Monday, November 17, 2008

Grinding

november 17 2008

Yesterday the father of the children had a very bad day.

He doesn't want to acknowledge the fact that he's displaying more and more characteristics of autism with more and more intensity.

Keeping up appearances at work takes so much effort, that at home not much is left for us.

He used to work at a department when lost of writing needed to be done.
After the reorgansiations of the last months he's at a department where he needs to deal with collegues a lot more.
The result is a lot more stress.

Because this is reflected in the way he treats others and misinterprets what other people say, I've dealt with psychiatrists of the children, the schools and the council all on my own.
He only criticizes, never gives a compliment.

There's not much at home he needs to do, but getting the groceries is the main part.
That his work uses all his energy is quite clear: we're missing often products that are on the standard list.
Which leads to even more stress in the home, because my autistic son has very rigid eating habits.
But not only the kids deal with his mistakes. No washing up liquid, no vegetables... it starting to get normal.
But I can't step in all the time. (Well, I can give up blogging......)

Yesterday he suddenly told us he was going to the library.
I'm slowly changing the livingroom to fit the new couch.
The measurements are different from the booklet. (That's when you buy cheap things.)
I asked him when he would be home.

"After dinner"

"Huh? Spending all afternoon at the library?
You said you'd make dinner."

"No, you make dinner on a sunday. Other women at my department do that too."

I've been through that a few weeks ago and I didn't like his reactions, so I choose the way that was quite appropriate at the moment.

"I cook all week, even when there's nothing to cook with.
I can hardly stand 5 minutes at the time, and you don't even want to help out?
It's a day to day struggle to get your laundry done, and I can't even take the time to go to a doc to get my back checked, and you won't lift one finger on a sunday?"

I didn't tell him to rot in hell, out of fear of the awful smells, but when I could be convicted for my thoughts I would spend the rest of my life relaxing in jail.

He went.

I told him to stay away as long as he was not able to see that I can hardly walk, hardly stand still, and hardly do all the work in the house I usually do, he'd better stay away.

He came back before dinner and cooked.
Threw too much salt in it...
Luckily not in the food of the children.

Later in the evening he told me that I was a lousy childraiser.
I should have taught the children to do the work in the house.
"Yea, like you're taught to lend a hand..."

Later in the evening I fell over trying to get some laundry on one of those indoor laundrythings, injured my arm to bleeding and he acted just like he didn't hear a thing.

He said he had more insight in situations, but suddenly stopped talking because he would request a remark like: "then you take over".

I saw he was thinking to lash out verbally once more.

"Ohhh, noooo, you are not going to say that I'm to blame for the autism of the children.
You have told me enough that the youngest son is autistic because he sat on my lap far too much before his first birthday.
I've had enough stupid remarks for one day.
When you want to lash out more, go outside and find a blind wall.

I've dealt with enough of you today.
When you want to have your laundry done, you'd better behave like a part of the family.
You won't see me do that part of my unpaid job here untill I'm treated with respect."

This morning I woke up with pain in my teeth and jaws.
Grinding my teeth again in my sleep.

Who wouldn't?
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1 comment:

  1. The sun will shine regardless! Everyday is a gift. I hope everything works out.

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