Thursday, November 20, 2008

the continuing story - a breakthrough?

november 20 2008

So yesterday we had a meeting with the school of my autistic son.
That is, with a nice guy and the one we filed a complaint against.

I've never been more conscious of my own reaction when giving a hand than yesterday.
He tried to pull all his muscles into a smile, with the ones for insecurity first, and I had no smile at all and was amazed I couldn't manage to pull a polite face. It was neutral, and it seemed like I lost all conscious control.

Rather early in the meeting I had what I wanted.

Ofcourse they wanted him to follow a full program, which he can't.
Then they wanted him to follow a program as an outsider, because they managed to make something for two kids with schoolfobia, who only came in for tests.
My son won't even come in for tests, he doesn't even want to sit in a bus that passes the school.

Then they.... "STOP!!! The school stated last year that there was nothing that could be done, and now you're offering me all sorts of solutions you should have come with 4 years ago??

In the light of my introduction, in which I told we had a legal assistant look into the case, this was a crucial remark.

It was like I shot him.

"It feels like the school never bothered to invest in my son, now I see how much can be done for others."

The meeting went on for a part because I wanted to feed them with information they could need.

Then they guy said that when he called the councilrepresentative he first got a guy who said this and then got a woman who said that.
Yea....those are the ones I'm dealing with too.

So I said I felt they were putting both us and the school under stress, all to get the statistics of the drop-outs low.
He suddenly looked up...
"But the school has to think about the statistics of the school. Why get the percentage of graduates lower, just because they are only watching theirs?
They manipulate people... and I gave some examples.

"Statistics is what I don't care about.
It's my son who should be central in all meetings.
He's disabled and he needs people who care about him, not about some stupid figures!"

In the end it was decided that the school couldn't do anything for my son.

They're not having auti-classes, and my son is indicated for them.
Even more: the psychiatrist of my son has decided that this school is contra-indicated.
My son will never be able to do his exam, because his autism prevents him to do certain tasks, like forming his own opinion based on a texts he has read.
Etc etc.

It was as if we were there for the first time, because this time they listened differently and for the first time accepted that my son can't do certain things.

So it waqs decided they'll tell the council representative that they're not able to provide what out son needs, because he'll be ill for a long time and he won't be able to graduate for different reasons.


I expected to feel relieved when entering the world outside that school again, but I wasn't.

Much depends on how they put matters into words.

It can be from: "parents won't cooperate" to "Boy is unable to fullfill the requirements and we completely agree with the psychiatrist that we're not the right school."

We'll just have to wait.

But I expect that was the last time I was there as a parent.

Now I can only hope they will have the guts to use my expertise on autism.










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1 comment:

  1. As a parent i proberly have more labels than my son!
    At least they listened and where somewhat honest with you.

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