Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Changes in the family

One of the older boys is going to move this month to a new apartment... with his girlfriend.

It's a strange idea, because they don't know each other very long.
On the other hand: he's got the age.

It changes my role a bit.

I suddenly feel old.
No longer am I as important in his decisionmaking as I used to be. OK, there was a gradual change the past years and I didn't care one little bit. In fact I enjoyed his growing up and the way he dealt with life.
But whenever I felt the need, which was not often, to have comments, there was no objection against a critical question. In fact he liked that, as he could once more order his thoughts.

Today however I felt awkward in my own house.

Last week they didn't plan to live together that way at all. But suddenly the apartment became available and they're talking rent, furniture and everything else that's needed to set up house.
Their relationship is developing. She's mad at him when he doesn't answer his phone, when he isn't at his room when she expects him there, and I sense her irritation when he promisses to fetch his sister from a friend.
It's like she wants to be his sole social contact.

In a way I understand this, but when you want a guy from a large family, you have to accept some social behaviour.

So I asked them both to think this living together through very well.

My son took this as an invitation to talk through some practical things, she made a rather disrespectful remark he luckily didn't hear.

I tend to put this on the account of insecurity, and so did the other family members, but I think she needs to take more time to adjust to our son before moving in at his apartment.


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