Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Oh no! he's not going?

june 17 2009

Son nr 2, with PDD-NOS, finally got a second chance to go to a special school to become a photographer.

After a lot of problems with his "mentor" who didn't know how to deal with him at all, his application was rejected.
With his social worker I went there and we had a long meeting.

After that he had a talk with the psychologist and all looked well.

Until this evening.

His nervous got a grip on him and he has decided not to go.

His dream is to become a photographer, but he can't sit in a school-ish environment.
He feels he's sitting there, doing nothing for hours.
That's not true, but that's how he feels.
He feels locked up.
But he has to be there, showing he's interested in learning.
He doesn't see the use of it, as he has learned himself so many things already.
The school though, wants to observe him.
But he doesn't want to be observed.

Get the picture?

There is nothing we can do anymore.
We went through it all in the past, a few weeks ago. So often. So many years.
We can't go on talking to him like we're brainwashing him. It doesn't work anymore.
He rejects help.

I feel terribly sad, because he throws away his own future.
But he's grown up, and he wants to take his own decisions.
It sounds harsh to say he should deal with the consequences himself, but he should.

I know I have to take a step back, and I'm taking a huge step back.
It's a bit too large for my feelings though.

With normal children one sees the outcome of what one has invested.
But with kids like these, sometimes there's surprising progress and sometimes there is none at all.

At moments like these I feel that all we have done for him the past 19 years has disappeared.
I want to yell at him and tell him he should just go and don't make a fuzz, because things like these are part of human life.
We all have to do things we don't like, and we all have to proof ourselves one time or another.

His younger brother got the same message this afternoon.
And maybe, maybe he can get his older brother accept this truth of life.

Well, tomorrow morning we'll see whether he goes to that school or throws away the future he wished for himself.

A months or so ago that mentor had a go at me for mediating between him and her.
I involved his social worker in the matter.
Now I feel I have to leave things to her.
Not because I'm lazy, but because he has to realize I can't be his external motivator anymore.
I taught him all I could, and this lesson belongs to the curriculum of life.


He went. One hour too late. Ugh!

1 comment:

  1. Spectrum Mother @ wordpressJune 17, 2009 at 1:11 AM

    I'm am sorry for you and having my own son with Aspergers I understand. Another door will open for your son soon. I will keep the two of you in my heart. Hugs.


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