Tuesday, October 7, 2008

an autistic day

october 7 2008

Yesterday was one of those awful autism days.

Two items on the agenda for my autistic son:
an appointment with his psychiatrist and sports.

He didn't want to go to sports and expected his psychiatrist to force him, one way or another.

I went upstairs to put some nice clothes on and told him to do the same.
Right when I was undressed he called he had no trousers.
Because I didn't want him to freak out I put on some clothes and grasped fitting trousers I already put aside.

He didn't like that and was superamazed, but by the time he could say anything I was already bussy myself again.

Then his coat was lost.

That was a bigger problem, because I couldn't find it in the hall, nor at all those places he uses to hide it when he doesn't want to go anywhere.
I called his father to ask him if he knew, and then suddenly saw something in a laundrybucket that was waiting to be taken upstairs.
Hmmm, I thought it was empty when I put it there.

Coat found.

By the time he was outstairs I still had to put my shoes on.

He started yelling he didn't want to be forced to go, etc etc.

16 years, yelling like a toddler. Ugh!

Ignoring it, is best, so I ordered him to take his bicycle and wait in the playground behind the houses.

He did.

More or less I expected him to flatten his tyre, but he was too lazy I guess.

I hardly was able to keep my tears inside when we went to the busstation.
His behaviour on moments like these hasn't changed one bit since he was little.
It's such a confrontation, it makes co clear how little he can change and how little he reflects on his behaviour.

People who don't know him have told me in the past how good they would be able to change it. Especially people who work with mentally retarded persons know it well, as do other parents.
Making me feel little and incapable of handling my son is all they do.

As a psychologist I know all the trics, theories and systems.
I've used them all.
But he doesn't care how people feel about him, he doesn't care about he feels about himself, he can't generalise behaviour he has learned in one situation, etc etc.

So we arrived at the busstation, where he suddenly couldn't fasten his lock. I could.

And when we walked to the bus he started screaming again that he didn't want to go.

By that time I didn't care what other people would think, or whether he was going to explode or implode. (The last might happen, he is soooo big!)

In his last attempt to boycot the appointment he walked slowly, untill he forgot what he was doing and was his nice self again.

Ofcourse he muttered a bit when we were in the waitingroom, but soon enough we sat in the cozy room of the psychiatrist and were talking about his refusal to sport.

So now he agreed to go there and only have a look.

Hope he does...


  1. i tell my kinds all the time to be kind to others because you don't know what great battles they fight. I wish everyone understood that before they start judging.
    kudos to you for staying calm

  2. My son has Asperger's Syndrome, and even though he is so fortunate to be on that end of the scale, I understand your frustration. I'm sure you've heard of Future Horizons, the book and resource center in Arlington, TX, and Dr. Jim Ball in New Jersey has been very helpful to us.

  3. wow, I have great respect for you, not only as a mom, but as a mom who daily deals with this type of thing. May I one day have that kind of strength!

  4. i admire your patience laane. you really are a good and hardworking mom. i'm sure it was difficult but being able to handle it well is something to be proud of.

    i also hope that he does.


  5. What a day, laane. I am always amazed at the strength of people like you, who deal with days like this regularly. Knowing that your son is incapable of changing must be so frustrating. I admire you for your strength and commitment to keep going.


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