Monday, December 31, 2012

Year 2012

I'm glad this year is over.
It went fast, far too fast.

There has been a pending feeling of unfairness above our heads.
What happened last year turned out to be not enough, and next year we will have to deal with an official decision about it all.
Don't think justice will be done.
Not with all those people who feed the official channels with things they don't know anything about, just assume.

At least two young people got in the news who killed themselves because of bullying.
None of those best-knowers acknowledged my daughter's need to deal with the bullying of classmates ànd teachers.
The bullying has ended, mainly because the teachers were finally unveiled as me. The bullying of the classmates stopped because the girls moved on to another level and got rid of those bullies. One of those ill doers even was moved to a school for kids with severe behavioral problems.
It could have been the end of it all, were it not for a vindictive woman and her sharp tongue. We didn't do anything wrong to her, but she was out to destroy our family life. It felt that way then and it still does now. Nothing we said had any influence.

It's interesting how eager some people are to see only the worst scenario and are not open at all for the truth. Well, maybe the truth is less interesting for them. They rather create their own truth and create hell for others. I wonder what this woman's past has been.

Well, she'll leave her footprint in next year too.

I'll write a book about all that happend with more clear insights than I can give here. I'm still emotionally far too involved to do it now. The details will be too much and many. I need more distance.

But the past year has been mainly good for our family.
Even though we got a huge kick from the recession.

One of the girls passed her final exams and was accepted as a student at the nurses' school.
The other studied at a higher level and is now doing her final exams. She's having her audition for the ballet academy in april. Her training is intensive, but her teachers are very happy with her.
I saw her last performance and was flabbergasted by the grace and technical level she reached. No wonder she wants to go on in arts.

One of the boys who was living in a minimal protected environment got his own appartement. The request for support he should receive according to the people who provided it at the time was not granted. He feared he needed to leave his appartment, but that was not requested, because they considered the withdrawal of support because of governmental financial problemsm no good reason to kick him out.
His girlfriend moved in with him and they're doing fine.

Our autistic boy was supposed to move out too, but it didn;t happen because of the unclear financial situations and rapidly changing rules about it all.
We just didn't know what the new year would bring, and moving out to his own place and then coming back home was too much.
He was re-diagnosed and it turned out his IQ was far below what was said a few years ago.
Now it's one, yes a simple one, point above the level at which he would receive all support.

We'll see what happens next year, when we have more clarity about the possibility of him living a rather protected life and not a life in an institution. The new governmental rules state it's not possible anymore. if that's the case we should move to another country as soon as the girls are settled on their own.

The most intensive change in my life was taking over the paper of a friend who was ill. The whole organisation was a disaster. People just being there in name.
I'm not sure what to do, but the past months my motivation just sank below sealevel. The only person working there was my trainee.
She did very well, and even though she's got special needs, she's learned a great lot.
Maybe we'll keep the online paper.

One of the other issues I had to deal with was worsening of the pain in my hip.
The x-rays showed nothing, but the pain increased. I assume it's a tendon problem.

I also had to deal with a false positive at the breast cancer screening. In the middle of the summer vacation, when my own doctor wasn't available. The back up doctor was kind of a pannic type.
Because I had a huge suspicion the way the initial mammaogram was made caused the problem I was not nervous at all. As I know how to "read" x-rays and echo's it was evident fast enough nothing was the matter, just too much compression of scartissue in the breast. The way the nurse upstairs dealt with it was terrible.
She took away all my confidence in that department. They say women can make an informed choice when something is the matter, but I think women are forced to make the choice that offers the department the most financial gain.
I've never been treated so ridiculously in a hospital, and I've seen quite a few from the inside.

The past year has brough my dream to move to another level.
In my mind the idea is taking shape of a house that is environmental friendly in all aspects. As little waste and pollution possible, using as much natural energy as possible, and as invisible as possible in the natural surroundings.
I need someone with the technical knowledge to think along, and someone who wants to built the idea...or better said: someone who wants to invest in it.

Something else that took shape was making hats.
The very creative dear mother of a friend died and one way or another I took up making hats. Felt hats. And they look marvellous!

So maybe the next year will be even a more creative one.
Inspired by people around me, by people who were here before me and by people who are yet to come.

I'm lucky with such great kids and dear friends.
I'm sure more kids will fly the nest, just as life should be, and I grow more close towards friends and my own age.
Closer to the realisation of my dreams.

I don't care what work is involved: working with sheep, working in a shop, in a buddhist center or anything else.
We'll see.

Happy new year!



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