Monday, May 20, 2013

Proving she's healthy.

One of my daughters came home from school last week with all her emotions boiling out.
Before she'd even opened her coat she started to tell me what happened.

"First put that coat away and sit down", I told her.

So we sat down and she told me that her class-teacher had approached her in her rather irritating voice and had told her she was worried because my daughter is small, skinny and looks pale.
It sounds nice, and is probably meant well, but we've dealt with all sorts of people commenting on my daughter's looks and we're fed up with them.

My daughter is second of twins.
Many of the second twinchildren are smaller than their brother or sister. So is my daughter.

Funny thing is that she looked from the first moment on just like me. I used to have the same curly hair, the same eyes, and the same pale skin and I was just as skinny. The only difference between us is the fact that I was a bit larger and my character resembles more that of het twinsister.

When she went to kindergarten the teacher asked if she was healthy.
The teacher knew us well and knew that when I said "yes" it was OK.

When the girls went to primary school the teacher didn't know us. So we were told she looked bad and we needed to go to the schooldoctor with her.
We did, and told the woman to contact our family physician. He told her our daughter was perfectly healthy. Just small, pale and skinny.
My daughter got a clean bill of health and for a few months the teacher left her alone.
Then she started again. Did she eat enough? Did she sleep enough?

It became a chosen habit to visit our family physician every 6 months to show she was OK, so he could tell those teachers that. They believed him more than us, it seemed.

In the meantime our daughter grew rapidly...in het own sizebook.
She was able to eat more than her brothers.. LOL!
It was fun.
One of my friends couldn't believe it, so she invited my daughters over for dinner. Haha! She couldn't believe her eyes!!!

At school we were kind of dependent on the teachers. Some just accepted our daughetr for who she was, others judged us for not treating her well until they got to know us, saw the lunchbox of our daughter or called our daughter. One of them got stuck in her own judgements and made life hell for us. Oh, what people think.... and act on... me oh my!!

At secondary school we met about the same kind of couple of teachers. They didn't even bother to ask us something, they just judged... and hurt us badly.

But then we got a few good teachers who observed before they passed judgement. they saw how strong she was, how good tempered, how dynamic.
Funny thing is her ballet teachers never asked us about her health. None of them.

And the peers who dared to bully her about her skinniness were frightened off by her reaction. "Everybody is different."

By the time my daughter went to nursing school she had accepted herself. She didn't expect any bullying, and she certainly didn't expect teachers to put on their mothering voice and tell her she's not OK.

So I mailed that teacher.

Said that sure my daughter had some healthproblems during the flu epidemic that hit our city and ofcourse our family too.
But that she's OK.

Perhaps we need to inform our family physician that the old problem with well-meaning teachers has started again.

What would you do??











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1 comment:

  1. While I am not a twin, because of my disability I was much the same way growing up. The situation got so bad that the state decided to pursue charges of abuse. Repeated conversations with my doctors and specialists made no difference. Child Protective Services had already made up their mind. It took an army of doctors and lawyers threatening to sue Child Protective Services before they finally relented unlimited that they made a mistake.

    I hope your daughter reaches a point that they finally leave her alone and let her simply grow up in peace.

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