. I can't even imagine him buying that at the beginning of our relationship.
  9. A lovely bear.
  10. A valentine's card. Oh yes, got a few, with his name, no other text. Tell you how romantic he is. LOL!
  11. Perfume. The girls gave me a small bottle a few years ago. Smelling like sugared strawberries.
  12. A handbag.
  13. An "I-love-you-mug"

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Wednesday, February 10, 2016

First shot

So today we had a full program again.
First we had to do some shopping in the shopping center, including fetching medication at the pharmacy.
It took ages. I was so grateful for the chairs. I missed the woman who helps me most of the time. She jokes and works fast. This woman needed her time, but that caused the row to stay long.
Mister became inpatient and walked already to the car before we had left the shop.
When we were in the car he wanted to drive to our oldest and got angry when I said we had to go to the doctor's practice for my shot.
He had completely forgotten!
We couldn't believe it. I said it over 5 times this morning and yesterday I talked about it too. he was present when I made the appointment.

We think dementia has started, a family problem at his side of the family. But he doesn't want to be tested, so we can't help him to slow down the process.
All I can do is write things down for him, and repeat, repeat, repeat.

I got the shot, which was just a few minutes, and then we went to the birthday of our oldest.
He had the best cake I've tasted in years. Except the birthday cake of the girls last year, but he organised that one too.

I didn't feel anything of the shot.
So we'll see what happens.


Tuesday, February 9, 2016

Tuesday Health 2: treatment plan

We know our family physician and his wife who is his assistant a long, long time now.
Because we're also friends we have our own way of dealing with problems, and we know each other's weaknesses and strengths very well.

When I recovered from my heartproblems I expected to feel better in time, but I stayed tired, and even developed more symptoms that had nothing to do with my heart.
It was like my body had never been able to start completely again.
Deficiency this, deficiency that.
I had to use vitamin D on top of all my other pills, and then had a shortage of iron.
In the past I had the same problem over and over again and a very good doc for internal medicine told me never ever to use pills again, but take shots. So each so-many years I had a couple of weeks with shots and that was enough to go on for a while.

Then a few months ago I needed shots again and the doc thought it was time for a new referral. I'll tell you about that another time.
I came home in tears and very angry. The young guy thought he'd better do nothing, because of the cost of treatment.

I thought that the iron deficiency might have something to do with a b12 shortage. But because I take folic acid and B6 because of an amino-acid disease the b12 shortage does show in symptoms, but not in blood tests.
My doc looked a bit like an unbeliever, so I told him: "I'll show."

I took less folic acid and b6 and heypresto: B12 deficiency.

I mailed my doc, because I expected him to be as hesitant to treat as always and wrote: "It's your turn to make a treatment plan."
No mail back.

As the symptoms became worse I made an appointment for today and expected not much.
He ask me what I wanted, I told him to tell me as he's the doc.
Much to my surprise he came with a good treatment plan. He'd been reading the scientific literature I suggested.

So this week I'll be starting shots B12 on top of everything else.

Let's hope it does the trick.

When were you surprised by a good treatment plan of your doc?

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Have a very good tuesday!


Monday, February 8, 2016

MGM 2016 Bloggers: Carnival

Monday, Good Morning, dear readers.

In many countries it's called Carnival, in The Netherlands it's called Carnaval.

It's a huge festivity to celebrate the return of the light and the growth of plants and flowers, to ward of the bad spirits.
later it was stolen by the Christian religion to mark the start of a time of fasting and turning inward to prepare for the week leading to Easter and Easter itself.

Here it's celebrated by people dressing in fancy clothes, having parades with huge cars and drinking a lot of alcohol.
When I was young it started on sunday evening, after all the sunday masses, but nowadays it starts on friday at the schools.
It stops tuesday at midnight and when you're a good carnaval fan you'll eat raw herring to mark the start of the fasting time.

I've never really liked Carnaval.
Ofcourse I took part in it just like the other kids, but when I was at high school I gladly was a member of the organizing committee so I could skip all the dancing and yelling.
I don't like mixing with drunk people so I've never taken part since, except for once during my university years.

We went to a small village, watched the parade and had dinner. Then went home, because we had to do a lot of studying.

Did you ever take part in Carnival?

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Crocusses 2016

What a strange day...

I woke up after half an hour of sleep.
Me oh my, the night was one disaster of turning and turning. My feet were hurting, then the duvet was too heavy on them, then my hip was hurting, then it was too hot, then I was shivering from cold.
So when I reported to be awake I got a look like I was changed into a real ghost.
"Go to bed and sleep. We're not going. We'll see what we do..."

So I went to bed and the day to the museum, which was planned weeks ahead, was cancelled.
We were invited for a preview of an exposition on Buddha, and as I am a buddhist....

So I slept a few hours after all and we went to a gardencenter. I needed a present for a friend and I wanted to take a good opportunity to find something.
I did.
Can't mention it here,...when she read the blog....
I was happy we went, because I bought some other stuff too.
Then we went to the Ikea nearby to have some coffee and eat something.
Which was not for me. It was far too hot. The applepie has nuts in it. The salmon was covered in ruckela salat, which I hate, and they didn't have the soup I like, the cinnamon buns were all gone. So I had coffee, and stole some fries from the plate of my son.
But we saw a couch we like (we need a new one after the disaster of last week) and my son found the duvet cover he was looking for for months, (and his dad paid for it.) Oh, and I bought some boxed to sort the clutter they always make in the kitchen.

So all in all a good afternoon, with a very irritating burning sun straight in our eyes when we went home.

We saw a few trucks that came from the carnaval parade, but I saw something much more fun....

Lots of dark purple crocusses in the front garden and even two muscari.
Scientists stated today that nature is 6 to 8 weeks ahead of time.
Well, I've seen it myself.


Sunday, February 7, 2016

Undercover uncovered

Being a journalist is sometimes great fun.
In the past I've had some interesting meetings, and now my son is a journalist too, we can share our stories.

Last week he attended an emergency call.
When he arrived nothing was the matter.
Some policemen were talking with children about something they might have seen.

So he decided not to take photos, as there was no real story.
Just at the moment when he decided to go home, two men approached him.
They showed him their police identity cards and told him they were undercover and wanted to know what he was doing there.

So they talked a bit and then he went.

Straight to me, bursting from laughter.

How on earth can undercover policemen be so stupid as to reveal themselves to someone they don't even know as a journalist.
There was absolutely no need, as there were uniformed policemen available and as he was leaving withing taking a picture at all.
He didn't even talk to the children.




Saturday, February 6, 2016

Sidebar fixed

Managed to get the sidebar fixed after all.
Or maybe it was a blur from blogger and it was not my good work. :)

Well, you can roam about again and read what you like.

Thanks for the comments.
It's so nice to meet new people.

Sidebar down


The sidebar is down and I don't know why.
It worked well, and suddenly it's down.
Haven't done anything wrong, changed nothing.
And I'm too tired to go through all the coding to changed it again.
So I'm going to change the settings for one post on the main page, and see what that does.

Otherwise I'll leave it for today.
It's far past midnight and I'm not feeling energetic enough to stay focused to make the changes.


Sorry (2015)

1) This song is a plea for a second chance. Are you good at forgiving/forgetting?

Yes, I'm OK with forgiving.
There are only a few things in my life I can't forgive, or rather forget.
Forgetting ...I try....

2) Justin asks his girl to "forget this." What have you done/said recently that you wish could just be forgotten?

I gave a friend advice, because I thought she was open to me and expected my professional opinion.
Turned out she didn't even know she had told me about her trouble and she certainly didn't want me to remember it and help her.
I guess I gave her more friendship than she was prepared to give.

3) Mr. Bieber says he needs just 6 hours sleep every night. How about you? How much sleep do you require to feel sharp?

I need 4 hours. But often I won't get even those 4.

4) Justin prefers D&G underwear, which can cost as much as $102/pair. Sam may be crazy, but there's no way she'd spend that much on underwear. What's something you're willing to splurge on?

Certainly not on underwear at that cost. I would rather give my money away to children without clothes or food.
I don't have much money, so the answer is easy: I don't know.

But if I had money I would try and realize a dream.... so I would spend it on a move to the UK.

5) He may be picky about underwear but not cuisine. He loves Big Macs. If we were going to McDonald's, what would you order?

Depends on the toy with a children's meal.....
Otherwise a cheeseburger and fries....and a banana milk shake.

6) When it comes to healthier fare, Bieber has told fans he enjoys snacking on bananas and grapes. What do you reach for between meals?

Ginger bread and a coffee.

7) Performing in Germany, Justin Bieber told a girl who approached the stage, "Ich liebe dich” ("I love you") and she fainted. Have you ever fainted?

Yes, because of heartproblems. Not because some strange said "I love you" to me. The last one who did was only just fast enough not to be knocked out.

8) As a kid, Justin was teased for being one of the shortest in his class. What do you recall being teased about in school?

Yes, because I had glasses, because I was very thin, because I could sing very beautiful and because I did groceries for the elderly in our street.

9) Random question: Will you be watching this weekend's Super Bowl

No, we can't even get that on TV here.
But I don't want to watch football anyway.
Imagine: grown ups running to get a ball and when they get it they push it away so others will fight over it.

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Friday, February 5, 2016

Friday 5: Press

  1. In what way are you pressing your luck?

    Don't think I'm doing that.

  2. When did you last wield an iron?

    I don't know what the expression means.
    Does it mean to judge someone?
    I try not to do so.

  3. Not counting buttons on your computer, tablet, or phone, what was the result the last time you pressed a button?
    The laundry machine started working.

  4. What was the name of your high school newspaper?

    The girls'school and the boys'school fused.
    So we took the first letters of both schools and put them together.

  5. To “press the flesh” means (usually in the context of politics or public relations) to meet and greet as many people as you can, shaking hands and making personal contact. When were you last called upon to press the flesh, and how were you?

    When I worked for the newspaper I had to go to a formal new year's meeting.
    It was nice and I was OK.

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Didn't think of that.

I'm a fool, a complete fool.
I thought that getting old meant less work to do, maybe even to be able to take it easy.

But today I got a good confrontation with the truth of old age.

Mister woke me up at 6.15.
He was kind of disoriented and agitated.
In his sleep he'd pushed the button of the Cpap (a breathing assistance machine) and I expect he got a severe apneu, resulting in more than a lack of oxygen.

So first I had to calm him down and get him on both feet with his psyche again.

And after he'd gone to work I had an enormous pile of laundry.
He wants to sleep between 2 duvets and I had them both in the laundry plus his nightwear.

I hope he won't have the same problems next night.

Maybe the problem is due to the medication he takes.
So I'll review the list tomorrow.

Again I had to put the plans for today aside.
And again I had not a moment for myself.

Life is become more of a burden each week.

It's all work and struggling with my health, and when I have to be the caregiver for yet another person....


Thursday, February 4, 2016

Thursday 13 - 3

Infectious diseases

With the Zika virus worrying so many people I wondered my links to infectious diseases.
So let's see:

  1. When I was 4 I got the measles. I got a severe inner ear infection because of it, which spread to my brains (meningitis) and I was admitted to hospital for weeks. It was in a time that parents were not allowed in the room, so they had to look through a small window in the door. I can remember my dad and gram, and an aunt, but not my mom.
  2. When I was 8 I stayed at a children's home and got scarlet fever. I was very ill and was isolated again. Stayed in the far too small room without toys for weeks on end. No visitors were allowed until my aunt got kind of a tantrum and  finally was allowed in with a bag of plastic beads (which was quite new then) and a long thread. I still remember it as the day of yesterday.
  3. When I was pregnant I always stayed away from people with smallpox.
    Then my dad got an infection and he had to stay away from me. 
  4. Each winter I've got the flu before the flushots are given. This winter too.
  5. Thanks to a careless gyneaecologist I got a uterine infection in hospital. When I told him he said I was wrong and send me home. Within 3 hours I had my friend midwife at my bed and she called in a doc for an emergency housecall, telling me all the time that everything would be alright.  I was treated at home with very high doses antibiotics and all got OK. My friend later told me she thought I was going to die, because I was so terribly ill and got ill so very fast.
  6. I had a bladder infection only once. I was allowed to come in at the health center on a saturday evening, because it developed so very fast. The doctor there tried to get me admitted to hospital because my heartrate was extremely high, over 200. But they didn't want me in.
    After a lie down of half an hour (the neighbourwoman waiting for me) I was send home with the high heartrate and a recipe for antibiotics and a painkiller. We had to drive half the town to find a pharmacy and when I came home I was exhaused.
    If I was admitted to hispital then they would have found out my heartproblems.
  7. Just before I was diagnosed with Dilated Cardiomyopathy (DCM) I had a bad time with pneumonia. It was a gift from an acquaintance, who never bothered to see me again.
  8. I never take a flushot anymore. I used to get ill from them, we never figured out why, and in fact I don't care. When I researched the effect, it turned out that it only diminishes the symptoms and eventually shortens the time of the disease by about a day. So now I take my chances.
  9. I wonder why they're publishing amounts of people who are ill with Zika, when in my country doctors have the freedom not to report cases. Added to that: many people don't bother to go to the doctor with those mild symptoms, so the whole country can be infected already without us even realizing.
  10. When staying in hospital I was always aware of the risks of infection. Like when I was on the maternity ward and a nurse was preparing things for an internal by the obstetrician. She threw a pair of gloves on the table with the plants and where we'd put our glasses and books and such. I threw the gloves away immediately. She took a new pair and threw them on the table again. I threw them in the waste again. Only then she asked why.
  11. Some people are not aware that the fungus in the bathroom is bad for their lungs.
  12. When I worked at the university we got yearly TB-controls. It was never said if it was to protect the students from us, to protect us from the students or both. There was never a discussion about the danger of X-rays at that time.
  13. As we know that the handles of shopping carts are a main source of infection because they contain a very high number of all sorts of germs, why are the handles of cars in the hospital not cleaned or disinfected after every use?

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Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Unconcious Mutterings 679

  1. Temper :: Mood
  2. Late! :: Not me.
  3. Status :: Situation
  4. Breakfast :: Banana
  5. Hopeless :: Not overseeing the outcome
  6. 365 :: a year, but not this one.
  7. Lottery :: Never won
  8. Cancer :: Heartfailure is as nasty, according to my cardiologist.
  9. Facebook :: FBfriends
  10. Date :: That's long ago.

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Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Tuesday Health 1: about

Those who have followed my blog through the years know that I changed from a healthy person who was slightly underweight and who always looked pale, had a bit of asthma and iron deficiency, into a mom of 6 who was always busy.
I was diagnosed with hyperhomocystenaema, an amino-acid metabolic disease, but this could be managed with medication.
I used to ballet a lot and when I was 55 kg and enjoyed 5 times a week an hour of bicycling and some balletlessons each evening I suddenly got diabetes.
(So I don't believe in fairytales about being obese and become diabetic because of that.)

First they tried to manage it with a diet, but soon I got medication. To my surprise my cholesterol levels were rising, without any change in my diet. Ofcourse I got statins to manage it. But it worsened through the years.
Without any change in my healthy diet I got overweight.

Through the times I had a few times pneumonia, got shots to counteract the iron deficiency and took the rest of my meds.

Then, in 2014, my health deteriorated, I could walk less distance each week and I had pneumonia again.
The antibiotics didn't do enough, so I was sent to the lungspecialist who heard something strange and told me I might have a lung embolism.
To my surprise I was told I was not allowed to leave the hospital, but even though I couldn't walk 25 meters without resting, I had to go through the hospital to 2 departments for tests. When I arrived for the ECG she ordered the ECG appeared to be a mess, but I thought it was due to being so very tired and breathing with so much effort.
Nevertheless I took notes and mailed them our family physician and friend so he would know what was going on.
I was send home, because there was no embolism, with a referral to the cardiologist. And I needed a lung MRI.
It turned out my lungs were full of cysts.

It took 6 weeks before I got an appointment with the cardiologist.
He told me I wasn´t allowed to do anything to do with ballet or sports. I had to walk the stairs with long breaks between the steps. By that time I was not even able to walk from the front door to the car without assistance, so I wasn´t as shocked by his instruction as I would have been a few months before.
He referred me for a heart/ultrasound a few days later.
During the ultrasound I heard that one of the valves was leaking badly, and the rest didn´t sound well either. (It turned out to be dilated cardiomyopathy.) I felt faint and told the woman I wanted to sit up, but she didn´t allow me. I saw her press a button.
Luckily my cardiologist was on duty. He admitted me to the ward immediately.
We had a talk in which he told me I was dying and probably wouldn´t make it to the next morning.
The only thing he could do was to put all protocols aside and give me all medication he could give, without starting at low doses to prevent side/effects. I had to give special permission for him to do so. He said he was desperate to do so. My output was about 5%.

To my surprise I was very calm. I informed the family and a friend, and said my goodbyes.
The next morning I was still alive, which none had expected.
I was in hospital for 10 days and the cardiologist wanted to keep me there at least a week longer, but I felt like a caged animal and my daughter needed support as we expected the´d failed her final exams due to her dyslexia. So I was allowed home.
By then I knew I had more cysts in my body, including one in my liver.

My daughter passed her finals...phew, and during the weeks after that I lost a lot of weight. More than 30 kilo´s.
My heart improved gradually over time.
My cardiologist was gold to me. He kept me going and he understood me as a person. I've never met a doctor like him and probably will never meet another one like him.
After a year he suddenly disappeared. I knew things were going on in the hospital that were of no good to patients and there were massive financial cutbacks leading to the last arrived doctors moving to other hospitals. I was angry at the hospital that they didn't even give us a chance to say a proper goodbye.
The next cardiologist caused a "misunderstanding" immediately. I had to send him a complaint, we had a good talk, but I haven't seen him since.

I was supposed to be able to deal with my heartproblems, but I still felt ill, faint and tremendously tired.
I got

New meme: Tuesday Health

Most bloggers have health issues and I've experienced a lot of positive support, sharing and learning by reading how others are doing and by comments on my blog.

To enable to meet each other and make a meme, so we can update each other each week I've started this meme.
It's not about complaining, but about telling others how you are doing and to share good causes and links.

Each week I give a theme. You can write about that theme or just write about what's important to you that week. As long as it's health related.

To participate:

  1. Leave your name and url in the comment-section of this post, so we'll get a list of participants here.
  2. Click one or both of the graphics and download them to your computer.
  3. Put one in the sidebar of your blog, linked to this post, so surfers can participate too.
  4. When writing a post, link to the post in my blog of that week.
  5. And put your url in the comments, so all participants can find each other.

DO NOT link directly to the graphic on my blog (called hotlinking), because you'll loose the image, as I'll change the url regularly.

I hope we can find support in this meme.


TSW Daybook 2

For Today...
I wanted some quiet time after a far too busy weekend.
Because I woke up with a nightmare still in my head and feelings, and my leg cramping I thought it better to keep busy to get that horrible dream out of my head. It worked,

Outside my window...
One of the small birds returned to the basket with birdfood. He enjoyed the movement of the basket on the strong winds.

I am thinking...
I didn't even have or take the time to walk near the lake to feel the storm.

I am thankful...
That I remembered just in time the old paper would be collected this evening. When we put the boxes near the street we already heard the truck in the neighbouring street.

I am wearing...
Nothing special. But it's warm.

I am creating...
plans in my head, at the moment. The room needs to have a different look.

I am going...
to unclutter the room first and sort clothes to get a pile of T-shirts that were requested.

I am wondering...
why none cared for my birthday, except the girls. It feels that my work is not appreciated and my presence not valued.

I am reading...
a book about emigration after WW2. many people went to other countries to earn more. And now they moan about people from other countries to ours to do the same.

I am hoping...
my doc starts treatment soon. Too many deficiencies.

I am learning...
not to bother about my health. Last time that resulted in severe heartproblems.

In my garden...
all trees are struggling in the wind.

In my kitchen...
I've just made a smoked salmon sandwich...for me.

A favorite quote for today...
Better stay flexible in the wind.

A peek into one of my days...
shows a creative person drowning in too many chores.

One of my favorite things...
is photography. Today I was able to send a friend photo's made at the last day of her shop, before she closed it/

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Monday, February 1, 2016

MGM 2016 Bloggers: nightmare

Monday, Good Morning, dear readers.

I woke up with a cramping leg.
My mind was still at the scene: a large bridge between mountains (saw a little mvie with someone walking on a very small path in the mountains, watching down very very deep...uggghh!).
I'd been dreaming very lifely about me complaining Mister is too passive (which is true) and he finally went with a group of people up in the mountains. (That's my dream). No climbing was involved, just walking, and when we reached the bridge we could just walk on.
Some people of the group became nervous and tense, including Mister.
We all said that walking on and looking forward was the best option, but he suddenly took someone hostage and when we threatened to warn the police he became psychotic.
He took the hostage down the stairs.... (Suddenly there were stairs)
I tried to run after them to free the hostage, but couldn't walk.
The police arrived in cars from both sides (??? We were on a very high bridge...tell me...) and the hostage peeked from beside the bridge "peekaboo, it's a joke, so ye all will get a bit less tense."

My leg still cramped when I woke up...

Did you wake up after a nightmare? Tell us about it.

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  • Take the graphic and link it to this post
  • after you've written about your weekend, a nice greeting or the subject of the week
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Bye, have a great week!