Wednesday, June 10, 2009

A complete new experience.

Son3, with ADHD, dyslexia and autistiform behaviour, has been working a couple of years at a large shop.
Everybody was happy with him, because he took so well use of the hyperactivity. In the same mount of time he did sometimes twice as much as others.

But the combination school and work, doing lots of overtime, took it's toll.
He looked very bad.
But he kept on working.
Until he reached the age of 18. The age they want to get rid of the employees, because they should earn a little bit more according to the law.

Then they tried to get rid of him. It didn't work, because there were no legal ground to throw him out.

The last time they tried my son was ill and he was not working because the local manager thought it to be a risk to have him on the workingfloor when he was examined for epilepsy.
So again they went the unlawful way.
I told them, using the law. I told them that the law wants a person to be seen by a doctor first.

Last week they wanted us to be there far too early in the morning, so I canceled.
Today we had a better time, meaning less time traveling.
About 1,5 hours.

We arrived in time. Meaning 20 minutes waitingtime before and 20 minutes waitingtime after the appointment was scheduled.

A guy, the doctor, came and called my son's name.
We were so relieved it was finally time (waiting when you have ADHD should be paid, as it's difficult to sit still.) that we jumped up, grasped our bags and coats and walked towards the guy.

Being just my own friendly me, I stretched my hand towards him to shake hands.
He looked the other way, stepped aside, ignored my hand and said: "No, not you, I'm going to shake his hand first." It was said in a rude way, and I felt very offended.
"Well, etiquette says a woman should be greeted first.", I joked, and kept smiling like a statue in the bright summersun.

I saw a flash in his eyes and he replied very hostile that he decided to give a hand to my son first and he had nothing to do with me.
"Maybe I needed to have told you I'm his mom". Then he started to throw all sorts of remarks over me which were very impolite and aggressive. And walked away to his room. We followed him.
He kept talking the same rubbish.
I asked him whether he treated all his clients like that.
"No, only those of the AH." (This is a chain of grocery shops where many young people work and are treated rather bad. It's also the shop where my son works.)
It was clearly no joke and it gave me the feeling he had preconceptions about the people working there.

We sat down and he told me that he didn't want me there, he wanted to speak with my son, and alone with him.
He didn't tell me, he just threw it out with full aggression and as impolite as he could.
"My son asked me to come with him, and I might have some valuable medical information for you which will shorten the length of this consultation."
"I'm not going to discuss your son with you. He should have written a consentform before. And since I don't have it. I won't discuss matters with you."
Clearly the guy was wrong. Those forms are only important when the person is not present, but in this case my son was sitting beside me. I told him so.
The way he reacted made me think his testosteron had exploded.
Again he said things that were offensive and said to underline his high standing.
So I asked: "Are you having a powercontest with me?"
"No, but I'm telling you what I want to say", and he went on insulting me.

When this would have been one of my boys I would have told him to leave the room and not to show up the next two hours to give me time to calm down.
But he was far worse than any of my boys at the height of puberty.

I was thinking about a way to end this unbelievable situation when he suddenly told me that I was keeping things going because I had an answer to everything. I should stop saying something when he had said something.
That was funny, because I was silent.
It was like he had a delusion and was talking to someone else who had been irritating him his whole life.
"I'm wasting my time, it's ten minutes now we're talking like this. You want a say on everything"
"Yes, and you want to have the last word", I replied. LOL!

Again I told him that his behaviour was a disgrace to for him and his profession and that I never ever had to deal with someone who acted that way.
I refrained from telling him he needed to be checked out, because that might make him explode even more. I also decided not to tell him to act like a gentleman in front of a real lady (Yep, I am one. A real one, yes.)

In the meantime he kept on raging, which gave the whole situation a kind of out of space character.

"Well, it's clear you can't handle a situation like this in a proper way. You're only insulting me in an aggressive way, and you feel like you've got a lot more status and power than anyone else. I guess you need it.
I'm not putting up with an attitude like this by my children, nor by my husband. In fact no one ever talked to me like this and no one behaved like this in front of me. I'm not putting up with this anymore.
In case you lack medical information, you only have to reflect on the absolute mess you created.
I'm very happy I've never ever treated a client like this in my whole life, and I'm sure I never ever will.

And I left.

The walls and door were made of glass, and I tried to slam the door behind me.
Oh, it would have felt soo good when the glass would have broken, but it didn't. There was a safety device on it, so I couldn't even slam the door. Ugh!

Then I bursted out in tears.
I'm not used to that, so that gave me the impulse to go to the secretary and ask a form to complaint.

I did.

I'm very happy I didn't call him any names. I'm not like that, but in this case it would have been very appropriate.
At the moment I still feel a bit amazed and alienated by this experience.

When my son came out I didn't even ask for the outcome of his talk with that doc.
Ofcourse the guy would have given him permission to stay at home until the results of the neurological exams.
If this had not been the case I certainly would have had grounds to make life difficult for him, because he had rejected medical information.

When we were in the train he told me the guy behaved distant but polite to him.
The guy asked him when he could call to get the result of the neurological examinations.
My son told him: friday at 19.00 hours, and gave him his father's phonenumber... because his own phone didn't work well.

Why did the guy agree with that time?

Friday's at 19.00 hours my son's father is tired as can be. At that time he's in a crowded train on his way home.
I'm sure he'll tell the guy to call him at 21.00 hours or during office hours.
Or maybe he'll tell him he won't discuss matters about my son without a signed consent form.

We'll see.

I'm glad I stayed polite, relatively calm, and that the guy didn't win his self chosen battle.
He shouldn't have messed with my scottish stubborn genes.


  1. Some people just wanted respect when in the first place they should learn to give respect to others first. And that was certainly not a way to treat a lady or even anyone. How can we trust a doctor who is more interested in getting respect than in treating the patient?

  2. Spectrum Mother @ wordpressJune 11, 2009 at 1:10 AM

    What a nerve! That's all I have to say; he must be a very sad and lonely man. Sorry you had to experience that - sounds like you handled it much like I would - joked at first, tried to tolerate, and than realized you didn't have to put up with the behavior, stood your ground, and then burst in tears. Sums up how I respond to brutes as well. Thank you for sharing this. Your son is fortunate to have you as his Mom. I hope his medical tests are clear and the situation clears up.

  3. That's unbelievable!

    Hun, report this guy!

    I know many of these young kids would love you for it.

  4. I am really surprised by that type of behavior. That's unfortunate. I would file a complaint as well.


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