Sunday, October 31, 2010

The veil is thin

This is the part of the year that people celebrate halloween. They joke to escape from the confrontation of their fears for the dark.

Here, the old pagan ways have been transformed by socalled official religion into days that all souls and all saints are celebrated.

But the old ways are still kept and the customs are spread through the generations.

There's no need to know the date, however.

The morningmist over the fields signals the approach of winter.
The white women.. which is a very kind translation for the old names we call them here, can be seen above the lakes and in the woods.

And we can feel the veil thinning between the realms.

I don't mind to know that my dear ones are only a blink of an eye away.
Sometimes I can sense them so close to me, I can almost touch them.
And do I..? Maybe...? Can I see their shadows in the dark night?

Saturday, October 30, 2010


1. Many of my friends have commented they cannot discuss politics with co-workers, family, friends and others without conflict rearing its ugly head. Do you feel you can talk with your family and friends about this particularly divisive election?

Well, in the first place...I'm not american, so the upcoming elections are a non-issue for me.
As an outsider I worry about the growing intolerance among people, the growing egoism, the growing "need" people feel to force their own opinions upon others, the lack of care and compassion for others, etc etc.
I see that in certain groups in american politics too. The way they're talking politics show they don't care who they hurt and they don't care to share their wealth with others who have less.
Some people seem to have lost all decency where politics is concerned.

I can only hope that they won't win, but I fear the worst, because it will cause the downfall of america.

Pity is they don't understand economics, international connections and other things not enough not to blame Obama.

Ofcourse I will get ugly comments on this, showing the intellectual development of the commenters.
Which underlines the reason of the question I'm answering here.

In my own country I can discuss my political views and express them freely without people falling all over me, getting ugly, blaming me for all that went wrong the last 50 years, etc etc.
Even though I don't like the changes in the political arena in my own country at all, we have freedom of speech, and it allows me to speak freely and not to be accused and approached the way democrats in america are.

2. Do you know who you're voting for in next week's election? How did you decide?

Yes, I would vote for tghe democrats.
Obama has done a lot of good for the country, for international relationships and peace. I know many americans don't agree. But they're not able to see it from my perspective. History will teach them in due time. I bet it'll be too late for them to acknowledge it.

3. What do you think is the most important issue in next Tuesday's election?


4. Can you go a day without laughing?


5. Do you think that you can chose who you want to love?

No, one can chose not to take action on the feelings, though.

6. Have you ever been on stage? For what?

Half of my life.
Ballet, theatre.

7. Would you ever live in a different country? If yes, where?

Yep. UK. Preferably Scotland to give those few scottish genes a bit of rest.

8. Any plans for Halloween?

In this country halloween isn't a tradition.
But we respect samhain.

9. The last costume that you wore, what was it and why did you choose it?

Oh dear...I can't even remember it.

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Friday, October 29, 2010

Our Count Down - 5

After our request to replace the female guardian and keep the other one, or in case both of them would be replaced to grant us just one guardian, ànd in case again two would be an appointment organise a meeting to explain us why, we got a rather short and slighly unkind mail:
The female one was releaved from her duty to us, and the other one wouldn't return either.

It was not really a surprise, as they both were so very clear they always worked as a team.

We will hear more next week.

Nothing about the father of the children returning home.

Today we had a meeting at school to discuss a few issues in the presence of their lawyer.

It's time the contactperson of school makes the moral right choices or face the consequences. That's how we feel it.
Even though we don't want to put our children through courtcases we made the school clear that it would be easy for us to start one or two and win them both.

Not only can we start a courtcase accussing the teachers of slander of the girls, me and the relationship between me and the father of the children, we can also start a courtcase about negligence on the part of those teachers and/or school.

We certainly will win them all.

The contactperson and representative of school has said, according to official papers, that the statements and other information of the teachers about our girls could be used by child protection.
He said to us he's never said that, but at the moment that's not to be told to us.

The lawyer stated in the beginning of the meeting rather often that we've had a courtcase and the law has spoken, but I told her she should get better informed about family law. There they don't care for proof beyond reasonable doubt at all. They work just with opinions, even in areas where there good tests are available.

The decision of the court was made on false information and what is said about our girls should be rectified.
Child protection should know that schools control what is done with the information that is given, because it looks like they have added words which were not said.

We have stated all the way from the moment we saw the reports that huge mistakes were made. We've stated many times that those teachers were not able to give information about our girls, yet, that information was used, because they couldn't find anything wrong about the girls anywhere.

School should take action to rectify statements so the new guardians will get informed about why we got them in the first place and why they can't find any problems with the girls.
And when we have the meeting about our complaints at child protection we can take the rectification with us so we can show them that what we said in the first place was right.

The only new information we heard during the meeting was that one of the teachers wasn't allowed to be a groupteacher anymore and he was not to be in contact with parents anymore.

At the end of the meeting I showed the human implications of all what has been going on.
I think I touched a soft spot... or was it show?

Only 300 days to go...

Thursday, October 28, 2010


People love to interpret the behaviour of others and while doing so often mistakes are made and misunderstandings are created.

My daughter used to wait for her friends in one of the hallways of school.
Nothing wrong with that.

But a teacher saw her there and he concluded that she wasn't sitting with her classmates, standing she had no contact with her peers.

Misunderstandings like these have put us in the awkward position we're in: people telling us our daughter needs therapy for having no friends.

She has friends enough, and does all the things with them girls do at this age: shopping, parties, sleep overs...

I was shocked to hear her present teacher mentioning this, because that means he interprets behaviour without checking if his conclusions are right.

My daughter will speak with him about this.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Heartwarming icecream

We had a parent's evening today, one of 10 minutes!

So we left home more than an hour before the meeting, and had to travel almost two hours to get home, because of the terrible schedule of the busses in the evening.

When we arrived at school the light and warmt welcomed us. Outside it was raining and a cold wind was making it even worse.

We were glad to be in time and were looking for coffee. Nothing.

Then one of the cleaners asked us to come with her.
We were invited by those having a break to sit with them and eat icecream.
They had so much that they couldn't eat it all, and as some of them know us from the shops, it was easy to approach us. "You're normal people", one of them said.
It sounded like a compliment and we took it as such.
"Some people don't great us, and your children always say thank you when they see we have cleaned something."
I nearly got tears in my eyes.

The icecream was delicious, due to the fruit and the company that came with it.

It warmed our hearts.


Tuesday, October 26, 2010

A cat

Two people in our family are allergic to cats, so we don't allow cats in our house.

Today I opened the kitchendoor to let some fresh air in and went on cleaning one of the cupboards.

Suddenly I felt something was not right and I turned around, seeing a cat almost beside me. She was not looking at me, but completely absorbed in tiptoeing into our house, heading towards the livingroom.

She had the fright of her life when I suddenly told her to leave.

I bet it took her more time to come in than to leave. :)

Monday, October 25, 2010

Manic Monday #224

If you could go back in time what would your current day self tell your 18-year-old self?

Never, ever give up your artistic carreer.
Belief more in yourself and accept any job offer you'll get.

Name one thing you could do to improve any important relationship in your life.

Can't think of anything.
I could have improved former ones by being less hesitant. Maybe even by caring a bit more for myself and a bit less about the happiness of the other. Maybe.

If you were guaranteed honest responses to any three questions, whom would you question, and what would you ask?

I would ask the judge if she read the complete files. Which she didn't.
I would ask my university friend to come back and spend a few evenings with me, making or listening music, cooking, ...
I know my best youthfriend wouldn't do it, but I would ask him to go with me to India and then answer my question if he would throw me out of his life again.

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Sunday, October 24, 2010

I'm So Proud

1. What are you proud of?

Now who, but what... ehm...
Pfff...I'm not such a proud person.
Pride is to me an emotion I don't like.
Why does a person wants to be better than others?

I don't know... Can't answer the question.

2. What is the best thing you’ve ever won as a prize? How did you win it?

I've won two giveaways of which the prizes reached my home.
A bracelet, the girls and I wear during the summer, and a christmas ornamental set, which we will use with pleasure soon.

3. Tell us about something you've done that in retrospect was a waste of time.

Worrying is a waste of time.

4. How old were you when life changed the most for you? How did it change?

Life presented many changes to me: the birth of my children, the death of two, and the resent debacle.

The recent developments changed the way I trust people.
I feel so very sad that I've lost trust in people.
I gave them my confidence to see we're a happy family and they did nothing good at all. Turned out lives upside down.

I think they also made it impossible for me to work in my profession.
So they have destroyed most of my life and future.

5. Tell us about a place you that you've been that you considered to be very tranquil.

Many places in England, Wales and Scotland where I've been.
I can't find the feelings I had there here at all. That's why I want to move there permanently. Either to the rough part of the western coast, or the mountains of Scotland.

6. Who is your favorite news anchor/reporter? Why?

I have none.
The one who presents the political news is unknown in other countries.

7. If you were to have the opportunity to name a new town or city, what would you call it? Why?

Depends on it's features.
So I can't say that now.

8. What is something about which you've always wondered but have not yet found a good answer?

Why rich people are so proud when they hand out a little bit of their money.
Me oh my, they can save so many people from hunger and death, and yet they bathe in water which went through a golden tap. Isn't it enough the water is hot?

If one of those people would reach out and help our family move away from here they would make us so happy. Why doesn't that happen?

Why does nature allow babies to die?

9. When you can't go to sleep, what is your personal remedy to help yourself drift into Lullabyland?

Write my concerns down.
Or listen to the sounds of nature.
That's why i would like to live near the sea or ocean.
It's almost always silent here at night, with the sound of cars not too far from here.

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Saturday, October 23, 2010

Online tutoring

As a mom of creative children who follow lessons outside the regular curriculum to develop their talents I know how hard it is to find good, affordable homework help at times the children are able to work with a tutor.
The school offers Free homework help at times my girls are attending ballet lessons, and they have no Math homework help available.

One of my sons told me about a friend who got online tutoring and a phonecall to his mom provided me a lot of information.
Online tutoring and assignment help is available 24/7 for K-12 and college students.
It's very easy to use, doesn't cost a fortune, and the kids can connect to a tutor at a time that's convenient to them and as often as they need it.

The girls used to get Free math help
from their eldest brother and their father. I'm not a real Math problem solver and even though I've been teaching statistics, I'm not the perfect person to explain College algebra to them.
I'd rather leave that to the experts who can explain Factoring polynomials and
Math word problems without blinking an eye.

The past two years I could explain maths just once a day, but now they're working at two different levels and with a complete different system I was taught at school and at college, I have a hard time keeping track of their homework.

Especially for my dyslectic daughter has been a huge support.
Instead of hearing the explanation she can read it a few times and when she doesn't understand she can ask her tutor to explain it in a different way.

They're gorgeous and well worth the attention of every parent.

His hand

Thanks for all the well wishes.

We didn't hear anything from the hospital, so we started to get worried.
Turned out the surgery had been postponed for a few hours.
It would have been nice to have heard that.

Well, we finally got the call that someone could fetch him.
No information how it went, nothing.

One of my sons went to hospital and phoned me that surgery went very well and they were coming home.

His hand was bandaged so well, that we could have used it as a football.
It looked ridiculous for a cut of a few cm's!

It would stay numb for 16 hours, he was told and it did.
Only after that time he got his feeling back, except for one side of the finger.
They've told him touch will come back there, but we'll just wait.

I had an operation at my abdomen and there's a huge area without any feeling, so we have no high hopes for him.

Up til now he has suffered almost no pain, so we expect the worst is over.
Tomorrow he'll start taking less painkillers.

It will take about a fortnight before we'll get the results. So then we'll know if it's benign or not.

Ceiling fans

Living quite near an office area my doorbell is the perfect target for friends who work there and need answers.

Yesterday one of our friends showed up at lunchtime, pouring his heart out, that he got a task he couldn't deal with. I have to Find out who makes the Best Ceiling Fans here!, he said. But how could he know? How could he find the information he needs?

I smiled.

Do you need just one Ceiling Fan for your own home, or do you need a lot of Ceiling Fans, so the whole office will be ready for the next summer?

Turned out he had to find a solution for the office.

I remember they bought fans last year and almost everyone had comments because they didn't look firm enough, and during the first hot days they all broke down or were not able to cover the full area they were needed.

I told him that the best way always is to ask people who have experience with a product and to ask the national productreview for their publications on the subject.
In this case, however, I've looked into the matter a few months ago, so I could provide him with the information he needed.

You need to ceiling fans from Hunter, Minka Aire or Casablanca, to name a few, I said. Ones designed to look nice and to work heavy duty.
At Hansen they have the perfect ones for your office. Lots of choice and if I were you I would certainly go for the ones with lights.

Hansen? He asked.

Hansen Wholesale Ceiling Fans
They've got the most recent designs, energy friendly fans, which will be a wonderful addition to the office. They offer you outstanding service and the best price, so I can only advice you to call them and deal with the matter straightaway.

It was just before I wanted to make dinner for the children when he called me with a happy voice and told me he called. He was well adviced and all was settled.
The fans will be delivered at a convenient time and they won't have the problems they had last summer.

Isn't that great to hear?

What an idea

I needed a good handcream, and as the one I usually use isn't sold anymore, I had to convince myself to buy the handcream which is as good but more expensive.
I don't spend much money on myself.

So we went to the shop and found a huge emtpy space where my hand cream should have been: "white lotus".
It was obvious that the discount of the second one for 50% has been the reason for that.

We asked the shopowner if she had some more in store.

Buying two boxes of papaya smell was not an option, because the smell is too much when I have to go elsewhere.
So I asked her if it was possible to collect the second box next week or so.

She was surprised by the question.
Other shops give a voucher when they have something on offer and it's sold out (unless their offer says: until sold out).

She took a few moments to think and then agreed.

She even thanked me for the idea, whereas she remembered one of the supermarkets does the same.

Well, I'm quite happy with the solution.
My handcream will arrive in two weeks and by them it'll feel like a present.
And I love presents!

Friday, October 22, 2010


Because I'm a mom of a large family I get the strangest questions, ranging from simple upbringing advice to medical subjects and questions I won't asnwer, because in my country people who haven't studied the subject are not allowed to answer medical questions.
So I refer them to their doctor, but sometimes I help them formulate a question and find simple information.

The last years it caught my attention that some questions are far more asked than during the years before. Main items are: hoew to deal with tiredness, and how to treat eczema.

People often assume that a skincondition is eczema whereas in fact it isn't.
So before starting any treatment one should first ask a doctor if it's really eczema or not.
Don't wait.
The skin might signal an underlying problem which might be serious.
An allergy might start with a rash, and the next time one is exposed to the allergenic substance more severe problems might arise. So you'd better know.

Basic knowledge: there are so many kinds of eczema that an advertisement that states that one cream or lotion can cure them all is not one to take serious.

Waiting for the hospital to call.

This morning the father of the children has to undergo surgery at his hand.
He's got a tumor and it will be removed.

We don't know if it's benign or not, but it doesn't really make a difference, as the benign comes with lungtumors too.

As always we taak each step at a time.

Now we're waiting to hear of they've removed the tumor completely and what the consequences will be on the long term.
Will he be able to move his finger after this?
Or did they have to amputate it?

He's admitted for one day, so that means he'll be back today unless he's moved to the main part of the hospital because of complications.
It also means we have to wait for the result of the surgery at home.

So here we are.

Glued to the phone...

When will it ring???

Health subjects online

Now it's breastcancer awareness month much attention is on prevention of breastcancer in the media.

Here we have free breastcancer screening for women of certain ages, but when you're too young or too old you have to pay it yourself.
That means that young people with rare breastcancers find out too late that something is wrong.

Instead of offering all screening at the same day, screening for breastcancer, utueruscancer and other cancers are all on different days, and sometimes even at different places.
I think attendance will be higher when it can all be done at the same day and at the same place, with a hostess available to support those who are afraid of screening.

Breast cancer awareness month hasn't been an issue in our countries until about 5 years ago, when some women who blogged among the american women took the subject and brought it to their own national cancer society. I was one of them.
It took them 14 days to decide if I was allowed to put the logo of the national cancer society at my site.
They thought healthissues shouldn't be discussed online not even: are diet pills safe?.

Now it's a normal question women ask after breast cancer treatment and they can find good information online about all the subjects that are on their minds during recovery. Not only information given to them by the manufacturers and independent doctors, but also by other women who want to share their experiences.

Smelling like a forest

Yesterday we went to one of the shops we often went to in the past when the children were young.

It's a shop that sells lots of wooden products, homemade soaps, toys that leave enough phantasie for the child to develop its creativity and some old fashioned items one can't find anywhere in the country.

Ofcourse we walked in yesterday and to my joy they still had the same spirit floating around.

It was like someone pushed me through a mirror of time.
Even the children who were with us had the same feeling and soon memories flew all over the place.

Smelling soaps, trying out handcreams, discussing household items, admiring glasses and children's prams made of reet.
We forgot the time watched children play and listened to the musicboxes we turned in our hands.

Then I found the sachets with smells.
The rose was soft, the lavender a bit too sharp, the flowery summer breeze just right and the woodsmells remembering me of my youth.

Often, on sunday afternoons, my father took me for a walk and taught me everything he knew about plants, herbs, animals and the seasons.
It was a time when meat tasted right, herbs were only used fresh and the nuns picked their own apples from the trees in their garden.

Each season the wood smelled completely different and this sachet gave me the smell of misty autumn, with it's strong christmas smells.

Now it's in my room and the whole level of the house smells like it.

Even my hands, now I'm downstairs.
What a pity I bought just one sachet.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

A day off and Ikoi.

Today we had one of our special vacation days.

That means that everyone had a say in what was going to happen.

Some decided to have a lazy day: sleeping in, reading, computering, listening to music and other things like that.

And some wanted to go shopping.
Because they needed necessary wintercoats and such we agreed, and took the traintickets we still had and used them to go to the next town and take a trip through some past memories and some very present shops.
We even visited one of those beauty shops where they were demonstrating a new acne treatment.

It was nice to be away from everything and have fun.
It turned out that the girl who needed a new coat had done some very thorough research the past week.
She new exactly what she wanted, why, and when we went to the shop she could even tell us how to get the best discount possible.

Needless to say that she got her coat and we didn't regret buying it.
You should have seen her face!!

I had no intention of buying something, except some ingredients for dinner. But when we went past the Japanese shop we had to enter.
The calm music immediately had a huge effect on us.
We've been visiting the shop for over 10 years now and each time we feel like visiting a sacred museum.
Some very expensive and unique items are on display, and the items for sale are all special too.
Because so many different people visit the shop and not all have wallets filled with thousands of euros, one can also find some small rings and stones for just a few eurocents.
So no visitor feels awkward walking around.

My attention was drawn by a very beautiful buddha statue. A child buddha with a large leaf in his hands.
I'd seen it before, and it had always been far too expensive.
But now the price was lowered tremendously, but it was still too much.

I forgot that. I was just looking at it, impressed by the serene face, the inward turned inner eye one could almost see.
It made me feel so quiet.

The owner saw me. Said nothing.
One of the girls was with me and she too was caught by the statue.

When we were paying for a nice stone of one euro for one of the kids who stayed at home, I said I was very impressed by the statue.
10 minutes later we walked outside with the statue carefully wrapped.
The shopowner gave us such a huge discount, that we could afford the statue without any pain. I nearly cried.

Now it stands in our room. It's very present in our room.
This evening it completely outweights the stress and pain we've experienced the past months.

When I carefully unwrapped the statue a name popped up in my mind: Ikoi.

I don't know what it means, so I have to look that up tomorrow.

But no matter what, the statue brought us something very special and the kind gesture of the shopowner will forever stay with us.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Our count down - 4

Today the girls met the guardians.

It was not an unpleasant meeting, but I have to say that I took it upon me to keep it pleasant.

Before the meeting the grown-ups had a short get together to discuss my mail of last night.
Again it was clear that the female one was not able to place herself in the position of someone else.

I was not surprised to hear the same observation from the girls after the meeting.

She tried to be nice, but we feel something insincere. We might be wrong.

We addressed the fact that the father of the children has to undergo surgery next friday. He has a tumor at his hand which probably is cancer.
We don't think that he should sleep elsewhere on the floor because someone has ill thoughts about men being around girls.

To prevent any ill thoughts on the side of the guardians the girls will sleep elsewhere so their father can sleep at home the night after the surgery.

I think it's ridiculous that they interfere this way in our lives.
The girls are safe at home.

The guardian is going on vacation next whole month and he wants to look into the matter after that.
I think that's unacceptable.

I told him I wanted to talk about this as soon as possible.
If he will make an appointment to discuss this?

He seems to be more interested to go with us to school.

Let's see.

Any suggestions how to deal with this are welcome.

Our count down: 309 days to go.

Financial thoughts

We have considered to appeal in court, but the costs are so high that we won't.
Running our family and household is our main priority and with the consequences of the recession and the bills of the lawyer it's a financial struggle already.

Next year new taxes will be introduced, the costs of insurances will rise, the rent will rise and we'll be facing more challenges.
On top of it the school organises 10 day trips to foreign countries and I can't even imagine that my girls will stay at home.
We're looking for sponsors, but it's not quite my talent to find them.

I think that we have to consider ways to deal with this all before the end of the year, including if we would use cash advances at the end of the months.

We are aware that it's not good to take a loan when it's not clear if one can pay in time, so don't worry.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Our Count Down - 3

Because it's vacation here, appointments with teachers canb be made next week and not sooner.
Just before the vacation started I had a quick talk with the teacher of one of the girls, telling her about the situation and announcing the visit of the guardian.

I mailed it to the guy, not expecting a reaction.

This morning I got a mail back. He was OK with it and it was great to have an appointment after his vacation.


His vacation ends the last day of november...

So I mailed him back : No way! Next week. Expecting a reaction stating it was a joke or something like that.

But it was no joke.
Next week was OK too.

The judge gave them a year to watch us and it's clear they're wanting to take the whole year.
But the law also created an opportunity to end it earlier, and that's what we want.
We want our girls assessed and ruled healthy and sound and the whole thing finished.

So I mailed him that, with our feelings about the other guardian. I've written that I'm OK to wait for the opinion of the girls, but that after that there's a huge possibility I'll ask for a replacement of the woman, and preferably to ask for him to do the job alone.

The woman has offended me so many times in the two times I saw her... I've never experienced anything like that.
I think I can work with him.
I hope they can deal with my honesty.
I want to be myself again, not a creation of some ill thinking minds. And I'm quite near being myself again, even though I haven't lost the stress, I still feel threatened by Child Protection (or rather: I feel my family is, after the meeting we had last week), and I'm still grieving the loss of unconditional belief that people are good. I always trusted people until they made me fall flat on my face. But I've lost that. I don't think anymore that people want the best for us. They've hurt us so deep, I can't even start to explain. Just because they can't escape of the prison of their own thoughts.

In a way they've imprisoned me with that.
I can cry I've lost that deep trust.
I want it back. But I feel I'll never get it back.


Monday, October 18, 2010

First day of the vacation

Today was the first day of the vacation.
We tried to sleep in, but we're so used to being up in time that we were awake rather early.
The girls went down and I listened to the radio.

When I came down the eldest smiled at me from the couch.
They'd thought I was asleep and didn't tell me he was there.
Well, he had enough time to stay for hours and we had a good time talking about a lot of things.

In the afternoon the second son came too.
His school doesn't have vacation, because the main office is in an area where peopole don't have vacation yet.
That's so strange. Imagine we would have wanted to make a trip with the whole family.

Everything I planned was parked to have some quality family time and before I knew it was evening and I was still surrounded by the things of the summer-winter clothes change.

Right now part of it has been put away again.
One of the girls is staying with her friend for a night,
and there are many things to do tomorrow.
But we're taking it easy.

The weather is crap, so plans to go for a long walk to the beach are put aside.
It's no fun to travel all day in the storm, thunder and lightning and more of nature's harsh side.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Our count down - 2

Last week we had an important meeting: we met our guardian(s).

After the strange proposal for a meeting I thought it would be wise to meet with the parents first.
The next morning the guardian's mail proposed the same.

So wet met, the four of us.

It was an interesting meeting and should have been on video, because it would have revealed some very interesting things.

Turned out that the teamleader had said to us something completely different than to them.
To us she said we would get one guardian, the male one. The woman was an addition to him because he didn't have enough experience, 2 years, and she was going blind and was added to him to keep her working for them, and to transfer her knowledge.

She was the woman who approached us so intimidating in the courthouse.
The teamleader said she would appologise.

She didn't.

In fact she stated that she thought she did very well and she felt good about it.
She completely ignored our feelings and put hers above ours.
This, with her lack of empathy at other moments, their statement that they always work as a team with equality among them and that he doesn't need any supervision at all, made the father of the children tell her that he didn't like the way things are going and he doesn't want her on the case.

She didn't get his emotions behind this all at all, even though I sensed insecurity in her eyes and a trembling lip when she was talking.
She was not able to handle the moment, so I had to sit back and assume my psychologist attitude to finish the moment by explaining to her what he meant and what I saw, and by proposing to try one or two sessions to work together and evaluate that.
Not because I thought she's the proper person for the situation, but because her teamleader is on vacation and I think she needs to deal with this and not a stand in.
I'm fed up with games at that level to shuffle the responsibility to and fro, I'd rather keep it at the hands of one person.

With the man we both had a good contact. In fact he stood up for us in the discussion about who's feelings were more important in the courthouse. He had lots of facial expression, was a good partner in conversation.

I was talking a lot, which is signaling that something in the situation was not OK.
The attitude of the woman was the main reason of causing it, and soon there was another moment which made things perfectly clear.
She mentioned that we are a complex family, which we are not anymore.
I stated that she was using the same words as the reports about us that we were supposed to leave behind us to enable a clear view on the situation and help all wrong opinions out of the world.
She admitted reading all the reports... and our contribution as well, but it just didn't feel good the way she said it. I felt my ears and listening heart to go on sticks to grasp her better. The intention and meaning behind her words clearly stated she knew it all and for her it was only selective observation that was needed.

Well, I'm fed up with people who are not able to leave their tunnelvision and see things the way they are.
She stated that I was fighting for my family as a lion.
Yes, and maybe she's the person who makes it necessary to do so.
I'd rather sit back relaxed and tell about how things are and to show what people we are. But not to people who just don't want to see us the way we are.

She creates the feeling that whatever we say she'll interpret it in the worst way possible.
There was no outreach to help us, as was made clear too when she said: "We'll work together and when we write our report at the end of the year..."
At the end of the year? No way! The law states that they can come back to court to finish this situation at any moment, and we want it finished: now!!!

When time went on she really tried to relax and create more room for us, I have to give her that. She really tried. She even adjusted her facial expressions to live up to our expectations, which gave me a rather strange feeling.
I think she's a very insecure person when she has to let go her personal guards and defenses and when she has to let go of her fixed way of thinking.
But I'm not in this situation to be her therapist. When we would have good contact and I thought we would have benefitted from it, I would have tried to help her and keep her on the case for that, but not now.
It feels egoistic, and I feel very sorry for her, but I don't think I should be the one to guide her through this.

I was, however, still trying to see things positive to live through this a good way.

Then she decided it was time to break up. Good.

She mentioned a few things to do the next weeks.
Then I mentioned that we wanted the father of the children back home again, as this situation hasn't been our decision, but those of people who think the worst of others.

She nearly gave me a fright.
She suddenly started jumping on her chair, her facial expression went bezirk, she gesticulated like a small child and she said loudly: "I told you so! This is always what they come first with! I told you so! Haha, I was right."

I was flabbergasted... What the hell!!!

That closed the door for me.
She didn't grasp anything of what was behind those words. This was her personal scoring moment, her moment of victory.

This is supposed to be one of the very best that organisation has to offer, an experienced professional.
This is just one member of the army of people who are hunting down families to nail them and to change their lives forever.
I have to trust her with my most precious family members, my inner thoughts, with my life. She's on of the representatives of those who have broken up our family, who have threatened us and blackmailed us.

I'm sure her male counterpart isn't much better, but he sure should have the benefit of the doubt.
Maybe she's there to change his positive thoughts about people into sick making opinions. I don't know.

But the letter is ready to ask for a replacement.

I am so tired of this.
The father of the children want to appeal in court. He thinks they'll look better. But the reports are still there and none is going to read our contribution, which is written with the threat on our backs to take the children out of their home. So they don't clearly state what should be written down. We didn't dare to.
It'll only costs us such a lot of money that we'll have to move to a poor area and we'll be busy years to pay our debts caused by hiring a lawyer. A good one.

We're victims of a lack of respect for the universal rights of people and especially children.
We're victim of a system of law who subjects people to convictions which are not based on facts, let alone proof beyond reasonable doubt.

I feel connected to many people who are victims of these practices.

Already so many people have send me mails and comments about this, that I know I'm not alone and we're not the only people going through this.
We're wonderful, strong and caring people and we know it. Thanks!!!
Now they need to know it.

Counting down: 312 days to go.

Saturday, October 16, 2010


1. Does anything about Halloween “spook” you?

Not really, or it should be the fact that we have no tradition of halloween here and that commercialism tried to impose on us all those american features of it.

2. What is the favorite costume you have ever worn for Halloween?

As we don't celebrate it I can't mention one.

3. What is your favorite thing about Halloween?


4. What one topic is (or was) the most painful to discuss with your parents? Why?

I grew up in a time that not very many things awere discussed with parents. And certainly not at the initiative of children.

My indepence of thought and action though were never appreciated.
That's why I stress this very much in my children.

5. What was the happiest day of your life? Do you think you'll ever top it?

Not one day, but many: the birth of my children.
I was also very happy when I had all my living children at home for the first time.

6. What animal would you like to be able to communicate with?

Maybe a bird. They have such a different life: they can fly!!!

7. In what way do you come nearest to perfection (as you define it)?

Me? I? Oh come on... that's not a question to ask and certainly not to answer.
At an area where perfection can be measured: teaching ballet, picking the best one at auditions.

8. Do you have any recurring nightmares?

My life is a nightmare at this moment.

9. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be and why?

Pfff... a lot.
One of the things: I would have given far more space to creative development. I was asked for the balletacademy and my mother declined. They even visited my mother at home, but she didn't get the message that I was really talented and good.
I've found my way in the balletworld nevertheless, and I've found out how enormous the urge in a talented person can be to follow that talent and develop it.
Maybe I wouldn't have found that out.

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Friday, October 15, 2010

Insight in their filthy thoughts

I can't think of any other titel for this post after just one quick look into the paperwork of the organisation that should care, really care.

They don't.

Like all the accussations vented or carefully worded on paper I can only say that my experience is right the same: they're heavily sedating themselves with tunnelvision, with tremendous ego's and the illusion that they know it all.

They don't.

In the meeting about our list of complaints we were asked for two words to describe these people and I simply couldn't.
I've been thinking all week about it and I still don't have two words to describe it all.
Injustice, ignorance?

And two words for these people?
Because that was the question.
Let's say I've always been hesitant to call or describe people with names which were used in WW2, but after all these experiences I'm far less hesitant when these people are concerned.

I'm not going to read all the reports which are written about us.
There should be some self-protection in this all.
I know the life I'm leading, I know my integrity, I know the care I have for people, for my children.

They think they can judge me (without being a judge or a divine being) from their own set of views and opinions. Because they're working at a certain organisation and have had some education in some theories (One even during a time that the students were more in strike than in the classroom) they call themselves professionals.
Their faces are so grim, their eyes wrinkled at places that suggest frowned eyebrowes too, their mouths so firmly closed that eacht time I see one of them I wonder why they don't have stretchmarks all up to their ears.

They judge me from some world of ideas that I wonder how they survive, because no one can live up to their standards. They must feel so isolated and lonely in this bad grim world, an alien. No wonder they push around and away good, loving and caring people.
No wonder they don't recognise a good family and good people.

They think they can judge me and us, but they can't.
We don't belong to their system of thought.
They judge my non-verbal behaviour from their own standards, but I don't belong to their world.
When I sit back I'm not disengaging from the conversation or not interested. When I sit back I'm more concentrating, listening with my heart, observing.
And that's just one example.

Well, that they call the love of our children towards us loyality says it all, doesn't it.

The reports showed their way of thinking and judging so clear, that we felt deeply hurt.
How can people think so bad about us?

It's good we didn't go to the last meeting, because they had a contract which the father of the children needed to sign.
They wanted him to sign away all contact with the children. All because their thoughts made them accuse him of the most terrible offence against children.
They wanted to manipulate him into signing, by blackmailing him with taking the children out of their home.

Because they already planned to bring us to court all they had left was to do that as soon as they did, with the knowledge we couldn't defend ourtselves properly.
This is justice in our country!
Which doesn't feel as our country anymore. It didn't feel like that before this all happened, and it certainly doesn't now we know this all.

I'm not talking here about some highly educated people who use scientific methods to
assess facts.
I'm speaking here about some social workers with a teamleader who doesn't have the decency to listen to complaints, but who uses all the tricks out of the book to trouble the conversation, to break off sentences, etc etc.
When I suggested proper assessment by experts they almost panicked. Which is strange, because they use a "behaviour specialist" to look through some answering forms.

It would be a nice task for the new government to assure that families like ours come in contact with the very best in assessment the country has to offer, not with those who can't find a job elsewhere or who want to save the world from evil.
Our experience might differ from others (but not from many others, I know that), but I consider them evil.
They tried to break up our family (he still doesn't sleep at home because we're afraid of the consequences they might impose on us), they treated my girls completely unethical, uncaring and with utmost disrespect, because they have an opinion.

They use blackmail and manipulation to deal with people.
I've mentioned this in court, expecting the judge to ask me for some concrete examples.
She didn't.

This is considered to be a prestigeous western country but family law hasn't developed any further from the old men under the tree judging a case. It's even less, because these old men knew their people and listened with their heart and with wisdom. And they were chosen by their people.

Here children's rights and family's rights are violated and it's accepted, even by lawyers.

This feels so sick!!

It's not my intention to offend those who do their jobs well.
In fact it's not my intention to offend anyone. Those which are mentioned won't feel offended because they think far too highly of themselves to feel addressed.

Thank you for enabling me to use my freedom of speech to speak out against injustice.

Thursday, October 14, 2010


The past group teachers didn't like trips with the pupils.
They were not aware that a schooltrip is not only to make the individual pupil happy, but it's also a great teambuilding real life exercise.

The new teacher of the girls are aware of that effect, however, and they've planned with the group nice outings.

One of them is a visit to a restaurant nearby.
It's Japanese and it's famous of it's exquisite fishdishes.

I've eaten there a long time ago and I still remember the very fine taste of one of the sauces. The taste was perfect.

As it's crowded in the weekends they have adjusted the prizes: cheaper during the week.

I'm glad my girls are able to make some very nice memories after two terrible years.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Modern design

Two of the boys planned to pay a visit to their favorite trainmuseum next week.
They went there often when they were younger, but the visits stopped when they couldn't travel on cheap childrentickets anymore.

The past years the museum has renewed it's collection and the building has undergone major changes.
They've become far too curious not to go.

With the girls we've been making plans too.
Ofcourse we want to go to sea, if that's possible, but we can also go to an exhibition of modern furniture.
So we've got a nice weather and bad weather plan, and we're OK with that.

We like extravagant design and new ways to remodel daily used items, like furniture and clothes.
People don't often understand that young people have such outspoken interests and one of the girls has intense criticism last month from people who don't even like flowers on their handkerchiefs and prefer grey as the main "color" of their clothes.

Well, we don't care.
She might go to the fashion and design academy, so why not give her the freedom to use all the creativity she's got inside?

I like the idea of creative design encorporated in daily used items.

And you?

Blue light enables concentration

It's official: blue light enables concentration.

It's nothing special to us, as we already knew here that bright white light when studying doesn't feel good.

A few of us don't like the bright light at schools and at the university and we prefer a less white light here at home.

I don't mind white light in the kitchen and bathroom, but when I have to write or read I need less light to be able to feel that my eyes are at ease.

During a year at schools blue and other colours of light have been used and it turned out that blue light enables better concentration. Up to 18% better.

It's great to see our personal preferences reflected in this study.

School are already investing thousands of euros in these new lights.
I wonder when the school of the girls follows.

furniture and nature

One of my dreams is to have my own gardenhouse, where I can find some quiet and write my books and enjoy my music.

But even when that won't happen I hope that we'll be able to realise our dream to go to Scotland and have a small simple cottage with rustic furniture.

We own a small piece of ground there as our roots are Scottish.
(I'm allowed to call myself a lady. )

The natural look of log furniture makes a perfect match with the surroundings where I would like to live.
During rough and freezing winters elegant curls and smooth surfaces are a contrast to the feeling the weather causes.

I love the look of untreated wood.
It gives a peaceful feeling and a connectness to nature other furniture doesn't cause.
It doesn't need special treatment, unless you want to add colour, for instance. But I love the natural colour.

How about you?

Rescue of the miners in Chile

My heart goes out to the miners in Chile and their families.

The rescue operation has begon and the first miners have been rescued.

A capsule with a diameter of 56 centimeters will be lowered through a shaft with a diameter of 70 centimeters and a miner will be strapped into it.

He'll get oxygen, to help his body deal with the difference in pressure, glasses against dailight and other precautions are taken to prevent the miner of getting unwell.

It'll take about 15 minutes to get to the top of the 6325 meter long shaft.

Even more precautions are taken for miners who are unwell.

I know quite some people who stayed up last night and tonight to see the miners arrive at the surface of the earth again.

I'm happy that the modern media allow us to be so close.

To see the happiness with the arrival of those miners is something I'll never forget.

Snow memories and plans

Having older children is fun.
I really enjoy the fact that they've grown up, even though it makes me feel old sometimes.

Last night we sat together telling the others about our favorite winter memories.

It's fun that we all share snow as the main ingredient of them.

I remember when I was three or four that the big boys of the neighbourhood had adopted me and taught me how to use a sledge to get the highest speed going down the hill in one of the streets nearby.
I guess I was without fear, because they (the gown men who were once those boys) remember me as the fastest of all.

Now the boys want to do that too next winter when we have snow.

They have planned to buy snow tubes and go to the area outside town where there are some steep hills.

This is not three year old stuff, this is grown up stuff.
Their plans are thought through so well, that I suggested they'd better contact the Guinness Book of Records.
They looked at each other in such a way that I won't be surprised if they will.

Oh me oh my!!!

The implants and healing

Two weeks ago I had surgery in my mouth to implant the basis for a crown.

The implant was supposed to be done at the left side of my mouth, but when the photos were taken it turned out that after the hige extraction, the bone wasnt healed well enough to implant.

It was decided to put the implant at the other side where I had an extraction a few years ago.

The implant went rather quick and I was very surprised about that.

When I went for my check up the detist expressed his surprise too.
Healing went well, even though there are flares of unrest in the area.

Before surgery I got a boos of antibiotics and the rest I got in the afternoon. So what one usually takes in 10 days was not given in one.
It cured my cold. Haha!! Which was a surprise as we all thought it was viral.

Right now all is rather well.

But looking back, I would have taken this a bit more serious.
I've been so very tired....ugh!!

A new mattress

I sometimes wonder why friends ask me for advice about almost everything.
Just a few minutes ago I got a call from a friend and she asked me advice about her mattress.

Each morning she wakes up with pain in het back and she thought it might be caused by her mattress. The thing is 20 years old!

I told her that a mattress that old needs to be replaced. No matter what.

She needed explanation about the different positive effects of the different kinds of mattresses. Apart from that I told her that an expert opinion should be made, because she has kyfosis, a curve in her back, that requires special attention.

So she'll go to town tomorrow to ask for advice of her doctor and a sleeping expert and after that she'll order online.
Great idea, as many firms have special offers at the moment, like free shipping.

He got compliments

Today my son got huge compliments at school that he showed so much initiative yesterday.

The hospital already called school and asked if my son would be enabled to do his practical training there.
They're already filling in forms and making agreements, so that is very promising.

I have to thank one of his friends who inspired him.

He works at one of the most difficult departments of the hospital, never complaints, and told my son just to act the way he felt he should do.

The influence of peers at this age is much more important than all wise advice of parents.

It's interesting that this all is happening, because it shows the people where he studied before, that he's very well able to deal with finding a place for practical training.
Maybe it makes them reconsider the way they deal with students during trying times like a recession. Maybe...
I doubt it.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

He did it himself!

I'm very proud of my son, even though he came home and gave me a shock.

He stepped inside, closed the door and then said: "I've been in hospital today."
"What for, where are you hurt, what happened, why didn't you call me?"
I sprayed the questions over him and he just stood there and smiled.


We sat down and he told that he needs to have practical training for his studies (I knew that), and that he didn't want to do it at the school itself, but at one of the hospitals.

He went there at his own initiative. Wow!
The porters told him where to go, the person in charge of practical trainings was available, he even had thought about contacting the school to ask for people a few days ago. So all fell in place.

Now things need to be arranged between hospital and the school, forms need to be filled in and so on and so on.

As extra subject he asked to be admitted for the training for emergency assistance, which will enable him to work at the hospital, but also at the emergency services outside the hospital.

I'm so proud of him!

Teaching children of 4 a foreign language

It's in the news: one of our schools is going to teach children of 4 a foreign language: english.

I think it's a wise decision, even though I think a language shouldn't be taught at that age, but incorporated in daily games and toys.

Children of 4 and 5 need to play to discover themselves and the world. Teaching them fixed subjects will limit their future ability to deal with society.
A child who gets positive reinforcement from discovering and sking, will discover and ask later in life far more easy than a child that is taught to listen and absorp. But maybe that's what the government wants: childrne who don't think but do what they want.

I've raised my children in two languages, even the dyslectic children.
I'm bilingual myself and the joy that has brought me is great.
I've talked to people about subjects that are close to my heart without hesitance. And even though I know I make mistakes and don't know all the words, I can communicate and people understand me well.

It's not only about the words. It's about the feel each language has, and the ease young children develop the feeling for grammar.
I've benefitted a lot from that, and I see the same in my children.
Even the dyslectic ones are able to speak english fluently and when they have to write an english text they can talk to themselves and know what they should write down.

I used english as a language when I was alone with them.
When others were present we used Dutch.
Unless my english friends were here or we were at their home.

Some people say young children can't make the distinction between languages, but they can and they do.
Dutch and english are pronounced in a different way.
Dutch uses the front part of the mouth far more and has sharper sounds. So children feel the difference in their mouth.
And they certainly know the difference between different social situations.

Otherwise they wouldn't know that gram gives them a sweet before dinner and mom won't. :)

Autumn and the hot tub

Oh, it's so cold suddenly.
We had the heating on yesterday evening, because we really needed it.

Last week I could walk outside in a T-shirt, now I'm nuts to do so.

People are preparing the last things for winter here.
The caravans are gone, gardens are almost ready, and at the richer part of town the swimmingpools are emptied and the hot tub covers are put in place, so no leaves will drop in and they can enjoy the hot water at these chilly autumn evenings.

They neighbour at the back of our backgarden has hammered a lot last week to get a new gardenhouse or shed ready. I guess it's a shed, because his children are old enough to have their own bicycles now.

They have a small pool in the garden. The kids there love it.
We have to deal with the fact that he saved his money on the drainage. He just lets the water go, and it flushes over the path between the gardens right into the garden of our left neighbour and us.
A while ago one of the children fell and was all dirty.

Maybe he should take into account that not only nice gifts are given when one buys a cover.

a ship on the waves of democracy.

We'll have a new government soon.
It was about time.

Not many are happy with it though.

Living in a democracy means that a mayority should have it's say in the government, whether they represent my opinion or not.
The smaller parties can comment, vote against and play the role of opposition in many other ways.

When they do well, they'll grow at the next elections, and the governmental ones will get less votes.
That way the government is like a ship on the waves of democracy.

We all know that part of the population are not interested in politics. They vote either for what they've known all their lives or for the person who screams the loudest or for the person who has simple statements about issues that are in their world of attention.

So they did and thus created a real problem.
They voted for someone who uses freedom of speech as an excuse to create hatred among people and discrimination.

That person could have been part of the government, but none of the parties was willing to work together.
The only solution was to have him agree with the plans of the new government without taking seat it in.

Thus a majority-government changed into a minority government.

Today the last meetings with the new ministers will be held and it's expected that at thursday we'll have a new government.

We don't know how long it will last, as not many people are happy with it.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Men and their clothes

Call me an expert in men's clothing, you won't hear me complain.

With 5 men who want to be dressed in the most comfortable way possible I know what to look for.

They all want to feel a better person when they're dressed, but they don't want to compromise on anything.

So one wants his clothes as wide as possible. There's no need for him to look as baggy like he wears second hand clothes of someone with 5 sizes larger. He's slim, handsome and has the perfect body of a dancer. Yet, he wants his clothes soupple and wide.

Another one simply doesn't care what he wars, another one only wears black, even though he's not gothic or anything else. He just prefecrs black.

And another one wants his clothes look after the latest fashion, and with the perfect fit. He learned at an early age that when you want something special you have to save your money for a long time, and he still needs some comments when he states he wants the right name at the right place.

The worst taste in fashion has the one who wears stripes. He loves stripes.
He tries out a skirt and when he likes it he buys about 25 pieces of them, so he'll never is without a favorite shirt.
I've never taught him that! I only buy two of the same. LOL!

Teaching men the joy of wearing good clothes is one of the hardest jobs in the world.

Autumn weather

Looking outside I feel like sitting in the garden and enjoy the sun, but when I walked outside I went back to get my cardigan. Brrr, it's so fresh.

Last night I saw a thousand stars above my head.
No single cloud, no fog, just a clear sky which was amazingly clear.

Then the winds started blowing and the delightful just evaporated into infinity.

Summer's over, and as it seems, autumn will be short this year.
The night temperatures are almost at zero and tomorrow they'll be below zero.

It's as if autumn has overcome naure here.
Some trees are beautiful: orange and reddish brown, but other trees and the roses are still in summer mood, whatever that has been this year.

I have to prune a few trees, but I won't do it alone anymore.
I used to do it myself, but I think that with such a grown up men as sons, it's time they take over.


Isn't it strange that for some people it's almost impossible to live in the present.
They long for times to come and when that time has arrived their minds are not even realising it fully because they're already preparing for the next event.

When the children go to school after the summer vacation people are so very bussy with halloween, that they almost don't hear the children share their experiences.
their minds are occupied with naughty nurse costumes and green slimy masks, and at halloween they see christmasornaments and the christmastree in their minds.

Strange isn't it?

I've always had the happiness of enjoying dressing up.
As a balletdancer I considered myself very lucky to step into the feel of the costume.
When I changed, I didn't only change the outside, but i was also able to get the feel of the role I was playing.
That enabled me to dance in the right spirit rightaway.

For me it would be impossible to dedicate my attention fully to christmas when wearing a halleoween costume.

How about you?

Sunday, October 10, 2010


Yep, it's a special date.

It's the birthday of my first real boyfriend. He would be flattered to know I still remember that, but I'm sure he remembers mine too.

But I bet that's not important to you.

It was expected many people would want to marry today, but even though the weddinglocations were open not many people married.
Maybe because there's a strange feeling to wedding on a sunday. I don't know.

We had a quiet day. Just trying to enjoy the peace and quiet.
I wanted to go to town as the shops were open, but we just didn't.
And that was OK too.

The girls took their time to make their homework, we ate homebaked bread with cheese and ham for lunch. It made the whole house smelling delicious.

The nice temperatures outside are over.
The sun will be shining the next days, but the temperatures will go down dramatically.

So a whole summer has passed without us enjoying it properly. It's a lost summer. What a pity.

Saturday, October 9, 2010


1. In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener?

It depends, I can be a very fluent talker when I have something to say. Often it's better to listen though.

2. Do you take compliments well?

In the past: No.
But after having experienced that people can have terrible opinions about someone else and how it deeply hurts and even messes up your whole life, I can be deeply grateful for a compliment.

3. Are you judgmental?

No. But I'm critical.
I can see mistakes and faults, but that doesn't mean I attach a value statement to my observations.

4. Do you think more about the past, present or future?

I'm a person who lives very much in the present.
But "they" have made me worry about the future a lot.

5. What do you hate?

What or who?
I hate people who think they're more, better than other people, and I hate their behaviour towards me.
I experienced this week how such people deal with others and it made me say yesterday that I thought those people disappeared in 1945, at the end of the war.

6. Use three words to describe yourself.

Honest, passionate about what I belief in and caring.

7. Do you celebrate Halloween? Explain:

No, it's not a tradition in this country.

8. If you were mixing up a witches brew, what would be in it?

Depends who really "needs" it.

9. If you're in a room with two beds, which one do you sleep on?

The one with my bag on it.

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Last greeting of summer

Today is the last day that we'll have beautiful weather with resonable temperatures.
I bet the neighbours will enjoy their outdoor fireplace this evening. Tomorrow the sun will shine but temperatures will drop towards those which are normal for this time of year.

I planned to use a free travel ticket for the train today, but none of the kids felt like going somewhere.
They're all far too tired and/or tied up to their homework.

So the last chance of enjoying the sun and even a slight feel of vacation is over.
It's too late to go now.

All I can do now is make a dinner that smells and tastes after vacation.
So I've bought mussels.

I love them.

I wish we have an outdoor fireplace, because a long time ago I was with friends who knew that roasted mussels were great. I'd never heard about them before, so I was rather curious.

It was a wonderful experience.
Especially because we had so much fun.

So today it's the last greeting of summer, and it'll greet the laundry, and not me at the beach.

That was three

... and then we went to this appointment in another town this week.
For a change not to complaint, but to see if that organisation wants to take action on our case by providing therapy.

Until now everyone knows our lives better than we ourselves, and it has been downright disgusting how people have treated us, so all the way in the train I was wondering if I would put up a fight again or just be completely silent, like being on a speaking strike.

We had been forced to go to that organisation, but went ahead and went their in the voluntary stage, and from the first moment it was clear to us that that would be the point from where we would state how things really are, which is completely opposite of what is in the reports about us.

People shouldn't have therapy for things they don't do and for characteristics they don't have and behaviour they don't show.

Like I expected they didn't see any indication.
So: no therapy.

We had the chance to tell part of our experiences which made clear how things could have come this far.
Even though at some times the listener too felt the need to shut us up and even he too wanted to have lots of time to speak his own sentences, he did get the message.
We're a good and normal family and we want our lives back.

He said that maybe it would be good to be in court again to set matters straight.

I wonder.

He will however report back this meeting and their assessment of the case to child protection. Either they will react furiously and come and get the girls, or they will finally see so much evidence mounting that we're not the bad guys they want us to be that they'll back off. Not much chance of the last I think.
They're far too stubborn or insecure to cling to their own mistakes that that they acknowledge their own manipulations and complete nonsensical constructions about us.

When we went home we felt far more rest and far more ourselves than after meetings this last week.

What ordinairy listening can do.

RV roadside repair and towing

The past days I've been on the road a lot and I've seen quite some rv's broken down.
Luckily, I guess, not on their way to a vacation, but on the way to the wintershelter.

rv towing must be a very profitable business.

When I looked up the fees however I was astonished how low they were on a yearly basis.
Even when you don't reckon a year as twelve months, but as the amount of month the rv is in use, it's still very cheap.

Hotlines to call in case of an emergency open for 24 hours, lines with knowledgeable techniscians who assist you by phone to make your own repairs are open for 24 hours, a towing service and on top of that even theft insurance. That's a lot for a small amount of money, even considering the fact that not every family has their own rv.

Repairing RV's at the roadside requires specific equipment that a normal repair and towservice doesn't have.
It's a lot to invest in, and it doesn't pay itself back, unless you're the best and cover a huge area.

Friday, October 8, 2010

making appointments

Do you experience the same when you're trying to make appointments with people?

It takes forever to make a convenient appointment with people who work parttime, even when they have a shared jobposition.

More and more people work part time, either because the hours are diminished as a result of the recession, or because more women have entered the jobmarket and they don't want to spend all their best hours at work.

I don't care if people work fulltime or not, as long as they do their job well. But when the first step: making an appointment, isn't a smooth one, I'm either confronted with someone who doesn't care much for the job and delivers mediocre work, like bad reports, or someone who is so perking up the ego, that I don't feel comfortable any more.
The people I've met along the way made mistake after mistake, forgot a lot, and didn't acknowledge their own mistakes.

The good ones are real exeptions.

Thursday, October 7, 2010


The weatherforecast was: nice weather in the afternoon.

Instead it was humid and grey, grey and grey.

The laundry isn't dry at all, I didn't do anything of the outside plans, like cutting the shrubs, and we were confronted with noise all day.

A few years ago an airfield was opened about 30 km's from here.
We wouldn't experience anything, they promissed.


One of the other southern airfields is closed due to the fug, and I think the weather around this airfield isn't wonderful either, as it sounds like the same planes fly circles.

It's crowded in the sky and I won't think about what might happen when something goes wrong.

On regular days we don't hear a thing, so that makes the noise now so much more present.
The rumble coming with the sound prevents music to mask the noise. Otherwise i would put on the radio and be happy forever.

Do you ever experience such thing?

Mattresses, boys and girls

When we bought bunkbeds for the girls because they really wanted them, we didn't buy new matresses, because they were both rather new.

We were lucky with the right sizes, otherwise we had those extra costs.

But when I checked the mattresses like I often do I saw that not the girls' ones needed attention but one of the beds of the boys.
He really needs a new mattress.
I don't know what boys do, but they're less careful with their things than girls. They need new chairs and bedwear so far more often than the girls.

They have had the same upbringing, so that doesn't make a difference.
It's a gender issue I presume, as both girls are aware they should be tidy and careful with things so they last longer, and the boys just don't care. Unless I tell them they have to pay for new stuff themselves.

When money is involved, a behaviour change can be made.
I think, however, that one has to feel one wants to be careful with things.

Identitycard: for free!!

Today we heard some good news: the cost for identitycards will go down dramatically. In fact they will be for free in the very near future.
When the councils won't appeal it will be quick, otherwise it'll last a bit longer.

Because the government benefits more from the identitycards than the civilans it's considered ridiculous we have to pay for them.

Great idea!

Passports will be as expensive as they are, because they're more of use for civilians.
I can understand that.

I still feel uneasy with the fact that we have to carry a passport or identitycard with us all the time.
In case we have to make clear who we are when the police wants to know.

The fines for forgetting are ridiculously high and forgetting to take a card with you is easy.
It's in the pocket of my coat, but... I change coats when the weather changes.
When I keep it in a bag, I have to remind I do, otherwise I forget to take it with me...when I take no bag with me, or when I take another one with me.

Maybe they should allow us to tattoo the number on our foreheads. Saves time and costs.

Finding a vacation

Because we've had no vacation at all we decided to have a good look at the travel deals to see if we can go either during the autumnbreak or maybe at christmas.

As we love the sea, the autumnbreak is the best choice, but after looking for something special for a couple of days I can only say that the chance we'll find something is very small.

Right now I would opt for a trainvacation through Europe.
Especially this time of year it's a real journey into another world to cross the 47 countries of Europe.
They are all so very different. Mountains, beach areas, flatlands, it's all there. Travelling Switzerland by train is one of the best ways to see everything they have to offer this time of year. When winter has started some tracks can't be assessed, but now one can see the beauty of autumn while sitting relaxed in a warm train.

I'm sure the children would love to sleep on a train. Which would add to the experience.

Right now, however, I'm still looking.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

That was two

I've never ever been as mad as this morning.

We were supposed to be able to vent our complaints, and the people in front of us were supposed to mediate between us and the team.

Forget it!

I started with a summary and one of the guys tried to summarise that.
I tried to explain things, they pretended not to understand what I was saying.
I gave examples, they didn't let me finish what I wanted to say.
I said something and they interpreted in such a way that it was offensive.

A complete lack of empathy... unbelievable!

These guys were the caricature of the way their teams functioned.

I have never ever been so mad in my life.

These people are sick in their minds.

We experienced on the day that Ina Post was judged to be not guilty that the whole system of child protection is as sad as what happened with this nice lady 24 years ago.
She was pressured into admitting she killed someone. There was no proof at all.
When she felt a bit better she said she didn't commit the crime. Yet she was in jail for 6 whole years and it took many many years to get what she deserved.

I so understand what she went through.

Here I was, trying to make people clear that they had made some serious mistakes and they said the report was right because it was stated in the report what the facts were.
They didn't even understand or refused to understand that they used that false report to state they are right and we are wrong.

Afterwards, in the hallway, a bit of informal talk.
I said I was disappointed by the way the meeting went, and the guy told me he thought it went fine and he would report it that way.
He said it in such a way that his opinion was far more valuable than ours.

Like he was a better person that we are.

Well, at least I would have said sorry that it was felt that way, or I would have shown some other sighn of friendliness.
The guy made us feel we didn't deserve any kindness.

In fact he threatened us, just like his team did, with the police.

Next step is the boss of the organisation.

I wonder what kind of person that is who allows this kind of behaviour under his roof.
Or maybe he's even another step worse???

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Tomorrow is two

Tomorrow we're going to discuss our complaints about child protection.
I hope they've got all day and the rest of the week.

What needs attention:
  • The way they treated the girls
  • The way they treated us
  • The fact that they knew the endresult of their investigations before stepping in our house.
  • The way they went on building mistakes on mistakes on the mistakes of others
  • The fact that they didn't want to hear the truth.
  • The fact that at the end of their investigation/assessment they discovered we were not members of a dubious sect.
  • The way they turned around what we said.
  • The way they tried to dishonor a therapist, so they were stepping between a client and his therapist. Which is not professional.
  • The fact that they based everything on two teachers who didn't know the girls properly and who had several complaints filed against them by other parents about their lack of interest in the children and
  • the fact that they neglected the official statements from school and even were upset about the fact that they already had their concept ready when school wanted to talk with them.
  • worse: the fact that they left the positive statements about the girls, the official representative from school made, out of the paperwork to the court.
  • The fact that they had their concept ready while we were still trying to get our comments filed in the right file at the first organisation. So they couldn't have taken those into account.
  • The fact that they kept talking during assessment about a family structure that was that of years gone by and not of the present.
  • The fact that they didn't want to talk with the social worker of the boys, which they do under normal circumstances.
  • The fact that their representative in court stated something outside the file and thus her mandate,
  • and the fact that she stated something untrue.
  • The fact that the court was not given proof beyond reasonable doubt, but just opinions with no scientific or other basis beyond reasonable doubt.
and so much more, so much more..........

Our count down - 1

Today a new aspect of the whole journey through child care started.

First contact: a mail from the guardian proposing the date of wednesday next week.

And proposing a time: right in the middle of the schoolday of the girls.

No way they're going to miss lessons for that!

324 days to go.

Monday, October 4, 2010

That was one

Today was the first meeting about our complaints.

A meagre "sorry" was all we got.
The smiles were abundant and at the time we were kind of OK with the way things were handled. Especially when it was told that the reason we got two guardians was because one was losing her eye-sight and the other was, after two years, still in the learning stages. The one with the eye problems was transfering her experience to the other.

At the meeting I said however that I might take the matter further. Not because I didn't agree with the way things were handled, but because a complaint isn't registered in the official statistics when it's handled at this level.

Right now I'm free from the effects of the smooth talk and I feel we didn't get what we should have gotten.

She only took one of the people from the case, whereas the most intimidating stayed.
And why not a proper guardian, but one who, after two years, isn't able to do his job properly?

So I don't feel happy with it after all.

I have given it the benefit of the doubt, so we'll see how things go, but with an open mind to asking for someone else.

What also bothers me is that the complaint commission summarised my complaint wrong and she had that wrong form.
I have to dive in the paperwork to see if all our remarks have been the subject of conversation.

She asked if we were content, and I was rather blunt in telling her that I trusted people like her before and until now none turned out to have been trustworthy.
That only assessing the facts would enable me to rebuilt some trust.

I don´t do smoothtalk anymore.
But I still have to stop falling into theirs. Ugh!

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Next week

It the time of the overflowing agenda's: the start of the new schoolyear.

Next week we're dealing with the consequences of mistakes of others: the complaints against organisations who have put us in such a terrible situation.

Tomorrow against those who intimidated us in the courthouse.

Our complaint is in fact already acknowledged as they have put two other people on the case.
There has been serious jurisprudiction about this sort of situation, they know it, we know it.

But I want to discuss something else: why they want two people on the case.

I've also made clear that I don't want to talk about any treatment plan without a thrid person present, and I've signaled that the whole case is based on the opinion of a person who is completely wrong and that even the circumstances are changed.

Like before: all is well and I just don't know what I can add to what we are already doing for the kids, unless it's bags full of money.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Friends, Again

1. Do you make and keep friends easily?

When I have the opportunity to be with people I don't know I get in contact rather easy, and growing to friendship is something that goes smoothly.
I'm very loyal to my friends and it;s easy to keep them, yes.

2. Who was your very first friend?

I'm not sure. But I remember Arnold.

3. Who has been your friend the longest now?

Max, without any doubt. I don't see him often, but that isn't necessary. I've exerienced fun, happiness, shared grief and sorrow, and when I called him because I needed a friend he finished work and was the human heart I needed.
40 years....

4. Tell us about your best friend.

No. I don't think he likes that.

5. Tell us about the friend who gets on your nerves the most, and why.

Why should I be that negative?

6. Tell us about the last time you let a friend down.

I can't remember I did so.

7. Tell us about the last wonderful thing a friend did for you!

People don't do often things for me. Most of the time it's the other way around.
Believing in me and trusting me, that's most important.

8. What was the last 'friend' thing you did?

I worry about his health, but I know he doesn't want to talk about it. So I respected that, while in the meantime I craved to know how his health is.

9. Have your ever been jealous of a friend's S/O?

No, I'm not a jealous person. Am I lucky or not?

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Friday, October 1, 2010

the end of an ingrown toenail

My autistic son had an ingrown toenail after he bumped it so hard that it split.

The podotherapist tried to fix it, but he couldn't.
So today the doctor cut part of the nail.

My son was quite nervous, but he had a model of how to behave: yesterday I had surgery and I was very calm about it. So he was rather calm too.

The local anaestethic didin't work well, so he had some pain. But he took it well.

At home he experienced some pain after a while, so he got a painkiller.
Since then he didn't feel any pain.