Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Manic Monday #220

What are the values you cherish even though they may run counter to societal values?

Honesty, care and compassion, forgiveness.
And also developing your talents.

Mondays make me___________.

Look into my agenda so I won't forget appointments.

If you were to publish a book about yourself, what would you title it?

Just one of us.

But I first have to finish the book I'm writing now.

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Monday, August 30, 2010

The Continuing Story - Good news

Many many months ago we (familyphysician and I) started to make the first moves to transfer the 2 youngest boys from childpsychiatry to psychiatry for grown ups. Childpsychiatry is for kids and young people below 18 years of age.
The psychiatrist told us the oldest of the two could stay until the youngest would be of age.
So our stay had been long enough there.

The waitinglists, even for transfer, are so ridiculously long that the family phycisian didn't even remember writing the letters.

With Child Protection in sight we were a bit hesitant to transfer the boys.
They insisted I continued their care.
Ofcourse I told them that it was not my decision anymore when they're of age and intelligent enough to make decisions for themselves.
But they were so happy both boys were clients of this guy...

OK, he had a great smile, and I never left with ill feelings. But I wondered why such a kind man could reach such a level in his carreer by being so kind.
I'm not a fool in that area.

At the beginning of the ordeal with child protection he showede his true face.
I had a very unpleasant and from his profession very unethical confrontation, and he later stepped completely over the border by calling me and starting to throw his vision on me.
I'm still happy my phone gave up. I really was and I really am.

Reflecting on his activities for my boys wqas easy.
He'd done nothing else for my autistic son than prescribing meds and speaking a few words in 10 minute consultations. Oh, and smiling nicely. :)
He wrote one referral, which bounced. And didn't follow up on that.
He promissed a referral to someone who could deal with my sons eating disorder. After 5 times asking it still wasn't there. And he promissed to have talks with my son as therapy, to see if he could influence his thinking. I guess he thought that when I couldn't he couldn't, because he never started.

I was hesitant to change psychiatrists under the preying eyes of child protection, but fate stepped in our way and directed us straightaway to the new one.


Last week the appointment of the oldest of the two came in.

And this weekend I exchanged mail with the new one who suggested another place to go to.
I gave him my arguments, like I did a year ago when he agreed to take both sons, and this morning he mailed me that he was OK to take them both, that his only thoughts for the other place was a case manager.... so I would have less work.

Oh, I could hug the guy, but it's a bit difficult through the cable internet connection. LOL!

So I'll get another pile of forms and questionnaires to fill in and we can go and say goodbye to the former psychiatrist.
I haven't decided yet how.
Maybe just give a bunch of helium balloons their freedom under his window with a bye bye card.

This really feels as good news.
A positive step for both boys.

I hope to have more good news later this week.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

weather and steel drums

Many events all through the country are cancelled.
I've just had a look at the radar and within half an hour we'll be in the middle of something very nasty.

So when the phone rang I assumed it was my autistic son and his dad telling me they were almost home.

Instead it was a friend telling me to listen.
He yelled "Yes" so loud that I almost took my earplugs, which I use when bagpiping.
Good I didn't.

A steelband started to play and it sounded so intensely tropical and rhythmic that I sat swinging in my chair.
He made me listen to the whole number and I didn't mind. :)
What a great gesture to cheer me up like that!

In the past he worked at a factory ofstainless steel drums.
Not the musical instruments, but the ones that are used for storage of chemicals, for instance. Huge ones which can contain 30 and even 50 gallons of hazardous materials.

He explained to me the way they are made, but also the high safety requirements so nothing happens when chemicals are transported. They even apply seals to drums, so nothing can enter the drum when it's transported to the new owner for use.
He was the one who told me that many wines are stored in stainless steel barrels and not in old wooden ones, as tourists are shown.

I was very impressed by all he told mem because these barrels are used for food, chemicals and also nuclear waste.

He worked a few years at the company, until he discovered to make a steel bucket sound like a steeldrum.
Then he realised a dream and started to develop his real talent and now he's one of the famous steel drum manyfacturers.

Yes... those were his steel drums he made me listen to.

Boy, am I proud of him!!!

I should do nothing, but...

According to plan my autistic son went away with his father on a day trip.

I was surprised they even went, because my son often has "plans", but when the time arrives he's not feeling like going at all.

So we use incentives to make him go anyway, because otherwise he wouldn't go out at all.

The only thing he really likes it computering, and I said that we would spend as much money on him as on the others, so he was allowed to buy a 10 euro game online.
He found one and so he went with his father today.

Instead of leaning back I went upstairs to clean his room.

Many autistic people dislike others to touch their stuff and they also dislike others to clean their room.
But at the end of the vacation it's really necessary.

Last week the girls helped him dust his cat-collection and put them at another place.

Today I did a lot of other things, like cleaning in and under his bed, on and under his desk, the closet, etc etc.

He had been pulling so much in his closet that the shelves came out. Right on my foot. I can deal with that, but it wasn't a joy at all.
because he doesn't know his own strength he has had a too firm grip on the door, I guess, because it was hanging on just one hinge, and not all three.

So beside me I have screwdrivers (flat and cross) to get the door fixed.

After that I have to put the shelves back in and sort the clothes.
That means, I hope to have the time to sort them all out.

I expect them back within the hour.
He'll be OK with his game, but not with the fact that I'm still busy at his room and he has to wait a few minutes to put his stuff aside.

I wish we could make him go to a weekendhouse. Just once a month at least.
Going away on a trip like this is more than enough for him.
He'll need at least a week to losen himself from the experience.

I'm not looking forward with people interfering with family life, as we might hear this week will be the verdict.
The girls and I don't mind at all, and maybe we'll even get some good out of it. But it'll interfere completely with his life and we'll need even more energy to deal with it.

Wish people would understand we have a balance now in which everyone feels OK.

Those people know a bit of theory and think they know it all, and they even have the power to enforce things on us.
That is not good.
They have no legal command over him, or over me to change him, but by changing the ways of our family, they'll cause a lot of trouble.

I'm not looking forward to that.

Oops... am I complaining? Or just worrying ahead of time?
I'd better have a go at that closet and get it fixed.
Noop, no man around the house, just me.
But we moms can do almost everything, including fixing stubborn closets.

I'm talking ties here

"I'm talking ties here", my grandma used to say when a boy reached the age to use ties.

She took the chance to have a party as often she could and teaching a boy how to tie a tie she considered her job, not that of the parents.
She wasn't a real matriarch, she didn't want to plunge into every family event, but she sure wanted to have the tie knotted the way she wanted.

She could teach a young man everything about mens ties, including the most up to date fashion.

Ofcourse this rites of passage, first for her sons, later for her grandsons, were accompanied by a family gathering with applepie and coffee or tea and lemonade for the small ones. So we all could be witnesses.

Funny thing is that I learned to tie the ties too. Just by seeing it so often.
My best knot is a Prince Albert.
The long broad part of the tie is put twice around the small short part and then through the last loop.

Because my grandmom isn't alive anymore I've taken over this family tradition.
So I've taught my boys how to knot and what's in fashion. I also tried to teach them about colour choices, because often I see people wear ties that don't fit their outfit at all.

Like my gram I like solid colours best with a pattern which is woven into the fabric.

And you?

Message for our friends who plan to visit today


I know some of our friends wanted to visit us today, because we wanted to go to the Medieval Parade in town this afternoon.

The parade is cancelled because of the weather expectations.

Most costumes are the result of hard labour and great creativity and investment, and they're so precious they shouldn't be exposed to heavy rains and winds.

For this afternoon weather warnings have been issued for the hole country.
In this area lots of rain is expected, with thunder and lightning and serious windgusts.

The parade is cancelled, but there are activities in town.

The most expensive clothes will be shown in the main church. So people can get their praise for a year of hard work and dedication.

When the weather allows figures with less expensive clothes will walk through town, but not in a parade.

The other re-enactment activities are not cancelled yet and probably won't.
But right at the moment I write this it gets pitchblack here and I hear thunder.
The temperature is dropping from 15,3 degrees celcius.

Because I've got a call from Leo to tell me they won't come because of the weather warning and the expected storm in their area later this day, I thought it wise to give a choice to you all and see if we'd skip the whole event and plan something else when the weather is far better, or we'll go with just a few people.
I for myself don't mind skipping the event, so don't feel hesitant when you want to stay at home.
There are plenty of new opportunities.

For instance the celtic event in Wijhe at september 4th.
I would love to go, but not by train, as it takes more than 2 hours for us to get there. (Hint hint!!!)

When the weather improves dramatically we can also consider a day at the beach.

Contact me or Adrian. Preferably the last. :)
When we get 5 cancellations we'll cancell today. If that's OK with you.

So let us know.


He wants to limit his speed

Someone online told me he'd bought a radar detector to control his own speeding.

To me it seems that the regular speed signaling devices in cars are perfect for that, but he's not a very visual oriented guy.
I know. My memory stores images far better than sounds, but he always remembered exactly what was said and had problems remembering the texts of books. I've read some boring studybooks out loud for him and a blind student.

The detector gives a sound when it's in reach of a police speeding radar and when the car moves too fast.

Not everywhere radar detectors are allowed. When you go abroad always inform yourself well when you're using such device. In Greece the fine is as high as 2000 euro! In many countries you'll get a fee, see your detector confiscated, and you'll be faced with extra penalties like loss of license for a while.

The main reason is that it's thought that radar detector users work against the police by trying not to be caught for speeding, and that they speed when they're out of reach of the police radar.

In 2001 the results of the MORI study were publised and it turned out that detector users posed a lesser risk on the roads. They caused 28% less risk.

Isn't that interesting!

Our bicycles and small holes

Living with a large family in The Netherlands means we've got a nice collection of bicycles. One for every family member.

They're a cheap form of transport.
We don't have a car, so we're relying on those bicycles.

Flat tyres are a piece of cake to deal with, lights which won't work are no problem at all. We can deal with nearly every problem with ease.

But there are times....

One of the girls has experienced one of the most annoying bicycle problems: a tire that slowly loses air. It's bad enough to arrive on a nearly flat tire, and not bad enough to see it happening and to hear the soft hiss that accompanies little holes.

This morning her bicycle was the one to be repaired.

I've witnessed the problem, so I know it's not phantasy.

But after a lot of work the tire was put in a bowl with water and no hole could be found.

It happens now and then.
It means there's no hole at all, or the hole it too small to be found, even when the tyre is blown up almost too well and nearly explodes. The hole doesn't need only the stretch of the tyre, but also the increased inner pressure of someone sitting on the bicycle.

And today we're dealing with such a hole.
Such a tiny annoying little one that hides so well that it can't be found, but which causes problems enough.
It means I have to leave the house at the most inconvenient times, in the middle of cooking, for instance, to fetch the girls and walk home with them. Some of their friends alive outside the town so it means sometimes the loss of more than an hour.
But safety first!

Well, that tiny hole can't be found at all.
I have seen the tire causing problems after a while of bicycling.

So the problem is solved in a non-repairing way: she'll use, today, my bicycle.

As easy as that.

A new attempt to repair hers will be tomorrow.

The shopwiki experience for girls and their moms.

Yesterday, when we were talking about what we still need to buy before school starts, we suddenly realised that we forgot to shop for new clothes.

As the girls have lots of plans to stay over with friends and do other things their agegroup does at the end of the summervacation, we probably won't find time anymore for a day in the citycentre. It's not a real problem though.

Internet has brought us access to new outfits from the comfort of our home, and Shopwiki UK has given us the perfect system to find the lowest prizes and the best places to buy.
And shopping at Shopwiki UK is fun, I can tell you that! You should read the text at the link I just gave, it's plain humor.

Sopme people feel that the shopping system of Shopwike needs some explanation. I don't think so. It's easy, straightforward, and the pages offer a good overview, but I'll explain anyway.

Go with me to the page for Shopwiki's casual clothes for girls.
You'll see everything a girl needs, including accessories and outwear, but also links to related subjects inside and outside the site.
Or, when she needs...I mean wants.. to be more dressed up go to the site for Shipwiki's dress clothing for girls.

Just click a subject and you'll find why I love to use Shopwiki UK to shop.

Shopping at Shopwiki doesn't mean access to paid sites only. Instead of the 1,000 shops other sites refer to because they limit their links to paid ones, Shopwiki uses nonpaid links too, which means acess to more than 30,000 sites, including those online boutiques your girl just loves.

Decided what to shop for? Skirts perhaps?

At the right you'll find filters for prize range, colour, stores and brands. When you don't use them the whole collection available will be in front of you. Otherwise you'll hop to your special choice within a moment. The site is fastloading, which is great.

When you want to shop other subjects, just click a link under the filters, or one under the main part of the page. You'll find links to the buyers guides too, so you can inform yourself.

When you want to shop a special item, you'll see a picture, a description, the topstores and the prizes, the prize range and a button to click to all shops who have the item on offer.
Take the link to the jersey skirts for example.
You can sort them by price and popularity, make your choice and go to the store to buy the item.

As simple as that.

Ofcourse my girls love to shop special outfits, but you can shop at Shopwiki.co.uk for everything.
You can even suggest articles when you can't find something.

I love the fact that Shopwiki really provides access to the best prizes on internet, which saves a lot of money when your girls want new clothes.
My girls love it too, so the system is not only good for the wallet, it also offers what girls of today really want.

Giveaways for me?

I was asked why I don't enter giveaways anymore.

The asnwer is simple: because when I win I almost never get what I've won.

I'm still waiting for a DIY set, a book...eh,...three books, a pair of earplugs and a necklace.
I've won some other items too, but I simply forgot them, because i didn't want to get my hopes up anymore.

It feels sad, oh yes.
And I'm certainy not living in a forgotten country.

I know some people think that sending something to my country is far more difficult than sending USA only.

But my experience is that it's not difficult at all.

Well...I don't want to force people, but waiting for a package is fun, until the waiting changes in the feeling that again no one bothered to send me the prize.


Saturday, August 28, 2010

Have a golden retirement

The past time we've seen that a lot of people lost their investments in houses and other properties. Those who invested in precious metals however did rather well.

Gold has provided through the centuries not only a feeling of comfort and trust, because the possession of gold means security and a good return.

People have asked me if they can put gold in their individual retirement account.
Yes, you can, but government of the United States currently allows only Gold American Eagles and Gold proof American Eagles in your gold IRA. Proof gold has a limited supply and seems to be the best choice.
IRA gold will be subjected to taxes and maybe a penalty, unless you have the gold stored at a depository through certain gold IRA custodians.

The same goes for 401k gold, but it's far better to change your regular 401k plan, also called 401(k) plan, into a gold 401k.


Because stocks and other investments are like laundry on the line in a storm. Depending on all sorts of circumstances, like war, bank failures, high oil prices, weakening of the dollar against other currencies, your retirement savings will swing in value.

Gold is more stable. Maybe the value drops a bit for a while, but after some time the value will go up again. Gold is gold and will be gold.

gold IRA transfer won't take long. After filling in a form, which can be printed from internet and sending it by mail or fax to Aurum Advisors you'll be contacted so you know it's received and it will be processed. That takes about 5 to 21 days.

I know many people are hesitant to change the way they save for their retirement.
But consider the fact that when the golden standard was effective the dollar was quite stable.
Get yourself that stability.

Little Miss Can't Be Wrong

1. Who was the last person you dealt with that felt that they could never be wrong?

Someone from Child Protection Services.
Did you expect anything less after what we've been through last weeks?

2. Tell us about one person who is the most like you.

The most like me?
Oh, I've never thought that way.

The twins together are quite like me when I was young, but they're two people.

I don't know who's like me. I just don't know.

3. What is something you really want right now?

Vacation... a house at the beach for us with internetconnection to keep my autistic son happy will be OK. Just a couple of beds and a room for him to stay happy, as we don't think he'll enjoy the wind and the sound.

4. What are you doing this weekend?

The usual saturday things. Groceries, cleaning, laundry, making dinner for all of us, spending time together, watching TV.
On sunday there's a special event in town, but with this weather.... ugh. It's not very appealing to go then.
We've offered each child a daytrip of choice. Tomorrow our autistic son wants to go and get something he bought on internet (a game, what else) and maybe he wants to have fish and chips at the beach. I would love to go to the beach for a bit longer than yesterday.
Otherwise I'll do things that still have to be done, like making an extra seam in a curtain.

5. Are you in a good mood? If yes, Why?

Yep, I'm almost always in a good mood.
Because I try to live in the moment, I can feel OK when I don't have to cling on something.
Problems can be solved later, worries don't help, and the rest is in the past.

6. Do you have an ex that you are pretty sure thinks about you a lot?

No real ex's around.
My former boyfriends should call me if they still think about me, maybe we can work something out. LOL!
After so many years they'd probably have forgotten me completely. But...to be honest... some are still special in my mind. There are so many years in between that I probably won't even recognise them when they would pass me on the street.

7. What's one thing you wish you could do but can't?

So many things.
I would love to visit Nepal and Tibet.
I would love to study again, maybe become a doctor or lawyer. I've got the brains, maybe even the time, but not the money.

8. What's one trait you hate in a person?

Just one? Most of the time people don't show just one unwanted trait, but a set of.
Arrogance, knowing it better, enforcing a way of living on others, etc etc.

9. What's one thing you like to do alone?

Many things.
The most recent: walking along the beach.
It's nice to be with someone, but a proper conversation is most of the time impossible because of the wind.
And as I have always someone around, as there's always someone who needs attention or something that needs to be done, I like to walk alone in nature.

It enables me to get in balance in a short time.

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City of Diamonds

Visiting Amsterdam means being in one of the main places in the world where diamonds are transformed from stones to jewels.

Never buy just diamonds.
Buy certified diamonds so you know you've got the real things and won't be surprised when you want to sell your diamonds or upgrade them to one of higher value.

Always keep the diamond grading report and/or certificate at a safe place, and preferrably at a completely other place than where you keep the diamond it refers to.
Not only are they very important together to show the diamond is real. You also need the certificate for the insurance.

Many diamond sellers provide a special service for their customers. Brilliance Care, for instance, provides a free pronginspection and cleaning twice a year, which also includes polishing, rhodium plating (for white metals), and tightening of all prongs.
They value the diamond as much as you do.

In case you want to learn more about diamonds, visit the site of Brilliance Care.
I did, and I've learned a lot at the educational part of their site.
I didn't know so many shapes were possible, for instance.
And, I didn't know that diamonds can be bought at a price which is very reasonable for normal people too. Ofcourse I've heard about socalled growing diamonds, a system in which you can start with a small one and exchange it for a larger one later, but I never knew a diamond didn't cost as much as I thought.

Well, see for yourself!

Friday, August 27, 2010


Today a few of us went to Amsterdam.

We wanted to go to the tibetshop there, but when we entered the shop at the right openingstime we were told to leave as the shop wasn't open. No sign, nothing on internet, but the regular opening times.
What a disappointment.

Amsterdam isn't a town to be bored.
So we went elsewhere and enjoyed watching the wonderful characteristic houses, visited "our" buddhashop and went to one of the open air markets.

I used to dislike Amsterdam.
I didn't feel safe with all the pickpockets and other criminal minds.
But after visiting a friend a couple of times I feel OK there.

Maybe because I don't feel a tourist anymore, I don't know.
I like to go there without a bag or rugsack, maybe that's the difference.

Well, after the disappointment we just walked around. Did some windowshopping, bought a small present for all children, because none had a real vacation, and I had a long talk with an artist.

Our legs started to protest and we didn't want to spend a lot of money on a restaurant, so we slowly walked back to the trainstation.
Then we got the idea to go back to the trainstation and go to Zandvoort, to enjoy the sea and eat fish and chips.

As soon as we approached the sea the sun started to shine.

I can't tell you how happy we were to be at the beach.
The sounds of the sea... wow!
I gave my feet the best natural treatment in the world: walking through the sea.
Oh... that's so good!
The endless waves, the firm wind, seeing the horizon, being one with nature.

We even had a take-away dinner which was g-o-o-o-d!!!
The fish was baked ...perfect. Absolutely perfect. And the sauce was delicious.

The gulls were sitting near us waiting for food.
One was quite close and it was a pity I didn't bring my camera.
He or she was the perfect model.

Sorry for the birds, but we didn't throw anything away.
I roled the last bits of fish in foil and took it home.

Traveling back was a real ordeal:
Late train, a broken train, lost connection.
We were home almost two hours later that we could have been.

But we didn't care at all!!!

Re- enactment

It's the time of all sorts of re-enactment events.

This weekend our town will be transformed into a medieval place and lots of people will walk the streets in medieval costumes.
Some friends of me will act as musicians of that era. That means that they'll put their highland bagpipes away and use simple bagpipes and other instruments that were in use in those times.

Even though I would have had fun taking part too, this year I had no time to make costumes. Maybe next year.

I hope we'll be able to go to the parade.

A few of our friends will be at another event wearing pirate costumes. They'll reenact some seamans' stories during a story telling event.

They've practiced a lot and I'm sure they'll convince children and maybe a parent or two that they are genuine men of the sea.

We joked that their costumes can be used at halloween too.
I would appreciate to see something else this year, not the usual ghosts.


Today we planned to take a day off and go to the beach or do something else vacation-like.

Instead we stayed at home.

Early in the morning I woke up because of a very bad lightning and thunderstorm.
The roling thunder came from everywhere and I even felt the bed shake.

Right when I slipped to the toilet, the girls and one of the boys were out of bed too.
It was like bombs fell on our house.

The rain came down in terrible amounts.

One way or another we went to bed again and fell asleep. We were so very tired.

At 11.30 we heard on the radio that already so much rain had fallen that it equalled the regular total amount of the month of august.

So we were OK that the trip has been called off.

Right now we're sure twice the amount of the month came down.
The garden is one terrible muddy mess and I'm sure we won't harvest carrots this year.

But that's only minor considering that all over the country houses are flooded, tunnels are waterways and even a dike broke.

It feels like we won't have vacation at all this year.
But we've had sensation.

Tonight more rain will fall and right now thunder and lightning are dominating the weather again.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

A new job?

Working on realising the dream of moving means we have to find a job, one way or another, regardless if we'll move to another part of the country (far from the present work-location) or abroad.

I'm ready to take on one of my former jobs, which makes finding a job far more easy, but I'm also ready to change directions.
Working in the field of psychology means constant spending lots of time and money on additional courses. I think that staying up to date is a responsibility that comes with the profession. I can do that without spending thousands, I've done that.
With internet there's perfect access to all sorts of knowledge, and with the present level of post academic education, I think that knowledge is can be gained in more time-efficient ways.

In our search we've included management jobs.
After so many years experience my former study friends one by one accept a management job.
I'm not sure however if I would be happy in such a job.
I'd rather have complete independency and responsibility, instead of being part of a hierachy. I don't want to be in the middle.

On the other hand. After so many years managing my family and gaining experience on so many areas I would be able to deal with a management job perfectly well.

What do you think?

Air guitar

These past weeks we've been dealing with a lot of imaginary things and air constructions, but these can't comptete with the Air Guitar World Championships.
They're hosted this week in Finland. In Oulu to be precise. For the 15th time.

The purpose of the whole event is not to create a stronger longing for real guitars, bit to create world peace.
If everyone would play air guitar all bad things in the world would disappear, including pollution.

Well, at least we all, except for the air guitar player, would have a good laugh, because the way those people play mimicks the behaviour of the best guitar players on the world. You won't realise that with your eyes closed, but a little imagination and a good look might make you think of the grande old stars.

Not old is the instrument the winner takes home: a Flying Finn electric guitar.
That's a good incentive to practice all the year around to play...air.

The American, he called it.

A while ago I blogged about our sunday afternoons driving through the country with the posh car of our uncle.
Someone didn't read the whole post and assumed my uncle is still alive and he wanted contact because he was looking for Ferrari parts.

The posh car my uncle owned was not a Ferrari, Maserati or Lamborghini, but a large car of unknown origin with, what we used to call: wings.
It resembled a 1961 Chevrolet Impala SS, but the front was a bit smaller and the socalled wings at the back a little larger.

The car had a lot of space in the back and he used it to transport bicycles.
he could put a whole bicycle in a box in the back.
He owned a bicyle and motor shop and as an extra service he used to bring the bicycles to people in the area around town.

Sometimes we wondered if the extra service for his clients was more of benefit for him than for the clients. Often he was invited in for a cup of coffee and that was what he liked best: small talk and something to eat or drink.

None of us knew where he got his car from.
We're living near the German border and he often went on trips to buy some products and parts in Germany. So maybe he bought the car there.

"The American" the called the car and he treated it with utmost respect.
He hated it when children would touch his car, and one could see he always wanted to rub the surface clean after those tiny fingers touched it. Often he could withstand the urge until they were out of sight, but he wanted everything to shine, and shine more.

I wish he was still alive.
I'm sure he would have been able to find someone to supply the spare parts which are needed.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

This part is over

Well, this part of the drama is over.

I'm so tired that I won't describe the details.

I feel this is completely in the hands of the judge.
We were manipulated and intimidated by child protection, again.
Right before and even during the session.

I'm quite fed up with what they do with people and I've already written down part of it for the book.

Three of my boys have experienced that their computers were hacked the past days.
It happened here too.
So I have to safeguard the concept of the book.

We'll get the decision of the judge in about a week. Which is a week sooner than expected.

I don't know it that's good or bad.

I try to trust in a good outcome, but right now I see myself confronted with two.. yep, two guardians, and I don't like them. Their eyes don't smile when they pull their smile-muscles.

I bet they won't smile either when they pull the strings of me, the marionette....


Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Disappointment in other people

Tomorrow we will stand in front of the blindfolded woman.

I expected the family physician to send us his impression of me and my daughter, to go against what Protection Services says about us.
I guess he forgot to inform us that we needed an independent doctor....
So we have nothing to speak for us.

Nothing at all.

I'm so deeply disappointed in how people have dealt with us, so very disappointed.
I have no words for it.

Only 2 (offline) people have used their intuition and stood beside us all the way.
It's our culture.
Care and compassion for others diappears so easily when something official should be done. People rather want to be in the grey area of the unseen.

I'm gratefull for my online friends who care far more and who supported us, even without ever having seen us.

Ofcourse some of them have experienced or know how much I have done the past years for others in my situation, but that makes it even harder to deal with the disappointment in the people around us.

before the summervacation I had a long talk with our family physician and he stated clearly that he didn't think my daughter was depressive or behind in development.
He also laughed about what Child Protection said about me: that I was burned out, had no time for the girls because of the autistic boys. He knows I have plenty of time for them.
I thought he forgot to write a statement, so I reminded him about it today.
Well, they don't do statements anymore, unless it's an independent physician. Well, why didn't he tell me that? Why?

We have nothing tomorrow to speak for us.
We're standing there empty handed against people who've created an image of us that is untrue.

Yes, I know I'm writing this twice.
Yes, I'm crying.

I'm afraid we'll become victims of a failing system, of the arrogance of people, of the lack of care of people, of ignorance and neglect.

Is this the world my children grow up in?
Are these the people who call themselves friends?

I think we're perfectly ready to leave here.
We don't have real ties here anymore.
That has become clear the past weeks.

I hope the judge will see what's the truth and we'll leave there tomorrow without anything Child Protection wants.
Otherwise we'll have to go through all sorts of therapies that have no use. It feels so ridiculous!
I don't really care for those therapies. Or for someone seeing how we are. Because we're a good family.
But I feel so very hurt that people have created an image that does no justice to how we are. Our good name has been pulled in the mud. And everything we said has been ignored.

That people were able to think dirt about us, that hurts.

So whatever happens, and no matter for how long we can't leave the country when justice fails, we'll start preparing the move we've wanted to make for a long time.

We're not limiting ourselves to Scotland anymore. But we want to be close to nature.
We don't have the money to buy a bussiness or something, but we're quite willing to work for elderly people who can keep their family bussiness that way.
So when you know something in the UK, please let us know.

Right now we plan to move as soon as possible after the final exams of the girls.
The plans they have for their future can be fulfilled in the UK too. And maybe even better than here, so it'll be a move for the better for all of us.

So whatever is decided tomorrow the future lies ahead of us, whether we need to climb stairs or can walk on bare feet through the grass.
And no matter what other people say: we're the very same people we always were. Good people. With care and compassion for others, who work hard for their family and future.
I'm a very good mom, and I know that.

But it would have been great to have a pile of letters of those who used me as a model, who often asked me for advice, who often thanked me for helping them out.
Letters from those who have seen me being a good mom to the girls and not only for the boys (as they ridiculously state), letters from those who know I'm a very stable mom, who knows the needs of children of every age, and who is almost always at home, because her children are more important than everything else.

My mistake is that I expected a pile of those letters,
and I have none.

So there'we'll be tomorrow:
empty handed in front of a blindfolded lady with a sword and balance.

Monday, August 23, 2010


Today was a very strange dayn because inside the house it was very calm and quiet, and outside a storm was raging around the house.

The girls came home from sleeping over at a friend.
During a normal schoolweek it feels longer when they've been away, but now it felt like they came from upstairs and sleeping in.

The difference was a big bag they carried upstairs.

One of the boys came to cook.
He had invented a nice recipe and wanted us to try it out.

It was very nice. And we all enjoyed it.

As desert we had cinnamon ice. Yummy!!

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Life's mixed

A friend asked how life is today and all I could say was: "Life's mixed."

We're living towards wednesday and hope that finally justice will be done.
We're all tired of thinking, seeing reason, keeping our sense of self-esteem.
The new lawyer didn't make the impression he's the pitbull we want.

We don't have anything to take with us. No letters to state that we're OK, because either the people are not at home yet, or they don't want to be involved.
That's how people are: they don't want to be involved.

This morning a woman was at the door. She was the mother of one of the best friends of the girls. She didn't want us to take anything from her daughter with us, she didn't want us to mention the name of her daughter as a friend.
The way she dealt with the situation was awful and I didn't feel hurt for my girls, but also offended.
We're not criminals, we're just victims of a failing system.
We've always helped people wherever we could, not thinking about ourselves, but about the wellbeing of others.

I nearly shut the door in her face, I'm afraid.
She and her friend will have a good time gossiping about us.

The girls are staying with a friend tonight. Which makes my autistic son feel neglected. His behaviour is accordingly.
He started a new daycare-workexperience last week and he keeps complaining about pain in his feet and back. His way of telling us he doesn´t want to go a next time.
So on top of it all I have to navigate very carefully to make him go next thursday.

With all the paperwork that needs to be done just before the schools start it all is a lot.
There´s no friend to lean back on, because the best ones are still on vacation.
So I feel kind of lonely.

But maybe I´m just tired and in need of a good night´s sleep.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Welcome back...

1. Where were you the last time that someone welcomed you back?

In the Tibetan Shop this afternoon.

2. Tell us who is you favorite non-family member to hang out with?

It's Max. He's not family, but he's my spiritual family.
Pity we don't see each other often.

3. What was the last thing that happened to anger you?

What angers me is that Child Protection Services was not able to see a normal family and listen to everything we said with their hearts. It's clear they had a particular frame of mind and they tried to do their best to interpret everything with the wordt intention.
I feel our good name has been brought down in a very bad way, I feel they don't listen to people, and what makes me really, really angry is that the rights of children are trodden with big black feet and that those who have to stand firm for the law accept that Child Services just says and writes something without any proof at all. Two social workers and some people on the background who are fed by them create on their frame of mind a picture of a family, based on two hours of contact with each person. They don't use proper tests, no proper observations, nothing a psychologist uses to base conclusions on.
Is that how we deal with the lives of children and their families? Is that how we deal with the rights of children?

4. What was the last thing that you saw that was shocking to see?

The photos of an accident.
Journalist should have some ethical standards, because children have a look at the paper too.

5. What is your favorite thing to do on Saturday besides Saturday 9?

Visit the Tibetan Shop.

6. Have you had your summer vacation yet? If yes tell us about it.

No. nothing at all.
We have to wait what wednesday brings.
Hopefully the judge will see sense and has wisdom enough to see we're good people.
Vacation won't be possible though, as the lawyers cost almost 200 euro per hour.

7. Pick out one of your cousins and tell us about them.

I don't have a lot of family. No cousin.

8. Do you have any special plans for next week?

Courtcase on wednesday. My plan is to cancell it. LOL!

9. At what age will you consider yourself old and why?

Right now I feel old.
The past weeks have eaten a lot of my good looks and my young feelings.
I also feel a lot wiser than those who were dealing with us.
One of the things that moved me most is that the girlsw have more care and compassion for other people than those people of Child Services. There's a fast difference between saying so and living according to the lifestyle of care and compassion.

Want to take part too?
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Friday, August 20, 2010

Conny Mus died of a heart attack

Last night the famous correspondent Conny Musa\ died of a heart attack at the age of 59.

He was a very talented journalist and worked for RTL, BBC and CNN.

People who didn't notice him before got to know him during the Gulf Wars. His reports were detailed, interesting and proof of considerable knowledge.
The way he was able to explain situations was so clear that everyone was able to understand.

Right now the news is coming through and I hear people react with amazement, grief and shock.

The man, who was as no other able to explain the situation in Israle and the Middle East will be missed... a lot!

May he rest in peace and may his family, friends and collegues remember the wonderful times they had with him.

Conny Mus, thank you.


We have the habit to review our insurances twice a year.
It's not necessary to do it twice under normal conditions, but with all the propesed changes due to the economic recession, it's better to know what we have and know what we want.

They say dental insurace will be stopped for young people.
I hope not, because we still have a few kids that need the insurance.
But it's good to know what's also provided in the normal health insurance.

Because here at home we're member of a group health plan of the insurance of the father of the children, and the two oldest boys have individual insurances, we're daling with different systems.

It's difficult to influence the choice for the group health plan, but I think the employer needs to be informed better about what he offers his employees.

The North Carolina health insurance is very well explained online, but the information we get here from our insurance is limited to almost nothing.

When I see how many options NCHealthPlans offers the feeling jumps on me that we need better information and a better insurance.

It's very motivating to compare insurances. It makes me want something better, look for it and bring this to the attention of those who should make the changes.

red glasses

A few weeks ago I found a pair of glasses with a red frame at the shopping centre.
I followed normal procedure and reported it to the fount tiems department, told everyone here in the house that the glasses were behind the TV and someone would come to pick them up, and almost forgot them.

Ofcourse when dusting there I found them, put them back.

It's weeks ago now.
None came to fetch them.

They look like rather new glasses, maybe from a child. But with this fashion grown-ups wear them too.

The found items department is the only central one of town, so when looking for something you can't go wrong.

So why didn't anyone show up?

When my children have lost something I know.
Did none realise these glasses were missing?

Strange, very strange...

electric blankets

I wonder when the summer will take over again, as it's cold now, and grey and humid.

Last night I didn't sleep well, even though I went to bed feeling extremely tired.
That's what travelling does to me, so I wasn't surprised.

Without any thought at all I feel asleep immediately.

An hour later I woke up feeling cold all over.
Really, I could have done with an electric blanket.

After closing the window and looking at the sleeping kids I tried to sleep again, but I only dozed off a few times, until the room temperature wasn't as low anymore.

Maybe it's strange talking about electric blankets in the middle of the summer, but I can tell you it's the best time there is to do so..
CozyWinters has heating blanked and pads on offer. On their site you'll find plenty of discounts, ranging from 10 to 20, up to 60! dollars.
Buying large items is even more interesting now many are shipped free.
When you buy over $75 ground shipping is free anyway.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

The Continuing Story

Today my autistic son (18) started at a new place for daycare/workexperience.
One of his sisters offered to bring him, but he accepted her presence only until the busstop.

As I had the chance to go and visit someone important to me, I left home soon after he left, but kept in contact in case he would return.
He stayed.

After he came home he had a big smile on his face.
He was relaxed and happy he'd gone. A bit proud too.

After his former experience he was very hesitant to be involved in a new experience to spend time outside home with strangers.
But he likes baking and as this is a backery...

Compared to his former daycare this one is smaller, less chaotic, less noisy, and the people are more relaxed and more focussed on giving compliments for small things than making people accomplish things.

He's happy to be able to go next week.

What a relief!!

I've tried to keep as much stress far from him and thsi means I've succeeded.
Don't ask how mcuh effort that took.


We're well aware how vulnerable people are for invasion of their privacy.

Especially the computer forms a target for those who think they can find something about the lives of other people they can use for their own means.

Two days ago someone tried to break into our system.
My computer seemed to be the main target, and considering the situation we're going through I can imagine that maybe it wasn't some obscure person trying to get in.

Well, I don't have any useable information on my computer, unless someone is interested in my buddhist texts.

Most people are not even aware of an attack like this, but my oldest is a computer expert and he knows everything about computer safety and virtualization services, like data storage, server management and data availability.

People like him are too expensive for official organisations to employ, which means that we have the most advanced networks here, with the highest safety level, and also the best accessible data.
This stans opposite to the lesser knowledge of the person who wants to have a peek behind the borders of our online lives.

In case you want the same services, it's best you turn towards a professional organisation like Consonus.

A memory

Because I needed to check something I went to the site of one of the schools of the boys.
The photos made me think of the open days of the school.
I went there too and when I had a look with one of the boys I found my old english teacher in one of the classrooms with a very familiar glass bowl with sweets.

I think he used that bowl his whole carreer, because he had it in use the very first open day I attended as one of the pupils.
I remember he asked a few questions in english and for every good answer I was allowed to take a sweet.
Because I had spend time in England it wasn't as difficult to answer these questions as it was for other young people my age. We didn't watch english programs on TV, because the BBC wasn't available in our country.
So I was one of the few to end up with 5 sweets.

When my son got the questions watching BBC1 and BBC2, english movies, and so on was something very normal.
When I said to my old teacher that the bowl would be empty soon, he smiled and opened his bag, showing a couple of packages with sweets." And yours were a lot bigger too.", he smiled.

The schooldays for my son are long over, mine are in the very far past.
My teacher?
I know he's still alive, but I'm not sure if he still lives in the same house.

Maybe I should go and have a look.

Indoor antennas

One of the boys was trying to make me buy very expensive headphones and claimed that really, really nothing could surpass the quality of them.
He suddenly disappeared when he saw me looking at the site of The Source, a customer review and rating site.

My interest, however, was directed at the antenna reviews.
One of my friends is building a house and recently found out he can't get cable TV there and needs an antenna to get good reception.

As it's not allowed to have an outdoor antenna, he needs to buy an indoor TV antenna which enables him to get the most out of his equipment and which also provides more channels.

To escape from the constant adjustments some antenna's need he first thought that an
indoor HDTV omni-directional amplified flat antenna would meet his needs. The 360-degree reception provides everything, because it's flexible too. And, according to people who already use this antenna, the amplifier produces extremely low noise. Which is very good for them because their autistic son is highly sensitive for continuous noise.

After talking with one of the people who already lives there in the neighbourhood he tried to get a better insight in the signalquality of different products and studies the reviews of an TV/HDTV/FM Indoor Antenna. The conclusion was that this one provides less interference and lines, which makes watching TV less tiring.

His wife however said she didn't want recognisable antennas and suggested an Indoor HDTV flat omni-directional antenna. It could be incorporated in the design of the room, provide the necessary channels without showing every visitor an extra antenna was needed.

Well, from the design point of view that was a wise advice, but the quality of the signal perception is not meeting their demands at all, so they haven't decided yet.
I'm sure his wife wants to see her soaps, so she'll go for less design and more channels. I'm sure of that.
They could decide to get her TV it's own directional antenna, limited to receiving the channels she wants to watch, which are mainly analogue channels, and usea more advanced antenna to receive the HD channels too.

It's a pity they're not allowed to use an outdoor antenna. With the right tower and accessories reception is perfect, because one can find the best place and fix it firm.
There's enough heavy proof material available to make the antenna suitable for all weather conditions. And with good house brackets nothing can go wrong. Not even when birds use it as a resting place.

I think it's strange that such high standards for outdoor appearances of houses are set in remote areas, but it's good that The Source provides the information to make a good and informed choice for indoor antennas.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

A mom of girls

Made by WebWitch from Tag-time

Being a mom of girls is só wonderful!

When they were baby's I could dress them in small little pink outfits with lace and ribbons and they looked adoring.
I loved to ride them in the pram and show them off.
The boys loved feeding the ducks, so there I went... pram and 4 little guys walking in front to show me where to go.

They were real gentlemen. They've never made me walk to the other park where there were no ducks. LOL!

Growing up was a good time too.
As I had 4 boys already, I felt OK with motherhood, but now I had girls it was a complete new journey of discovery.

Before I had to accept all the boyish things, including a room full of rails and trains.
Now the girl's things were added: dolls.
Plenty of duplo dolls siting in the trains. Trees beside the rails, a railstation, and they even offered cake and coffee at the railstation.
I could hardly walk in my own room, but it was paradise for the kids and I just couldn't stop enjoying their happy and concentrated faces.

Then suddenly my lipstick was gone.
Just... gone.
The drawer was left a bit open, and there was an empty space.. hmmm.. I really thought there was a lipstick.
After a day I'd almost forgotten the red sticky lipglue, until...

... yep... until I heard my shoes withheels in the garden, saw the purple of a straw hat and a scarf on top, .... with a tulip I could swear stood in the back beside the willow...

.. and then I saw a face. A red face.
Oh yes, she hit the lips with the lipstick,
and her cheeks,
her eyes,
her nose,
and ears.

The lipstick was never the same as before.

After all those years between then and now I suddenly discovered an empty space in my drawer at the same spot.
But at the same moment one fo the girls called from the bathroom: "Mom, I borrowed your pink lipstick, I just need a little bit. Don't worry, I'll put it back."

And she did. With a little paper attached to it: "Thanks!"

She had used just a tiny little bit and she looked well.

With her new shirt, skirt and shoes, she looked far better than the day she appeared before me with her purple straw hat and red face.

Now I saw a pretty young lady who knew how to deal with make-up.

That evening she went to a party looking perfect.

And I sat down with a coffee, pleased there was no need to step over all those rails and trains again.

Just one week to go

Just one week to go and so much things to do.

The lawyer we had decided to hand things over to a collegue so she can handle the big case, if that ever happens.

The case of next week will be done by a collegue.
I hope he's a pittbull, with a nice smile for us. Grrawlll!

I've tried to find a psychologist who can test my daughter to proof nothing is wrong with her, but until now none has enough time to get it done before wednesday.
There are just a few psychologists near enough who deal with that age.
So I think the judge has to accept the opinion of her therapist: nothing wrong.

The children start to feel nervous.
No wonder.
Being convicted to therapy when there's nothing to go in therapy for but the phantasy of some woman, and her two follow ups, is strange at the least.
I feel the same, as they want me to go in therapy too. Just because they say I diminish things. Yep... when nothing happened I can't say something happened. In other words: when they say something has happened, I tell them nothing has happened.

My son is supposed to start daycare/workexperience tomorrow.
He's very stressed and the whole situation doesn't help.

Their father is coming to terms with the fact that his knee will never be painless again.
On top of that he's got to find a surgeon to remove a growth on his finger. We assume it's benign. Until now I have no reason to believe it's malignant.

So we've got enouhg to deal with not to be bored.
I don't think it's healthy though to go through so much stress.

But one thing I can say: I really got to know the people around us.
Me oh my... I don't like most of their new pictures....

It also bothers me that I've helped so many people and that we're empty handed.
Considering the fact that tests for my daughter can be done by mail and that we just need a declaration that she's not behind in development in any area, I feel that anyone psychologist could have stepped in.

But I guess that's life.
I've given my bit, but now we need someting to return... it's not happening.
What a delusion.


Tuesday, August 17, 2010

From re-enactment to ER

It's never boring here. Never!!

Yesterday my second son went to a three day re-enactment vacation.

It lasted a day.

When he jumped aside he hit his leg.

At first everyone thought it was part of the re-enactment until they saw how deep and large the injury was.
Immediately his wound was taken care of properly, still re-enacting, and then he was rushed of to hospital.

That means, he had to see the regular physician first.
He told the woman doctor that the wound was really bad, but she still thought she could deal with it.
When she saw the wound she had to swallow a few times and then send him straight through to the ER.
It was a local hospital, it was near midnight and they were not happy to see a new patient at that time. The attending there had "seen it all", but went away after seeing the wound.

Someone else came in for close inspection and dealt with it.

The 12 cm long wound, showing the bone, was closed with quite some stitches, and he had a thick layer of bandages around it. He wasn't allowed to walk for a few days and is adviced to take it very easy for 14 days.

He stayed there for the night with friends, as planned, but in the morning the painkillers wore off and he came home.

To me the honor to dress the wound again, as it was leaking.
Well, I have to say that he was stitched well. Very well.

He stayed here all day.

The oldest came today to cook something special, so it was a real family gathering at dinnertime.

We had a lot of fun, and had two desserts, as one of the girls made pudding and one of the boys served cake.

Our plans to move to the UK after the final exams of the girls were discussed again and we now have decided to make a list of places/areas where we want to live.
We won't limit our plans to Scotland, but we enclose the hills, beach of England and Wales.
Matters depend upon where the oldest can find a job after his needed 3 years experience. Well, as it's a bit more than 3 years before the girls get 18, the plans fit together like a glove.
Friends are looking to move to England too, and we've decided to go and talk with them, because we might bundle our talents and maybe take over an existing business or start something new.

It's good to focus on the future.

Monday, August 16, 2010

She died so many years ago, and now: courtdate

Today is the day of remembrance: my little daughter died suddenly many years ago.

She was beautiful and even when she was dead she was beautiful.
After all the grief I can say I feel grateful that she has lived, even though it was so short.

When she died nature changed my feeling of motherhood.
I found out that even when there's no baby, one can be a mother.
There was never ever a readon to think about htat before.

Today, on this special day, we got the invitation to come to court the 25th.
They want to take away part of my motherhood.

It's like I'm losing everything again.

This time it's due to human failure.
People have assumed things happened that didn't happen at all, people are projecting things into our family which are theirs, not ours.
We were such a happy family when they arrived. so very happy. And we didn't think anyone could disturb that.

In a way we're still OK.
We're the same good people.

But it feels so awful.

The threats to take the girls away, based on no real event in life that would create the need.
All they state about us, about who we are.
Not only just based on one, or two hours of speaking with us, but based on what someone says who hit back for being exposed as leaning back when faced with bullying at school. Someone who is known at school as a very bad judge of character.
I can't believe that socalled professionals can misjudge things so badly.

Well, the date is set, and as I thought, at a moment that there's no one to speak in our behalf.
Everyone is on vacation.
There's no one to write that I'm a good mom, no one to state my girls have no developmental disorders, but are good, sensible young women who are very responsible and are OK.

It's their and our word against that of a teacher and the people who believe the teacher.
It feels like in a movie or a bad book.

It even makes me question myself, my motherhood of almost 25 years.
Unless the judge sees sense, we're going to be forced in therapies that are used on families with drug addicts, criminal kids, and such.

I feel so utterly helpless.
My family is dangling on a rope people hold up because they feel like it.
They enjoy it.
They can strike their ego's for "saving kids", and earn extra money (yes, they'll get a bonus) when the judge decides their way.

Just a few months ago we were preparing a vacation to either the beach or england.
Just a few months ago we looked forward to the next schoolyear because we would be free from those groupteachers and my girls would be one year closer to their final exams.

We were preparing for a good time. We felt good. We were all OK.

Now we're told by others who didn't even know us then that we were not OK.

It's like history repeats itself.

Nature took my child away.
Now they tell me I'm not a good mom and threaten to take my girls away.

We're OK. We're good people, and I'm a fine mom for my kids.
And outside a big, big bad animal is luring, waiting to eat us, to take our identity our happiness.

This is so not good!!!

Sunday, August 15, 2010

She was born

She was born, many years ago.
My second child, my first daughter.

It was on a beautiful summer day
when I had the privilege
to see her and hold her.

Her birth will never be forgotten,
nor her short life.

After so many years it feels
like I've been touched
by a whisper
of the wind of eternity.


Saturday, August 14, 2010

The Continuing Story - nerves

Just a few days and then he's going to step in a new world again.

We know his reactions, we know his way of dealing with his nerves.

So anticipating on his: "I don't have trousers that fit", we went to town and got a pair of new trousers... to find out that... yep...they didn't fit.
Luckily the girls have vacation and they offered to go and exchange them for a better pair.

And then he came up with pain in his feet.
We know that too.
So I told him he's got special soles to deal with it and I'd make an appointment with the "feetguy".

I tried to tell him that dealing with his nerves is a challenge indeed, but he's not able to get in control. We know that. That's his autism.

Maybe the best argument to make him go is that he will lose his disability benefit.
Even though I told the people of the office, including the doctor, how he is, they just cling on to the rules. They won't adjust the way they see him, because it's not about people anymore. It's just about numbers and money, about forcing people to behave in a normal way. When your disability is as large that you can't comply you have to show them at your own cost that you can't live up to their expectations.

Ofcourse we, his parents, won't let it come that far.
We'll just go bankrupt.

He doesn't realise yet, that a whole army of women, who have started working again after their kids left home, are waiting, after their refresher course, to tackle all his problems and show him how good they are in their new profession.
They don't realise which terrible life he's had due to people like them. People who said they knew autism and didn't even know that (classic) autism is a neuropsychological problem, not some attitude which can be changed by someone with a large ego.
They don't know that putting him under pressure results in regression, and the lost trousers (his belt and socks will follow the next days) are just a symptom of the despair he feels.

I would love to see him go without problems and with the enthousiasm he showed when we found this place.
I wish he was able to work on his future with enthousiasm and happiness.

These people are so ready to point a finger to me to tell me I haven't done the right thing to motivate him, to make him go.
They don't realise what it means to me to see him struggle with himself in the face of even a minor event like going to the shops.

I would have loved to have a healthy son with a diploma finding his way through life. I would have loved to be the proud mom at the sideline, with a son who is able to do everything by himself.

People dare to tell me I keep my children small.

I don't and I won't.
I feel so happy seeing the girls grow up, wanting more responsibility, taking it.
It's so interesting to see those little babies grow into pretty young women who have the world a lot to offer. They're so creative, have so many good things to say.

Those people don't realise what I realise.
The years are starting to count.
I want my children on their feet and able to deal with the good and ugly of life before I'm old.
And I would love to have some time to enjoy the world without children, after so many years of intense motherhood.
I stayed at home for them and there are no regrets, and I love them to bits, but I would love to travel, for instance. Or try out to be the artist I think I am. Or have a bit of a carreer.

I'm just a normal mom and I want the best for my children.

Why do those socalled professionals have a different opinion?

Maybe because autism doesn't show on the outside?
Maybe because I have been such a good mom and I've taught even my autistic son how to behave, to smile, and to look people in the eyes, even when he doesn'tlike to do so?

Friday, August 13, 2010


1. What are you superstitious about?

I'm not really superstitious, but I'm careful on friday the 13th...

2. What’s the story behind one of your scars?

The large one was made after I got all my children and needed my uterus taken out because of unwanted changes.
As in my family in the women line uteruscancer was a rule, I had warned my gyneacologist about it. He did a test when I alerted him I didn't feel OK for some strange reason. I was warned well by my intuition.
The decision for the operation was taken and he also would work on my bladder. As my abdominal muscles were damaged by the many pregnancies and heavy twins the plastic surgeon agreed he would take care of that during the same operation.

Well, turned out they made a mistake when I was put under the gyneacologist forgot the bladderwork when he hurried to get the uterus out and afterwards the plastic surgeon and the gynaecologist were not able to handle the files properly, because none could accept that the other was leading surgeon.

So the were both fighting and the anesthesist tried to cover up his mistakes at the beginning of the operation. He believed himself so much, that he showed me the files, thinking I wouldn't understand them. Pity for him I've done my meds and had taken a rather elaborate education in pharmacology. So I saw his mistakes at once and also saw that due to his mistakes my heart stopped beating.
So no wonder my gynaecologist forgot part of his plans.

The scare is large, the story too.

3. What are three things that you would rather be doing right now?

Talking with a good friend,
making music with my bagpipe friends,
walking on the shores of a scottish lake.

4. What do you do when you're bored?

I'm never bored.

5. What's your favorite thing to do? Why?

I like many things, and there's none very favorite.
But walking at the beach is what I like very much. The sounds, being away from everything...

I also like gardening and making music.

6. What do you do when you're lonely?

Lonely or alone?

There's enough to do, from cleaning to reading, practicing music, to enjoying the garden.

7. How do you measure the passing of time in life?

By the wisdom gained. LOL!

Each spring I realise deeply another year is beginning.

8. What would constitute "the perfectly lived day" for you?

Being in balance with myself, the world and nature.

9. If you knew you were going to die in a year, what would you do in your final days?

Visit my friends, saying goodbye, and then I would leave for Mali and walk into the desert until I die.
When the last journey isn't possible, I'll ask one of my best friends to go with me to Scotland and walk with me to a place that overlooks a large area, and sit with me...

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Logo made by me with tubes from Outlaw by Design.
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Thursday, August 12, 2010

The Continuing Story - concept for disability income

Now my autistic son is 18 he's supposed to get a disability income.
You know, that's money so they won't starve when they're not living at home anymore, but they won't be able to afford a place of their own either.

And when they live at home they get even less, so you're robbing your own child when you ask something in return for everything you do. They're supposed to use part of the money for what they receive at home. Haha!

After filling in a pile of forms they got lost at the office of the organisation.
After filling in the pile of forms again we had to wait quite a long time before we were invited to plead our case for a doctor, who after one hour and flirting with the social worker and me, decided he knew more about my son than everyone else who has been dealing with him for years.

Then I was called by someone who told me he could do so many things that I asked her if she was calling for another son.

The third person was a lot nicer. She agreed to send her emailadress so I could reply fast and efficient. It was not in the concept she wanted me to criticise.

Reading the concept was not enjoying.
The doctor wrote my son wouldn't be recouperated after a year. I guess he assumed autism is an illness and eventually it'll disappear.
He also wrote my son could work full time. In fact my son can hardly cope with 4 hours daycare.

And they had the audacity to write down my son wasn't using his full potential and implied that was due to me.
Just because I said that at the moment my son isn't able to deal with more than what he's going to do.

After the lies Child Protection wrote about me, I have to say that my blood pressure was not under control, and that's an understatement.
I've worked so many years to get him where he is, training him in ever aspect, from looking to someone, to smiling every now and then, to putting on clean underwear everyday (when I say so), that I really feel to be invisible.

It makes me so sad that I'm almost 25 years a mother and that people are dealiong this way with everything I have accomplished.

The people who assisted my son the past years said I've done a fine job and I deserve the best and largest compliment a mother could get, but others tell me exactly the opposite after dealing with me one or two hours.

Just a few days (15th and 16th) and we'll remember the birth and death of my first daughter.

I hope they'll leave me alone those days.


Don't forget to watch the sky this night.
A cloud of meteors is passing which results in a large amount of falling stars and even fireballs.

Within a few minutes, after writing this post, I'll go outside and have a look myself.

Three days ago I witnessed a falling star already, but tonight there will be lots more of them. More than 35 an hour and some say even a hundred per hour.

I hope it won't be cloudy like last night.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

a falling star

We took the decision not to go to the last meeting of Child Protection.
As we had the feeling they didn't want to hear us anyway nothing was lost. And ofcourse I'd written down what I had to say.
The main reason was that people who are so negative about others create such rotten feelings, that we felt insulted by them. I was not willing to let them insult me again straight in my face, like last time.

Until now we did't regret the decision one little bit.

The children and I had a vacationday together, with good news (see blogpost yesterday), something we ordered from internet arrived, we had good fun, etc etc.

Today, we were told, the paperwork would be send to court.
Well, when they won't listen, maybe a judge will, and otherwise we deal with whatever they want to shed on us of their bad karma.
We've had a good lesson in how people can be, and I'm glad I've never found my profession in "saving people" the way they do. They've split up our family already and my autistic son is taking it very badly, as I told them before. But they don't care.

Instead of swimming in our nervous, we went to the dentist.
We were all OK. Two had some slight chips off which needed repair, but these chips came off a long time ago and they need attention every so many years.
The rest was perfectly OK.

I got the paperwork, recipes and other things to prepare for the implant I'll get end september.
As extracting the enormous molar with the deep roots was far worse than the implant (I hope), I'm not worried at all that things will go wrong.

My second son came for a visit and brought a small booklet with buddhism quotes.
When he'd left I decided to create a corner in the room for my buddha things. After planning for quite a while the vacation is a good time to take action. When I need something I can make it.
Well, I think I need to make some shelves to put my buddhism things on.
The small altars they offer on internet are far too expensive. But maybe I can make something or buy a plan wooden thingy with drawers. Some CD rack or so. And pain it in the colours I want.

Did I mention these better days started with a falling star?
They did.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Shoes making you happy

My daughters and I would love to have a pair of mbt shoes.

Masai Barefoot Technology Shoes are shoes with those rounded soles which make walking an interesting, almost creative event.
The multi layered sole challenges the muscles to work and thus it strengthens the muscles and joints in such a way that one walks straighter and better.

I myself like the MBT Women's Kaya Mary-Jane. It's a chocolate-coloured nubuck leather shoe that fits perfect under trousers and dresses. And I like the MBT Women's Tunisha Mary-Jane. It's in what they call grape leather. It's a light, somewhat reddish brown. A bit less sportive, but very, very nice. And they'll go perfect with my best trousers and outfits.

One of the girls is a pink colour lover and knew what she wanted right at the moment she saw MBT Women's M. Walk. They're pink!

The other girl likes MBT Women's Lami Mary-Jane best. It's a very modern shoe swith black suede, grey fabric and bright pink accents.

Many MBT shoes are on sale now. Shoes of over 200 dollars are now sold for 119 dollars. And the shipping is free.

Fur us, with our large family, these shoes are out of reach, but we won't mind some fairy changing us into MBT walkers. I'm sure with footwear like this we'll be happy people.
And you too!

The Continuing Story - official signature

Instead of a few weeks we had to wait rather a long time to get a signature of approval under our request to send our autistic son to a kind of daycare/work experience place.

But today, quite unexpected, the signature arrived in the mail.
And with it a whole 3 page letter with non-information and a leaflet about what to do when we don't agree with the decision.

The decision is right what we requiested, but they dated the permission back to the beginning of july.
Which means we could have sent him there straightaway without their permission, or it means they havent granted us a full year, but just eleven months.

Well, we're glad the wait is over and he can go there.
It's a very nice place and less busy and noisy as the place he was last time and where he couldn't cope.

He's very enthousiastic to go, but we know him like that.
He needs to learn to stay enthousiastic.

As soon as he works and accomplishes something in a work-environment he wants to be paid and he forgets that supporting him costs more than he earns.

Well, the place offers also an educational path for some. He can use his motivation to earn money to get a diploma.

Let's see what happens.

Let's wait for his first few times there and how he likes it.


Is it a coincidence I just blogged about not believing everything that is written and arrived on a site that was about the same subject?

People believe a lot about diet pills, as the quicktrim reviews state.

As long as a good looking celebrity states she is using a certain dietpill, people go brainless and spend enormous amounts of money to get rid of bodywater and extra mass that would have moved out of the body anyway.
Some herbal teas do the same trick, but they don't look as impressive and don't cost as much.

True weightloss is the result of good eating habits, a healthy lifestyle and enough exercise to burn the calories that were taken in and ofcourse a few more.

Weightloss is about balancing what comes in and what goes out in such a way that less comes in.
A problem is that not all people have a body that functions that simple.

Other factors have to be taken into account too. Like the use of certain medications that badly influence metabolism and plain old stress.

Stress makes the body stick to it's reserves because these reserves might be needed later.

When I'm old I won't have to eat much, as I carry the reserves with me. LOL!

Ill use of twitter

I don't believe everything I read on internet and I know that many bloggers have the same common sense.

Terrible things happen due to people who believe everything what they read.
Not only what's happening with our family life is an example, but something what happened on twitter too.

A glass repair service was fraudulently represented at twitter, and those behind that account twittered that the service would sue everyone who spoke out against them.

Ofcourse people rolled and fell over each other to be the first to twitter something nasty, enjoying themselves that the service would never be able to sue them all.
And you know, when people want to be nasty thei loose all dignity and dig up everything bad they can find or invent.
Phantasy has no limits.

Well, they have showed themselves what kind of people they are, because today it turned out that it was a complete set up and the service didn't even use twitter.

This is just one way of how companies are broken.

It's awful!

Massage table cart

With students finishing their studies and entering the job market interesting questions are asked.

A friend of us is physiotherapist and when I was visiting him for a cup of coffee and some updating about the children he got a call from one of those new physiotherapists.
She wanted to start a practice from which physiotherapists go to offices and other workenvironments to massage the workers on the job.

She told him that she bought a portable massage chair but also wanted to have a portable massage table.
It turned out she had bought a lightweight massage table but she couldn't lift it, nor carry it with her.

It's one of those interesting examples of decisions young workers take without thinking about the consequences first.

Luckily my friends knew a good solution: a massage table cart.
I didn't even know a think like that existed!
There are even adjustable ones to fit the different sizes of massage tables.
One can't use the normal luggage cards because they don't protect the massage table enough and they don't have the weight enough above the wheels, so the whole construction can fall and hurt people.

After talking a little bit with his new collegue my friend ended the conversation with a big smile.
"I guess I'll have a few more calls when she tells her fellow students I was able to help her.", he said.

Well, he's a very good advisor, so they'll be happy to get his advice.

Fifa and the law

Football dominates the sportsmedia and I wonder of the sport deserves it.
There's so much violence on the fields, that I don't care for football anymore.

But The Netherlands and Belgium want to organise the worldgames of 2018 or 2022, and we all have to pay our taxes and pretend we agree.

The FIFA has so many requierements that I doubt if those two countries will end up being hosst of the worldgames.

I just heard that these requirements go against the law too, which is amazing.

They want for instance more control of the police in the cities where the games are played.
As in both countries the mayors are the ones, by law, who have full control of the police, the request required a change of law. And none of the countries is willing to change the law for footballgames. Not for ordinairy ones and not for the worldgames.

The countries have agreed to allow special parts of some roads to be reserved for those who visit the games, so normal traffic and football traffic won't bother each other, but the police: no way the police will be ruled by footballofficials.

New developments in office scanning

I've worked in the reproduction office of a large telephnoe and telegraph company.
Not recently, but a long, long time ago.

We were happy to have photocopiers at the office, because all documents needed to be duplicated and filed.

So save costs the small documents were copied by hand.

Due to the good music and conversation at the office I enjoyed the work a bit, but it was boring, time consuming and expensive for my boss.

The daughter of a friend told me she had almost the same job as I had.
But she works with the help of document scanning software.

That means that duplicating is a piece of cake, and in addition the documents are indexed, so filing is far more easy than in my time.
The indexing also provides a lot of extra information, so someone doesn't need to go through the archives to see if a special form has been filed, but he or she can just fill in the name or a code and can see which forms and papers are in the archives.

The whole system is cost-effective.
Price per page can be calculated, but the real costs are those of the software.
So that's a one time payment, regardless of how many pages are scanned.

The software can contain as many features as necessary and be made exactly for what's needed.
This ensures that at the office efficiency is the main issue and is guaranteed.

It's unbelievable that such an important development has been realised in such a few years.

Yahoo and suspensions

When I arrived at my yahoo email I got the message that my account was suspended.
That was strange as I had done nothing wrong, there were no strange outgoing messages detectable and I didn't receive anything strange.

Beside the message was a questionmark and it linked to a message and a button to chat with support.


I'm not in favor of chatting, but it seemed to be a good replacement for sending a mail and waiting forever.

After to and fro mailing I was told that accounts are watched and when the amount of traffic changes the account is suspended for 48 hours.

This is strange.

No outgoing messages, and my account is suspended?
Or the amount of mails from my emailgroups fluctuates and my account is suspended?
Someone bombs me with mails and my account is suspended?

Ofcourse i didn't get an answer when I said that the system should allow fluctuations during the vacation as some groups send almost no mail and other groups finally have the time to mail a lot.

So don't worry when you find the same message I did.
Just take two cups of coffee and a bag with cookies to have something to do while chatting to get the matter solved.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Manic Monday #217

Right now, what's on your mind?

Well, after all the work I did to comment on the report on us, I felt I needed to get it all out of my system and try to enjoy the vacation a bit.
We planned to book a holiday house at the coast either in england or here, but instead all the money goes to the lawyer.

So we're back to the old fashioned way of celebrating the vacation.

I'm looking for places where the kids want to go for a daytrip.

2 of the boys want to visit the railwaymuseum again, after the renovated it and added items to the collection.
I would love to visit one of the towns I enjoy so much, and as the girls expressed an interest too, I think we'll go for a day taking one or two of their friends with us.

Another thing that's on my mind is that I want to follow a course at the buddhist centre: thangka drawing. But I don't have the money for that now, as I think the balletlessons of the girls go first.

List 10 things you expect from a good friend.

  1. mutual trust
  2. unconditional acceptance of each other
  3. feeling myself at all times
  4. being able to joke and have fun
  5. being able to listen to music in a relaxed way
Listing 10 things is difficult, as I don't expect much from people.
I am happy with what's OK and feels good.

What's something you've done that you wish you hadn't?

I haven't any debts yet, so I've never felt the need to get a loan or refinanance loans. But some friends got rv loans, so they can go on holiday.

So back to your question... I wish I'd never agreed with the girls about their choice of school.

I don't often regret decisions, because I try to make them well argumented, and I take the consequences as they come.
Most of the time decisions turn out quite well.

Now I think of it, I regret to have given away my motorbicycle about 10 years ago.
I could do with one now.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

When human lightning strikes - the concept

I've been working all day to criticize the concept report about us.
When I was ready I hit the wrong button and didn't save my work.
It needs to be ready last friday.