Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Disappointment in other people

Tomorrow we will stand in front of the blindfolded woman.

I expected the family physician to send us his impression of me and my daughter, to go against what Protection Services says about us.
I guess he forgot to inform us that we needed an independent doctor....
So we have nothing to speak for us.

Nothing at all.

I'm so deeply disappointed in how people have dealt with us, so very disappointed.
I have no words for it.

Only 2 (offline) people have used their intuition and stood beside us all the way.
It's our culture.
Care and compassion for others diappears so easily when something official should be done. People rather want to be in the grey area of the unseen.

I'm gratefull for my online friends who care far more and who supported us, even without ever having seen us.

Ofcourse some of them have experienced or know how much I have done the past years for others in my situation, but that makes it even harder to deal with the disappointment in the people around us.

before the summervacation I had a long talk with our family physician and he stated clearly that he didn't think my daughter was depressive or behind in development.
He also laughed about what Child Protection said about me: that I was burned out, had no time for the girls because of the autistic boys. He knows I have plenty of time for them.
I thought he forgot to write a statement, so I reminded him about it today.
Well, they don't do statements anymore, unless it's an independent physician. Well, why didn't he tell me that? Why?

We have nothing tomorrow to speak for us.
We're standing there empty handed against people who've created an image of us that is untrue.

Yes, I know I'm writing this twice.
Yes, I'm crying.

I'm afraid we'll become victims of a failing system, of the arrogance of people, of the lack of care of people, of ignorance and neglect.

Is this the world my children grow up in?
Are these the people who call themselves friends?

I think we're perfectly ready to leave here.
We don't have real ties here anymore.
That has become clear the past weeks.

I hope the judge will see what's the truth and we'll leave there tomorrow without anything Child Protection wants.
Otherwise we'll have to go through all sorts of therapies that have no use. It feels so ridiculous!
I don't really care for those therapies. Or for someone seeing how we are. Because we're a good family.
But I feel so very hurt that people have created an image that does no justice to how we are. Our good name has been pulled in the mud. And everything we said has been ignored.

That people were able to think dirt about us, that hurts.

So whatever happens, and no matter for how long we can't leave the country when justice fails, we'll start preparing the move we've wanted to make for a long time.

We're not limiting ourselves to Scotland anymore. But we want to be close to nature.
We don't have the money to buy a bussiness or something, but we're quite willing to work for elderly people who can keep their family bussiness that way.
So when you know something in the UK, please let us know.

Right now we plan to move as soon as possible after the final exams of the girls.
The plans they have for their future can be fulfilled in the UK too. And maybe even better than here, so it'll be a move for the better for all of us.

So whatever is decided tomorrow the future lies ahead of us, whether we need to climb stairs or can walk on bare feet through the grass.
And no matter what other people say: we're the very same people we always were. Good people. With care and compassion for others, who work hard for their family and future.
I'm a very good mom, and I know that.

But it would have been great to have a pile of letters of those who used me as a model, who often asked me for advice, who often thanked me for helping them out.
Letters from those who have seen me being a good mom to the girls and not only for the boys (as they ridiculously state), letters from those who know I'm a very stable mom, who knows the needs of children of every age, and who is almost always at home, because her children are more important than everything else.

My mistake is that I expected a pile of those letters,
and I have none.

So there'we'll be tomorrow:
empty handed in front of a blindfolded lady with a sword and balance.


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