Thursday, June 3, 2010

Healer heal thyself.

As an autism ambassador I've been able to help a lot of families.
Sometimes simple advice was enough, but there have been families that needed involvement of more.
A few months ago a famous human rights lawyer stepped in, and he was able to make professionals see sense and the mistaken review of a case by a social worker who hardly knew anything about autism was taken for what it was worth (nothing).
The family is now happy together again.

Helping another family is far more easy than helping your own family against reviews with mistakes.
Because you're not an outsider and you're part of the family system, you're part of the review, and suddenly you're not the expert and not the objective person anymore, regardless of that fact that knowledge about things is a rather fixed issue, based on science and thorough experience.

This week we received the review of the family which lead to the idea that our parenting skills should be examined.

I feel I'm fighting rather the same problem that came to a good end a few months ago, but now from the inside.

The review was mainly the projection of someone's own opinions and ideas into our situation.
A picture about me was sketched as weak, dependent on psychiatrists opinions, not able to see how my children are doing, etc etc.

I was shocked and in a way I still am.

And it's even worse.
She wrote down statements of my children which should represent their sayings which are not true and can't be true at all. Simply because we had some habits at the time which made it completely impossible to do something else too. (People can't be at two places at the same time. Not in the past, not yet, and I doubt they ever will be able to. But oh... how I wish I could divide myself up to two or three persons sometimes.)
She asked our doctor's opinion and instead of putting that in the review the way it should be, she manipulated the reader with her own opinion. In a way that's great, because my doc now knows that what I was telling him about my feelings was based on good observations.

I was flabbergasted reading it all, and completely shocked that she was putting so much subjective material in what should be an objective review.
Now I know why she was so agressive and impolite towards me, tried to force me into stating and doing things that are not me and which would harm my family.

Either she was aware that she would not be capable to write an objective report and she had to put things in that would make others doubt me which would stick in their minds, or she was jealous of my large family and the fact that, even though some times have been hard, I wàs able to cope (sometimes to my own amazement) and raise handicapped children to responsible grown ups.

Never in my life I've dealt with such a mistaken image about me and my family. It makes me feel alienated, strange, and even more secure of my own identity.
I'm confronted with someone who is at an important place in society and who's not able to write an objective, coherent report which is a good representation of the people and the family she described. Her incapabilities can destroy our family.

As her report forms the basic material for the review our family is now undergoing, I doubt the outcome.

Ofcourse I sat down and commented on the report.
It's been my job at the university to review papers of students, grade them, comment on them and teach them how it should be done better.

She wouldn't have gotten permission to start the next year with such a report.
I bet she knows it and that's why she bites so hard.

Again I'm fighting a system and this time I'm not sure I'll be able to beat it.
For the first time I lack that confidence, because this system has crushing elephant feet and we're just tiny beings.


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