Monday, June 14, 2010

Monday thoughts half june 2010



Yesterday the girls had a balletperformance and ofcourse we went to see them.
Friends welcomed us and it felt like diving in a warm bath.
After reading so much untrue statements about our family and me in particular and finding ways to object in such a way that at least doubt is created and the truth can be stated, the familiar world of ballet was a homecoming.

Before the girls danced a group of grown ups showed how a lesson is conducted.
The teacher and I fell immediately into our old habits of exchanging glances, which was fun. It's not that we exchanged messages about other people, but she knows my habits and emphasis during dance, and I know hers. I see the slightest discrepancy from perfectionism, and she wants to be perfect, but knows her special weaknesses too.
Balletfriendships never die.

The music and the movements were so inspiring that I nearly asked her to have me in the group too. Maybe I will when our lives are not under scrutiny any more.
I asked her for the music and I have so much inspiration in my head and body that I'll come up with a choreography in no time.

The girls danced very well.
This thursday will be their last dance together on stage. Then they'll move to a different group.
One of them will be taught by another former teacher of me, who loves to give her lessons. And I've seen in het eyes that she has plans for my daughter.
As a former balletacademy dancer mom I won't stand my daughter in the way, but I'm not jumping from joy when she would end up in that terrible world of competition.
I've been there, I've seen it there.

Right now I'm having a cup of coffee.
The comments and correction on the first report about us are ready.
There are moments I wish I wasn't the psychologist I am, and I hadn't the experience in teaching observation, assessement, writing reports and conducting research.
At a certain moment I told myself to stop, close the whole lot and send it.
No matter how it looked, no matter whether it can be ordered even more.
I've stated my case.

Whatever wrong a person states about me, it can't take away the person I am.
To call me irresponsible without any objective facts to back that up...
I know I'm very responsible and when someone would listen I could motivate each decision I take.

Well, it's interesting that someone can describe me as a person and mom, and the rest of my family, after seeing us 2 hours at most, without even having a degree in psychology.

Even an experienced psychologist or psychiatrist doesn't give such an in debt description after such a short time.

Well, I've learned about myself again.
I used to feel awful while crying with other people (close friends excepted), but now I just didn't care.
I kept my emotions in the moment, and crying felt adequate in the light of the helplessness I felt. Someone was judging me and my family who didn't even want to listen to what we had to say. She had some preconceptions in her mind, and some unwritten checklist, I assume. And she didn't even want to understand why we didn't fit in the picture of a regular family.
How can we?

Well, when her workleader takes my comments seriously she'll send her to re-education at least.
But I doubt it.
It's unbelievable that people who have so much power to destroy a family can deliver such sloppy work.

In the meantime we're doing well, as everyday activities define the days.

Today we're having a talk at the school of the girls.
We filed a complaint against the two responsible teachers because one of them gave a completely wrong (and sickening) description of my daughter to the organisation above.
It's untrue and I'm sure it's given to cover up their lack of activities against, their negligence of bullying.
Well, those who read my blog know how often I wrote about that.

Their opinion is opposite of that of my daughters therapist, and when they keep claiming they're right I'll suggest the therapist obeserves my daughter at school.
Otherwise they have to correct their opinion towards the organisation. Pff... don't expect them to be willing to admit a mistake.

The school propagates respect and acceptance of the undividuality of people. Interesting.

Well, I'm off.

Have a nice day!
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