Saturday, April 11, 2009

The never ending story - starts again

april 11 2009
At december 17 2008 I wrote: It's never ending, I fear.

Well, this week a letter came and it was like a hand slapped me in the face:
She, the council representative (I don't know a name in english. But all she does is harras parents and force kids to go to school and when they don't they are brought to court.)...
so she wrote me a letter and said that she spoke about my son anonymously at a school for deaf and hearing impaired kids.

The anonymously was placed there to keep me calm, because I almost suit her for using my sons name when talking with another school, and I mailed all those who had been informed about my sons situation that it was without my consent and they should erase his name from all files, notebooks etc.

That might seem a bit strange, but after all the problems we have had with people talking about my son, making decisions, without any knowledge about autism and about him I was fed up with dealing with the consequences of their stupidity.

In the letter she stated that she found out that that school for hearing impaired children had an autism class and she had spoken with the principal and they were willing to take him.

I said there for a moment in complete silence.

Now she's got me... already in 1986 I had a discussion with my professor of clinical psychology stating that the communicating difficulties between autistic and hearing impaired children might be different, but their intelligence is OK and they all experience distance to the world. Maybe it would be it would be wise to conduct research into the matter.
It might be that hearing impaired children and mild to moderate autistic kids would benefit from the same style of education.
(I was told I was too early thinking that and I'd better come back 20 years later.)

A bit of reading on the site of the school made clear that there are two curriculums.
  1. one for kids who are able to graduate with a diploma. They will be brought back in the regular educational system. (Yep, the one my autistic son couldn't deal with.)
  2. one for kids that ned either something to keep them busy during the day and for kids that are able to work in one way or another.
Well, as my son had huge problems with schools, because there were too many disturbing impulses, I don't feel happy with him being forced to go into the same social structure again.
He has proved that he couldn't deal with it, and I'd rather not want us all to go again through all the problems.
For example: I had to motivate him in the mornings to make him go to school. It took about 2 hours of brainwashing each day. In the end it not only took en enormous emotional toll on both of us, I also considered it a kind of abuse. (And I had no attention for the other kids. They always went to school from a house in motion.)
On top of it we all had to deal with the emotional consequences of being in an environment he couldn't understand and deal with.
He always came home angry and with a chaotic mind.
I had to help him to understand the behaviour of other people, had to clear up misunderstandings (to the other people too), had to calm him. Then I had the struggle to motivate him to do his homework. Part of it needed my attention, because for instance reading a larger piece of text or a book was almost impossible. He was not able to grasp the emotional content, not able to grasp that certain consequences could be anticipated etc etc.

I can't do it anymore.

And I don't think it should be done.

I'm sure he has talents somewhere hidden, and all the time he was not going to school (for over a year now) I've been trying to motivate him to do things out of line of his usual activities.

Turned out he's great at baking fish. Perfect spicing, just perfect.
I'm not the one here in the house who does that job. He does.

When a program was on TV about kids with down syndrome and other mental conditions he was suddenly very talkative and he took an honest interest in them.
When he saw one of them going to work in a restaurant, a special project to enable those kids to develop their abilities, he said he wanted something like that too.

So I contacted his social worker and were in the process of having him admitted to a small restaurant which is a protected learning environment for young people.

Here he will be supported on an individual basis. The aim is to find him a working place where he can earn his own money.

So in the end the result is the same as the second curriculum of that school.
But the way he reaches that result will be smooth and with respect for what he can do and can't. And it will be far less interfering with the lives of all the other family members.

I'm sure that councilwoman will want a fight about this, because she wants to stick to the law that all kids need to go to school, and she ignores the needs of kids with special needs.
Our town has the lowest rate of educational drop outs, but it's at the costs of families like ours.
I've spoken with so many parents which were forced to put their kids in an institution where they forced their children to go to school. Ofcourse those kids weren't able to get a diploma and they even ended up in lower jobs than they would have had otherwise, because they were far more emotional withdrawn due to the abuse in the institution.
I've seen so many many.

I want people to respect my kids.
Not only those who are considered "normal", but also those who are dealing with autism.

I don't want my son to be used to get the statistics of this town to the top of the list.

I want my son to get the chance to develop himself in the way that is best for him.
Developing talents and being content is of more importance, than earning money.
To be made into a robot is not what I want for my kid. I want him to learn that to develop himself feels good in such a way, that he'll be able to grasp opportunities.

So, unless this council woman is able to see what's best for him, we're in for a fight again.

I'm planning to do a give-away for autism during the second part of this month.
All help is appreciated.



  1. Keep on going, hun.

    Maybe it's time to involve the media to expose the way the law is misused/abused to interfere with the development of children with special needs.

  2. Do you want me to send Abby over there to butt her? I will. He is your son and you know best.


Thank you for your comment.