Tuesday, June 2, 2009

The ugly, the bad and the good

june 1 2009

It was one of those days that should be forgotten.

The day started out quite well, with one of the girls leaving for the swimmingpool. (The other went yesterday).

Problem was that his non-royal highness (the father of the children) thought he would go to town to shop with boy4 (Yep, the autistic one).
But even early in the morning it was clear it would be a very warm day. So I already expected no foot of him would ever reach to the centre of town today, let alone two.

Soon after my first cup of coffee the complaining began: it was too hot, his shoes didn't fit well when the weather is good (hmm..., I had a swollen foot last week), he had nothing to eat, ofcourse the shops he likes wouldn't be open, etc etc.

In the meantime I was mailing my followers at Twitter to donate just $1 for the fund of Michael Buckholtz (will make 1200 dollars), causing my wrist to hurt as bad as hell, but who cares? A second cup of coffee and I went on, until I decided it was time to negotiate a quiet moment between my autistic son and his dad.
Dad was irritated that his plans fell through, son was irritated that his father kept on pushing to go.

I thought this would be it for the day, but it wasn't.

Part was my mistake, because I pointed out that there were leakingmarks in the ceiling and that the bath needed a new silicone border.
It was like I said an elephant peed in the bathroom and he needed to clean it up with a cottonball.

Twitter threw me out for 24 hours at my autism account for making too many movements in an hour. Well, it's for a good cause.

The day went on, with a feeling that any moment a vulcano would burst under our house.

My autistic son started to complain again.
I just ignored it, which works best, but his father started to respond to it.
He just sucked the energy in and suddenly he got extremely angry.

What a pity he hasn't got a pacemaker, because I would have pulled out the plug.
He threw something away, which hit my head, so I couldn't go on motivating bloggers to spread the word about the hunger strike.
I said something, and was told to shut up in such a way that I couldn't stay silent.

There's a fine line between being angry and being abusive, and in my eyes he crossed the line.
I'm not a second class human being.
And I don't want him to feel he has power over me, because I have nowehere to go.
And I certainly think he shouldn't argue with the children at their level.
He's old enough to act as a grown-up.

I hate these situations because it's clear that he's angry because his plans won't be realized and that his autistic need to follow his plans and routines is frustrated.
He doesn't acknowledge his autism. Fighting against the obvious, trying to stick to a self-image which isn't clearly not right, causes bad feelings. He knows it. But his male ego....

Well, we're on the list to take part in a research program to find the genes for autism. I bet they'll be able to extract a full bowl of autism genes out of him. LOL!

I used my energy and frustration about the behaviour of both of them to drop entrecards and get the hunger strike even more on the blogger's map.
But in the meantime I was asking myself if I really can go to England next month.
Maybe it's better to stay at home and keep supervising all these people who are not able to take the responsibility for their own actions, because they're not able to see how they deal with others.

Going to england is realizing a dream I kept for 40 years now.
I lost contact with the people where my father stayed during WW2, when he served in the army, but I haven't lost the feeling of being at home there.

It tears my heart that I should have to decide to stay at home because the father of the kids is not able to act as a grown up.

When I came back at Twitter someone told me she felt like I spammed her.
There are always people making good things seem negative.

But there were also people who told me they bought Michael's book, would blog about the hunger strike, donated at least 1 dollar. Someone said she would donate $3 from every sold item of her online shop.

Everyone is asleep here... so I'm off. Bye!


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