Sunday, August 30, 2009

Using words like "fatties" is bullying.

aug 30 2009

Many people protested against the use of autist, and many other words used for disabled people and psychiatric diseases, to degrade people and humiliate them.

I had to think about that when I read an entry on the blog that's featured today at entrecard (the one before the narcissus).

The way the obesity of people is discussed is so degrading and humiliating that it's very clear this person isn't able to realise how people with more weight feel.

The use of: fatties, horror of not fitting through a standard door-frame are just examples.

When I was reading the blogpost I felt offended and the feeling grew more and more.

The way this person talks about people who are overweight and obese is just like a person who discriminates against race talks.

I couldn't withhold myself from commenting and bringing this to the attention of the writer.

He apologized in his comments, not even taking the effort of telling me there has been a response to my comment.
Well, I'd better not use my psychological skills and intuition to analyse his sincerity.
The post wasn't taken down, nor rewritten, so I still feel that people are bullied.

The media and governments are trying to create awareness about the consequences of obesity.
Like people who are obese don't know.
Their doctors are quite well able to tell their patients the risks of the extra weight.
So the influence of these awareness campaigns is in fact creating discrimination against people with extra weight.
By putting people on the spot as people lacking motivation, willpower and effort to influence their looks, the campaigns create a new group of underdogs. Food for bullies.

Oh, ofcourse there are people who are keeping the food-industry alive with their abundant consumption.
But there are also many, many people who suffer from the fact that their body is not reacting in a normal way to food and efforts to loose weight.

Science does know a small bit about obesity.
They have been able to count the consequences and make wonderful graphs and statistics.
But there's just a fraction known of the causes of obesity.

Only the last years it became clear that stress blocks weightloss in certain people, that certain forms of obesity are hereditary, and some people can indeed gain weight from just a minor intake a day.

Which means that certain people fight an almost lost battle against weight.

Instead of supporting these people, society urges them to despide their bodies, with devastating effects on their self images. Something will influence their families for generations.

We all have a responsibility for the people around us.
This responsibility shouldn't be taken away by media and governments who tell us to blindly generalise some health issues over a whole group of people just on the grounds of their appearance.

We all are individuals and we want to be seen as a human being.
It's time we start treating each other that way.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

The Waiting

August 29 2009

1. Have you ever stayed online for a very long time waiting for someone?

Oh yes, and more than once.

With friends waking up 7 hours later, it's past midnight here when they come home from work.
Then they have dinner, etc.
So when I want to talk to them that day, it's far in the night.

Well, at the moment I'm waiting for the launch of the Discovery and I hope they won't stop counting otherwise I won't be able to sleep at all.

A woman needs a hobby, doesn't she?
I haven't missed a launch at all.

Wish I could be there....

2. How do you eat oreos?

We only have cookies that resemble them.
I eat one cookie, turn it around, eat as much cookie from around the filling, then try eating cookie away under the filling....

It's the inner child doing this... LOL!

3. Are you cocky?

No, not at all.

4. Did you have an imaginary friend as a kid?

Yes, but no one knew.

5. What t.v. station do you watch the most?

I think it's BBC 1 (English) or one of the national ones.
I love Casualty and Holby City, Country Files and Country Tracks, nature programs, auctions..
Yea, it's BBC 1.

6. Have you ever seen the ocean?

Yes, but that's very long ago.
I was visiting WW2 friends with my dad and the friends and a neighbour took us all over the UK.
He took us over the Horse Shoe Pass and to the other side of Wales.
I'm not sure that part of water is called the Ocean, but it was as close as I've been to it.

7. Have you ever been hospitalized?

I was born at a hospital.
When I was 4 I was admitted, and at 8.
And becoming a mom wasn't easy. I had to go to hospital for most of the deliveries. Ugh!

Then I had a stay for the hysterectomy.

Hmmm... that's a lot. Looking back.

8. What's your favorite brand of rootbeer?

We don't have that here.

9. Could you live without a computer?

Well, I'd rather not.
But I can live without, it makes life rather lonely though.

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Friday, August 28, 2009

An intentional mistake

august 28 2009

Woke up this morning with itchy eyes, a stuffed nose and all the other features of an allergy.
Slept with the window open, it's the end of august, after nice days a windy and rainy day was expected.
So I guess some factory thought it the right moment to pour some dirt in the air, just like the past years.

They always call it a mistake while switching the filters.
Yea, an intentional mistake.

One of the girls complained about itchy eyes too when she came from a short moment in the garden, and one of the boys wasn't happy either.

Instead of setting a step towards people who are not honest about the airpollution anyway I called a friend-journalist and gave him all the info for a nice article.
We attended a special meeting about 5 years ago and had an interesting debate about air pollution and cancer with people from the same firm we suspect to cause the troubles.

I can't wait to see his story.

Sun cream

august 28 2009

What factor sun cream do you wear? On a daily basis or only if you’re sunbathing?

I wear a factor as high as possible.
I'm a redhead, and my skin is as pale as milk.

Ofcourse I'm not using it on a daily basis. Far too much todo, and with the wasps this year it's better not to wear too much that smells.
I don't have the chance to stay in the sun anyway.

Sunbathing? It's just not for me.
I've never liked it and it hasn't changed.

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A silent dream becoming noisy with bagpipes

august 28 2009

A few years ago the girls and I joined a bagpipe band.

It started with one of the girls telling me she wanted to learn to play the bagpipes when she was 6 or 7.
The other joined her when she begged me to help her.

At the time I played a lot of instruments, but not the bagpies, and they both were too young to join a band or get lessons.
I told them they could come back when they were 9 and whispered in their ears they now had a silent dream.

A few days before their 9th birthday they told me I should call the bandleader and ash him if someone could teach them.
So I did and he welcomed us at a saturday morning.

Remembering the advice I gave someone a few days before: you're never too old to persue your dream, I told him I wanted to take lessons too.

So we all bought a chanter, a kind of loud, difficult to blow flute to prepare for the real hard work.

Much has happened in between.

I've got my highland bagpipes, and because they make too much noise to practice at home, I also bought a set of smallpipes. I love them!!
When you don't know what smallpipes are, have a look at a blogpost of last year: here.

The girls have grown, but not enough to use the real highland pipes.
Their musical development however is at a level that they can easily learn to play the halfpipes, a kind of small highland pipes.

Buying them is an expensive adventure.
So I hope you'll understand why this blog contains from now on special blogposts to express my opinion about products and services.

It's for the girls. And to make their silent dreams become noisy. LOL!

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

The continuing story : the signature is in!

august 26 2009

Finally the signature was written and the permission was granted to send my son to daycare for a maximum of 8 dayparts a week.

Not that I was happy with the content of the letter.

5 lines stating why the decision was good for my son,
4 lines stating why we wanted it,
and nothing about the rest of the family.

The 4 lines were completely fabricated by someone somewhere before that letter was written.

  1. Parents want a future with perspective for their son.
    OK, I don't have a problem with that, because it's true.

  2. Parents want to move ahead again.
    Huh, what do they mean by that?

  3. Parents want to take part in society en belong again.
    Like we're no part of society at this moment at all.
    And to be honest, I don't want to belong to this society anymore. I want to move to Scotland.

  4. Parents want to be known.
    Now tell me, what's that meaning?

It's like we we're more important than our son, and like there's no brothers and sisters benefitting from him being away from home for a while a few days a week.

What made me really angry was that they write:
It's difficult for this boy to develop activities for personal development, participation in society and built up a self image.
This has to do with the busy family.

So another person who thinks that a large family means that the members can't develop themselves fully and that mom is too busy to invest time and energy.

Well, this boy started talking because mom was very persistent in her attempts and very consequent in not listening to odd sounds when he finally could talk.
This mom practiced the alphabet with him until she woke up during the nights mumbling the letter that was featured the past day. (Yes, happened a few times).
This mom brainwashed her son for 1,5 to 2 hours each morning to make him go to school, knowing he would come home all over the place with his emotions,his shouting, his complaints and all for about 2 to 3 hours, and then she had to taklk him into making the homework he didn't make at school.

This mom would cook, iron, and practice maths with him at the same time, and in the meantime talking with one of the other children, supervising them or whatever.

My dentist didn't know me.
Our family physician loved the fact that I managed the whole lot myself and he got fully paid for writing prescriptions, and schools loved and hated me at the same time because I was to-the-point, direct and knew which changes had to be implemented before they were even able to write down what was said.

I learned to deal with life on a maximum of 4 hours of sleep, I loved all my kids and I managed to make them develop themselves to their full potential.

So don't write down this kid wasn't able to develop himself due to a busy family.
It's due to his autism!!

He hates the world, because teachers didn't care.
They forgot him completely when getting ready for the school musical,
they ignored his needs, his abilities.
They were not honest about their inability to reach him, except a few.
Etc etc.

So I'll write a letter of complaint against the way the decision has been put into words.

Don't worry, I'll be nice.
Grateful for the decision, clear about what I think is more important.
Like the fact that the other children are not bothered by an older brother in age, far younger brother in emotional and social development, who acts like he's their dad, living in the 18th century.

And clear to about the fact that when someone would have looked at the application straight away we, parents and other kids, would have had a vacation.

Hmm...maybe they'd better read this blog. LOL!


Organising the new schoolyear

august 26 2009

With 6 children the beginning of a new schoolyear requires lots of organisation.

I'm used to getting books, pencils and all the other necessities ready for each child.
(I started buying them already before the last schoolyear was finished.)

And we're already waking up earlier every morning, so we won't sleep through the alarm.

The only problem I have each year is getting all the appointments, parents-evenings and other time consuming get-togethers organised in such a way that I'm not spending more time travelling to and fro than on the actual meetings.

Through the year we've developed a system that works fine for us.

Wednesday(mornings) are for appointments and meetings where both parents need to be present.

We have an evening available for each boy, except for the mondayevening. It's for the girls who attend the same class.

At the first day of the opening of the admin of school I'll contact the schools and group-teachers/mentors and inform them about the system, which evening we're available for meetings and that changes can be made that same week.

I've found out that schools are quite willing to try and organise the parents-evenings at a certain evening when it's requested before yearplans and other agendas are made.

The same day I'll attach an emtpy piece of paper at the front of my agenda and make a list of all the expected meetings in september and october.
When the schools publish their schoolagendas, all I need to do is write the meetings in my own agenda and stripe them off the list.

This guarantees I won't miss a meeting.

Works for me.

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Tuesday, August 25, 2009

cardiology results

august 25 2009

Went with my third boy to the cardiologist again.
This time for a bicycle test.

Like often he was so slow that I went ahead to find a good place for our bicycles at the station.
He came, looking very lazy, and we missed the bus.

The next bus arrived and we walked towards it when the driver already started to leave.
I walked towards the bus and saw his window was open, so I said "ho ho ho" when I was near enough to be heard.
He stopped, looked like he just woke up, and opened the door.
Then he started to give me a lecture about not walking in front of the bus.
Huh? I was standing beside it, just at the other side...
He didn't stop lecturing, which was rediculous, so I told him that I might be a fool, but that I wasn't brainless, and that on top of it he should get the lecture, instead of he treated a 54 year old like his 4 year old daughter.
(How come not brainless? I'm 53!! LOL!)

Well, on our way to hospital he nearly missed 2 busstops.
So in a way the guy was sleeping.
We were so happy to get out.

In hospital everyone was very friendly, and on top of it my favorite cardiologist came to observe the test.
We joked, I smiled about his familiar habits, and he really bonded the ties of an old friendship again.

In the meantime my son was bicycling.
When it started to be more difficult we started to cheer, meanwhile keeping our eyes on the ECG.
Sometimes his heart skipped a beat, and during cooling down it became somewhat irregular.

But all in all everything was within the limits.

So even though he has a minor heartproblem, problems are not to be expected in the near future.

Our goodbyes were happy and I can say it's the best way of closing his time in care of child cardiology. He's 18, moving to the adult department with his next check up.

On our way home we had another busdriver. A kind man.

At home we caught up with the activities of the day.

Then boy2 had a meltdown.
His computermouse broke down.
It's a special one and costs quite some money.

Well, instead of buying one of the bag I've been fancying (this one, or this one), I used my paypal to order a new mouse for him, so he can work more on his photography tasks.

Meltdown over, paypal empty.
What's left are the results of all the examinations of boy3. No worries necessary.
Isn't that great??

Monday Crazy Questions

August 24 2009

1. The new sports season is about to you love it or hate it?

I just don't care. I'm sorry for those who enjoy sports very much!

In my eyes sports are an item all year around.
Bicycling, like the Tour de France, football all summer, skating the main part of the winter, etc etc.

I like to see some sports though, like iceskating, atletics during the olympic games.

2. What's your favorite of the sports and what team?

I don't have a favorite.

3. Do you get snow where you live? Do you love it or hate it?

Not often and it doesn't stay very long.
But I love it! Absolutely love it.

4. You got stopped by a cop who tells you were speeding. Do you explain some made up story as to why you were speeding or deny it and try to get out of it?

Speeding on a bicycle? Haha!!!
We don't have a car, so we don't have tickets for speeding.

5. You just had a fight with the person you are closest to. Do you not speak to them until they apologize...or do you apologize first.

I used to apologize first, but now I just weight the situation and go from there.
I'm beyond waiting for apologies.

6. What do you love about this time of year?

The birds, and the fruit on the trees.
I love the early morning sounds, and walking outside without coats or cardigans.

7. Your doctors says you need more exercise....what do you take up for exercise?

Well, I have just one doc. But he says I need more exercise.
There's hardly any chance to go to a gym or so. Even a swimming pool is too far away.
So I walk every evening when it doesn't rain, with one of my sons.

8. If you could travel in time...where in time would you go? Why?

To the future, that's for sure. I want to see my children's children's children, want to travel in space.

Back to the Victorian time will be interesting too. Maybe I lived then. Who knows.

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Monday, August 24, 2009

manic Monday #179

august 23 2009

What is the first thing you notice about people?

Strange thing is that my first reaction is not on the looks of someone.
It's more an intuitive reaction to the way someone feels. A kind of spiritual connection.

After that it's the movements people make, the way they look and smile.

What song always makes you happy when you hear it?

There are so many "good" songs.

For instance, from the mucical Hair" let the sun shine, and from Fame the title song.

What fashion trend do you just not get?

Those small short skirts that look like a breadbag that's too small.
The holes in the demin trousers.

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Sunday, August 23, 2009

Sunday evening chatter

august 23 2009

I'm slowly catching up now my computer seems to feel OK again.
Yes, I start to regard the thing as a brainful existence. LOL!
The repairman said it wasn't my screen, even though the first replacement didn't work and the second one did.
I didn't change one simple bit on my computer. I even scanned the thing to bits and nothing was found.
So tell me, why does it work now like it has done never better?

The only thing I can think of is that we won't be travelling to the UK this year, as far as I can see. Perhaps it didn't like the idea of standing here silent for a couple of days. LOL!

This weekend was rather strange.

Some of us didn't feel well, but none got something as bad as a fever or the mexican flu.
We were just hanging around, wondering what would come.
Now I feel perfectly OK, which shouldn't be, as it's far beyond sleeping time and I need to wake up rather early.

Tomorrow morning I'll accompany my ADHD son to the cardiologist for his bicycle test.
The cardiologist who saw him when he was a tiny baby.
He was a very kind young man then, and handsome. Oh! With lots of humor.
He really cared for his patients and we had lots of fun.

Now we're 18 years later.
I'm so curious how he is now.

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Not able to log in at entrecard

august 23 2009

Sorry for not dropping today, because I can't log in at entrecard.

Saturday, August 22, 2009


august 22 2009

When you're a regular reader you know that patience is needed here on a daily basis.
Whether it's waiting for a decision of some official organisation regarding facilities for my 4 autistic children, dealing with the meltdowns and daily difficulties of autism, or personal things just for me.

I was told by the oldest that he had enough on his paypal to enable me to buy something online. He would donate the money immediately and with pleasure.
So I went looking, found something that was within the budget, and was told the money was already gone. Sweet promisses. Well, I had the anticipatory fun, and I was happy that I needed to know the shoppingcosts before ordering so I was not confronted with the costs myself. It's no fun to pay for a gift yourself.

Well, in an attempt not to make my search for a present in vain I've decided to open up my site for those who want me to blog about their site and for squares in the sidebar. It'll be fun to wait what people want to spend on a square at the top of my sidebars. The lowest offer: $2 for a month.

I can't always resolve matters.

Like all those times my autistic boy goes to the kitchen, loudly complaining he's hungry.
(Well, we all know that all the time, because he's always hungry and always looking for food, especially sweets and chips.)

He'll get there, opening all doors, and then saying: "Now one cares that I'm hungry, because there's nothing to eat."

It drives me mad!!!

We have 3 sorts of bread, crackers, cheese and at least 4 kinds of meat, peanutbutter, at least 3 kinds of jam, all sorts of sweet things, and even marmite (but I have to take a look to see if that's over date. LOL!)

For those who want to have a healthy snack there are tomatoes, cucumber, apples, oranges, grapes, and bananas (for dessert.)

Still, in his eyes there's nothing to eat.
I guess because he doesn't know what he wants or because he doesn't see what he's got on his mind.
All sweets and chips are locked away and I'm always telling him I don't have the key.
He knows that telling me there's nothing to eat for him results in a calm voice telling him there's plenty and we don't have a shop. It doesn't fit his mood at all, so often he turns to the girls to try and make them say I'm a louzy parent because I don't feed my children.

I can take that. It's part of motherhood.
I take a breath, or two, I sigh, I try to take my mind to the other side of the world, and I keep calm.

But what to do when he sits at the office of the schooldoctor, alone. Like happened two years ago?
What to do when he tells at that moment his parents never give him food and he had to develop a search strategy to find anything to eat?
What to do when that nut of a doctor doesn't look at the whole picture? Forgets the boy has autism, forgets that he's very obese, and forgets all the other 5 kids of the family are of normal size and are healthy?

We were ordered to the office, told to sit down and then got the ridiculous questions why we didn't feed our son properly and why we didn't serve him normal meals. Then he started to tell us what our son had told him.

I was about to lose my patience, but was saved by my own breathing pattern. I needed a breath and it gave me just enough time to stay calm and kind.
Because if there's one thing that makes me forget that patience is a virtue it's people doubting my good intentions as a parent.

(The doc now is a kind friend who can listen very well to our experiences with our children.
Now he's the schooldoc of the girls he knows that we take care of our kids very well.)

social networking through saturday 6

august 22 2009

1. Which social networking site do you feel the most comfortable with?

To be honest: I don't know.
Because I'm so caught up in caring for 4 autistic kids and all the toodoo around them, my online life involves only a few close friends.
Only when there's time enough and I feel energetic enough I can do more than updating my blog and answering a few mails, reading friend's posts etc.
Because so many people are online for financial resons and I have felt used by people a few times too often, I'm hesitant to get involved in social networking sites.

Twitter is enough to connect to some friends.
And I'm on:

Visit WhuddleWorld!

It's fun to relax and we all have our own forum (when we're above 13 years of age).
I've found out it's a great place to meet a few online friends each week or each day.

In case you want to join, mention: Mollypolly as referrer.
I'll help you with the quiz. Just let me know you need some help.

At the moment there's a referrer contest. When you earn 5000wb's I'll get a special award.
Let me know you're there and I'll help you a lot!!

(Oh, and for those under 13 it's child-friendly. My girls loved it then and they love it now.)

2. How much do you treat your blog like you’d treat a social network?

Well, my blog gets daily attention when my computer works.
I'm very loyal to my friends.
Does that tell you enough?

3. Whether you actually use it or not, do you feel like you “get” Twitter?

Im using it and I get it. (laanetweets)

4. Some people use software to mirror their status messages so that the current status on Facebook and Myspace is identical to their latest tweet on Twitter. Good idea or bad, and why?

Well, I don't like facebook (you can never erase everything from internet) and myspace, but I think it's nuts to spread the same thing over and over on internet. Tell me, what;s the use of it? And it's boring too.

5. Take the quiz: What Does Your Favorite Social Networking Site Say About You?

No. This is not a quiz, but one simple question, so the result doesn't tell anything about me.

6. Which website has singlehandedly helped you reconnect with the most people you’d lost contact with?

Blogger! LOL!

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For those who miss me online:
my computer doesn't work properly and the laptop I'm using is so slow it should be forbidden.

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I Ran

August 22 2009

1. When's the last time you ran?

The day before yesterday.
No one could see me but my own children, and they don't mind. LOL!
We were called by one of the kids to come to the lake.
The whole sky was red, red, red.

2. Do your jeans have rips, tears, and holes in them?

No, I'm from before that time.
So my jeans have embroidered flowers. Well, some have.

3. What are you dreading right now?

That my autistic son wil throw a fot each morning he needs to go to daycare.
When he had to school it took 1,5 to 2 hours to get his mind set on going to school, instead of not going.
I'm not sure I still have the same patience and dedication.

4. Do you like Mexican food?

Westernisede mexican food is OK. Real mexican food? Don't know.

5. Favorite ice cream?


6. When was your last doctor's visit?

Almost a year ago, and I should have been two weeks ago, immediately after he came back from vacation. I really need to go to get the anemia and a few other things sorted out.

7. Do you get the full 8 hours of sleep a night?

Haha...I can't remember when I did.

8. How many pets do you have?

As far as I know: none. Even the fly that wanted to travel through our house yesterday is gone.

9. "First Loves Are Never Over;" is this true for you?

Oh sure. When he comes and his wife isn't around anymore I'm sure we'll follow up on the plans we had in the past. I know the chemistry between us is still there. Everybody saw that at the reunion of school. It surprised me that after 25 years the same thing happened between us.
Me oh my, he is nearly bald!
But his smile, the way he looks into my eyes, his voice, his hands, gestures...need I say more?

Hope he needs glasses and doesn't wear them, so he can't see me. LOL!

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Thursday, August 20, 2009

The continuing story: bureaucracy

august 20 2009

My autistic son dropped out of school in november 2007.
Because he went there for another week, it's officially march 2008, but that's unimportant.

He'd been spending 4 months waiting for a promissed place at an auti-class and was told there was no place for him after all.
About 3 or 4 months ago it was decided he would go to a kind of daycare. A place where he can learn to work at his own level.
After waiting a while the council representative finally agreed he was excused from going to school and we wrote the application for the financial back up.
Turned out, after a few weeks that the social worker gave us the wrong form and it took her another three weeks to rewrite it and send it to the right organisation.

We got a confirmation that the mail was received, telling us the maximal waitingtime was 40 workingdays. So that's two months.

Because next sunday the two months are completed I thought it to be smart to mail them a pro memory.

Well done, mom!!

Got a mail back this afternoon that the guy had been calling me all day.
Yea.. I'm getting the idea.
My phone is right beside the TV, the battery is sparkling full, and the thing is switched on day and night.

He said things were delayed because of people being on vacation.
Yea, they can go on vacation while nothing stops here for a moment.

He told me the application was not complete.
He needed my son´s number, and he needed a written statetement of the council that they agreed with my son not going to school. (I decided not to go in discussion with him about this. There is no place for my son in the system.)
When the statement is in, the reaction to the aplication will be positive and send to us the same day!

Well, I gave him the number.
And I told him where to get the declaration.

So we've waiting two months for nothing, because no one cared one tiny bit that the application wasn't complete.
When they would have told us we could have mailed the council representative and the lady could have send it straight away.
Then we could have had my son in daycare even before the vacation.

We could have had at least two days a week free of his presence, meaning we could have relaxed that time, gone for a daytrip or done something else what we wanted to do at the spur of the moment.

I'm so sick of all this bureaucracy.

On top of it my son had a meltdown this afternoon which makes me think we're one step closer to accepting he'll leave the house forever.

How many tears I've cried because those rotten bureaucrats didn't do their job properly... I can't count them anymore.


Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Tropical days

august 19 2009

Today we had one of the warmest days of the year.
It was about 30 to 32 degrees celcius, which is hot here.

Today it'll be 35 degrees celcius, which is one of the record temperatures.

Right now, in the middle of the night, it's still as warm as a normal summer day.
I've been walking near the lake for a short while, but there's almost no wind.
It's very warm inside the house, even with all the windows open.
The kids are complaining they can't sleep, and my autistic boy just came downstairs telling me he won't go to bed at all. Which means he'll be shouting all sorts of things when I'm going to bed, and he'll have meltdowns tomorrow.

We still have no reaction at all from the commission that needs to decide whether he can go to that special daycare. Next week the 40 workingdays come to an end, and I decided this afternoon not to wait until sunday (we're not getting mail then).
I wrote them a mail and reminded them we're waiting.

I didn't say that they'd probably had a good lazy vacation at the Cote d'Azur while we here were craving for a day like a normal family.
We could have had some daytrips and such when they had done their job right at the moment they needed to do it.
I'm so afraid that by the time we get the go-ahead the place at the daycare is gone.
Just like what happened with the place in the auti-class.
Well, we'll see.

The girls start at school september the 17th. Wouldn't it be great to have him 2 days a week at daycare so I can clean the house and do the things normal mom's do? Without someone complaining about it?

Because that's one of the main problems of my autistic son.
His complaing all day, about minor things, large things, things that can't be changed.
He laments about the behaviour of his sisters like an overaged grandma.
And especially on these tropical days we can do without.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Jerks and books

august 18 2009

Some people have no empathy or feeling of any decensy.

I can't believe that someone uses a blogpost about the death of my daughter as an opportunity to advertise links in the comment towards drugabuse.
It really makes me sich someone even thinks about doing so...
Well, I guess the guy doesn't even think at all.

His name was linked to a blogger blog without any posts, so he uses his ID to advertise. Ugh!
Ofcourse I've deleted his comment.

Like we have nothing else to do than dealing with jerks.
The person from the former blogpost went on sending nasty mails.
How sick kan people be?
We agreed not to talk about his ill behaviour anymore, because we don't want the memories of my brother in law connected with the terrible behaviour of his brother.
My brother in law was a good guy and he wouldn't have accepted a situation like this at all.
We agreed to ask a social worker to act as an intermediary when the harrassment goes on.

Something completely else:

The schoolbooks arrived this morning.
The girls were delighted and opened the boxes with an eagerness I never expected.

It was such fun to see them looking through the books and hear them commenting about french and biology.

The mail also brought a lot of new appointments including the ones to get my ADHD son re-diagnosed.
He too will be officially diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Money, ugh!

august 17 2009

This morning the body of my brother in law was cremated.
5 weeks after his mother died, he died too.
It's so sad... so sad....
Especially as he died all alone.
The only comfort is that he died at peace, sitting in his favorite chair, watching TV.

The youngest of the three boys didn't want to be involved in all the arrangements and things that needed to be taken care of. He even signed away his inheritance. Which was a few hundred euros.
We didn't understand why, but he said he had been hit by life hard and he couldn't cope.
He was not really sad that his mother died and he didn't attend his funeral.

Well, we found in the paperwork a statement of his mother that he already took his inheritance, at his own intitiative, by hand (that's said kindly what he did...unbelievable!!)
It was a complete shock.

When his other brother was still alive we understood it was a very big lot more than the other two had left after all was taken care of.
But we wanted to leave things in the past. Between his mother and him.

We're not the kind of people to hunt for an inheritance.
OK, a boat full of money would enable a smooth move to Scotland, so we wouldn't say no, but we have dealt with life without much money and we're able to cope in the future too.
We certainly wouldn't fight over it and we thought to get things handled smoothly and fast.
Our whole vacation is a disaster this way and all we wanted was to give the children a few daytrips before their school starts in two weeks time.

After my brother in law died, the guy we're talking about said he wanted to sign away everything of his brother too and manipulated his left over brother into doing the same.
But it meant that the funeral would be at the expense of the council; a burrial in an area of the cementry were the poor and homeless find their last restingplace.
We didn't want him to be regarded as a poor and homeless man. He had his own place and he was proud of it.

It didn't feel good at all, so we decided to take everything upon us and the past week we've been bussy sorting out paperwork, calling numerous organisations and people, finding out he had debts, and worrying even that we might have to pay more than we could.
Under normal circumstances it's possible to sell belongings, furniture and such, but in this case it was completely impossible because of the smell.
We even had to hire a specialised company to empty and clean the house.

That we had made the right decisions was told by an aunt.
She has spoken with my brother in law a while ago and he said he wanted to be cremated.
So we arranged that.

We all felt happy that he finally got his last wish fullfilled.

Yesterday we made a list of all what needed to be done this week.
There's always enough to do in a large family, especially with 4 special needs puberty driven boys. Especially in the time that schoolbooks arrive, etc etc.
So talking with people we don't even know about debts and other things is something we were not waiting for.
We decided to involve a professional to handle the bankissues. That way we know it's done OK.
We simply don't know all the rules, regulations and laws and we don't have the time to deal with every simple item.

And then we got a very basty mail.

Turned out the brother didn't sign his part away after all.
He even sounded angry we didn't do it, so it feels like he tried to manipulate his own brother in signing away whatever will be left over. (We're absolutely not talking millions or thousands, as far as we could see.)

About 90% of his mail was about money, and money and money.
And on top of it he said he was suspecting his own brother of stealing money at his cost.


It took a while to let this sink in.

Hmmm...making us do all the terrible work... and after that showing up this way...
Writing so much about money, even with examples showing he knew far more about the financial situation of his brother than he made clear when he almost forced his brother to sign things away.


We're proud we haven't stolen anything in our lives and we never would do a thing like that.
We thought to sail around those family inheritance problems one hears about, and now suddenly we are caught up in it. Ugh!

I was ready to say that he could take things over and stuff himself with all the problems and ofcourse with the piles of money (which we don't believe are there.).
But it's not up to me to make that decision. I'm just married into the family.
So I said my things and was silent about the subject.

At the end of the evening I was asked to sit down n the couch. So I did.
"I'm going to ask him to pay half of all the money we need to pay up front, like cleaning the house, the cremations arrangements, etc etc.
That way people don't have to wait for their money, matters are settled and he can share in the good and the bad.
I'll tell him that when he doesn't want to take the risk, he'd better back out with his accussations and leave the professionals do their job. There's always the taxes looking over our shoulder, and he'll always be able to go to court to make them do the maths.
I've decided to have someone look into the financial matters when it's all done, so he gets what legally due to him.
I've found out that when my father died the officials were not told there was a third brother. which means that someone should look into the financial matters from the time my father died until now. I expect that telling him that will make clear we're not in for financial games.
he can have his share, but the way he deals with matters makes that I want to have my fair share too.
I don't know if he wants to pay cleaning the house and such in front, but when he doesn't, he should back out of wanting to share money."

I was amazed by this monologue and the way he wants to deal with matters.
Sounds fair.

Me oh my... inheritances makes much more clear than moneymatters.
They show how people truly are.

But it would have been far more fun when this was about millions, lots of real estate and boxes full of jewelry.

In this case it feels like stress that shouldn't have been induced.

Monday Crazy Questions: crazy is right

August 17 2009

1. Last tuesday which was good friday we came to tell you something we know nothing about.
You were asked to pull up a chair and sit on the floor. What do you make of this?

I think someone found out I'm the nearest psychologist and send you to me to make me prepare you for christmas.

2. The answer is YES...what is the question?

Do you want to make a world cruise?

3. The cops are banging on your door late at night. What are you thinking they are there for?

Maybe they're wondering why all the lights are out? LOl!
People can find someone awake at our home about 21 tot 22 hours of each 24 hours.

4. Children learn what they they say.. what would a child learn in your household??

What autism means in every day life.

5. Tell us about 1 family ritual your family does every year.

Remembering the birth- and deathday of my second child. (this weekend.)

6. What is the favorite food that you would eat everyday 3 times a day if you could?

Peperkoek, that's a kind of gingerbread, cinnamonstick, etc.

7. Tell us about your fantasy.

What phantasy? That I'm finally asked as a traveljournalist to make a program about visiting my online friends all over the world?

8. You are stranded on a deserted Island. You have plenty of food, a person to keep you company, shelter and life seems stress free. what do you tell the rescue ship when it arrives.??

Nothing at all. I would hide. Hide well.

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Sunday, August 16, 2009

and the winner is.....

august 16 2009

It took a bit longer than expected due to family circumstances, but then we had a moment with the girls.

We wrote all the names of the participants in the give-away on pieces of paper, numbered them.
Added the ones who deserved a second chance in the draw, and took the wonderful orange carnival cowboyhat.

After shaking the whole bunch of papers a few times, the girls took pleasure of calling their autistic brother and blindfolding him, but he didn't want to.
His ADHD brother offered his help and even offered to draw two names. LOL!
But we needed only one name.

And then the moment came that we had one piece of paper and I was able to unfold it.

When I opened it I saw:



(When she won't get in touch within 3 days I'll draw another name.)

Thank you very much Peggy from Lucky Girl Trading Co.
Your etsy site is a joy and I love the new additions.

Thank you very much for the generous gift certificate
and thank you for the joy of the giver-away.

Thank you all participants!


Saturday, August 15, 2009

22 years

august 15 2009

When she was born she was beautiful!

I remember that day like it was today, but it's 22 years ago.

Her eyes were blue like the lake nearby.

She made me feel so happy.
So happy.

She died the second day of her life in my arms.

The Longest Time

August 15 2009

1. What's the longest time that you've waited to meet your date? Tell us when and what happened.

It's a long time ago, so I don't know how many hours I waited.
He would come to me in the hall of the universitybuilding he worked, but he didn't show up.
I waited until a friend passed and told me he had gone home hours ago!
So I went to his place, got tea and some nice words, and I was stupid to accept his excuses.

Someone whould have warned me that forgetting a girlsfriend one time would mean putting her second place all his life.

2. What's the longest time that you've waited for a job interview? Tell us when and what happened.

Well, the jobintervieuw had to wait for me.
Someone jumped for the train I was in, and the train stopped for about three hours.
I explained it when I finally arrived and the psychologist in charge told me he knew, because he had been there to identify the patient.
I got the job.

3. What's the longest time that you've waited to have sex the first time with someone? Tell us why you waited.

Let's say that I never ever jumped in bed with someone without knowing the person thoroughly.
I'm now waiting for my prince on the white horse for years after my marriage died.
I guess the white horses are sold out and all the princes married well and living happy.

4. What's the longest time that you've not gone out on the town? Tell us when and what happened.

What does that mean: "not gone out on the town".
You mean not gone for an evening out?
Painful question. It has been years!! Just because I have 4 autistic kids.

5. What's the longest time that you've worked without a break. Tell us what your job was and why did it happen.

Without a break...pfff..2 days and a night.
It was when I worked at university and wanted to bring the results of the exams as the first, and without mistakes. We had 365 students at that time.

I broke the record, my effort was much appreciated, because for many students the vacation started that friday instead of the week after that.

6. What's the longest time that you've not posted on your blog? Tell us when and why.

I don't know, because I'm not focussed on the bad things.
It was because of computerproblems.

7. What's the longest time that you've been on the computer? Tell us what you were doing.

I don't know. Ive probably been designing something for someone else.

8. What's the longest time that you've waited for a friend? Tell us when and what happened.

I'm waiting for an old friend to contact me, that's years... does this count?

9. What's the longest time that you've gone without food? Tell us when and why.

2 days, because I started a hungerstrike for a good cause.
I got the amount of money that was needed. Everybody was frightened to death because I wasn't eating and I was already so very thin. I was young then.

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Friday, August 14, 2009

some people make me sick

august 14 2009

august 14 2009

Another hectic week.
It's like I don't deserve a vacation, ever.

Because of the unexpected death of my brother in law we had a strange and terrible week.
We had to deal with things we never expected to deal with.

Because my brother in law was found a few days later we were not able to enter his appartment and even after desinfection we were told to stay away.
But we needed the paperwork to take care of his part of handling the funeralarrangements of his mother, his insurancepapers and other paperwork...
So someone from the housing company went in, found them and handed it all over after cleaning it as good as possible.

Turned out he didn't do what was was agreed on, so we had/have to call everyone involved in the funeral of his mother and ask them whether the payments are made or not.

They were with three boys at home, but the youngest signed away all responsibilities and claims on an inheritance, in case there is one. So the only one left had to take care of everything.

Because he didn't even bother to tell the funeral company there was another brother, the council had started to arrange his funeral.
We called them just one hour before the burrial!
We knew it should be a cremation, my brother in law has been very outspoken about it, so we arranged it for next monday morning. Because no one of the family would be able to attend we have choosen for the cremation to be in our town. (Otherwise it would have been almost impossible to travel there as the other facility is too far away.)

We had some very hard decisions to make.
My brother in law was a person who loved equipment and such and he promised the girls each one a video recorder. He also had some family items in possession and a lot of other things.
But we couldn't go into the house and clean it all ourselves, hand out the promised items and regain possession of family items. We just got the weddingrings and the wallet where he put the money for his mothers funeral. (We gave it to him when he said he wanted to take care of it.But he never did.)
We had to spend an enormous amount of money to let a specialised company empty and clean the house.
And some other decisions had to be made.

Then we had to go through all the smelly paperwork, only to find he had a lot of debts.

I'm not talking about the psychological burden of this...

After all the unpleasant and timeconsuming work, almost everything done, the other brother decided he didn't want to sign away his responsibilities and other claims.
We thought we were without the troubles so many families face when someone has died, but it's just the same as so often: the guy wants money.

Well, when there's something left it won't be much, unless he wants to go into the house himself and sell all the lot.
It feels wrong that we had to go through all the terrible things ourselves and that after that he changes his mind and holds up his hand to collect what's left.

Well, we've never cared much for money and we won't be rich with kids like ours.

But in the back of my head I hoped to give the kids who wants to a daytrip to something special like an attraction park. My brother in law would have loved that.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Another death in the family

august 11 2009

One and a half month after his mother died he was found dead in his chair.

We got the news yesterday evening.

The father of my children had 2 brothers.
The youngest lived a very long time with his mother because of his special needs, and even when he moved out to live in his own appartment, he was with her almost every evening. They called each other at least 5 times a day.

We knew he would have huge problems to cope without her, so we tried to support him the way we could and we tried to make him accept help from nearby. But he didn't want to accept the idea that he needed someone else to visit him now and then to keep an eye on him.

We made a schedule of calling, and he agreed with that.
He would be called this morning...

His death came as a shock, but when it sank in a bit we had a feeling that we should have expected it, in a way.
He was overweight, had many healthproblems, used a load of medication and he was so tied up in the relationship with his mother that he couldn't live without her.
We're having a strange feeling that his live was completed, a whole, an entity that went full circle.

Tomorrow his brothers will meet and arrange the funeral.
Again we have to go through emtpying a full house of clutter.
He promissed the girls a videorecorder for each of them, and by now I just don't know where I have to leave all the stuff already.

Well, we just have to see.

This summer has been a complete disaster.
We were just trying to find something to spend a few days outside our house, but again...we're stuck and tied up.

I feel so sorry for the girls who had no more fun than a hair makeover and one night staying with their oldest brother.
We didn't even get the 1:32 dollshouse we're building downstairs.
I'll have to do that tomorrow, so we can do something girly together.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Leave me alone!

august 10 2009

Appointments are pouring in at a time that we're supposed to have vacation.
The dentist on wednesday, the psychiatrist of one of the boys on friday,and more. All that times that are inconveniently early or late, all at times I need to leave the worst combination of kids at home.

I'm living on other people's vacation stories, my daily outing is watering the plants at someone else's home, and I'm exhausted.

So when the girls left to stay for a friend, the boys were glued to their computers and mine died in the middle of a very sensible post, I made me a cuppa and rested my painful hip on the couch. In fact, I made myself watch a TV program with one of my favorite actresses and dozed off.

I'm allowed to.
I work 7 days a week, 20 hours a day, and haven't been on vacation for over 23 years.
Ofcourse I expected the garden pruned completely, the kitchen cleaned, dinner cooked and much more done in my dreams, but instead I feel asleep and was lying unseen by the world in a dark black hole.


Some beige dressed woman with a clipboard, working for one of the energy companies, rang the doorbell and made me wake up.

Why, oh why do people want to make money by calling others, ringing their doorbells and pushing pop-up advertisements in my face when I'm just trying to visit a site?

She was one of the kind that doesn't appologize for disturbing, but that wants to familiarise me with their first name.
I assume she was trained by one of those people who think that mentioning a name means coming closer to the psychological wellbeing of the person who opens the door.
She smiled a smile that was practiced in front of the mirror for a long time and started to tell me a story she must have told half of the neighbourhood already without anyone listening.
She looked...gazed at me with doggy eyes that reminded me of the enormous creature of wool and hairs that would sit on the top of my toes, sniffing at each bite I took of a cookie. His master's voice used to sound through the room: "don't feed him", and he'd bow his head, turn around and walk slowly away.
The drama of the moment would silence the room, until the hostess would call: "Who wants to have another cup of coffee?", and the spell was broken.

The smile of the woman in front of me was too fake to be friendly, her gaze impolite, her hair uncombed and especially: the moment was badly chosen.

"I'm sorry you have to earn the money to pay for your electricity this way, but you're the third this august who wants to make us make a mayor decision at the door. We never ever make mayor decisions this way, so I'm sorry.
And b.t.w. you're legally bound to show me your ID, instead of telling me private details like your first name."

She was still gazing at me when I said "bye", then said something that sounded like "thank you" and turned around, moving her hands into her pockets.
She was clearly searching something and by the time whe was entering the path to the door of the neighbours she had found her ID.

When I entered the room the english news was on. The woman kindly told the nation that food will be more expensive in the future so people need to grow their own vegetables.
It reminded me of my failed attempts of this year to grow lettuce.

The spell of the quiet afternoon was broken.
One of the boys came in and wanted me to shorten his trousers, another one wanted something nice to eat because it's vacation and the sun disappeared after a cloud so it was time to get the dry laundry inside.

Just one thought echoed in my mind: "Leave me alone!"

Sunday, August 9, 2009

The continuing story

august 9 2009

Still no sign of the letter of permission to send my autistic son to daycare.
When I'm remembering well the answer has to be in before the 23rd.
Well, it's about time.

It has cost me tremendous effort to make him agree with going and we hoped he would already be there during the summervacation so we could spend some time with the girls.
But it's like it's not about our needs at all, but just about the slow motions of the wheels of beaurocracy.
But the time things are finally decided I have to start motivating him all over again. Ugh!

The council represenative which has been bugging us for a long time wrote a letter to confirm she has received our application for freeing our son from school again.
Last schoolyear he was subscribed to his old school and we were forced to have a meeting with school. It resulted in just more of the same problems of before.
Ofcourse the school came out well: they got money for a kid with special needs without doing anything at all.

By law we have to be freed from the duty to subscribe to that school again.

We applied for that last year and it was rejected.

Now my sons social worker gave us a form to ask for permission to send our son to daycare. It was just to get a written confirmation of what was already agreed on between the two.

But on the form was also the old article of law mentioned: psychological inability to attend school.
I couldn't help myself crossing that one too. Because my son can't go to school anymore.
And it would be great when his former school wouldn't receive loads of money for doing nothing at all.

So we're in the whole process again.
This time I'm not willing to invest as much emotions as before.

When she wants me at the council for a meeting I'll go there with the social worker, so she won't be as manipulative as before, and I'll tell her that there's nothing changed in our case, so that it's time she changes fighting us and grants us what should be granted to make my son move forward.
He's at home since november 2007.. Went to school in between for just a few days, and it just didn't work.

His development has almost come to a standstill.
That's not because he doesn't have learning opportunities, but because his autism limits him in his motivation, interests and hunger for development.
More and more we experience difficulties in every day life, because he's growing in age and considers himself to be of an age to tell others how to behave.
It's so very difficult for the girls.
A brother of 17 years, more than 150 kg, behaving at the level of a 6 year old emotionally.


Saturday, August 8, 2009

Saturday 6

august 8 2009

1. What non-domesticated animal would you most like to see up close (assuming your safety was guaranteed)?

Urang utan and giraffe

2. What’s the most exotic animal you’ve ever touched or held in person?

An elephant.

When I came back a year later he ignored the people who were standing in front of him and walked towards me when he saw me. It was very interesting.

3. If you could take a cruise to the Bahamas or to Alaska, which one would you choose?

Alaska. It won't be crowded with tourists as much, I hope. And I'm in for some real scientific work and discussions.

4. Where’s the most “exotic” place you’ve been to so far?

The Africa museum.

5. Take the quiz: The Jungle Test

You Are Intuitive

You are very sharp and shrewd. You can see the best and worst sides of people.

Right now, you are seeking excitement and a bit of adventure in your life.

You are drawn to people who are philosophical and thoughtful.

You feel like there are many major things in your life that need to be changed.

You are quick to react. You are courageous and bold.

6. If you could afford it, which would you most like to have in your backyard: a fish pond, a Japanese garden, a water fountain or a quiet gazebo?

A garden house. That's on my wishlist for a long, long time.
So I'll do with the quiet gazebo.

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For those who miss me online:
my computer doesn't work properly and the laptop I'm using is so slow it should be forbidden.

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On Broadway

August 8 2009

1. Have you ever seen a Broadway play? If yes what and when?

No, I don't live in the USA.

2. Tell us about one strange event in your life this week.

A strange event this week?
Can't imagine something, or it must be that President Obama wants to acknowledge the international court. I pleaded for this during the elections in a mail to him.

3. Have you ever lied to "get the guy/gal"?

No need to.

4. Tell us about your best friend.

At the moment my best friend is an online friend.
I miss her tremendously, because I'm not much online at the moment. This laptop is too slow to make it possible to mail to and fro or follow twitter.

5. What was the best vacation that you ever had?

One that was too many years ago, to be precise: 40 years ago.

Haven't been on vacation for 23 years now. Ugh!

6. What was the last big purchase you made?

Laundry machine. The former one died.
The new one can deal with 7 kg's laundry and a song sounds when it's finished.
Still makes me think that doing the laundry is no fun, though.

7. What is your favorite non-alcoholic drink and when did you start drinking it?

It's blackberry. I first drank it when I was about 15 or so, in Germany.
Haven't had it for years now.

I love raspberry too.

8. When was the last time someone did not believe you?

I don't remember the precise date, but people often don't believe me when I say that I have 4 autistic boys.
One of them is classic autistic and when I tell someone what I have to deal with, some people won't believe me.

I also meet people who won't believe my cooking is very very healthy.
My autistic boy is very obese, because his father can't stop giving him unhealthy food and our son is hungry all the time. When he has dinner, he can't stop eating during the evening. I can't stop my husband giving in.
I'm overweight myself too. I was a balletdancer and when I stopped it was quite sudden because I got diabetic and couldn't cope with ballet anymore. I was soo tired.
Then I also got meds that made me gain weight like I was eating sweets all day. Ugh!
Now I lack the chance to exercise in a good way because I'm always at home for the boys.

So people just don't believe me when I say I know peorfectly well what is healthy.
They don't look how I feel.

9. You have signed on to direct a romantic comedy. Who are your stars?

Whoopie Goldberg
The rest needs to audition. LOL!

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Thursday, August 6, 2009

We really, really want to move.

august 6 2009

My computer is still causing loads of problems.
Ofcourse someone gave access to a laptop, but it's so slow and it has no programs to work with, so all the fun is gone.
I just need my own files and programs and I'm OK.

Apart from that I need my computer to find jobs in Scotland or England, so we can move away from here.
I'm completely ready to leave everything behind and move to a place where it's really quiet.
Imagine, even the animals are trying to find a hiding place for the noise this year. In the morning, before my boys and girls wake up there are children yelling around and calling loud, with parents who don't care about other people, and the birds come to my garden. I had about 20 to 30 young blackbirds in my garden this morning.
They were eating the elderberries that had fallen from the tree. And were hopping around with a bunch of finches and other birds, including their parents, sitting in the trees and on the fence.

Cats don't like to come to my garden, because I make them leave as soon as possible. So it truly is safe for the birds.

So the neighbourhood is changing with the new families that have come to live here.
We used to take care not to disturb other people, especially not during the summer.
When my kids were talking too loud, I told them to come in and close the door and tell what they needed to tell. That way other people could have a quiet time with their eyes closed in the sun.

Well, maybe it's good that things have changed. It makes us more motivated to move.

So when you know a job available for us in the UK, just let me know.
The father of the children is a biologist and he's got plenty of experience with council work.
I'm a psychologist. One of the boys works in ICT, another one is a student photographer.
We're OK to work in a tourist area, or somewhere else.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009


august 5 2009

When you sign your name on cards, do you add the hugs and kisses too?

Ofcourse it depends on who is on the receiving end.

Here in The Netherlands people are not very open about emotions like loving family and friends.
Hugging is not a thing done on cards or mails. Kisses are good for exchange between girly friends, lovers and spouses.
We have the word "liefs" which resembles something like: very friendly, almost loving greeting.
And we use, more often, `groetjes`, which means± friendly greetings.

So these are the words I use, whenever I send a card.

Speaking of cards, do you care enough to send the very best? Do you care if it’s a Hallmark card?

When I send s card I don't look for special names on the back, but for nice images on the front.
I can spend quite some time looking for one single card, and I'd rather not send one, than one I don't feel fits the person and the occasion.

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Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Looking back on a life

august 4 2009

Yesterday I heard that someone I worked with in the past has died.
We didn't have much contact over the past 20 years, but we have some wonderful memories about her playing with my oldest.

During our meetings with my babies around us, we developed a new way of calming babies, handling them, taking them our of bed. That means: she thought it to be new, but I just copied what I learned from my gram. I had it, she developed it as her trademark and earned a lot of money teaching it to other parents.
I didn't mind it at the time, because I had my children to care for and I was filled with loads of new ideas and plans.

We visited families to try out our ideas and it worked perfect.
She wanted to write a book about it, but I couldn't deal with her messy appointments, last minute calls that she wanted to postpone, forcing times and not showing up, not bringing the things we needed etc etc. I wondered how to fill a book with a few handy tricks anyway.
Later I heard she found someone who was able to put up with it all. The book they made was very nice.

we continued seeing each other on the professional level. Those times were absolutely great! We had a great amount of laughs, lots of fun, and intense serious working moments.
I knew she was older than I am, but I didn't know she was almost 30 years older.

Focussing more on autism, meant moving away from the area she worked in.

So I didn't know she was confronted with dementia.
I feel sorry her life became so small and she got so lost in orientation.
She was always the person who could find any house in town...

It was a shock to find out she died by an advertisement of the organisation of her former profession. When I finally got hold of the original advertisement it turned out that she was burried with family only.

What a sad end of a life that was filled with social contacts.
Dealing with people was what she loved best, and I'm sure many, many people have fond memories of all sorts of funny moments with her.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Manic Monday #178

august 3 2009

Would you rather go a week without bathing, but be able to change your clothes, or a week without a change of clothes, but be able to bathe?

Well, it doesn't say there's no water and no soap available, ej?
I've been born in a time that we had to wash with a washcloth and only could bathe once a week. We had to be and stay clean.
I'm sure I can still manage without a bath.
So I'll wash myself properly each day and have clean clothes too.

If you had to be trapped in a TV show for a month, which show would you choose?

Without doubt it would be either Casualty (BBC1), Holby (BBC2) or As The World Turnes.
No problem at all. In fact: I would be delighted when they'd ask me.

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Sunday, August 2, 2009

what a weekend!

august 2 2009

Yesterday was a complete disaster with autiboy.
Me oh my, he had a mood that would burn him right through the icecap of the northpole.
I'm quite ready to let him go ...

Today I was so tired from it all that I couldn't relax when they were all out of the house.
My oldest invited him and the girls over and I think he accepted because he felt guilty about yesterday.

His father was so caught in his own plans that he invited hiomself over for dinner there, which was not welcomed at either site.
It was his turn to cook here.
Well, after a lot of hazzle, he came to cook... ahem...
We got chinese take away from the chinese nearby.
Meaning: far too peppery, and bad vegetables.
Well, at least we had something to eat and tomorrow I'll cook.

I planned to work in the front garden a bit, to change our private jungle into a normal summer garden again, but when I wanted to go outside it started to rain.
Is that called natural protection?
It sure had the result that I had a cup of coffee and watched TV for a while, so I got some rest after all.

My computer is still creating problems. In the evening I was able to finish putting the photos at a save place.
Now I have to rescue the rest. Including all the sheetmusic for bagpiping.

But first I'll try and find something nice to do with the girls tomorrow.
Maybe get the dollshouse out and work on one of the rooms.
It's 1:12.

It's a pity we don't have a shop nearby to get some things, but I found a very nice placemat last month which will be a beautiful floor in the balletroom.

Jave a great day all! And don't forget the give-away!

Saturday, August 1, 2009


August 1 2009

1. What do you typically like to do on a rainy day?

What I would like to do: take a long walk at the beach. But alas, it's too far away and there's too much to do.

2. Tell us about the last time you did something you later regretted, that you can share with us.

Hmm...can't think of something at the moment. Life goes too fast to be able to regret things.

3. I recently got an email from a lover from a very long time ago. I was asked "Have all your dreams come true?" If it were you and it was from someone you remember fondly, how would you answer the question?

I'd probably answered that I was too much needed by my children to realise my own dreams.
And then divert the attention to him.

4. If you had a job interview and was asked, "If you were an animal, what kind would you be (other than human?)" How would you answer that question.

Well, I would think that I'd be so me earless creature so I wouldn't hear all those stupid questions. LOL!
I think I'd say a giraffe, so I could oversee what's going on at the workfloor. LOL!

5. Do you think it is a good idea to share with a new lover stories of your past lovers?

It depends on the stories. I wouldn't share intimate stories though, but the anecdotes is a different thing.

6. When do you think it is permissible or even important to lie?

No. But in war lying is allowed when many lives are saced that way.

7. What was the last thing you did that you never thought you would?

The last?

Well, taking the decision to move to Scotland.
So now we're orientating, and looking for jobs.

8. What is one important lesson that you learned from your mother?

A clean house doesn't make you happy.

9. What is one important lesson that you learned from your father?

When people lie or are fooling you, just wait. The truth will come out in due time.

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july 18 2009

1. What’s the oldest item in your freezer?

I'm sure it's a package of cabage.

2. How likely is it that you’d actually thaw and use that item versus just tossing it?

It's an item for winterfood, so it'll disappear to the compostheap when it's over date, or it'll be eaten before.

3. What food item is the healthiest in your freezer?

Soupvegetables. Came in today.

4. How many frozen dinners do you have in your freezer right now?

None. We always cook our meals or get frites.

5. Take the quiz: What Frozen Treat Are You?

You Are an Ice Cream Sandwich

You are well grounded, reliable, and very balanced.

You love to work hard, but you also know how to take it easy.

People might be surprised to know you have a very goofy side to you.

You like to let loose and have fun. You just don't let yourself go too crazy!

6. How many frozen treats like ice cream do you have in your freezer?

2 horns, 1 magnum and loads of watericepopsicles.

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Summerdays in my memories

august 1 2009

Living near the woods during my childhood was such a joy.

Not only had we the opportunity to go and play there after school in a time that playing in the woods was safe, we also had a hide-away that was unaccessible for our parents.

Maybe that intense feeling of freedom has made me hate all those control regulations in our society.
None watched us, we had no number, but we were kind to each other, careful with nature, and we lived from toe to hair.

Often in the weekend my dad took me for a long walk in another area of the woods. Further from home.
He taught me so many things about nature...I still have knowledge about nature to share with my children for years to come.

It's so strange to realise that people have changed so much, that it's now not safe to go alone to these parts of the woods.

My memories of these days are so special that I regret my oldest can't remember the times he walked there with my father.
And I regret even more that my children have no grandparents at all to spoil them.

Especially during vacations like these it would have been so nice for them to enjoy being with someone older who really cares for them unconditionally and who enjoys spending time with them.

I used to work a lot in the garden with my grandmom, and after that we drank tea with homemade cookies. The great doors of the room were open, and the soft wind blew the curtains in the room like a fae entered our happy moments.