Thursday, October 2, 2008

He didn´t go

october 2 2008

So yesterday it was sports again for my autistic son.
It was scheduled. (My best readers know enough now..:( )

After the flat tyre of monday I wasn't as confident as I'd been before.

But there was a plan of emergency now: the bus. I had the tickets ready, know the place where we had to get out, and I was certainly in time to bring him into movement to opt for bicycle or bus.

The moaning started, hesitant remarks, complaining.
The frequency was rising, as was the loudness.

Long before he realised I had a clue I sat here in front of my computer, crying, writing a mail that I didn't expect him to go.

It's the same everytime.
Like other children he gets a bet stressed because it's new,
then he tries in to fill all possibilities of what can happen,
but his imagination is limited.

He can't imagine himself standing there and enjoying it.

So he clings on the facts he knows.
That the physiotherapist said the parents aren't allowed in. For instance.

And whatever I say or do, he just clings on that thought, that grows and grows, untill he's just a very tiny person in a big, big world.

So he didn't go... and I felt rotten.
He was relieved, and I felt that I'd fallen short.

His father started to say it's time to get him institutionalised, but it was like it wass heard somewhere, because in the news there was a report about children who need care, sitting in jail, because there is not enough care available!

Well, I´d better sit in the jail of life than that I send my child who has done nothing wrong to a jail.

End of discussion with his dad.


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