Sunday, October 17, 2010

Our count down - 2

Last week we had an important meeting: we met our guardian(s).

After the strange proposal for a meeting I thought it would be wise to meet with the parents first.
The next morning the guardian's mail proposed the same.

So wet met, the four of us.

It was an interesting meeting and should have been on video, because it would have revealed some very interesting things.

Turned out that the teamleader had said to us something completely different than to them.
To us she said we would get one guardian, the male one. The woman was an addition to him because he didn't have enough experience, 2 years, and she was going blind and was added to him to keep her working for them, and to transfer her knowledge.

She was the woman who approached us so intimidating in the courthouse.
The teamleader said she would appologise.

She didn't.

In fact she stated that she thought she did very well and she felt good about it.
She completely ignored our feelings and put hers above ours.
This, with her lack of empathy at other moments, their statement that they always work as a team with equality among them and that he doesn't need any supervision at all, made the father of the children tell her that he didn't like the way things are going and he doesn't want her on the case.

She didn't get his emotions behind this all at all, even though I sensed insecurity in her eyes and a trembling lip when she was talking.
She was not able to handle the moment, so I had to sit back and assume my psychologist attitude to finish the moment by explaining to her what he meant and what I saw, and by proposing to try one or two sessions to work together and evaluate that.
Not because I thought she's the proper person for the situation, but because her teamleader is on vacation and I think she needs to deal with this and not a stand in.
I'm fed up with games at that level to shuffle the responsibility to and fro, I'd rather keep it at the hands of one person.

With the man we both had a good contact. In fact he stood up for us in the discussion about who's feelings were more important in the courthouse. He had lots of facial expression, was a good partner in conversation.

I was talking a lot, which is signaling that something in the situation was not OK.
The attitude of the woman was the main reason of causing it, and soon there was another moment which made things perfectly clear.
She mentioned that we are a complex family, which we are not anymore.
I stated that she was using the same words as the reports about us that we were supposed to leave behind us to enable a clear view on the situation and help all wrong opinions out of the world.
She admitted reading all the reports... and our contribution as well, but it just didn't feel good the way she said it. I felt my ears and listening heart to go on sticks to grasp her better. The intention and meaning behind her words clearly stated she knew it all and for her it was only selective observation that was needed.

Well, I'm fed up with people who are not able to leave their tunnelvision and see things the way they are.
She stated that I was fighting for my family as a lion.
Yes, and maybe she's the person who makes it necessary to do so.
I'd rather sit back relaxed and tell about how things are and to show what people we are. But not to people who just don't want to see us the way we are.

She creates the feeling that whatever we say she'll interpret it in the worst way possible.
There was no outreach to help us, as was made clear too when she said: "We'll work together and when we write our report at the end of the year..."
At the end of the year? No way! The law states that they can come back to court to finish this situation at any moment, and we want it finished: now!!!

When time went on she really tried to relax and create more room for us, I have to give her that. She really tried. She even adjusted her facial expressions to live up to our expectations, which gave me a rather strange feeling.
I think she's a very insecure person when she has to let go her personal guards and defenses and when she has to let go of her fixed way of thinking.
But I'm not in this situation to be her therapist. When we would have good contact and I thought we would have benefitted from it, I would have tried to help her and keep her on the case for that, but not now.
It feels egoistic, and I feel very sorry for her, but I don't think I should be the one to guide her through this.

I was, however, still trying to see things positive to live through this a good way.

Then she decided it was time to break up. Good.

She mentioned a few things to do the next weeks.
Then I mentioned that we wanted the father of the children back home again, as this situation hasn't been our decision, but those of people who think the worst of others.

She nearly gave me a fright.
She suddenly started jumping on her chair, her facial expression went bezirk, she gesticulated like a small child and she said loudly: "I told you so! This is always what they come first with! I told you so! Haha, I was right."

I was flabbergasted... What the hell!!!

That closed the door for me.
She didn't grasp anything of what was behind those words. This was her personal scoring moment, her moment of victory.

This is supposed to be one of the very best that organisation has to offer, an experienced professional.
This is just one member of the army of people who are hunting down families to nail them and to change their lives forever.
I have to trust her with my most precious family members, my inner thoughts, with my life. She's on of the representatives of those who have broken up our family, who have threatened us and blackmailed us.

I'm sure her male counterpart isn't much better, but he sure should have the benefit of the doubt.
Maybe she's there to change his positive thoughts about people into sick making opinions. I don't know.

But the letter is ready to ask for a replacement.

I am so tired of this.
The father of the children want to appeal in court. He thinks they'll look better. But the reports are still there and none is going to read our contribution, which is written with the threat on our backs to take the children out of their home. So they don't clearly state what should be written down. We didn't dare to.
It'll only costs us such a lot of money that we'll have to move to a poor area and we'll be busy years to pay our debts caused by hiring a lawyer. A good one.

We're victims of a lack of respect for the universal rights of people and especially children.
We're victim of a system of law who subjects people to convictions which are not based on facts, let alone proof beyond reasonable doubt.

I feel connected to many people who are victims of these practices.

Already so many people have send me mails and comments about this, that I know I'm not alone and we're not the only people going through this.
We're wonderful, strong and caring people and we know it. Thanks!!!
Now they need to know it.

Counting down: 312 days to go.


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