Friday, June 12, 2009

A strange sense of waiting

june 12 2009




Finally some sun.
After the rain killed all the new plants and the vegetables I'd so carefully sown we can use a bit of brightness.

With a coffee, sitting on the couch with the paper in front of me I caught myself waiting.

Waiting for what?

The application for daycare for my autistic son is postponed a bit.
Turned out that the social worker gave me the wrong paperwork!

So I've filled in all those forms I hate all for nothing.

As compensation she's going to fill in the right papers.
Well, this will only take more time.
I hope my autistic son would be able to start working at the restaurant far before the busy vacation time, but it's now obvious this won't happen.
Now he either starts in the busy time and maybe considers the place far too noisy and backs out, or e starts after the vacation so we'll have no day without stress all those weeks long.

What bothers me too is that now childcare will be involved.
They have to decide about kids up the age of 18.

I don't want them in my house, I don't want them to judge over my family and me.

One of the reasons we never requested a grant or any financial help was that we didn't want those people involved.
I've heard so many bad stories.
Moms who say that at times the burden is too much and are confronted with a court order to have their child institutionalized.
Tell me, which mom never sighs that she can't deal with it anymore?
We all do, and after that we smile and go on.

One of the kids just came in and told me that Madonna is allowed to adopt another child.
I wanted to adopt a child, but because we were above 40 the files were closed.
She's 50, and she can take another child home from Malawi.
It gives me a strange feeling of not belonging to this world, where rules and regulations are more important than people.

3 of my kids have their life put on halt because of forms, meetings and all those other elements of bureaucracy.
  1. One because the wrong forms were used. The information is all there and will be all there, just at a different place, at a different piece of paper.
  2. One because that son tested with a higher IQ than required
  3. One because he needs someone to help him with some things at school and the person doesn't work until next tuesday. Oh...and that person has forms to fill in too.


Clouds are shifting in front of the sun, but clear blue can still be seen between them.

Maybe I'll sow new vegetables this afternoon, when the laundry is on the line and some things that really need to be done are done.

A month from now I'm in London. Don't know where my oldest and I will stay after the 14th.
It depends who wants to see me and when.

And I have to decide in what suitcase or bag I want to take my bagage.
Only handbagage. So the right size of tote bag would be best, instead of a small suitcase which weighs a ton. But where do I find the right size of bag and get it here in time?
I have to make it myself, but there's no fabricshop near where I live.
Well, we'll see.

Finally, after all those years, I'll be in england again.

I can't wait.
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