Sunday, July 19, 2009

Letting go

july 18 2009

1. In a moment of anger, someone close to you says something unkind: even after he or she apologizes, how easily do you let it go?

I used to be able to let it go easily.
Ofcourse the child would get a short lecture about how te deal with anger, and the grown up would get the message about my feelings.

The last months it costs me more time.
It's time I'm not the one who has to direct everyone's behaviour.
Even my autistic son should be able to internalise some impulse regulation.
And that certainly goes for his father.

The repeating situations are irritating me.
It's like only their emotions count.

That I want to cope with their behaviour won't last much longer.
I stayed at home from england because of their behaviour.
I have to pull them out of situations that shouldn't have emerged at all, because the father should take his responsibilities more serious than his ego.

2. Your boss criticizes you for something you’ve done wrong: how quick are you to put the criticism itself out of your mind?

I'm not working for pay so that makes things easy. I work more at an advisory level at my profession at the moment, and as a public speaker.

But I'm a perfectionist, certainly at the professional level.
As a psychologist I can't afford to make mistakes, because the lives of other people are involved.

Thinking back I can't remember having made a mistake that made my/any boss criticise me.
But I have lot of self criticism and I can bug myself to bits.

3. Take the quiz: Are You Thin-Skinned or Thick-Skinned?

You Are Thick-Skinned

People may not always love you, but that's totally fine.

You're happy with who you are, and you don't really crave outside approval.

You love yourself, and that's the most important thing. You have high self esteem.

And because you don't care what other people think, they tend to like you a lot!

4. As a general rule, are you more encouraging to others, or do others tend to be more encouraging to you?

I'm the one encouraging others.
Apart for some online friends (thanks!!) no one encourages me.
That's one of the problems thgat I feel empty and in need of a vacation.

5. If you’re on the fence about a decision, how likely is pressure to do what your friends want you to do going to affect your decision?

Well, I make my own choices.
Hardly having a social life helps a lot.

But when I look broader: I've been standing up a lot against socalled authorities the past years. Like the council representative in the case of the unavailability of a schoolplace for my son.

6. Think of the oldest thing said to you that “stings” for one reason or another that you haven’t completely let go of: how long ago did that happen?

My youthfriend, which was like a brother, called me cold.
I felt very hurt, until my best friend told me that it was the analytical way of dealing with problem situations that made him say that.
He was right.
I never panick when something happens. When I would have had the chance to become a doctor I'd certainly be one at the ER.

After it became clear my marriage was over I first thought it was due to me. That I didn't invest enough feelings in our relationship.
Which was nuts to think, I know that now.
I was married with an autistic man and all my efforts to invest feelings were slowly dying because of lack of response.

I miss my friend very much, and now and then his painful remark pops up.
Maybe I wasn't shy in meeting boys and men. Maybe I was just cold.

But deep in my heart I know I just haven't met the right one.
I wonder if I ever will.

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For those who miss me online:
my computer doesn't work properly and the laptop I'm using is so slow it should be forbidden.

Logo made by me with tubes from Sweet and Kool.

1 comment:

  1. I started reading thinking I don't care what anyone says ... But I sooooo do!!


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