Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Our Count Down - 3

Because it's vacation here, appointments with teachers canb be made next week and not sooner.
Just before the vacation started I had a quick talk with the teacher of one of the girls, telling her about the situation and announcing the visit of the guardian.

I mailed it to the guy, not expecting a reaction.

This morning I got a mail back. He was OK with it and it was great to have an appointment after his vacation.

HIS?

His vacation ends the last day of november...

So I mailed him back : No way! Next week. Expecting a reaction stating it was a joke or something like that.

But it was no joke.
Next week was OK too.

The judge gave them a year to watch us and it's clear they're wanting to take the whole year.
But the law also created an opportunity to end it earlier, and that's what we want.
We want our girls assessed and ruled healthy and sound and the whole thing finished.

So I mailed him that, with our feelings about the other guardian. I've written that I'm OK to wait for the opinion of the girls, but that after that there's a huge possibility I'll ask for a replacement of the woman, and preferably to ask for him to do the job alone.

The woman has offended me so many times in the two times I saw her... I've never experienced anything like that.
I think I can work with him.
I hope they can deal with my honesty.
I want to be myself again, not a creation of some ill thinking minds. And I'm quite near being myself again, even though I haven't lost the stress, I still feel threatened by Child Protection (or rather: I feel my family is, after the meeting we had last week), and I'm still grieving the loss of unconditional belief that people are good. I always trusted people until they made me fall flat on my face. But I've lost that. I don't think anymore that people want the best for us. They've hurt us so deep, I can't even start to explain. Just because they can't escape of the prison of their own thoughts.

In a way they've imprisoned me with that.
I can cry I've lost that deep trust.
I want it back. But I feel I'll never get it back.

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