Thursday, July 2, 2009

A circle and walls

july 1 2009

My ADHD son wasn't diagnosed with epilepsy, but he's referred to the cardiologist.
The neurologist wants the referral to be realized soon.

He'll refer to a mutual friend who saw my son when he was a baby. So it's like the circle is closing.

When he won't be available my son will be referred to the grown up department of cardiology.

We'll see.

In the evening my autistic son and his father had a row.
It was the result of his father considering the breaking of a bag with sweets as something his sister did at will. She didn't.
Her brother stood up for her and his father didn't accept it.
I told him to finish the situation by walking away, but his ego was more important than parenting.

Ofcourse I understand that he's dealing with his feelings about the death of his mother and the burden of sorting out the house.
But I don't understand his negativity and lack of interest in parenting.
He just doesn't care how to deal with autism.

All 23 years I've done almost all the parenting, which means I have to be at home all the time.
I expected to be able to go away for a weekend.
Already I canceled the week I wanted to take a vacation.

Well, I won't accompany my asperger son to London, because I have to stay in this prison here.
After all these years with a socalled partner, who is nothing more than an uncaring hotel guest, I feel terribly lonely.
Thought that returning to England, even for a few days, would cheer me up.

Well, like I said to an online friend, I'd better start painting these virtual prison walls.

What will we do when I'm stuck in this life 25 years?
Not even two years to go from now.


  1. I am so sorry that you will miss your trip. I know how much you were looking forward to it. Life can be really frustrating.
    I hope that you manage to rise above it and face the day. Chin up, I will think of you.

  2. I'm sorry it's so hard and I will be thinking of you.


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