Monday, June 7, 2010

Mindfulness in my life

Have you ever gone through the experience of looking back on your life and seeing the mosaic of experiences which seemed to be unrelated, merge into a sharp image?

I thought the way I was living was a constant lonely search of getting to know myself and others and how to be as much myself as possible be without violating the freedom of other people.
On my way I found certain things to be of utmost importance:
  • respect for other living beings and for nature.
  • not judging otherslaane
  • living intense, right at this moment
  • leaving feelings as much as possible in the moment, so there's a constant flow of enrichtment of the past
  • accepting that what happened yesterday doesn't need to influence the way I feel today, even if that was an experience that caused pain.
  • anger, guilt, jealousy, hatred, are unnecessary. They keep people from being in the here and now, so this moment is lost, because it's not lived,
and many more things.

Since I started reading about buddhism again it has been one interesting festivity of recognition.
There must be an important reason why I went this long path alone, going through some of the most painful experiences people can go through, whereas all the time I could have had a group of likeminded people to support me, great people and books to guide me, and lots of shoulders to lay my head on.

Each step I took, each stone I fell over, had a message for my life, and most of the time I realised that.
I was grateful for the daughter who died, because she made me so much more aware of the dust of time, the veil between us and those we long for, made me so much more happy with my other children. A happiness that was so deep within me, that even though I had to put up a fight against all the things parents of handicapped and normal kids have to face, I always knew things would be better. As all people grow in their own way, at their own time, and for themselves.

Life itself seemed to have taught me mindfulness, even though I can't deny my grandmom gave some very wise lessons which must have brought me right on track with my nose in the right direction.

People told my parents that they felt calm in my presence, like I radiated rest.
Yesterday I said the same about one of my daughters; isn't it interesting?

Looking back on precious moments with my children I see how much I lived with mindfulness and taught them to do the same. They took it each according to their character and abilities, but now they're getting older I see them doing the same with other children and even grown-ups.
Attention for one single flower, enjoying the smell of one rose, not bothering about tomorrow, but living life now as intense as possible.

I now know where that smile on my face comes from.

Many people commented on that smile, because it was with me even during dark days.
Now I know where that smile came from and comes from, and I cherish it even more.

Isn't it ridiculous that when we have important things to teach others we have to proof someone else with a diploma taught it to us?
In order to teach others about mindfulness I need a course to get a certificate and it costs 1710 euro!!! (I don't have that.)



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