Saturday, January 31, 2009

Top Droppers Day

january 31 2009

Well, I don't have one top dropper, I have many.
And I'm grateful for each and every one.

One of the great things about these sites is, that they all are different.
Entrepeneurs, artists, parents and many other people are hidden behind these blogs about cooking, working at home, beading, painting, questioning themselves, politics and many other subjects.

Each morning I reach out to the world with a cup of coffee, leaving a comment here and there, enjoying the beauty people create.

Top Dropping has become this last month a matter of trust.
A few brainless idiots tried to throw around virusses, making it more difficult for new droppers to find a place between the wellknown group of oldies.
What a pity.

And because of it some people got a label which they didn't deserve, because it was not them dumping the dirt on our computers.
I hope to see them back soon again.

Thank you all for dropping and hopping,
let's drop some more!!!!

Dropper # of drops
Alteredevents 31
Let's Jump Together 31 31
Everything Under the Sun 31
Random Ramblings 31
The Virtual Dime Museum 31
Computer Aid 31
Scandinavian Ways - Winesworlds blog 31
verITableLIFE 31
1 Blog and 2 Sides 31


saturday 9

january 31 2009

1. When was the last time you smoked pot?

What's that for a strange question?
I never ever smoked pot and I don't feel like it either.

2. What do you think is your biggest weakness?

Thinking that people will change things for those who have special needs when I explain the needs.
Most of those people who can change the game of caring just don't care.
I have to stop thinking they've choosen their job because they do.

3. What is your biggest fear?


And dying before I've been able to realise some dreams in my life, like travelling.

4. Is there a particular goal that you’d like accomplish this year?

Not really, because when you want something, life itself might want something else.
But it would be nice to find a good home for my second boy, and find some daycare for my autistic son, even when it's for 2 days a week.

5. What do you miss most from your youth?

My gram and father.
And the woods near our house.
We used to play there in full freedom.

6. What is your best physical feature?

Don't know.

7. Are you very confident?

I know some of my talents and that gives me confidence.
And life has hit me hard, so I've experienced there's always some reserve energy.

8. Tell us about the last time you were drunk.

I've never been really drunk.

9. Have you ever cheated on a lover?

But life cheated on me.

Have a great weekend!

Want to take part too?
Click the logo.

Logo made by me with photo from Mirna.
You can request the logo, but only when you will credit properly.

There's also a header and a square of 125x125 available.

Being a good friend

january 31 2009

1. What is more important to you: your relationship with yourself or your relationship with those who are close to you?

I know it's said that you first have to love yourself in order to love someone else.

I don't agree with that a hundred %, because in order to love someone else sometimes you have to be unkind to yourself.
Maybe not in a very good partnerrelationship, but in a mother-child relationship you have to give up a lot in favor of the wellbeing and growth of your children.

2. Which of the above do you tend to have the least problem cultivating?

I don't quite understand the question.

It's easier to give up things of myself to the benefit of others, is that what you mean?

3. Something goes wrong in your life. Of the people you are most likely to turn to, are they the same gender as you or the opposite?

Right now? I have no one to turn to.

I used to have good friends, both male and female.
Looking back I felt more at ease with some male friends.

4. Something goes wrong in a close friend’s life and you’re the person that friend chooses to call first. Is that person likely to be the same gender as you or the opposite?

Well, when people have problems they come to me. No gender difference.
I think they come for practical problemsolving, psychological assistance or babysitting, not for me as a person.

5. Take the quiz: What Makes You a Good Friend?

You Are a Good Friend Because You're Supportive

You are almost like a life coach for your best friends.

You give them help when they need it... but you also know when to give them a push.

People tend to rely on you for moral support and advice.

You've probably always been mature for your age, so this is a role that's you're comfortable with.

A friend like you is one of the rarest kinds.

You are both a good mentor and companion.

Your friends need you most when: They are confused or worried

You really can't be friends with: Someone who only wants to complain

Your friendship quote: "The only way to have a friend is to be one."

6. What single trait listed in the response to question #5 would your closest friend most agree with?

Well, nothing in particular. Most say I'm a good listener and a good problem solver.

Want to take part too?
Click the titel.

Logo made by me with tubes from Outlaw by Design.

Friday, January 30, 2009

people create dramas

January 30 2009

People create unnessesary dramas for others by holding on to unwritten laws.

During the inauguration parade a drum major gave a friendly greeting to the Obama family and the other guests in the glass house.

I didn't see anyone taking offence.

There is no formal rule for Pipe Drum Majors to salute in a military way at an inauguration.
The band isn't even a military band, but a mix of firefighters and non-firefighters.
It's purpose is to honor the fallen firefighters.

Well maybe the band should not have been choosen to walk in the inauguration parade when pleasure wasn't tolerated in this band.

To suspend this man doesn't show disapproval of his behaviour, but a complete lack of respect for the president itself.
He is perfectly able to contact this drum major and tell him he went beyond protocol, in case there is a protocol about saluting of a non military band during the inauguration parade.

In case the same happened within our band I would have said that the wink and wave clearly reflected the festive occasion and that it even reflected the trust in this president. It says people feel they can be themselves, and what huger compliment can you give a president?

I don't think Mr. Obama would request a perfect military salute from a normal bagpipes band.
(I'm sorry, but even though you've won many prizes, you're a normal bagpipes band).

To us it seems hypocritical to suspend this man, and I feel very sorry he decided to quit the band, but I can understand it completely.

Maybe he's able to start his own band.

Watch here the wink and wave

That the site of the band has no option to get in contact is reflecting the lack of openness for reactions.
That yahoo is running this story on their site for the second day says something, doesn't it?

Thanks yahoo and ABC News for being my source.

Food 4 Thought Friday

january 30 2009

What is the longest you have gone without sleep?

3 days and nights.
That's quite a while ago.
But now and then it happens I have no chance to sleep 1 night.
Last week, for instance.
I can't cope with it as good as I could when I was young, even though I need less sleep.

If you don't live alone, do you think you would be able to, and if you do live alone, do you enjoy it? Why?

Ofcourse I can live alone, I could before I married.
As a matter if fact I'm looking forward to living alone again.
I'm not sure how to manage financially, but I'm sure I won't be bored one minute.

But before that I hope to spend some years with only the girls at home.
I assume only then I'll be able to experience what normal families experience.

Would you rather give a public speech or bungee jump?

I don't mind public speaking. Did it a lot in the past and I haven't lost the talent.
In fact I'm hoping the psychiatrist of the boys will take me with him on one of his congress travels.

Bungee jumping isn't on top of the list of things to do, but I would step into the opportunity I expect.
I don't know if I would be accepted though.

Midnight Snack
Have you ever rode on a train?

This isn't a saying, but you mean being on a train?

Yes, often.
In this little overcrowded country it's the perfect means of traveling medium or long distances.
We don't have a car, so the train is a natural choice.
In fact, living near the railwaystation has been a conscious choice.
Because their father had free traveling, and children could travel any distance on one or two dollars, their father took them on trips across the country very often.
It has been of advantage in their geography classes, because they had seen so much they could remember it well.

Recipe for the Week
(instead of your recipe for life, what is it just for this week?)

Relax and don't let other people dictate how you have to feel.

Want to take part too?
Click the logo.

A good morning

January 30 2009

When we went outside this morning and left the garden the world was beautiful!
White linings over tree branches, the roofs of the houses white.
On the news they called it: snowed out fog.
Well, it was beautiful, whatever it was.

We had a swift journey to the psychiatrist.
Yesterday evening my autistic son started complaining he didn't feel well, his way of saying he doesn't want to go.
I acted like I didn't hear it and went to do the laundry.

This morning I expected a lot toodoo before leaving, but there was no problem at all.

At the psychiatrist first his brother with ADHD and autistic features went for a talk.
At home he has a very... broad... way to voice his opinion, but now he sat there smiling stupidly. Ugh.
He got a good check-up and was told that maybe he should start lowering his meds.
I'm OK with that.

It's interesting to see the psychiatrist did all he could to get good contact, but wasn't able to get a good conversation with him.
It was just his second time, so I guess he doesn't know where to place this nice guy.

When one son went down and the other came upstairs, we had a fast talk about the situation.
He grasped my feelings immediately and said that maybe we should consider hospitalisation.
Told him that one of the good things of our family is the close contact between the kids, so there should be good access. The psychiatric hospital is in another town...

Then my son came in.

My autistic son just was himself as always.

We agreed that we're out of options with schools and it's important to move further, even when the council representative doesn't agree one little bit.
So far my strategy to offer my son nothing at all worked, he finally feels some motivation to work with us to fight boredom.
So we're now looking into day-treatment for two days a week.

Oh, I almost can smell freedom, even though I know they will dictate me all sorts of things to do at home.
Well, they'll have a hard case, as I've done it all.
I've used their approach even before they used it there, so all I expect is the change "strange eyes" can bring.

But he's in good hands there, as it's the national autism centre which has international acknowledgment.
It's the first step towards his own future.

But we first have to find ways to make him accept the change to go there.

On our way home it was sunny and the busdriver had a funny mood and made us all smile.

Will 2009 bring a pleasant change???

Thursday, January 29, 2009

A place to live - 1

january 29 2009

One of my sons has PDD-NOS, an autism spectrum disorder.

He is very creative and a sportsman.
He has a group of friends around him, all but one with autism spectrum disorder.
Fate brought them together: they were all born in the same neighbourhood in town, and all loved skateboarding.

For a long time he refused to be diagnosed, even though he faced communication problems with people outside his group and family.

But last year he gave in and he was told he was dealing with PDD-NOS.
Pervasive Development Disorder-Not Otherwise Specified.

His main problems are:
  • not being able to put his feelings into words
  • feeling uncomfortable in groups (but his own)
  • being driven by certain ideas, even when they are unrealistic
  • not being able to deal with more than average stress and tension
  • knowing a lot about certain subjects
  • acting on impulses at some moments and on good thinking the next
  • when he doesn't know what to do he needs support or he gets silent or agitated
  • etc etc

  • He's 20 and a while ago he told us he wanted to live at a place of his own.

    His social worker found him the perfect place:
    an apartment at the other side of a large bridge, with special support and care available. There's always someone on call.

    A perfect solution we all thought.

    But then the woman of the caregiver's office told us (opposite of what the head office told)that they didn't take people with autism spectrum disorder with a normal intelligence.
    But when he showed a slight retardation, he would be accepted.

    So we're in for another battle.

    to be continued...

    Logo made by me with tubes from Outlaw by Design.
    It's not permitted to download.

    Wednesday, January 28, 2009

    Thank you!!!

    january 28 2009

    Thank you all for wishing me a happy birthday!

    It's so nice to see so many people cared to comment.

    Yesterday was a rather quiet day.

    Even though I worked hard early in the morning to get things neat and tidy for visitors none came.

    Well, no visitors meant my autistic son wasn't disturbed too much in his daily routine, so it could be consider a present in disguise.
    I just have to ignore the fact that people seemed to have forgotten my birthday.
    (Am I that old?)

    The girls gave me a nice statue: a posh giraffe with a hat. Very nice for rings and bracelets. And for a smile too.

    One of the boys gave me a golden piggy with a chocolate in it.
    (Am I that fat? LOL!)

    And another boy gave me two cinnamon sticks to eat and a card with a giraffe.

    2 still have to give a present. They couldn't choose.
    It means extending my birthday until the next weekend after they've went to the shops with the girls. They're perfect advisors, so I'm not worrying.

    No, I haven't been away on my birthday.
    I can't leave the children alone, because there's no one to take over.
    Their father had to work, and he can't deal with his autistic son.
    That's life.

    But your congratulations made me smile. Thanks a bunch!

    I'm one year older, now everyone has to realise I'm one year wise too. LOL!

    Tuesday, January 27, 2009

    birthday 2009

    january 27 2009

    Like most years my birthday will be a rather quiet one.

    I've always wished for a surprise party, but never had one.

    So I thought that maybe you would want to surprise me.

    The comment section is open, so go ahead.

    Monday, January 26, 2009

    Gong Xi Fa Cai

    january 26 2009

    It's the chinese new year.

    Last evening we heard fireworks nearby.
    I'm sure it came from a gathering of chinese people.

    To all my readers:

    Gong Xi Fa Cai

    Happy New Year!

    May lots of happiness be on your path.

    Manic Monday #152

    january 26 2009

    What gives you hope?

    That depends on the situation.
    But in general terms: when I feel or see opportunities to be happy in the future.
    That happiness isn't only meant for myself, but also for others.
    So seeing peace for some countries in the near future might have no meaning for my own life, but it makes me feel hopefull for the happiness for others.

    How often do you get your haircut?
    Describe your worst haircut.

    I cut my own hair.
    So I have no scheduled times.
    Right now my hair is rather short, and that needs more attention than a bit longer hair.

    I don't have a worst haircut, but I do remember a worst hairdye. LOL!
    When I worked in the hospital I painted my hair on a saturday evening.
    Something must have been wrong with the stuff, because I ended up bright orange.
    Don't tell me it was copper, it was bright orange.

    Whatever I did to get it out....nothing helped.
    And there was no shop open to get a darker colour.

    I looked awful, but still had to go to work.

    Well, it was clear that people didn't feel helped during the therapeutical sessions because of the colour of my hair. LOL!

    What's your most treasured piece of jewelry? Why?

    I don't have a special piece.
    I love jewelry, and it doesn't matter if it's expensive or a piece of vintage.
    It needs to have something special to see... for me.

    Thinking of it, I do have a special piece.
    An earring from india, just one, given by a dear friend lots of years ago.
    The friend was like a brother to me.

    Because I has a well described idea of what friends are... people who serve his good feelings and have no comments on him at all, we lost contact.
    He kicked me out of his life, because I stood up for his son when he was too egoistic to see the feelings of his son.

    The little boy was 5 then. Now he's almost an adult.
    I still feel it's a pity that we had no chance at all to keep in contact.
    Whenever I'm in Amsterdam I still look around to see his familiar face...

    Want to take part too?
    Click the logo.

    Logo made by me with tubes from Outlaw by Design.
    It's permitted to download it to your own computer and upload it to your site.
    Please don´t direct link, as it slows down my site. I´ll change the link regularly so you´re left with an empty space or a red warning sign.
    Please credit properly.

    Sunday, January 25, 2009

    unconscious mutterings #313

    january 25 2009

    1. Unwanted :: Neglected
    2. You’d better :: show some sense.
    3. Woman :: and diamonds. They're her best friends.
    4. Weighed :: and balanced
    5. Upright :: developed away from the apes.
    6. I feel :: tired
    7. Ill :: flu
    8. It’s like :: it's going to rain soon.
    9. Poor man :: is he who only cares about himself.
    10. Great :: is one of the words I use far too often.

    Want to take part too?
    Click the logo.

    Logo made by me with tubes from Lamanouche.
    It's permitted to download it to your own computer and upload it to your site.
    Please don´t direct link, as it slows down my site. I´ll change the link regularly so you´re left with an empty space or a red warning sign.
    Please credit properly.

    children's health insurance

    january 25 2009

    Now the democrats have won the elections people can learn even more about the american republican party and former president

    Did you know that they were against good health insurance for children of legal immigrants when they're not at least 5 years in the USA?

    These children are as legal in the country as everyone else, and these children are as much the future of the country as all other children.
    Yet, they were discriminated by not giving them appropriate health care.

    I can't even imagine how many children were involved, and how many children need medical attention the rest of their lives because they didn't get the help thei needed to prevent more problems.
    And I can't even imagine how many children died because of the lack of care.

    There was also an income limit to coverage for the higher income.
    I heard many parents of autistic children complain about money problems, because they couldn't afford therapy.
    Now I really understand.

    In the past we had a strange situation ourselves.

    After finishing our studies we faces joblessness for 8 months. We got social benefits.
    Then the father of the kids found work and the social benefits stopped.
    The consequence was that we had a lower income of about 5 to 10%.

    Now we face another problem.
    Many special deductions, grants, subsidies, discounts are income related.
    All based on a family of 2 children.
    We have 6, and 4 of them need a lot more money than normal children, and even my daughter with dyslexia generates extra costs.

    Some people think the health insurance covers everything.
    Forget it.
    There are all sorts of limits.

  • only 90% of some things are covered
  • only a certain amount of therapy sessions are covered
  • some things are covered to a maximum limit
  • some things are not paid at all

  • A few months ago we sat down and calculated how much income is left to spend on food, presents and such.
    We are below the social benefit level, as we already knew.

    Because we don't have much luxury and because we don't have a car we can deal with it.

    I cut the hair of the children and myself, we never eat out, don't use take-away, never go to the cinema or theatre unless the kids perform (and then we assist so we can get in for free.), I don't buy make-up, almost never new clothes, no flowers on the table unless they're from our own garden, etc etc.

    I know some american people think it's unwise to facilitate coverage of healthcare for children of parents who earn three times the poverty level.

    Maybe this post has provided some insight why assistance is necessary.

    With proper medical care and assistance, some children can rise above their problems and become active members of society. They will contribute to society more than they cost now.
    In other cases future costs can be prevented.

    I'm asking myself which society denies children the care they need.

    Saturday, January 24, 2009

    What's Cooking?

    january 24 2009

    1. Which meal is the one you cook best?

    I cook them all best.

    2. Tell us what you would never eat.

    Spiders and grasshoppers, maggots and all those other strange crawling and hopping animals.
    I hope I'm never in need to eat them.

    3. Is your hometown famous for anything or anybody?

    Yes, I think most towns, when you dig deep enough.

    4. Can you play a musical instrument?

    Yep, plenty. Bagpipes, flutes, guitar, organ, who do you want to hear?

    5. Tell us about your second ever lover.

    Well, I realised too late that I loved him in such a way that I want to share the rest of my life with him.
    He went with a woman to america. Oregon.
    Last info I managed to get was that he wanted to move to Belgium.
    I mailed him, but got no answer.

    I hope he keeps his promise and shows up at the doorstep one day.

    Ofcourse I don't know how my feelings will be. I have an old image of him in my mind.

    6. What is your favorite restaurant?

    None. We never go out.
    Last time I was with friends in a little restaurant near the river.
    Very good food, but the smoking was a crime.

    7. If it were your call, how often would you make love?

    And you think I'll answer that?

    8. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?

    Right now I want to dine with Mr. Obama and have a good meeting about international relationships and special needs people.

    Michael Palin will be OK too. He's a famous world traveller and I would love to travel with him during one of his last journeys.

    9. Tell us about your job.

    My job is unpaid and undervalued.
    I'm a mom of 6, 4 with special needs.
    They're lucky I'm a psychologist, so they're not as medicalised as some children in the same position.
    They feel like normal kids, and even though they get a lot of therapy at the strangest times, they don't even realise it.
    It's good for their self confidence.

    Lots of aspects of my "job" I don't like.
    House keeping, dealing with authorities and schools.
    I think autistic people should get equal opportunities that fit their capacities.
    With proper insight in them individually they can excell in life.

    Isn't it a pity most people just don't care?

    So what's cooking here?
    People think they're more important themselves than the people they should care for.

    Have a great weekend!

    Want to take part too?
    Click the logo.

    Logo made by me with photo from Mirna.
    You can request the logo, but only when you will credit properly.

    There's also a header and a square of 125x125 available.


    january 24 2009

    I don't know what was in the air, but the kids didn't sleep well.
    Some had a hard time falling asleep, while others were awake far too early.

    A neighbour said that it was due to the low air pressure.
    His wife slept not well either.

    I've never heard low pressure has an influence on something else than wind and rain.
    But hej, what's not discovered can be discovered.

    Yesterday was a very grey and dark day, maybe that's a reason?

    All in all I slept 1 hour...
    and I'm amazed I'm still very nice to everyone. LOL!

    I can trace that back to a few cups of coffee.
    Spiced up with a bit of fresh cinnamon.
    Music: 4 CD's with tango's. One of the kids found the set at the library.

    Right now I can't move freely in the house, because they're busy for my birthday. (Next tuesday). Well, it's almost time to start cooking.

    Any good ideas?

    saturday six - metal

    january 24 2009

    1. If you could recycle only one of the following, would you be most likely to choose paper, aluminum cans or plastic containers?

    In fact we recycle this all, and I'll never go back to a situation that I won't recycle.
    When the council won't accept it seperated anymore, I'll offer it somewhere else.

    2. Check out your bathroom: what color are the metal fixtures: silver, gold, bronze, or pewter? (If you know the actual material rather than just the color, name it too.)

    No need to go upstairs. It's stainless steel.
    Did you expect gold?

    3. When cooking, do you prefer non-stick surfaces or traditional surfaces? Do you have more copper-bottomed pots or stainless steel

    I only prefer non-stick when baking something very sticky, like certain kinds of fish.
    Copper-bottomed? Ofcourse not!
    For the rest I don't care what my pots are made of, as long as they are very big.
    I'm cooking for at least 8 people each day.

    4. Take the quiz: What’s Metal Are You?

    I've taken the quizz, but one of the 5 questions offered choices between cities I don't know. So the result is not very reliable.

    You Are Copper

    You are provocative and challenging. You help people realize who they really are.

    You live a very balanced life. You always take time for love and art.

    You are both a powerful and generous person. You always have time to give back.

    People find you to be incredibly ethical and loyal.

    5. Consider the jewelry you wear most often: is it gold, silver, platinum or something else?

    I absolutely love silver.
    The last years I start liking gold too, so now I sometimes wear something I got 30 years ago.

    6. Have you ever had a piece of jewelry turn your skin a different color?
    Did anyone else notice before you did?

    People bring me their dirty silver jewelry and when I wear it it turns beautiful again. The dirt leaves a spot, yes.
    I don't understand why you want to know whether anyone else notices something before I do.
    The answer is: no.

    Want to take part too?
    Click the titel.

    Logo made by me with tubes from Outlaw by Design.

    Friday, January 23, 2009

    Me and patience ...thinking aloud

    januari 23 2009

    Thank you all for your comments.
    Right now I'm exhausted, so I'll be at your sites later.

    Someone commented on my patience.

    Me, patient?

    I don't feel that way, even though I often act that way.

    As soon as my autistic son senses I'm impatient, he's on my case.
    Since his former school didn't take his emotional needs in consideration, he comments on everyone who doesn't.
    In a way he requires constant understanding for hís needs, wants and emotions, and he has only a bit of an idea how someone else feels when he's completely quiet.

    You can say I'm one of the best actors of my time. LOL!
    (I can't wait to try it out on stage, so please inform me when there's a part for me at As The World Turns. LOL!).

    I've been asked how I keep on top.

    Strategic thinking and skills in problem solving.
    And I'm not a person to panic easily.

    A few years a large car accident took place right in front of me.
    So while looking into the cars I put my bicycle aside, even locked it and put the key behind the zip in my coat.
    In the meantime I knew in which cars people were moving and where not.
    There were injured people in at least two cars, and out of one someone bleeding badly stepped outside.

    Without conscious thought I found myself telling the ambulance service on the phone that at least 3 ambulances were required, a policeman to divert the traffic and a doctor living at the same road alerted, because he could be used rightaway.

    Then I went to help, gave my phonnumber to the police so they could call to make an appointment to get my witnessstatement and I went home.

    At home I started cooking and only when everyone was asleep the emotions overtook me.
    I had a headache for 3 days.

    Now I'm a bit older I can't put my emotions aside as good as I could then, but when it's needed.

    I'm not sure if my way of dealing with the children is real patience. Maybe it is, maybe not.
    All the time I feel on guard.
    I feel responsible for them, responsible for a quiet home.

    Because I'm dealing with this so long, and I started out with a good background (autism was one of my special subjects during my studies), I know what works and what doesn't.
    And I know that when I loose my patience (you need to have it to loose it, uh?) things get out of hand soon and it needs far more effort to get things and people calm again.

    So in a way it's brains that keep me on top.

    In the past I could dream of traveling, about performing again...
    Always I told myself I would start singing the blues and sing jazz when I would get 50.
    Oh well, I sing the blues, and jazz and sometimes even a fado.
    But performing is a fading dream, as is traveling.
    As is dancing the tango with a handsome guy who can deal with my temperament.

    The last year I had lots of patience with the council representative and other people dealing with my autistic son, but I feel I don't want to be patient with them anymore.
    I want them to understand the condition of my son, to understand autism and the needs of people with autism, and when they don't want to open up themselves I want them to leave and leave me alone.

    So I feel more impatient.

    Tuesday is my birthday, and I've been reflecting on myself a lot the last weeks.
    I don't like my life, and I don't like the way many people deal with life.
    People are so full of their own opinions that they leave just a little space for other people to be themselves.

    I feel caved in by what other people expect from me, on the other hand I've gained just enough self confidence to be myself.

    My daily life is a constant struggle to keep in touch with who I am and attending to the autistic needs of my kids and their father.
    I'm lucky to have two girls, so I can be a normal mother too.
    Within limits. There are things outside the door I can't do with them: no attraction parcs and things like that, no full days shopping and giggling.

    In a way life seems to be a waiting game.
    Only when all the boys have found their place in life and society, there's place for who I am and for who I want to be.

    By that time I'm too old to climb mountains, for free falls out of a plane, for paragliding.

    I guess I have to wait for another life.

    Yes, I'm patient after all.

    worked on better categories for this blog

    We went to see an apartment for one of my sons

    january 23 2009

    Yesterday I went with my second son to see one of the counselors of an apartment complex for people with a slight mental disability.

    She was very friendly and showed us one of the apartments.

    It was very nice, large and my son was quite content with what he saw.

    In the meeting we had, with his social worker being present too, she stretched the fact that he would be completely his own boss, but that he's able to call in help at anytime.
    He will be supported on a regular basis on things he still needs to learn.

    There was one problem though.
    To her knowledge people with an autism spectrum disorder don't belong to the group that are permitted to live there.

    The opposite was told to the social worker who arranged the meeting.

    So monday things will get into motion.
    She's going to get in contact with the person who gave the information that people with autism spectrum are permitted to life there, and when this is true all paperwork will be prepared for him to live there, and otherwise our search continues.

    We all hope this place will be his first step from home.
    He doesn't move because he's really ready to live without support but because he wants more space to put his things.
    Because it's so near he can eat at home when he wants, get regular visits from us and his friends, but still feel he's living on his own.

    I'll miss him though.

    Food 4 Thought Friday

    january 23 2009

    How would you describe your life right now...a Three Ring Circus, the Indy 500, the Boston Marathon, or a day at the beach?

    Well, I've never heard of the first three events. They must be american, I guess.

    My life is simply life imprisonment in a nuthouse.

    If you were a crayon, what color would you be?

    It's most easily washed away by the rain and leaves no traces.

    What is the strangest food you ever ate?

    As I haven't eaten worms, as far as I know, other other species, it's most certainly one of the home made dishes of the father of the children.
    The more interesting the photo and the recipe, the more disgusting the meal.

    Midnight Snack
    Have you ever seen a broadway musical? If so, which ones?

    No, I've never been to broadway.
    I've seen some on TV though, does that count?

    Recipe for the Week
    (instead of your recipe for life, what is it just for this week?)

    Don't forget to breathe.

    Want to take part too?
    Click the logo.

    Wednesday, January 21, 2009

    Geert Wilders brought to court

    january 21 2009

    Sometimes I'm a kind of surprised by our legal system.

    Remember Geert Wilders, a bleach-haired politician ,who made the short movie Fitna, in which he depicted the islam in such a way that he brought not only our country in danger of terrorist attacks, but in which he painted such a picture that it seemed that every muslim was a terrorist and a criminal.

    He justified the amount of lack of some simple respect with: freedom of speech.

    To my feeling there is no need to use freedom of speech to hurt other people.

    Today a special board in our legal system, who controls the work of people who have to bring those who violate the law to court, decided that it was not right not to bring him to court.

    Geert Wilders showed not only disrespect for other religions, but he also calls for hatred against and discrimination of muslims.

    Some people think that he's allowed to have his own opinion.
    Ofcourse he's allowed that!
    But that's different from what he really dumps in the media. It's like people of some religions are no good at all.

    Wilders thought that being a politician freed him from some legal actions.
    He said he uttered his hatred to spice up discussions.

    He's allowed to do so withing the walls of the governmental buildings, and he won't be dues for that.

    But making a movie was made in his own name, not in the name of our government, and his terrible discriminatory comments should be written on his own private account, not on that of him as a politician.

    It's good that the value of freedom of speech is protected.

    Freedom of speech is a good that should be used within the boundaries of respect and within the boundaries of the law.

    Tuesday, January 20, 2009


    january 20 2008

    Congratulations, Americans, with your new president.

    We were glued to the TV here, witnessing a historical event, while one of our friends was somewhere in the crowds.
    Was it the woman with the cowboyhat, or the one with the black and white one?
    The camera went too fast to recognise someone.

    For the children it was good to see how events like these are celebrated in another country.

    Here we're preparing for our Queen to step aside for her son: Willem Alexander and his wife Maxima.
    Already the generation after them is growing up.
    So soon they'll be able to see the difference.

    Each new president has promisses and good ideas, and each time people were willing to believe in a better future. After the last disappointment though, things are so different.

    One could feel the hope of people, the emotions.
    And these emotions extended himself to us.

    In Scheveningen the Obama fanclub celebrated this special day, and an american friend called me after the ceremony to tell me how he felt. Happy that at least someone who really cares and takes action is the president.
    We agreed that it's impossible to undo this economical mess within a short time, but it's a good feeling that it isn't ignored.

    Americans and Dutch were rather close friends in the past, but under Bush this has almost completely disappeared.
    The choice of Obama to reinstall Robert Gates makes us feel a bit hesitant and waiting if the change we want really will take place.
    Is Gates really able to change his attitude towards the NATO allies?
    He showed tremendous disrespect.
    Something we don't expect under Obama.

    Today we watched Obamas inaugural speech.
    It was calm, clear, putting the responsibility in the hands of each and everyone.
    It was good to hear him refer to the old values that have proven to be of utmost value.
    I really think he's a bringer of hope, and he's intelligent and open, so we expect this hope will be turned into real change for the better.

    In a way we feel that he got too much on his shoulder.
    On the other hand, working together with other leaders in the world could get a new impulse, so things will really change.
    Our crownprince already espressed his wish to meet Obama. As did our prime minister.
    It's an openness which is promissing for the connection between our countries in the near future.

    Today left me with one question.

    Did Michelle put her shoes out when she was watching the parade?

    Isn't it great to have a president and first lady who are relaxed, who enjoy a day like this, and we are regarded with so much positivism as these two people.

    That the inauguration is the day after Martin Luther's King day is kind of symbolic,
    because right now we all have a dream.

    Let's work together to make it come true.

    To be or not to be: on screen.

    january 20 2009

    Well, how about lifestyle without blogging?

    I cleaned the windowsils.
    Can you believe it?

    Reason? My computerscreen gave up.

    The last time it had a try to fool me, I got it working again, but now the light goes out right under my hands.

    My son, the computerexpert came had a look and told me my knowledge is certainly progressing. I need a new screen.
    No problem.
    People give him their old computers and he rebuilts them. So I'll get a new screen next wednesday.

    Right now I'm using a PC which is sl-o-o-o-ow. I didn't even know those slow things existed.
    I remember the thelephone era and even then my computer was faster.

    Well, I can warn you, that I might be away a bit.
    I doubt many will realise that, as most of you will watch the inauguration of Obama or go in hiding somewhere until it's over.

    Today someone told me he's nuts to have spend so much on the concert of yesterday.

    Hmmm, I believe it was a present for him.
    But anyway it was perfect to check all security measures.

    When you have a little party, you'd better have a good one, so people will remember it.
    It was also a nice message to the world, a way of showing the world that the american people are still there and that the world can make a new start, a reconsideration of their opinion about the american people.

    Imagine it wouldn't have generated as much interest from all over the world.

    Imagine that after tomorrow people say to each other: "Obama, who's that?"

    Grant him the fun, the guy has to do a job that's almost imposibble.

    Monday, January 19, 2009

    Manic Monday #151

    january 19 2009

    What do you do to make yourself feel better when you are sick?

    Well, I'm ill right now.
    Bronchitis with an asthma attack now and then.

    I just try to keep calm, take my meds in time, and catch up with reading old papers I've left for this occassion. It's a good chance to read lengthy articles.

    And I don't have pity with myself. That sure helps a big lot in feeling better.

    What is the most amazing weather you've ever seen?

    When I was young when the sky turned green.
    And when it snowed at a very low temperature. They call it polesnow now: ice crystals. It was beautiful.

    I was also amazed about 6 or 7 years ago when we had the first huge rainfall.
    The water in the garden was rising so fast that it threatened to flood the garden and enter our kitchen.

    I put on boots which someone brought for one of the boys a few weeks ago, and a raincoat and I started digging in the garden.
    When I stopped we had the relief garden we wanted for so long, and a nice pool.
    Filled while working.
    And muscle aches for a week. LOL!

    Do you listen to music or talk radio in the car?

    Well, as we don't have a car it depends on the driver.

    I'm OK with music when nothing is said, but right now I think it's impolite to keep the radio on when you're talking.
    I can't hear as good anymore with one ear, and it's difficult to distinguish between talking and music.

    Want to take part too?
    Click the logo.

    Logo made by me with tubes from Outlaw by Design.
    It's permitted to download it to your own computer and upload it to your site.
    Please don´t direct link, as it slows down my site. I´ll change the link regularly so you´re left with an empty space or a red warning sign.
    Please credit properly.

    Sunday, January 18, 2009

    The wise guy after all

    january 18 2009

    What a terrible weekend this has been.

    A few weeks ago my autistic son stopped his medication.

    During the last visit at the psychiatrist I wasn't happy with his remark that perhaps we could lower the dosage of my sons meds, because once in a while I try, and it had turned out that lowering increased certain kinds of unwanted behaviour.

    Well, my son stopped by himself a few weeks ago.
    As it takes a while to get the stuff out of his system, his behaviour worsened gradually, but I could keep on top of it.

    This weekend, however, one of his brothers decided to celebrate his birthday.
    Which was OK...

    Yesterday my autistic son began moaning about his father not spending enough time with him, and complaining about other things which were not worth to complain about.
    Well, his father was...let's say...not in a very kind and patient mood, and first they both had a row and then his father turned against me.

    I guess someone gave him some feelings he didn't want, or maybe it's midlife crisis or something, but he started to make abuse comments on me.

    To me they were very abusive as he leaves early in the morning to do work he enjoys and returned after 8 in the evening, having eaten on his way whatever he wanted.
    I have to take care of everything that concerns the children. Not only homework, but also dealing with therapists, schools, making decisions etc etc. In a way I'm used to it, but it isn't the life I imagined.
    I don't even have some money to spend on my own or for myself, apart from once in a while a few dollars from writing, so I hardly buy anything for myself. No clothes, accessories or make-up. I cut my own hair.

    I can deal with that all, but when people look down on me and start telling me I'm doing a bad job with my autistic son, that hits me.
    And when a father, who runs to the library on a sunday afternoon to escape helping the girls with homework or helping with dinner, tells me I'm a bad mother, just to make me feel bad and he can feel powerful, there comes some kind of strange dragon gasping for breath out of me....Oh dear!

    Well, before I could say anything, (or ignite my breath. LOL!), my autistic son screamed at him that he needed a father who gave him the feeling he liked him.

    Well, daddy, who has autistic characteristics too, didn't even know what he meant.
    So the dragon disappeared and the psychologist stepped in, leading him into the basic characteristics of parenthood for the so-maniest time.

    When they both went to sleep I was kind of happy with the silence.

    This morning we had cake and gave presents to the birthday-wannabee-man, and then my autistic boy started his moaning and complaining all over again, with his father not understanding. Me oh my!

    I felt like the director of a bad soap series.
    Imagine that I have to tell a man who is father for 23 years what he needs to do: listen to his son. Just listen, without starting to argue about every little detail he says.

    My autistic son just doesn't understand that he gets as much as the other ones in the house on his own birthday.
    He wants something too.
    Instead of giving him a new pen and telling him to put it carefully away, because it's a very special one. bought at a special shop, daddy told him that he wasn't going to get anything until his birthday.

    Autistic son really got angry.
    He yelled at his father:
    "You, you...!!!!
    You have to feed me, and give me something to drink,
    otherwise I'll die before my birthday.
    You're a very bad father to give me nothing at all."

    Well...need I go on?
    His father didn't understand him, so I needed to explain that his son took things literally.

    Instead of watching numbers and NCIS I turned on the concert for Obama.
    Dad told us that Stevie Wonder was the guy standing up instead of Stevie behind the keyboards.

    Right after Stevie Wonder stood up and turned around.
    The TV presentator commented that Stevie was in a very good mood today.

    Nothing was said.

    When dad left the room my autistic son turned to me and said:
    "Wasn't I the wise guy after all by keeping silent?"

    "Yes, you were..." LOL!

    Saturday, January 17, 2009

    The First Apartment

    january 17 2009

    1. Where had you moved from?

    I moved from home.
    Because we're here in a university city it wasn't easy to find a place to live.
    But I was lucky, because the apartment was part of a combination: living and being a nanny.

    2. Describe your first apartment.

    It was near one of the main roads, so at 4 in the morning the trucks started roling. Ugh!
    But the best of it was that I lived opposite of one of my favorite balletschools, and when they found out I enjoyed the music with them, they kept the windows longer open in the evening. LOL!

    It was also very convenient, because when they had a spot open I was called to come in and I was dressed and ready within 5 minutes. So I had a lot of free lessons.

    The apartment itself was part of a modernised beautiful large old house.
    The old features in the house were all gone, which was a pity, but the high ceilings were still there.
    I lived in the attick, which was in fact the top story of the house.
    It was large....

    And in it was an extra ceiling, or story, where I had my bed.

    Oh... it was really big.

    3. How old were you when you had your apartment?

    Hmmm...I forgot. At about 20 I think. I was working and studying, so at 20 or 21.

    4. Did you have roommates? If yes, tell us more.

    No, but the house owners lived in the house itself.
    The guy was rather impulsive and short tempered.
    I didn't trust him.

    5. What was your place of employment then?

    I was the Nanny of the children.
    One a baby of about 5 months onwards, a boy of about 8 and a girl of 12.

    And I worked at the university as the secretary and coordinator of one of the lecturers. It was just before I became the youngest staffmember.

    6. How were you finances at the time?

    Being a Nanny was paid in a discount on my livingspace. I had to pay for that 160 gulden.
    What I earned at university was barely enough to pay the rent, my studies and living.

    Sometimes I had barely to eat.

    7. Tell us about a lover who spent a night there.

    Nothing to tell.

    8. Tell us about a band you listen to then. (You can cheat. Look it up.)

    No need to look it up.
    I loved Supertramp, my friends loved the Police.
    In fact I was OK with everything I could dance on or sing with.
    I also sang with a local folkband. (Free food and drink. LOL!)

    9. How long did you live there and why did you move from there?

    I stayed there a few years.
    Then they wanted to move to another house.
    They planned to built extra livingspace, but they council didn't give consent, because the house was one of those special age features.
    So I had to leave.

    (To a room of 2x3 m.
    The people were nice, but I lived between the boxes.
    There was no place to put my things around me properly.
    Even the best diet pill wouldn't have been able to create enough space to make it a good place to live and study for a while.
    Soon after we decided to marry.)

    Want to take part too?
    Click the logo.

    Logo made by me with photo from Mirna.
    You can request the logo, but only when you will credit properly.

    There's also a header and a square of 125x125 available.

    the girls didn't need to go to boxing

    january 17 2009

    I was ready to turn the complete world upside down to stand up for one of my principles:
    no offensive sports for my children.

    So when the school decided that my girls had to go boxing, I went against it. See here.
    But my appeal was declined. See here.

    I mailed the organisation that provided materials and teachers, and asked for information about the precise actions that would be taught.
    I don't mind them running rounds alongside the walls of the gym, but I don't want them to raise a fist against someone else.

    The answer was a bit downlooking:
    I didn't understand boxing, it's a defensive sport.
    Kids always enjoy what they didn't like at first. (Yea, try Brussels sprouts. LOL!), and
    he couldn't deal with a turn up of 3 pupils when 40 were expected. (Yea, like 40 minus 2 =3!).

    So I mailed him back to tell him that he didn't understand what I was saying.
    That I had choosen a way of bringing up my children which gave no room for raising a fist against someone else.
    And ofcourse I told him that boxing being defensive is only one way of seeing things. That the whole issue is to score points by touching someone and laying someone down. Even though that would not be desirable at a school sports event.

    Ofcourse I also wrote that I thought it to be strange that when one askes information about the contect of a workshop a lecture in parenting follows and that maybe that says more about the content of the workshop and the people who organise it than it says about my need to get a lecture.

    After that I wrote a mail to the schoolboard about the issue.

    When a school has the motto to respect everyone's religion and worldview then I feel free to appeal on that respect when I don't agree with the introduction of agressive behavior in the curriculum.

    When I was ready to hit the send-button the phone rang.

    It was ons of my daughters.

    The teacher agreed with her changing places with someone who wanted to go boxing, and my other daughter was allowed to choose a workshop she wanted.

    A few hours later they came home happy and full of energy.


    Friday, January 16, 2009

    Food 4 Thought Friday

    january 16 2009

    Are you a morning or night person?

    An evening and nightperson. I love the silence when everyone is to bed.

    In spring I change however. Then I love the mornings even better. The fresh air, the birds singing and plants promissing new leaves and flowers.

    What do you do when you are feeling lonely?

    Most of the time I look around and as there's always something to do....
    But I'm OK with music too. Singing or fluting or bagpiping.

    What made you smile today?

    One of the girls trying to show us she knows how to bellydance.

    Midnight Snack
    What did you do today that made you feel guilty?


    Recipe for the Week
    (instead of your recipe for life, what is it just for this week?)

    Just enjoy Bush leaving and Obama entering the world stage.
    Feel open for the enormous amount of energy that frees itself, even though everyone knows we all have to face up to a difficult financial time.

    Look around and see who you want to adopt to help once in a while secretly.
    Either by pushing an envelope with some money in the mailbox once in a while, by sending a box of fruit every month, or by smiling and saying hallo.

    We all have something to share.

    When we work together we can deal with everything in this world.

    Want to take part too?
    Click the logo.

    A real hero

    january 16 2009

    Yesterday a plane caught so many birds in the rotors that it had to make an emergency landing or crash.
    The pilot managed to let his plane, a US Airways Airbus A320, drift to the Hudson River and land there.

    The landing was so soft, that all 155 passengers and 5 crewmembers all survived.
    They were saved by boats that came the the rescue, the plane was caught by a large boat and sinking was prevented.

    All worked together perfectly to get all the people on land.

    The pilot went to look if everyone had left the plane twice before he stepped on board of one of the boats as the last one. He wasn't only a perfect pilot, but also a perfect captain!

    His name: Chesley Sullenberger.

    A charming man, 57 years old, with 40 years of flying experience.
    He was able to use all his knowledge as a pilot, a teacher of pilots and a investigator of airplane accidents at a moment many others would have despaired or just panicked.

    There are situation in life other people have to guard our safety, and we have to trust these people with their lives.
    This man proved he was trustworthy at the most difficult of situations.

    I know americans call someone who has done something special, or a bit special, easily a hero.

    To me, this man is one of the few who really deserved this title.

    Slicing... almost everything.

    january 16 2009

    Pfff, these days I sure don't need any fat burner pills, there are so many things to do here.

    Yesterday I made a stupid mistake.

    Slicing the vegetables with a large cook's knife, you know, the ones they use on TV, I had plenty of neat pieces of vegetables.... and then...happa... before I could retract, my finger had a huge cut.
    I didn't slice it off though. LOL!

    Lots of blood.. so I tied it off until the bleeding stopped.
    Then I taped the wound together, taped the finger in and went on working.

    After so many deliveries a bit of pain in a finger is nothing.

    I thought it might be healed a bit today, so I was ready to do the washing up this evening, in fact I was busy doing in... when I discovered it was bleeding again.

    Ugh...I guess I should have gone to the ER to get a stitch.

    Well, let's hope the wound won't infect.

    Thursday, January 15, 2009

    The girls and boxing - 2

    january 15 2009

    Remember my post about the funweek at school, and my girls finding their names on the list for...boxing? (No? See here.

    Well, I wrote a very nice and kind letter to the school, asking them for alternative activities, because we don't want our girls to participate in boxing.

    I got an answer: it was difficult to get all 208 pupils in groups (oh my dear, I made my first football rosters for 1700 pupils when I was 16!), and that it was good for the development of my children to participate in something they don't like.


    In the meantime the girls asked around at school and found someone who had boxing as first preference and was dying to change places.
    So 2 pupils happy.

    I made a list of alternative activities for my other daughter, including some appointments she missed because she was ill last week.
    And I told her to keep asking around, including asking who got ill. We're having a flu epidemic here, so there's bound to be at least 1 pupil of 208 who's not able to come tomorrow.

    Well, they came home.
    The person I was mailing with had told them she didn't allow exchanging places.

    Well, so far for getting settled in the easy way.

    She could have complimented the girls for trying to solve matters.

    So I had to explain again that it's not about not liking the workshop, but about raising children without involving them in activities that include raising fists against someone else and having to be prepared not to be hit by the first of someone else.

    I've been raised by a father who was actively involved in freeing my countries from occupation during WW2. His family was heavily involved in the resistance. They helped many pilots flee the germans.
    My mother used to hit me at least once a day for years, and I still don't know why.

    This all made me decide that none of my children would ever be involved by his or her own free will in aggressive activities.

    I have learned them that when they were hit, they would never hit back.
    No mini-wars, no medium wars, no maxi-wars and no worldwars.

    To me, boxing is no sport.
    Raising your fist to score at the expense of someone else isn't sport. Not even when there are rules.

    So I guess I'm in for another verbal fight.

    This time with a school who has a very nice motto:
    respect for other worldviews.

    Isn't that very interesting?

    Wednesday, January 14, 2009

    so it didn't work out.

    january 14 2009

    I'm sitting here, crying.

    I've just written the physiotherapist a mail to tell her my autistic son won't come back sporting.

    He's obese, so he certainly needs something like fitness or something else to keep him moving, but he doesn't understand why.
    He hates to go there because of the noises, the smells, and the other people around.

    In a way I can understand him, but health goes first for me, but not for him.

    Just a little while ago he stood here yelling at me, while I was trying to start another round of motivating him.
    He felt I'm not feeling well, I guess.

    Well, I've done all I could and I will do what I can.
    Not giving him something between meals, give him healthy meals. Being a good role model.

    I can't control his father who gives him all sorts of things which are not healthy, and who is a real bad model by eating what he wants, not sporting, etc etc.

    OK, I can fool myself, find another original excuse, and stretch this situation for another month, but I won't.

    But it's a complete shame that the world sees me as a failing mom, while I did everything what was in my power to make him do things he doesn't want to do, because he doesn't understand how important it is.

    Well, maybe I should accept he's making a choice which is not good for himself in my eyes. In his eyes, he feels better without sporting.
    Until he explodes, I guess.

    awards I've received

    january 14 2009

    I've received a lot of awards and I appreciate them a lot.

    But I have 6 children, 4 with special needs, and I hope you'll understand it's impossible to follow up all the different rules and regulations that come up with them and finding new blogs to forward them to. Some awards need 10 new sites!!
    It takes so much time and focussing, I'm sorry I can't at the moment.

    Don't you think all those rules and regulations devaluate the special compliment an award should be, to a means to get links back to your blog with a 10 to 1 ratio?

    From Kat of Candles, Crafts and Whatnot I've received two nice awards, no strings attached.
    But who knows where they might pop up.... :)
    Go and read at her site what she tells about them.

    Thanks a lot Kat!, I wish I was as thin as that lady. LOL!

    A very sweet award I got from Cashmere.
    Thank you very much!

    Under this you'll find the awards I've received before.
    Added names are the sweet givers who gave the award recently.
    Click on the images to go to the page where I've written about the award.
    The large black one can't be linked, but you'll find it by clicking the award above it.


    Also given by the 3 Scrapbooking Ladies and Liza
    Thank you very much for the honor, ladies!

    I also received this award from Cuteboo. Thank you very much!

    friendship award


    Tuesday, January 13, 2009

    ...on a chair to wait for it

    january 13 2009

    What was before....

    A cup of coffee, a pen and notebook, my glasses and the phone.
    Eyes on the clock...
    1 past 10

    By the time it was ten past I was already doing a chore near the phone.

    It was 15 past when he called.
    For a few moments I thought about letting the call go, but the idea that it might harm one of us in any way made make take the call.

    The voice was exactly the way I expected it to be: distant, without friendliness and a bit from up high.
    You know what I mean.

    He said his name and started to ask questions.

    "Pardon.... what was your name?"
    He repeated it and and then jumped on the questions.
    "I'm sorry, I don't know who you are and why you are calling me."

    Well, according to him he was from the school-to-be of my second son.
    He wanted information.

    "What for, may I ask?"

    To choose the right intaker... Hmm...

    "I assume you have a file."
    "No I don't."
    "That's very strange because we've left lots of information when we visited the school, and my son's social worker left you a very good and complete profile."
    "But I still have questions."
    "So you Do have his file."

    I told him very quiet that I've been dealing with people and files about my children for over 20 years now and that I'm tired of repeating things over and over again to people who are expected to understand the file. That I'm very willing to answer questions, but I've decided in the recent past not to put the files in other words.

    So he asked me some questions... all had their answers in the files. I know for sure.
    The he asked me what kind of education the father of the children and I have had.
    It's about the boy, not about us."

    "I want to assess the socio-economic level"
    "We're not the lowest class, if that's what you mean?
    I assume you know that autism spectrum disorder has nothing to do with class, money or social life of the parents. It's a neuro-biological disorder. Inborn so to say."
    "Did he get treatment?"
    "Mister, when there's a cure I'm one of the first to hear about it. Until then we can only smoothen the things for the environment, but not directly for the person himself. Not really."

    "Who diagnosed him?"
    "That's in the file too. It's a psychiatrist. Only psychiatrists are allowed to diagnose autism spectrum disorder, according to a certain diagnostic system."
    "Why was he diagnosed?"
    Because he kept asking questions which were in the file, and it became clear through little sidetalks that he didn't read it at all. Not even the front page, I said:
    "Because he displayed symptoms of autism spectrum disorder."
    "Which symptoms?"
    "Of PDD-NOS. Just like they're in the DSM IV-TR (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 4th version, text revised edition).
    You can find my son's symptoms in the file, sir."

    "How many siblings has your son?"
    "Sir, he's one of 6 or to be precise, number 2 of 6. It's in the files.
    Are you sure you can represent my sons interests well enough to get him the intaker he needs? It should be at least someone who knows about autism spectrum disorders and who is willing to read the file. It's about 6 pages, very well structured and very clear, and there should be an addition of the meeting we had at your school with C., my son, his social worker and me."

    "Oh and by the way, his father has all the degrees in mathematics and science and I'm a psychologist."
    "I know."

    Well....... why ask??????

    This part of the conversation didn't take away my feeling that this call was very strange.

    And that he referred to the short time my son didn't go to school in the way he did, didn't ease my mind at all.
    He sounded exactly like the person of the school of my autistic son who had made our lives hell.

    Then we got to my autistic son and he told me that his name was given by the person who had the first meeting there with his brother and us.
    That was a kind man, who was touched by the fact that the council representative was hunting us down and was threatening with court each contact.
    So he really did what he could.
    He submitted him for registration at that school.
    I'm perfectly OK with that.

    I told the guy on the phone a short version of what has happened all those years, and that we can find no school at all.
    That my son understands other people work for a living, but that he doesn't understand that it's his future too.
    That I don't expect him to finish exams, but that he can learn well enough to get a job, when he's taught the skills in the right way.
    This school has a special department for long distance learning with the aim to create long distance workers. It's for severely physically handicapped people who need adjustments which are far too expensive to create at a workingplace and for autistic people who can't work at an office or in a team.
    My son likes the idea.... so it's perfect.

    When I put the phone down I still had the same feeling as I had before.
    Either this guy is unfit for his job, or something is not OK.
    The future will show.

    I've mailed the social worker about the call, so she knows.

    And then I started to worry about the money.
    Because my autistic son is 2 years too young for that school we have to find a way to get it payed for.

    Maybe I should start writing a script about my life and pay his education from the royalties. LOL!

    Logo made by me with tubes from Outlaw by Design.
    It's not permitted to download.


    january 13 2008

    I feel very honored that Godess from Over Forty and Loving It! and Kloggers/Polly from Random Ramblings and Liza from Mommy's Little Corner awarded me with the Noblesse Oblige award.


    It comes with the next text:

    This award is presented to bloggers who display consistency in any one or a combination of these conditions:

    1. The Blogger manifests exemplary attitude, respecting the nuances that pervades amongst different cultures and beliefs.
    2. The Blog contents inspire; it strives to encourage and offers solutions.
    3. There is a clear purpose at the Blog; one that fosters a better understanding on Social, Political, Economic, the Arts, Culture and Sciences, and Beliefs.
    4. The Blog is refreshing and creative.
    5. The Blogger promotes friendship and positive thinking.

    The Blogger who receives this Award will need to perform the following steps:

    1. Create a Post with a mention and link to the person who presented the Noblesse Oblige Award.
    2. The Award Conditions must be displayed at the Post.
    3. Write a short article about what the Blog has thus far achieved- preferably citing one or more older post to support.
    4. The Blogger must present the Noblesse Oblige Award in concurrence with the Award Conditions.
    5. The Blogger must display the Award at any location at the Blog.

    I started blogging many years ago to update family and friends abroad.
    And I did. In english.
    Gradually, however, the emphasis changed from an accumulation of accounts if the children's life-events into a way to vent about the difficulties I encountered in my life, into a blog aimed at creating awareness about autism and autism spectrum disorders.
    Ofcourse the struggle to get my autistic son to school is told.

    Going with the flow of my life I developed insights in people and events, in parenting, politics and in many other areas. Writing it down meant I was able to look into a mirror.
    Ofcourse I know each of us is an individual being, but we share also lots of things, so I'm OK with other people reading along.

    Once in a while idealism flared up.
    In my opinion no one is better than someone else.
    We're all world citizens and we should behave accordingly: with respect for others, instead of some people telling others how much better they are and how much better their country is.
    Especially in the light of the financial crisis there is no place for people looking down on others.
    We all should work together to tackle hunger, poverty, lack of healthcare, pollution and all those other issues that bring about inequality.

    In the good times I was able to save for smallpipes, but the chance to save enough for the bagpipes for both my daughters is almost impossible.

    Blogging has become a lifeline to the world, as I'm not often able to leave the house and I'm not able to keep a normal social life. Living with 4 autistic children and their father means balancing on the thin rim between pretending to be a normal family and being a family where I'm far more a psychologist/mother/life-artist than a relaxed mom who has no worries in the world.
    So I love memes.
    I'm living a real life soap and I haven't found the script writer.
    Be sure, when I find him I'll change the script and let you know.

    Thanks for the award!!

    Thanks to all others who granted me an award too.
    Due to all the strings attached, like choosing 10 other people, etc etc. I haven't posted them yet.
    Each day I have to make a choice what to do because I need to press about 3 days in 1.
    Thanks a lot!

    winter photos

    january 13 2009

    The snow is all gone!!
    All night it has been raining and today it's as dark and grey as it was before.

    Feels like awakening in the bad ugly world again.

    Last day we started gathering the photos we've made.
    Instead of sending them we decided to put them on a portable flash drive, so we can put them all on our computers.

    It's fun to live with people who are so addicted to visual work.
    One of the boys will try to use the photos in an artistic way, another will change the individual photos into a kind of movie after I have made the best of them by enhancing, cutting etc.

    I still like the old fashioned photos better.
    Putting them in a book is much more fun and it lasts longer too.

    On the other hand: now we all have all the photos and can make our own collection.

    Monday, January 12, 2009

    A call... I'm hopping on a chair to wait for it.

    january 12 2009

    What is it that people who are working for pay feel so much more important when they're dealing with people who work quite as hard but get no pay at all?

    Why do people who work part time feel the world should jump whenever they work?

    I got a call that I should be available tomorrow morning at 10 so someone from the new school of our second son can speak to me.
    He said I should be available, because he works only part time and can't call in the afternoon.

    Well, I had other plans for tomorrow morning, and I'm not happy at all to give them up for someone I don't know, and for something I'm not sure of I want to give: information about my PDD-NOS son AND about my autistic son.

    As far as I know my PDD-NOS son is in the process of being admitted and his social worker has send his profile to him. She has worked very hard on it and it gives a very good impression about what my son can and can't.
    So I don't feel very willing to give personal information to someone who can easily ask my son to give that information or read it in his files.

    I think he uses the call as an excuse to get information about my autistic son.

    I've spoken about creating the opportunity to admit my autistic son to the long distance learning facility of that school. It's used for people above 18, but I've heard there is a boy of 16 somewhere else in the country who is admitted to the same school, be it at a different location.
    I wonder who has exchanged information and gave a phonenumber without letting me know. It's not the social worker, because she has my own number and not the central family number (which is the mobile of their father).

    Going into the possibility of my autistic son starting some sort of education again is terribly stressful.
    He's not able to see the use of it, to have any sense that he has to work in the future, so he's not motivated at all.
    This school enables long distance learning, so he doesn't need to be with other people, but he has to work for it.

    And guess who needs to motivate him every day?

    Last year I've decided it won't be me again who spends about 2 to 3 hours talking to him, like a professional brainwasher, to make him do things. And to spend 1 to 2 hours after he has done something to hear him complain about it.

    It's time people accept his autism.

    So yes, I will cancel my other appointment and sit up straight to receive that call.

    I'll tell him that I had to cancel my own appointment and ask him why the written information isn't enough to get a good picture of my PDD-NOS son.
    And I'll tell him straightaway that he will receive information, on paper, about my autistic son, so he can never ever tell me he's not properly informed.

    My son is forced to go to school by the council representative who has never ever seen him.
    She denied to grant him not to go to school on the basis of psychological inability.
    Well, let her provide everything he needs to go to school and let them experience that his abilities are very, very limited. Too limited to get an exam done.

    All I'll do will be the same as last year: be honest.

    A new school, new people who won't believe me... or maybe this guy will?


    Logo made by me with tubes from Outlaw by Design.
    It's not permitted to download.