Saturday, February 28, 2009


february 29 2009

1. What is the last "white" lie that you told?

I honestly can't remember.

2. Can you forgive a liar?

Depends on the lie, but when people are lying to make themselves look better I don't feel happy with that.
When people don't trust me with the truth it makes me really angry.

3. Do you tend to exaggerate or underestimate?

Not intentionally.

4. Do you hold a grudge?


5. What's the biggest lie you've ever told?

That my autistic son was doing OK, just to keep him from being institutionalised.

6. Are there times that you feel that it is okay to lie?

Yes. It always concerns the wellbeing of my children, or better said: the protection of my children.

7. Did you ever end a relationship because of lies?


8. Do you think you can tell when someone is lying to you?

Often I can. but not always.
But now I'm getting older, I'm getting better.

9. Have you been caught lying?


Have a great weekend!

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Friday, February 27, 2009

Food 4 Thought Friday

february 27 2009

Who was your childhood hero?

I don't know.
I don't think I had a hero.
Or was it Tarzan?
I loved to read the book of R. Kipling over an over again.
And I loved to read Heidi written by Johanna Spyri.

In your opinion what is the world's greatest invention so far?

.....How to get kids.
I think that was very clever! LOL!

What time do you typically get up in the morning and what time do you usually go to bed?

Early and terribly late.
I sleep just a few hours.

Midnight Snack
What was your last thought?

That one of my sons is coming home.

Recipe for the Week
(instead of your recipe for life, what is it just for this week?)

Keep calm... everything blows over

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Thursday, February 26, 2009

I hate vacations!

february 26 2009

Vacations are not for parents, just for teachers.
I don't quite understand why they should have days off and other people just have to go on working.

Don't tell me the kids need vacation.
They're bursting from energy and they're ready to invest it in whatever comes up first.

The change of routine is a burden to kids with autism and trouble for kids with an autism spectrum disorder.

They feel out of touch and don't know how to deal with that.

With all kids being guided with puberty hormones, this house is declared by me a "no-war zone".

Pity I'm the only working peace-worker.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

press conference planecrash Turkish Airlines and updates

february 25 2009

2k 19151 from Istanbul
type Boeing 737 800
135 passengers

9 deads.
more than 50 people injured.

Aid was available very fast.

Airtraffic was stopped, but planes waiting to be landed could so after a short time.

Public was kept to a distance and they have not hindered the paramedics at all.

Family and survivors are guided to a special help centre.


A plane with family members from Istanbul has arrived in Amsterdam.

A list of passengers is online at different places. For instance at the site of ATV.

More than 80 people are wounded, 6 of them are in critical state.
11 hospitals are active in the care for patients.

Immediate help was available this morning.
60 ambulances and 150 paramedics took care of the wounded.

New pressconference at 19.15 local time.

In turkish, thanks to NOS:

Türk Hava Yollarinin TK 1951 Boeing 737-800 tipi Tekirdag adli uçagi, 127 yolcu ve 7 mürretebatiyla Schiphol havaalani’na inerken düstü.

Uçak inise geçtigi sirada A9 otoyolunun hemen yaninda bulunan Schiphol hava limaninin pistine 500 metre kala tarlaya çakildi. Üç parcaya ayrilan uçakta yangin çikmadi. 9 kisi hayatini kaybetti. Yarali sayisi suan 50’nin üzerinde.

Gereken bilgiler için asagida belirtilen numaralari arayabilirsiniz.



Airplane crashed

february 25 2009

A Boeing 737 of Turkish Airlines has crashed on Schiphol/Amsterdam Airport, while landing.

On board were 137 passagers.

There are no confirmed numbers of casualties.

CNN speaks of 1 dead and 20 injured, the Dutch TV doesn't mention any numbers because nothing is confirmed yet, and the minister of transport of Turkey says there are no deaths.

The plane crashed at about 10.30 local time.

An eyewitness saw the plane in trouble.
It looked like it was landing tail down, then this was changed into a nose down dive.
There were no sounds of a crash heard from inside the car this man was.
More eyewitnesses confirm this, so it seemed a controlled crash.

Now the plane lies in a just plowed farmland behind the "Polderbaan".
There are lots of paramedics working.
At the road beside the farmland a row of ambulances is waiting.
It's said that a crisiscentre is in the farm nearby.

The engines are lying beside the plane, due to a mechanism that expells them.
The plane is broken in 3 pieces.
No fire.


There are probably 4 or 5 deads. The number isn't confirmed.
80 rescued.


2 busses are waiting to transport more survivors

Airtraffic was stopped but right now planes are using the Kaagbaan.

Pressmeeting at 13.30


9 deads:
3 from the cockpit and 6 passengers.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Last day of carnaval: herring!

february 24 2009

It's the last day of Carnaval.

We didn't feel very involved this year, but no one really minds.

The girls are more interested in playing outside, now they have the time, and the boys have other things to do.

We watched it on TV for a short while.
Carnaval in Köln is always fun.

Today Carnaval will be finished in a traditional way: by eating herring.

I love it!

Since I was a little child I ate herring a lot.

And today I have to confess that I ate my herring already.
Tail in the hand and down it went.
Yummy yummy.

I feel a lot better now!

Monday, February 23, 2009

Carnaval 2009 and recognition of a face of the past

february 23 2009

It's carnaval.

Even though today is the official start of the festivities, the school had their parties and parades last friday, the last day before the holidays.

Today is a special day, because the 1944 our town was bombarded by the americans and 800 people died. Between them 5 family members.

They were all on the list until 2 or 3 years ago, when someone meant to be able to clean up the list.

I can't understand how they went about, because there are no less killed, only perhaps more.

So the day is not only a sad day, but also painful for some family members, because their grief isn't acknowledged anymore.
The graves tell the stories far better than council lists ever can.

Roaming around the sites that write about the subject I found the photo of the sister of my grandmother.
She was one of the people who were removed of the list, but now she is on the list and someone else is removed. Unbelievable!!

Seeing the photo was a shock.

I've seen it before, about 30 years ago, when I helped my grandmother cleaning her bedroom.
I was touched then, that my gram lost her youngest sister.

But now seeing the photo revealed something unexpected:
one of my girls resembles her very much.

I can see features of them both, but one of them could be her daughter.

It's so strange to see her like she's able to start speaking from a photo.

It will be interesting to see if there's still such a strong resemblance when the girls are her age.

The remembrance service for those who died during the bombardment of the city was crowded.
Because I wasn't able to go, I lighted a candle.

For all those who are speaking from the past and those who aren't heard.

Later the carnaval parade started in town.
None of us felt like going, not even one of the children.

They were too busy leading their lives......

credits tag

Sunday, February 22, 2009

lan-party, autism and nighttime

February 22 2009

The oldest boys are one street away to a lan party.
I don't consider it a party at all, because they're all hooked up their computers and they are glues to the screens.
They didn't even hear me ringing the doorbell when I went to give them each an icecream. I nearly ate them all. LOL!
Well, they left the backdoor open and I used it.
Scared them to hell when I suddenly entered the room. LOL!

But instead of enjoying a few quiet days I'm here with skyrocketing bloodpressure.

We assumed my autistic son would enjoy the fact that he finally had the room for himself.
So often he told me he was looking forward to his brother moving out of the house...

Now he complains he's lonely, etc etc.

Yesterday evening I assumed he was asleep.
(Not so strange as he told us good night, gave a kiss, and went through his routine.)

I had to wait a bit because the laundry wasn't ready.
When I finally went up he was sitting behind his computer and threw a fit.

He couldn't sleep because he missed the breathing sounds of his brother.

Well..... ahum!!!

He always puts the radio on, far too loud, and he falls asleep within moments. So when I come upstairs after 5 minutes I switch the sound down, so he'll be able to hear it when he wakes up, but no one else will hear it.

So now he missed his brother.

Changes in his routine are a pain, and after midnight it's a lot more of it.

All I said was wrong.
I offered to sit with him while he was falling alseep.
"No, you will be looking at me."
"Then I'll sit down and read."
"No, I don't that."

I even offered to sleep in his brothers bed.

Nothing helped, he was very angry with me for allowing his brother to have a lan-party.
Well, he was asked to, but declined.

After he complained his sister sat on his bed, I pulled everything straight again.
I complained about wanting to go to sleep but that I wanted the house to be quiet, and told him I would enjoy a surprise, like him being asleep when I was ready with the laundry.

Well, I was lucky. That did the trick today.
He was asleep 5 minutes later.


unconscious mutterings #317

february 8 2009

1. Carpet :: Not for me, I'm very allergic.
2. William :: Shakespeare.
3. Oh! :: Dear!
4. Board game :: I don't like them.
5. Sunlight :: craving for it now.
6. Delay :: procrastination
7. Winner :: Champion
8. Concubine :: Does the word still excist?
9. Comatose ::Almost too far away.
10. Satisfy :: content

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Friday, February 20, 2009

not as early

february 20 2009

Finally a day that my son didn't need to awake at 5.30.
And because the boys went to bed yesterday without problems I felt relaxed going to bed myself for the first time in ages.
I only read two pages before sleep pulled me under the sheets and I fell asleep immediately.

It also helped that I finally had a good commentsystem on my other blog.
In fact it's even better than expected.

We're finally all getting rid of the flu, the coughing and everything else.

This weekend carnaval starts.
It's celebrated here in town with a parade and ofcourse the usual festivities indoors in cafe's and restaurants.
Even though the recession has hit the country interviewed people say they won't spend less on carnaval.

Well, we're spending less.

At the new school of the girls they aren't celebrating carnaval, so there's no need to buy new outfits and entrance fees.

Every little bit helps.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

snow, comments and patience

february 19 2009

Why can't some things just go the normal way, without problems?

The commentsection on the other blog worked fine and when I came today online I found out that it didn't work anymore.

There was one comment on the site, by someone who stole part of my entry, put it on his blog and linked back to my url, but with the name of his own url as the name of the link.

I didn't know what bugged me more, the failing comment section, or the guy who stole my content.

I'm a writer long enough to know some people try to steal content wherever they can, because the person isn't able to write himself.
In the past they even stole part of the content of a book!!!
Well, my publisher knew how to handle that thief, so maybe I should put him on this one too.

I've nicely asked to put the right linkword to the url, so I hope he does.

Because my autistic son couldn't sleep and threw a fit in the middle of the night, and because my other son needed parental support to wake up in time, I had only 2 hours of sleep.
That's half as much to stay kind and lovely the whole day.

And it was a day to be patient.

3 times the lights went out for a short time of a second.
Long enough to freeze my computer.

But..... it snowed for a while!

And that made something good, didn't it?

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

new blog is OK, the bicycle not.

february 18 2009

The new blog is up and running.
It needs a little dusting here and there, but it's in full working order.

One of the kids wanted to go to a friend yesterday evening.
He took his bicycle and wanted to leave the garden when he felt something strange and discovered a flat tyre.

Because he has enough brothers to ask, he had one to use within a minute.

This morning we had a look to discover a very large hole, both in the outer and inner tyre.

That was clear: someone put a knife in it, turned it and had fun.

We're not the first who suffesr from these kind of actions from someone who walks through the neighbourhood.
We know who it is, but we have no proof.

Because we have so many bicycles in the back of the garden I'm thinking about a way to trap the guy in full action.

Maybe ask a friend if we can use their movement sensor for a while, attach it to a camera and a light.

What do you think?

Monday, February 16, 2009

A bit of this and a bit of that

february 16 2009

Today the girls had a day off from school, so we tried to sleep in a bit.
Didn't really work for me, because one of the boys needed to be called an 5.30.

He had his radio on alarm and even his cellphone.
I woke up, he didn't.
I got him sitting up after a lot of effort.
He said he was awake, but he wasn't.

So I gave him 15 minutes extra, and went through the same procedure.

After that I couldn't sleep anymore.

Because I had to do something with a new blog, I dived into wordpress.
Managed to get it working on the new url, but one way or another the comment section isn't working.

It's my first time with wordpress, so I've done quite a lot, but the idea to transfer my other blog to the new url was not accomplished. Ugh!
I don't have the faintest idea to get the comment section working, so I'll see to that tomorrow.

Ofcourse I'm open for suggestions!

Funthing today was the photosession of the royal family.
The girls loved it!

It's so nice to see all those young children growing up, including our future queen.
But before she's on the throne we just wait and see when Prince Willem Alexander and Princess Maxima will take over from Queen Beatrix.

I like our Queen very much and I hope she'll be able to enjoy her grandchildren a many years more.

See some photo's here.

One of the boys decided to help out with dinner and made a rice-recipe.
He added all sorts of herbs and it smelled terrible.
So I tried to escape from eating it, and I managed to do so.

Then the girls came home from ballet and got their own late dinner.
They ate the rest of the rice, and thought it tasted well.

Maybe I should try it next time.
Or not??? LOL!

Saturday, February 14, 2009

A love story

fixed post

He was tall. Not that kind of slim with arms that lasted to the knees, but a firm tall, to cuddle against and to forget time.
His black hair was shining in the sun and a few curls popped up. They just did what they wanted to do.

People accepted him as a leader without doubting him one small minute.
Maybe his voice created enough distance between him and his peers, maybe his gestures, which were broad, accentuating his words in the right way.
They acted like a wall.
His insecurities were well hidden.

I was a classmate.
No one special.
But to him I had just that little extra touch of mystery that made him stare at me during the lessons.

That deep long observational look has always touched me, and at the schoolreunion I realised it still did. I melted like butter, and even the memory makes me smile and feel a bit insecure and vulnerable.

Because he was handsome girls swarmed around him like bees looking for honey.
He reacted polite on the giggles, invitations, and flirtations, and sometimes took shelter in a conversation with his neighbouring girl, who took the attention for granted. In her mind she owned him, and when we were with a group her voice sounded always just that little bit higher as a warning to stay away.

I did.

He didn't.

Soon we worked together at the schoolpaper.
Safe, with others around us, as if our noses were in the same direction just by accident, and our hands reached for the same paper without thought.
It was a long road of surprising discoveries of unknown talents.
Organising sports days, preparing meetings of the student board, schoolparties.

Whenever I was busy and looked up I saw his eyes resting on me and a small smile changing his face into a softness that was moving.

Before I knew, others already had drawn their conclusions.
The neighbouring girl told me he was hers and I would never have him, my gram gave me new earrings and some hairpins and scarfs that made me look even more radiating.

But he visited me at home, and we walked hand in hand through the woods on sunny spring afternoons and warm summermornings.

We felt at home with each other, felt lifted out of ourselves when we had to accomplish things, and together we were far more than just two people.

Our friends enjoyed our happiness and thought we were one of those rare couples who fall in love and never ever separate.

It was on a summer morning.
The sun was warm and the fields green.
We were near my favorite museum, on the grounds where he played in the woods when he was young.
The horses were grasing and the birds sang around us.

He asked me to marry him, and I said yes.

For hours we sat on the small bench, drowned in our happiness.
We both knew it was the best decision of our lives.

Then he left to study in another town.
We saw each other in the weekends and counted down the days until one of us finished the studies and we could live together all week.

And then he didn't return anymore.

Weeks, months of silence.
His parents called me to ask if we had problems, but all I could say that he left in happiness and freedom to the future and that nothing was threatening our happiness, but his absence.

After three painful years I literally bumped against him in the hall of the university building were I worked.
I was shocked, my loneliness was broken just like the coffee cup on the floor.
When his arms stretched to me to catch me falling I just trusted gravity and went away with the same firm secure steps we used when walking the long corridors of school.
I didn't look back, until a mutual friend caught me in his arms and guided me to a far away table in the corner of the large university restaurant.
"He still loves you too", he said and tried to calm my trembling hands.

A few weeks later I was visiting the love of my life.
Between the books on the shelves I found a package with a birthday wish, 3 years old.
"This is for you, because you're you", was written inside the cover.

His smile rested on me again, the familiar feeling of his hands on my shoulder, on my hair.

"Wait for me 3 years, until I'm ready with my studies."
I saw the women moving past us, trying to catch a glimpse of his face.
"You need to be free", I said when I showed the ticket to the busdriver, and then the past, with him wearing a raincoat, just moved away. The steady ticking of the rain on the busroof was the only sound left.

He never came.

When I saw him entering the hall at the schoolreunion I forgot all the hundreds of people around me.
He spread his arms and smiled and I just ran to the safest place on earth.
Just for a short moment.

Tears in our eyes, asking ourselves if we should have waited. Images of our families in our heart. His children and mine, his wife playing cello.
"You're still dancing?", he whispered, and I smiled.

While others told him he was the most successful of us all now he's one of the most prominent businessmen in the world, traveling long hours to meetings, living at places we'll never be, his hand rested softly at my back, or made the broad wellknown movements, still impressing others.
I was the same girl grown into a woman, he was the same boy grown into the man I expected him to be.

Every time when I looked up, I saw his smile resting on me.
His deep brown eyes, the soft lines in his face.

Suddenly he was gone.

"He left", my best friend told me, "without saying a word to anyone.
He had tears in his eyes."

Time is passing.
We're growing old.

I know where his photo is on internet and once in a while I stare at his face, like he stared at mine, all those long, long years ago.

On reply to questions:
yes, it's true! It's part of my life.

THIS week's theme/prompt was:
TAILS - "A Love Story"

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saturday six #253

february 14 2009

1. Do you usually feel as though you get more sleep than you need, less sleep than you need or just enough?

Oh, that changes.
I don't sleep a lot, but sometimes there are weeks that I feel OK, and then suddenly I need two nights with lots of sleep and then it's OK again.
After a long night I sometimes feel even more tired than I was.

Strange, ej?

2. What was the last movie you fell asleep while watching out of sheer boredom?

I can't remember falling asleep out of boredom.

3. Did you try watching a second time to make it all the way through? If so, was it worth the extra screening?

?. You mean seeing a movie again because I missed out?

4. Does exercise tend to make you feel like you have more energy or less?

Usually more.

5. Take the quiz: What’s Your Energy Level?

Your Energy Level is High

You are a very enthusiastic, productive person. You have no trouble getting anything done.

Beyond having a lot of energy, it's likely that your energy level tends to be quite steady.

Unlike people with very high energy, you don't tend to be impulsive.

By keeping your energy in check, you are able to use it as productively as possible.

6. What’s the latest in the day that you can drink a caffeinated drink without it affecting your sleep?

Just before going to sleep.
Coffee is my body fluid.

I can diagnose a decaf without looking at it. LOL!

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Friday, February 13, 2009

we're in a recession now

february 13 2009

We're officially in a recession now.
(That means it's acknowledged now that we're in a recession since april last year.)

The economy went back 0,9% last 3 months, compared to the three months before, which didn't happen since the eighties.
When I read the statistics well the overall shrinking of the economy is 0,6%.

In 2008% it was grown 2%

The problem is mainly due to less export.

We're a small country, but a rather large tradingcountry, so when other countries don't have enough to spend, we suffer too.

The government gave the consumers a great compliment.
Because they've been spending, the recession isn't worse.
Isn't that nice?

Well as more and more people loose their jobs, the level of spending won't be kept up.

In Germany the economy is suffering even more.

The last 4 months of 2008 gave a shrinkage of 2.1% compared to the 3 months before.
The germans estimate a regression of 2.25% for 2009, which is the worst since WW2.

A couple of years ago I had a huge discussion with some scientists about the economy.

It was at a point that the idea that mothers needed to care for their children themselves changed into the idea that women should work too and should put their children in daycare and after-schoolcare.

Now I see how many people loose their jobs I ask myself whether it would be a good decision to grant families one secure job.
Freeding women from the duty to work makes more work available for men, or vise versa, because it's up to the couple to choose which person is going to work.

What do you think???

Friday Fill-Ins #111

february 13 2009

1. It seems like the winter never ends.

2. Clean up when you're done, please?

3. If I thought you are the prince on the white horse,I'd ring a friend for some horse food!

4. Your music is what I think of most when I think of you.

5. To me, Valentine's Day means a lot of commercial toodoo.

6.The sun gives me strength.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to nothing really, tomorrow my plans include getting the groceries in, cleaning and laundry and Sunday, I want to have a day off, but instead there's more work!

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Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Forgot my money

february 10 2009

I didn't make it to the parent's evening yesterday.

Even though I was in time, I didn't even arrive at the busstation, because about half the distance I realized I'd forgotten money. Unbelievable!
I had everything else: paper, pen, lipcare, but no money.

So that was it.

The school was mailed, and with a cup of coffee I sat on the couch for a short while, then started to do the dishes.

Not long after the girls arrived with their father, who had gotten them from balletlesson.

Not even two feet in the door, I heard he was angry.

Why? We'll never know.
Perhaps he saw his quiet evening going down the drain.
Which is an understatement, because the couch knows his but better than mine.

Dinner was almost ready for them, just needed to be warmed.
He even refused to do so, and when I was in the kitchen with my good clothes, he pushed me aside to make something for himself, so the girls had to wait for their food.

So maybe something at his work went wrong...

I hate trying to find excuses for someone who acts impolite and rude.

It took him quite a while before he was silent again, which made me feel that it was good I stayed at home.

Later in the evening the rain slashed down for a long time.
Imagine me staying there, waiting for the bus.
Lucky me after all?

Monday, February 9, 2009

Manic Monday #154

february 9 2009

What is your favorite candy?

Licorice and cinnamon sticks

Name one thing that you'd want to receive as a gift for Valentine's day.


Can we truly love someone who loves another?

Yes, isn't that one of the tragedies of human life?

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Sunday, February 8, 2009

unconscious mutterings # 315

february 8 2009

1. Cups :: and saucers
2. Brilliant :: outstanding
3. Disobey :: naughty or criminal
4. Abstain :: stop
5. Daily :: life
6. You make me :: smile
7. Hurl :: the Scots have some interesting hurling games
8. Intensify :: focus actions on
9. F---ck! :: I beg you pardon?
10. Race :: competition

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Saturday, February 7, 2009

Time Has Come Today

february 7 2009

1. What time of day do you usually play Saturday 9?

It completely depends on what's happening that saturday.
Sometimes it's at the end of the morning, when taking a cup of coffee. And sometimes it's when finally the day is almost over, like now.
But as it's a saturdaymeme, I'll play on saturday, not on friday.

2. At 9AM on a weekday, what are you doing?

Trying to get the day of my autistic son started.

3. At 9PM on any given night, what would you most like to be doing?

Trying to do something for myself.
But that doesn't always work. There's always someone wanting attention.

4. What is your most frequent activity online?

Blogging, reading the news.

5. Is there one day of the week that seems to fly by? If yes, why?

All days fly or creep...

6. Do you agree that the older you get, the faster time seems to go by?

No, I don't. Because when you live intensely in the moment, you're not really aware of how fast time goes.

7. What is your favorite thing to do with free time?

Enjoy music.

8. How much time do you spend alone? Would you like it to be more? Less?

Not much, so I want it to be more.

9. If you could spend one hour doing something what would it be?

I'll try to relax.

Have a great weekend!

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5 years ago

february 7 2009

1. Were you in the same location five years ago that you are today? Would you have expected to be?

Yes. Same house. And even the same place where my computer stands. Different chair though, and different screen.
Yes, I expected to be "here".

2. Are you driving the same car you drove five years ago? Were you driving the same car five years before that?

We don't have a car.

3. What percentage of the clothes in your closet are clothes you were wearing five years ago?

Dunno. And to be honest, I don't care.
I wear my clothes until they're not good enough anymore to do the dirty work in the house and garden.
And I hardly buy something new. (When I had enough money I would)

4. In what way is your life most improved over the last five years? In what way is it least improved over the last five years?

I'm improved myself. A bit wiser. (You can't see it though. LOL!)
My life is at least improved on the area of support with and for the kids.
I'm still doing everything myself and it's not beneficial for my health.

5. Take the quiz: Do You Live in the Past, Present or Future?

You Live in the Present

You take things one day at a time.

And it turns out, that's a pretty great way to live.

You aren't consumed by the past, and you're aren't obsessed with the future.

You live in the now, and you enjoy each moment.

While most people don't live in the present enough, make sure you don't live in it too much.

It would be a mistake to forget your past or neglect to plan for the future.

Well, the questions didn't leave much room for individual details, so the result is not saying much.

I do live a lot in the present, simply because I can't take all the baggage of the past with me.
I try to make the best of everything, except of the past. It's gone, except for memories.
The future is the time that should bring more happiness for me.

6. Consider the thing you most hoped for five years ago: has that come true, yet?

I hoped to trace a friend and meet him.
I know where he lived in the USA, but that's it.

Haven't been in Scotland yet, but realised to play bagpipes.

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Logo made by me with tubes from Outlaw by Design.

He's angry

february 7 2009

He's angry.

Because he wants to learn to cook, and I welcome the idea of boys being able to make something for themselves, he helped me making dinner the past three days.

One day he got me a package of spinach from the freezer.

Nothing special for normal kids of 16, but when you're autistic it's quite something to open a door and put your hand between all sorts of slippery and icy things.
He hates it, but because getting all the ingredients belongs to cooking, he took the package out.

The next day he boiled water and put the spaghetti in it and kept a close watch on the clock.
It nearly smashed my nervous.
Being updated of the time every 3 to 5 seconds during 11 minutes by someone with a loud voice doesn't feel good.

But we both managed...

And yesterday he boiled the eggs.
I thought 4 minutes of time-updates were enough. LOL!

This morning he was still proud of his accomplishments and told us over and over again we would have starved without him.
Which is ofcourse quite an understatement

The girls told him they liked his help, his father told him he should also cook dinner today.
It was meant as a compliment,
but it turned out a complete chaos, because son felt that people in the house were using his talents for their own good (wow!), etc etc.

He doesn't have meltdowns very often anymore.
But today he did.

And because he quit his meds a few weeks ago, there was nothing that helped him to be in control of his emotions.

After saying all sorts of painful things to those who are at home, and yelling a lot, he's now complaining his computer doesn't work anymore.

I'm not ready to have a look.

And I'm certainly not ready to have his father have a go at him because he broke his computer.

Last time he pulled a plug out and I was the one to "diagnose the problem", because the help of 4 males didn't do any good but stir emotions even higher.

Oh, and by the way, I'm the one to cook tonight. No eggs, no spaghetti and spinach. But potatoes, red cabbage and sausages. Because I like it!

Nothing wrong with his computer, the rolling shelf the keyboars stand on got stuck because a screw was a bit loose.

Food 4 Thought Friday

february 6 2009

What helps to pull you out of a bad mood?

What helps is to look at myself like I'm a stranger and asking myself if it's worth it.
So: self-reflection.

Who were your favorite teachers growing up and why?

At college it was my Dutch teacher.
He was a very kind man, much like my father, and he understood young people well.

I had a friend and we had breaks at the same time, but once.
During one of the different schedules I walked with my friend to the canteen, got some soup, and we had lots of fun, until I suddenly realised I should have been in french class.
Because my Dutch teacher also was the man to report when doing something wrong, I went to him and almost didn't date to tell him what had happened.

Instead of telling me which punishment to expect he had a good laugh and told me to go back to my friend quickly before her break was over.

He died far too young.

What, in your opinion, is the worst song ever?

I don't know.
I like lots of music, but when I really don't like something I turn towards something else.

Midnight Snack
What personal activity, when performed in public, bothers you the most?

When I have to search through my bag to find my inhaler and then inhale.
I don't mind that other people see me inhale, yet I don't like to do it in public.'s a paradox.

Recipe for the Week
(instead of your recipe for life, what is it just for this week?)

Don't always wear the clothes that are on top of the pile.

Want to take part too?
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I've started a new blog, and I'm answering some memes there too.
Those who know me must have found out I often answer with more than one thing, so it doesn't matter it's split now.

Please help me to get the new blog started.

Friday, February 6, 2009

Friday Fill-Ins #110

february 6 2009

1. Please don't tell I'm nuts, because I already know that.

2. Can you eat a lot in the morning? (I can't)

3. The color green makes me want to live in a country where it's always spring!

4. I have a craving for licorice.

5. If my life had a pause button, I'd pause it for the rest of my life and go traveling and only doing things I like.

6. Eyes are the windows to the soul, they say, but some people keep them blinded for outside curiosity.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to monday, tomorrow my plans include tremendous loads of laundry and getting the groceries in and Sunday, I want to find some time to crochet!

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Laane loves...

february 6 2009

I've decided to start another blog.

It's because I like to earn something with blogging, (to buy my girls bagpipes), and this blog has been ungoogled.

At the moment it's hard to earn even a little bit and now the different intermediaries have different requirements, I feel I have to make a choice.

Instead of digging in the archives and throwing out posts, I've decided to make a blog which is a supplement to this one.

It's called: Laane loves, and it will be more about things I like.

This place will stay the place where I blog about autism and such.
I don't expect you'll see much change.

Some memes will even be found on both sites.
Often multiple answers are possible, so I'll split them up now.

I hope to see you on both sites and I hope you'll enjoy both of them.

So bookmark too:

Laane Loves

Thursday, February 5, 2009

life is never boring here.

february 5 2008

Time is moving far too fast.
When I was at Tai Chi, the months in between lessons seemed to have gone completely.

I had trouble doing all exercises, just because I've been far too stressed the past months, but I enjoyed it, and that's what counts.

The trainingshouse of my oldest was disconnected from internet by the provider.
They's received spamcomplaints and wrote a letter that within 48 hours the problem should be solved.

Problem is that the trainingshouse is part of a large organisation.
So the letter came in in the postroom, went to all sorts of departments and when it finally arrived at the house the connection was already gone.

The letter contained the advice to reformat all computers, limit accessibility and such.
Ofcourse the non-internet-understanding caretakers had all sorts of ideas in mind, causing my son to nearly panic, because he bought a few expensive programs for his ICT studies and he saw all money going through the drain.

And he needs full acess to internet, because he's in the middle of his ICT exams and he's starting practical learning.

So I jumped in.
I don't know anything about the subject, but internet is a great source of knowledge. LOL!

I told the caretakers what I was about to do after midnight, so they couldn't stop me, and contacted the provider. Explained the situation, told that all computers had been screened and that I had no access to the router and modem, and asked whether they should be checked too. Yes!

So the ICT department of the organisation is contacted mow.
They're kind of self fulfilled, but I also now they're not working at full capacity at the moment.
In the meantime I was able to formulate the problem in technical terms, so let's hope they want to cooperate.

In the meantime we're organising a meeting sometime next week, to inform the ingabitants of the trainingshouse and the caretakers about the issue and how they can prevent further problems in the future.

Life is never boring here, is it?
And there's always something new to learn.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

short message

februari 4 2009

Just a short message to tell you I haven't forgotten you.
But I'm so very tired.

Has a meeting today and when I sat down after doing the housekeeping, I got visitors.

No rest for the wicked!!

Be back tomorrow after Tai Chi.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

A place to live - 2

february 3 2009

Part 1

Tomorrow we're having a meeting to make the application for supported living for my second son.

The place we have found is nearby, perfect, but they don't take people with autism spectrum disorder, only people who are a bit retarded, but able to live on their own.

Their needs for supported living are the same as my son's. And because his social worker got a go ahead from the information worker at the client service office, (who later said she'd made a mistake) we're applying for a place.

Right now I'm making a list with all sorts of reasons why my son should get a place at that location, and why he should get a place anyway.

That means I have to be very critical of my son. Which are his good characteristics, and which are his bad.
What has he learned from us, what didn't he want to learn, and what was impossible?

It's strange to have such a very close look at your own child.
Normal children are accepted the way they are, and they grow up without their parents looking at their characteristics with a magnifying glass.

He is a few years behind in development, so let's hope they fall for that.

to be continued...

Logo made by me with tubes from Outlaw by Design.
It's not permitted to download.

the meeting

february 3 2009

The intake at the new school for my second son was taking far too much time and energy.

The location was at the other side of town, outside the council area.
Quite a long journey by bus.

When we arrived people were sitting in the waitingarea, so we were told to go to the restaurant.

A few times a woman passed without paying us attention. I sensed it was the person who had to do the intake.
When the secretary passed, she went to her and I heard her say that were were the people she was waiting for. If she maybe could take some initiative to stick to her appointment.

The woman then said she already thought so and she was preparing coffee.
Which was not the truth, but she took a tray and could do nothing else than take both a pot with tea and one with coffee, sugar, milk and 6 cups upstairs.

A few hours before the meeting I'd mailed her that the forms she'd sent wouldn't generate new information, so I thought it better she would have the file of the social worker with her to the meeting.

At the beginning of the meeting I explained that 5 of my children need some form of support, either permanent or intermittent, and that I sometimes feel more of a secretary than a mom, working all week on forms.
I also said that I didn't like the fact that each person makes his or her own file and that no one has access to relevant information at meetings.
That I'm striving to have one file.

Well, she agreed.

The rest of the meeting was... unprepared, chaotic.

She tried to access whether my son would be able to work as a photographer: getting enough work.

Then she wanted to talk about the limits of my son in the are of studying and working.
It was all in the file.

And the thing we came for: a worked out program for him?
I had to give her advice to contact certain people, not the other way around.

It feels like this is going to take forever!

Monday, February 2, 2009


Don't forget to let me know where to find you:


Manic Monday #153

february 2 2009

What's the most embarrassing song on your iPod (or music collection)?

I don't have an ipod.
And as far as I know there's no song I need to feel embarrassed about.

How much time do you spend each day in your commute? (Or if you don't work outside the house, how much time do you spend in your car or other preferred mode of transportation?)

Well, today I had to go to the intake of a school with my second son.
It took me all in all about 3 hours by bus (waiting included).
But it compensates for weeks being in the house.

What's your favorite wardrobe item and why?

Right now I don't have one favorite piece.

I like my wintercoat because it keeps me warm,
I have a batik cotton coat that is cool in summer but makes me look artistic,
and ofcourse I like my selfmade tartan outfit when I'm bagpiping at an event.

Want to take part too?
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Logo made by me with tubes from Outlaw by Design.
It's permitted to download it to your own computer and upload it to your site.
Please don´t direct link, as it slows down my site. I´ll change the link regularly so you´re left with an empty space or a red warning sign.
Please credit properly.

Glass, winning and a happy me after all.

february 2 2009

Due to the firm winds it was very cold outside, and even inside the house it was chilly at some places.

There was some restlessness in nature that caught the kids. My autistic boy kept talking very loud, and complained a lot about all sorts of things (except the cold. LOL!)

Because my second son has an intake at a new school I had to fill in a pile of forms.
I only filled in the strictly necessary things and left the rest completely open.
The social worker has send a complete file with everything in it. When they want to have the info ordered in another way, they'd better do it themselves.

5 kids come home with forms every now and then, and for one application for some sort of assistance, for instance for dyslexia, I sometimes have to fill in 5 to 7 forms. All with about the same information.

So maybe I sound unkind, I'm not. I'm just tired of doing useless and unnecessary things.

It's 2 hours after midnight and my work is still not done.

My mind is somewhere else though.

When I came here at my blog I discovered a huge surprise!
I've won second place at Deborah's wonderful blog called: Sweetwater Designs.

I love beads and I certainly love glassbeads.

The longer you look at them the more you see.

My grandmother taught me to look concentrated at them, and maybe you won't believe it, but a whole new world opens in your mind.
When you let your thoughts flow all sorts of associations pop up, about colour, form, all sorts of things.

I was very small then.

A few years later my parents took us to Italy, where we went to a glassblower.
Beads, figurines and vases were made there.
I was caught by the whole process. The fluency of the process to create a form, the warmth, the fact that whatever you want needs to be done fast, otherwise the glass is far more powerful than our imagination.

My parents weren't able to call me to leave.
I just didn't hear them, and when I did, I immediately forgot I was called.

So now I have won a special gift of someone who is caught by glass too.

I've found a little movie at Deborah's site. It's at the bottom of this post.

But go to her site and bookmark it.
Look around, enjoy her posts.

My day is ending so happy, I almost can't tell you!!

Thank you, Deborah!!!!!!


Sunday, February 1, 2009

unconscious mutterings # 314

february 1 2009

1. Take :: and leave.
2. 350 :: No, a circle is 360 degrees.
3. Stand :: stand/up comedienne
4. Raspberry :: yummy
5. Turnstile :: Never heard of it. Had to look that one up.
6. Infomercial :: Does someone really provide these without thinking about some gain in any way?
7. Dejected :: strange sounding word for depressed.
8. What’s the word? :: That was a small english booklet my children loved to "read" when they were young. The first english words I taught them from a book.
9. Awestruck :: hit with awesomeness.
10. Smashed :: those doors of our neighbour will look smashed. The noise when he closes a door!!! My kids learned not to slam them, he probably never did.

Want to take part too?
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Logo made by me with tubes from Lamanouche.
It's permitted to download it to your own computer and upload it to your site.
Please don´t direct link, as it slows down my site. I´ll change the link regularly so you´re left with an empty space or a red warning sign.
Please credit properly.

the holocaust

februari 1 2009

An online friend asked me for my opinion.

He'd been reading about a bishop Williamson, who denies that many Jewish people died in the gaschambers of the Germans in WW2.

The Bishop, ordained in 1988 by the very controversial Marcel Lefebvre, was banned from the Catholic Church, with his compadres and Lefebvre by Pope Johanned Paulus II, because they didn't obey the rules of the Catholic Church.

The present Pope: Benedictus XVI dsecided to rehabilitate this man, leading to much protest as Williamson still claims that no Jewish people died in the gaschambers and that instead of 6 million, only 200.000 to 300.000 jewish people died in the camps.

It's clear the Vatican didn't do enough research before rehabilitating Williamson.

I don't understand why the Pope felt the need to rehabilitate this small group of former catholics. Lefebvre was known for his antisemitic opinions.
In fact the whole issue why they were excommunicated was that they didn't want to accept one of the main documents of the second Vatican Consilium (1962-1965) which said that the jews weren't responsible for the death of Jesus.

Is there any positive consequence of this rehabilitation?
I don't know.

Before even considering opening the doors again, I would have spoken with them and tracked their trails to see whether they still had antisemetic tendencies.
They would have found even more controversial opinions of Williamson.
He states that women shouldn't wear trousers and shouldn't study at a university, for instance.

It's said that one of the main reasons of the problems can be found in the fact that this Pope is a man of decisions, more than of listening to other opinions.
So this could have escaped his attention.

This sounds strange to me.
This pope is a scientist, a man of facts, who knows how to research matters.

And it doesn't answer my question why the Pope wanted the group of Lefebvre, called Pius X, to be part of the Catholic Church again.

Did he think they would turn away from their being?

It's many, many years ago (1963) when our Bischop Beckers impressed Catholics with his opinion that parents need to take responsibility for the total number of children themselves.
It was in a time that contraception was available, but forbidden by the Catholic Church. It was also a time that more families got TV's and could see poverty in other parts of the world and even in the western world itself.
Also a time that people reflected on WW2 and the time of rebuilding the country.
Some families were very large, due to the lack of use of contraception. And as society became even more aware than ever that children hold the future, it also became clear that it was better to be able to provide good upbringing for less children, than to see that children weren't able to use the resources which were available.

Taking responsibility for your own life became also taking responsibility for your own bond between God and yourself.
Using contraception meant for parents disobeying the rules of the Catholic Church and being only responsible for God Himself.

The Catholic Church as an institute didn't seem to care for sexually transmitted diseases killing people and injuring babies even before they were born, as all contraception was forbidden.

I remember in my family long discussions between the grown ups.
They thought I didn't understand, but I did.

I though that an all loving God would never choose a representative who allowed preventable diseases spread through love.
Who created death among children because he didn't want a piece of rubber to be used.

It was clear to me that a large institute wasn't able to care for the human values that came as a responsibility of human choice.

So I slowly grew away from the church as an institute.
I hope God is OK I won't answer to the pope, but only to him.

The fact that this Pope by rehabilitating an antisemitic bishop jeopardizes the fragile relationships between the Jews and the Christians makes once again clear that each and every person needs to take his own responsibilities.

That Williamson is a Bishop tells me he should be able to accept at least the historical facts of the holocaust.
The historical facts are acknowledged by the Vatican.

So why on earth did he agree with his rehabilitation?