Monday, August 16, 2010

She died so many years ago, and now: courtdate

Today is the day of remembrance: my little daughter died suddenly many years ago.

She was beautiful and even when she was dead she was beautiful.
After all the grief I can say I feel grateful that she has lived, even though it was so short.

When she died nature changed my feeling of motherhood.
I found out that even when there's no baby, one can be a mother.
There was never ever a readon to think about htat before.

Today, on this special day, we got the invitation to come to court the 25th.
They want to take away part of my motherhood.

It's like I'm losing everything again.

This time it's due to human failure.
People have assumed things happened that didn't happen at all, people are projecting things into our family which are theirs, not ours.
We were such a happy family when they arrived. so very happy. And we didn't think anyone could disturb that.

In a way we're still OK.
We're the same good people.

But it feels so awful.

The threats to take the girls away, based on no real event in life that would create the need.
All they state about us, about who we are.
Not only just based on one, or two hours of speaking with us, but based on what someone says who hit back for being exposed as leaning back when faced with bullying at school. Someone who is known at school as a very bad judge of character.
I can't believe that socalled professionals can misjudge things so badly.

Well, the date is set, and as I thought, at a moment that there's no one to speak in our behalf.
Everyone is on vacation.
There's no one to write that I'm a good mom, no one to state my girls have no developmental disorders, but are good, sensible young women who are very responsible and are OK.

It's their and our word against that of a teacher and the people who believe the teacher.
It feels like in a movie or a bad book.

It even makes me question myself, my motherhood of almost 25 years.
Unless the judge sees sense, we're going to be forced in therapies that are used on families with drug addicts, criminal kids, and such.

I feel so utterly helpless.
My family is dangling on a rope people hold up because they feel like it.
They enjoy it.
They can strike their ego's for "saving kids", and earn extra money (yes, they'll get a bonus) when the judge decides their way.

Just a few months ago we were preparing a vacation to either the beach or england.
Just a few months ago we looked forward to the next schoolyear because we would be free from those groupteachers and my girls would be one year closer to their final exams.

We were preparing for a good time. We felt good. We were all OK.

Now we're told by others who didn't even know us then that we were not OK.

It's like history repeats itself.

Nature took my child away.
Now they tell me I'm not a good mom and threaten to take my girls away.

We're OK. We're good people, and I'm a fine mom for my kids.
And outside a big, big bad animal is luring, waiting to eat us, to take our identity our happiness.

This is so not good!!!


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