Sunday, March 14, 2010

autism in our family

Each day I arrive at my blog it bugs me that my page rank isn't back to what it was.
So I'll make a few changes (less tags, removing old posts, updating old posts) until my attention is needed elsewhere.

And I'm on the wanted list here in the house.

I thought small children needed attention of their mom, and it wasn't a problem at all.
I liked to teach them all about life and other people, even when I discovered they needed far much more energy than other children.

Now they're older they don't want my teachings anymore but at the same time need my intervention more than ever.

The real autism problems need to be adressed every day, over and over again. It doesn't feel there's a learning process going on anymore, but I'm problem solving. The same problems over and over again.

Yesterday my autistic son had a rotten mood all day.
Ofcourse I have my own tricks to divert his attention, make him forget himself, and feel better. But yesterday he kept repeating his own thoughts in his own mind, acting out all afternoon, and my only solution was slipping some sleeping medication in his drink.
Alas, he drank only water he took himself, but he fell asleep, all by himself too.
He had tired himself by his behaviour so much, that he couldn't stay awake.
Thank you nature for helping me out. LOL!

When he's in a mood like that he tries to get a grip on life by falling back on routine and a stable environment.
That would be easy when he would be only child, but he's got siblings all over the place.

Yesterday only his sisters were at home.
Without us knowing he had made plans for them.
Each of them had to sit with him on his room for hours.
Imagine...teenage girls of 14, sitting there, creating lost time.
One of them doesn't mind sitting with him when she's able to make her homework, but he doesn't allow that.
The other wants him to play certain computergames, but yesterday he didn't want to do so.

Then a few friends of the girls rang the doorbell and I heard them giggling and having girly fun. Within a moment one of the girls was away with them, and you won't hear me object.

But I think you've heard him yelling and protesting.
I'm sure her friends heard it outside too.

The way he tries to influence their lifes is going against all my feelings.
I have to be aware of what he says all the time, to tell him at the right moments he's not their father, I've asked them to do something for me, he should leave them alone so they can make their homework, etc etc.

His urge to control his environment is so big, that he's limiting our joy.
Add his constant complaints and you'll get a feel of our daily life.

Yesterday was one of those days he makes it easy for us to take the step to make him live somewhere else.
Just a few more months to go and then he's 18.
That means that we're able to change to another psychiatrist and that he can use facilities which are more near home.
I think it'll be a relief for all of us when he'll leave home to live elsewhere.
It has become almost impossible to live with him on a day to day basis.


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