Monday, May 3, 2010

dark times of life

The past week and a half I've been through one of the worst and maybe the worst time of my life and it's still not over. Maybe even worse is to come.

The wellbeing of my family is in the hands of people who cling to book knowledge and who have too much of an ego to really listen.

Some of my readers know I've helped quite a lot of families and parents of autistic children from precarious situations, but one way or another I can't help myself and my family, and none of the people who are tied to the family because they are caretaker has the guts to stand up and speak the truth about how good a mother I am. And that I know my children better than some outsiders.

In the darkest days one learns a lot about people.
I learned that in the past and again I experience it now.

Tomorrow we're going to look for a lawyer, because I assume the matter should be dealt with in court.

We were making some plans for a vacation this year. Just a simple place at sea. But it's a huge step for some of the children, because we haven't been on vacation for 25 years.
My autistic son is finally ready to go too...
We have to stop making plans.
My fear is that our wish to move to Scotland or somewhere in Wales or England will never be realised, because hiring a lawyer will cause a huge debt, and the father of the children might not be able to work.

It's strange that a few weeks ago I thought life was finally getting a bit better.
Children moving to adulthood in a good way, all being well for the girls.

But my whole world just fell apart.

I cry a lot, have finally lost weight (there's always something positive), and I have to fight depression and despair.
Giving up is no option. I want to take care of my own kids in the best way I can.

When I'm not blogging, please pary for me, send me white light or be with me in thought when you want to.


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