Thursday, July 22, 2010

A quiet day - a very rich day

A strange rest has entered nature. It can almost be touched like a strong thread between trees.

The morning started with sun and lots of birds in the garden.
When I went outside a yellow butterfly rested on the lavender and the toad, who has found refuge in our garden, jumped to a pot with some water.

I had planned so many things to do, but instead I did some gardening in the front garden, greeted friendly by neighbours, and the usual household chores.

The children woke up one by one, enjoying the lower temperatures.
Letters from school arrived for the next year, creating the familiar feeling of leaving the schoolyear in the past and moving on.

(Oh, I wish people would allow us to move on the way we were moving on.
We were all doing so well, we had so many plans, for the vacation too. But now we have to wait for other people to decide. It doesn't feel right.
How I hope they'll see the truth.)

Thoughts, moving through me like that one single small fly moves through the room.

We had lunch together, small talk, funny remarks.

And after that we all went quiet for some unknown reason.

We didn't hear the music of one of the boys, just laughs and giggles of the autistic boy and one of his sisters while they were doing an sport activity with the computer.
But after a while they got silent too.

The other girls left to see one of her friends and when I stood outside for a moment I heard their voices merge with the sounds of the birds. Soon after a third girl joined them.

I'm grateful for hours like these.
They enable me to let go of all the criticism. It's like all my tentacles retreat and the silence of my sould speaks louder than everything else.

To be honest: I don't like the fighting, I don't like to conquer untruthfullness and lies. Especially not when they concern my person.
I know I'm OK. I'm a good mother, a good person.
Under normal circumstances I don't feel the need to sell myself, to show I'm OK.
Just being is enough.
Kindness, compassion, sweet care, gentle guidance, listening, observing, that's me.

Someone once said that a mother who wasn't able to show tough love was no real mother.
Oh, I can make straightforward decisions, but one way or another I've alwasy been able to show my children why.
Reaching the soul of a child is true motherhood.
And it means that gentle guidance always facilitates development.

Maria Montessori was convinced that all children have an inner urge for development, and that's what I've found out too. They all develop at their own pace to fullfill their own destination.
Sometimes development in one area stops for a while, while other development suddenly goes very fast. Sometimes developments takes another route than we want, mainly when other people interfere, but children are strong people and with the right guidance they'll learn. Like we all make mistakes and we'll learn.
As long as other people don't suffer we're allowed our mistakes.

A while ago I heard a buddhist lecturing about mistakes people make.
He touched me deeply because he spoke with so much compassion.
He didn't speak with criticism, showing he knew it far better, but taught that we're all at different levels of development and enlightment.
Some are reincarnations and their souls already know a lot. Others are new souls and need to learn almost everything.
He called those who made mistakes: unknowing... unknowing how to act better.
This gave so much room for people the learn from their mistakes, and so much room for others not to be critical, but compassionate and caring.

In our own case I can deal with the poeple who are doing us wrong the same way.
I can let go... at the moment I can. Yes.

But what about the harm they're doing?
They´re hurting the children... How do I deal with that?

Anyway. A day like today is a very rich day, because we all feel whole and happy.

That's our strength: to keep in touch with what's really important: our own souls.


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