Monday, January 14, 2013

Tools against bullying

The past month two young people decided that suicide would be the best way to end bullying.
Finally the problem of bullying was taken serious and action was taken at many schools to do more than write down some rules.

Bullying has been a huge problem for many kids, including mine.
They were not bullied because something was wrong with them, but because the bully "consumed" the people in his environment one by one.

All who have read my blog on a regular basis know that even teachers can be bullies.
The teachers we had to deal with turned their heads when their pupils were bullied and even added to it by ignoring the bullied kids, telling tales about them which resulted in even more excluding at school, and they even told tales about us as a couple without even knowing us.

It has been a very strange experience and so out of this world that my daughter told tales about her father to get attention to the problem. Strange was that those teachers and officials didn't care one little bit about the bullying, but took the tales about her father for the absolute truth. No matter what she later said to explain. Those people just want to believe what's exciting. It's like they need the negative and the excitement to stay awake and alive.

Well, what happens this year will be clear later I assume.
None cares for who and what we are as long as they can believe the worst.
I can't defend my family against these people. I can only show we're a loving and caring bunch, but I feel that makes them even more wanting to destroy us.
I bet these people have been bullies themselves, or have been bullied themselves and have never ever outgrown their behaviour.

Interestingly enough my daughters have left all that in the past.
Educating them in the mechanisms of bullying and showing them how much in need of care and attention the bullies were released them from victimisation.

That's what society does: making someone who is bullied into a victim. How often I've heard: "you'll take being a victim of bullying with you for the rest of your life."
Kids who have been bullied are told to get into therapy, thus they're told they're the problem and that adds to being victimized.

My kids were shown the problems of the bully, how such a kid/grown-up lacked talents, loving parents or anything else. I taught my kids observation skills, so they could see what happened and why. And I taught them how to deal with bullies.

They've never been much affected by bullying, because they had a strong group of friends outside their schoolclass. This was the best defense against bullying: being accepted by a peergroup that was much closer than their classmates.
Already when they were very young I've invited friends over and enccouraged them to play with kids and make friends.
Teaching them the skills to meet people and feed a friendship are among the most powerful tools kids can receive from their parents, because in the long term it's far more important how close people think about them than all others, including the bully.



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