Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Dark clouds above my memories

I didn't sleep last night.

Even though I was tired enough, even though I'm always able to stop my thoughts, this time I couldn't.

I knew something would be on TV about sexual abuse in the Catholic church, yesterday evening, I didn't watch.
But intuition made me look up the contents of the program and what I found was devastating.

One of the people who has been of very positive importance in my life was presented as the abuser of at least 15 boys, and one of the victims spoke out. He could even show he got money to silence him, about 9 years ago.

I'm one of the people who had good memories about the time at school between 12 and 18.
First the nuns, Ursulins, later the Jesuits.
I changed from a silent, withdrawn, very shy child into a young women who had self confidence and worked at main positions at school.

I was able to discover my talents, work with them, and enjoy being the way I was.

Not all my friends liked the priest.
My best friend disliked him, and I've even tried to talk him out of it.

Now I wonder if he was abused too.

According to the TV program it happened a few years after we left school... but who knows.

My friend isn't my friend anymore, but I'm thinking about mailing him and sending him my appologies for trying to talk him out of his feelings.
Maybe it opens an opportunity for him to talk with someone.
On the other hand, I doubt if he'll ever want to speak with me.

I've always been happy with my time at school, now I'm questioning every day and every moment.

The guy never approached me.
He did spend time with me, talking, drinking chocolate, but never ever said a word or made a gesture that was even remotely wrong.

I feel sorry for his victims.
But I don't understand why the one who went public went to the congregation 30 years after it happened, and waited 9 years to speak out.

The priest in question has died many years ago.

He won't ever be able to defend himself, if he should defend himself.

I won't ever enjoy seeing photos with him anymore.

Dark clouds above my memories.


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