Friday, October 31, 2008

Have a scary halloween

october 31 2008

Celebrating Halloween is something that has blown here from over the ocean.
The commercial halloween is attractive to some people, but that's about it.
We don't grow pumpkins here, so I guess that's one of the reasons the image of halloween hasn't gained much ground here.

We have our own way of celebrating the dark days and the ancient all saints and all souls days.

It's more in the spirit of the countries here.
Less outgoing, more flowing with nature here.

We turn more inward.
Not only literally by staying more in our houses, but we also get a lot more silent.
Our discussions are more about spiritual matters.

I myself love to walk near the lake during the night.
The cold makes the place feel a bit strange at times. Like something is there.

The veil is thin, and we see that also accounted for in the traditional stories that are told.
Ever seen the autumnfog rise from a lake?
We call it the white ladies.

They roam our country during these nights, and maybe they're the ones scaring away the witches.

Friday Fill-Ins

october 30 2008

  1. My favorite food seasoning is cinnamon on applepies, and nutmeg, salt and white pepper in meatloaf and on meat.
  2. The sound of birds in my garden is music to my ears.
  3. Lucky is the person who has no worries.
  4. The relationship with my children is something I take very seriously.
  5. Many people who own a house are worrying now.
  6. 8 breads was the last thing I bought at the store.
  7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to a few moments for my own (if possible), tomorrow my plans include the laundry and Sunday, I want to sit down with a cup of coffee and watch Country Files and dream away with the wonderful views of England, Wales and Scotland!

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Finding photos

october 31 2008

It was late in the evening.
Everybody was asleep, except for me and one of the boys.
I was waiting for him.

A good time to go through some mails that are piled up tremendously.

Between them I found some news of the alumnium site, where I'm registered at my former schools and the university.

The last time I visited was more than a year ago, so there were lots of changes, especially photos.

Between them some old schoolphotos with the friend that died last week.
So sad... and yet also good to see her the way I remember her so very well.

Seeing all those familiar faces made me feel their characters again.
Some where so very nice.

Sometimes I wonder if other people have the same.
I know there are lots of people who just live forward in time and leave everything behind them. Forget names and faces.

I live very in the present, but living that intense also generates lively memories.
It does for me.

Comparing the photos of my friend, the old and a very recent one, made me grateful to have known her.
She kept her bright smile and open look into the world all her life.
Her spirit radiated through it.

In a powerful way.

Isn't it interesting that life changes some so much, while others keep their power?

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Tai Chi

october 30 2008

Even though my back is still hurting I went to Tai Chi.
It's supposed to be healthy and working on my spine and muscles will only benefit me.

I nearly overslept, but some inbuilt alarm woke me up half an hour before the lesson started.
So I jumped under the shower, dived in my clothes, ate something and took my meds, even brushed my teeth and drank some water and off I was.
Walking was more of a problem than bicycling, I found out today in the 5 minutes to the eight location.

The group consists of about 10 very nice women between 20 and 80.
I think we're going to have a lot of fun. But we also worked very serious.

The exercises were very tiring, but that's no problem.
It was the first time after years of doing nothing, so I had no expectations about that.
Near the end I started to get too much pain, but now I'm home I feel rather OK.

It's nice to do something for myself, and to be honest, I didn't think one single moment of anything else.
That's so great!!

I think I've found myself a new hobby, maybe even a lifestyle.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008


october 29 2008

It has been interesting to watch the way Americans deal with the elections.
Each time again a theme can be put on the way candidates deal with each other, and each electiontime has it's own features.

One would expect that some progress would be seen in moral standards, views on plans to deal with the future, self-respect and respect for others.

But even though it looked in the beginning that finally some changes could be seen, it looks like this electiontime will end the same way as all the others: undermining the credibility of the other candidate.

I'm amazed that again the republicans throw with dirt, instead of presenting people with, for instance, a good economical plan.
McCain needs to fight himself free from the Bush administration and it's mistakes to win votes.
But instead he and his page lower themselves again to the same way elections are dealt with.


Isn´t this the same way Bush motivated the world to agree with an invasion of Iraque? (Yes)

I'm amazed how many people are blind and want to stay blind for the ways matters are dealth with.
Just because their fathers and mothers voted republican, they do.
Just because they need some sort of security they vote republican.

There are many things I can't understand.

People consider themselves to have high religious standards.
I'm fine with that. No abortion, no sex before marriage...
But one can't grasp from Christianity just what is convenient and throw the other values away.

Tolerance, solidarity, shared responsibility, care, don't do unto others what you don't want to have done against yourself, don't lie...
These are some of the other values that are included in the package too.

I can understand the camp of McCain is desperate.

But how desperate are the voters?

Are they blind, or are they afraid to trust someone who is a bit different?

To me it seems republicans are traditionalists.

Today I heard that many republicans buy extra guns, in case Obama wins and limits the use of guns.

I'm living in a country where guns are forbidden for people who're not in the army or the police force.
We can buy our meat in the shops, so there's no need to go out and hunt to have some food on the table.
Self-defense isn't an option with a gun.

By buying those extra guns, people make clear they believe Obama wins. Interesting.

Even more interesting is that Obama isn't against guns. The whole idea is based about stereotyping of the guy by the republicans.
And why do they think they won't pass a few extra laws that try to prohibit the guns falling in hands of terrorists?

Don't think I don't understand that people need the security of their "own" political party.
A century ago all people in my country who called themselves Catholics voted for the Catholic party, and all the protestants for the protestant party and all the laborers who had no religion for the laborers party.

It took a while for people to see that it was important to choose good politicians to secure their jobs, the future of their children, their health and a lot more.
Even taxes aren't an issue during the elections, because our taxes are used for things we all benefit from: good schools, good infrastructure (roads, etc.), clean cities, good care of waste, etc. etc.

The result is a relatively economical and political healthy country, with high standars of healthcare, plenty of jobs and social benefits for all.

Ofcourse we had some politicians who tried to gain the goodwill of the people.
They have all disgracefully disappeared.
We don't allow politicians to undermine the credibility of others, as simple as that.

But we're different.
We're less fear driven, less traditionalistic.
Maybe we trust the people around us more. Or maybe we're more independent in our opinions.
We have freedom of speech here too, and we exercise that every day, also in the political arena.
Voting on a certain party doesn't result in a certain status, only in hind-look maybe.
We learn from our mistakes and from the mistakes others make.
And we're very oriented towards good plans and we have a well defined profile prescription of politicians.
Integrity, honesty and respect are the top characteristics.

Yesterday I saw pollresults for my country.
90% of the people consider Obama the best candidate.

A poll only for americans living here showed a 95% Obama preference.


That means that people who have a broader look on world politics consider Obama to be a better, more credible representative of the USA.

The failure to keep the USA economically healthy calls for responsibility on the side of the voters.
Do they want to have more of the same for their children?
Is their fear to step aside from the trodden path stronger than their wish to change things?

Do they look further than gossip, mud and all the other ways the republicans try to win?

I like the fact that Obama stayed relatively calm during this capaign.
No violent outbursts like McCain.
Obama is surrounded by a group of capable people who are able to manage the country in a better way than the other group.

Think about that when you want to vote blindly.

My jewelry is sorted

october 29 2008

I love jewelry.

And because I like to have items with a history attached, some people give me their old stuff.
Not that I wear everything. But it's nice top see things from the past and have the pictures roam through my mind.

When I started to get some things that are useful for my bagpiper's outfit, I started sorting my jewelry.

The system is simple:
  1. bagpiper's jewelry
  2. very expensive and special jewerly
  3. old and non wearable jewelry (which is sometimes perfect for dollshouses and such)
  4. and 4 boxes, each for one season.

    Especially sorting the items in the 4 seasonboxes comes in handy.
    All I did yesterday was put the summer things at the back and the autumnbox at the front, and this morning I took a nice reddish leaf to wear, without the need to go through all my stuff.

    The earrings I keep in sorting boxes, so I always have pairs at hand.

    It works for me and I'm sure it'll work for you.

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He went, finally

october 29 2008

My autistic son finally went to the gymnastics club.

It's not really a gymnastics club, because they have one day of sporting games and a bit of gymnastics, and one day fitness.
It's a small group of 9 children and all have a disability, either psychological or physical.

When he arrived, he had to wait in the hall, and two girls came quite near him.
He is handsome, so I'm sure they were attracted by his black hair.
And the fact that he was obese was even better, because they were obese too.

It took him a while to feel comfortable there, waiting, but soon his physiotherapist came and she took him with her.

When he came back he had red cheeks and was very happy he went.

Now let's see that he keeps going and loses some weight.

The start is there.
Hopefully it'll bring him a complete new life.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

autumn lane

october 28 2008

There is no harder confrontation with the change of things than death and autumn.
Even though the message of life is wonderfully crowned with the most beautiful colours, it's completely clear that it's time to reflect upon the months that have past and prepare for the darkest part of the year.

Just a few hours of light are shed on the leaves to see them in all their glory, then dusk sets in and the fog veils the known and unknown.
Mysteries have the chance to grasp us, or phantasies have to fill in the blancs that nature leaves for us to perceive.

In the old days the harvest was gathered and what the family didn't need until spring was brought to the needy and the market.
Servants and workers on the land were allowed to go home or find a winterjob before the streets were too slippery and travelling would be dangerous for both man and animal.

The abundance of the harvest was celebrated gratefully, seeds were put to rest and bulbs were put aside to stay safe during the long winter.

In different parts of the world traditions have formed from and around the harvestmarkets.
Girls were promissed to families for the next year.
Heydolls were wrought to thank the gods and to ask them to bring the spirit of life safely across the winter.

Turning away from the past was also believing in the circle of life.
New live will appear after the dark, the light will feed the seeds and bulbs so people can stay alive and witness the change of seasons over and over.

For eras people have trodden the same paths.
Saw trees change colour, saw them grow.

How many times I walked through the large lanes in the wood...I don't know.
But I do know the different looks this place has.

It looked as bright as on the photo when I walked there with my boyfriend many years ago.
We were making plans to get married and we were feeling on top of the world.
The long walks seemed to be endless.

Except for one day when I had new contact lenses.
Ofcourse I knew that it was stupid to wear them in the open field, especially on windy days, but it was like those two little pieces of plastic transformed me into a being I'd never been.
I thought I could conquer the world.
And we did, when we walked the lane in splendid colours, untill we reached the sandy parts on top of the hill.
Suddenly, over the large trail of the trainrails a storm started blowing all the sand right into my eyes.
It was scary.
Even after taking the lenses out my eyes were burning and I didn't dare to try to rub the sand out.
So we walked back as soon as we could and went to a friend's house where I washed my eyes out by holding my head in a bowl of water and opening my eyes.
The sand went out, and I didn't even dare to look in the mirror to see how awful I looked.
That incident cured me from wanting to feel pretty at the expense of my health.

Oh, we didn't marry...but that's another story.
It sure had nothing to do with my looks.

Now memories are starting to cross my mind.

I remember we had to use that lane once when it was night.
Some friends were taking part in an evening bicycle tour.
We were supposed to go diagonally through the wood, following a bussy road.
But one of the bicycles broke down.

At that time cellphones weren't even invented, and we didn't dare to wake people up in that one house we saw.
All we could do was decide to take the straightest way to the living world: through that lane.

During the day the little stones on the path didn't matter at all, but in the night they seemed to be living creatures.
We were sliding over them, trying to keep our balance with the bicycle at our side.

Every sound seemed to be magnified between the tall dark trees that were bending over us, keeping the moonlight too far away.
A sliding stone, a sigh, someone saying something to the person before or behind him.

If someone had seen us move over the path in that night, they must have thought the ghosts were caravaning from the deathworld into a place near the living.

When we finally arrived in the world of the living, the light was hurting our eyes.

Like it was hurting the eyes of that man that bumbed against our car when I was 5.

It was a sunday afternoon.
The lane was open for cars and we were on our way back from a long journey through the woods.
We'd seen many beautiful animals. The large ones from the car, the little ones when we were having a picknick at an open space in the late autumn sun.
Little ants and spiders, getting ready for winter. Even a little mouse, watching at us with beady eyes. Curious like we were.

We were on our way home when a pheasant suddenly crossed the lane and stopped at the side of the read to look at us.
We stopped too, and so both worlds met in a moment of utter amazement, until I heard a strange sound, looked back and saw a car running into us with huge speed.
"Look out!" was all I could utter and just then the front of the car moved into the back of ours, stopping right before the bench I was sitting on.

The face of the man was stuck in the window.

One of us went to a house nearby to warn the ambulance, I stood trembling at the side of the lane, and my parents tried to help the injured man by stopping his bleeds when he fell back in his chair.
His face was lacerated all over.

It took quite a while until the man was freed and put in the ambulance.

People seemed to have forgotten me and at that moment I decided always to see the beauty around me, whatever happened in my life.

I saw the acorns and chestnuts, coloured leaves, while the serious events in life just happened and were solved again.

There, that afternoon, at that autumn lane.

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Monday, October 27, 2008

Manic Monday #139

october 27 2008

What is the greatest value that guides your life?

It's not just one value.
It's a whole interwoven set.
Honesty, respect for life, nature and people we don't understand (so I'm against war in every form), care and love.
It's difficult to put into a few words, because it's a deep feeling.

Fill in the blank: If I could be anybody besides myself, I would be
a travelling journalist.
Or I would roam the highlands of Scotland or make music in Africa.
(Yea, I know I'd still be me... but I would use other characteristics of me.)

What is one item in your house that you should really throw out but probably never will?

My bed.
How do you call a bed with sticks at the site and a railing? Canopy bed?
I bought one when they were just on the market here.
It wasn't expensive at all, but it took ages before it was delivered and then they brought a wrong combination of sides. Two left sites.
I remember the guy from the transport centre didn't want to come back to take it back, but then I told him that probably elsewhere someone might have two right sides and needed exchange too.
But even that didn't change his mind, until I told him I would go to the papers and the people who had to subsidise a new road to the new loadinghalls.
He didn't believe me, until I told him that a friend owned a paper and I needed just one call.
It took another two weeks, before the bed was finally complete and I could assemble it.

A few months later I saw another canopy bed in a shop and the stylist had made shelves on top and put things on it.
So now I have a shelf with my baskets on top, my best clothes are hanging at one of the sides and it is my nighthome in the house.

Wouldn't miss it for the world, even though interchanging it with a smaller bed would enable me to put a chair in the room and have a nice corner for myself. (Where I'd probably never would sit, because I'm always needed elsewhere.)

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Sunday, October 26, 2008

A dear friend died last week

october 26 2008

My schoolfriend died of cancer.

At first her symptoms were ignored, then labeled wrong, and when the doctor finally took matters serious the cancer was spread from the ovaries all through her abdomen.

She fought a battle of 7 hard years.

We enjoyed the story of Don Quijote very much and we knew all the songs.
Her fight remembers of it.

The last time I saw her was at the school reunion.

She told me she wanted to change jobs and she wanted to do something with children, but also something in the medical world.
I knew a vacancy in the hospital and told her about it.
She has worked there ever since.

When we tried to make some appointments at the end of the reunion, she told me she didn't want to see me any more.
Not because she didn't want to, or didn't like me, but because she wanted to focus on her work and children.

People were amazed and I felt hurt.

But I respected her wishes.

Now I know why she didn't want to see me anymore.
I worked with cancerpatients at that time and I think she wanted to spare me the suffering of a close friend.

She has always been in my mind.
The memories about our time together are still fresh and happy.
I still hear her voice far away, like I often heard her talking when we had a break and all the pupils were together in the large schoolhall.

I've missed her, because I respected her wish.
Would I have known, I wouldn't have respected it at all.

Now I will miss here even more.

Scrumptious Sunday: Halloween recipes

october 26 2008

Theme for Scrumptious Sunday:

Halloween Recipes

We don't have halloween traditions in my country, so we don't have puimpkin recipes and such.

Can you help me?

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unconscious mutterings # 300

october 26 2008

Congratulations with # 300 of this magnificent meme.

1. Contemplate :: nun
2. In the house :: imprisoned
3. Classical :: style
4. Quest :: Don Quijote
5. Best friend :: It's time I choose me
6. 1991 :: Life seemed to be happiness
7. Never will :: and never should
8. Fool :: Clown
9. Unhappy :: the one hunting for love
10. Best man :: Best woman

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Saturday, October 25, 2008

Halloween Ghostly Tell Tales

october 25 2008

~Halloween Ghostly Tell Tales~

1. Believe in ghosts, spirits, or the supernatural?

Yes, I do.
I think there's a fine line between the here and now, and another realm.
Sometimes it feels like I can almost touch those I love and who died.

2. Ever had a supernatural experience?

I once heard a clear voice in my head which was not mine.
"Learn to trust the truth."

It was so powerful I went to the radio to see if it was switched on. It wasn't.

3. Favorite horror film?

I don't have one. Real life is horror enough.
War, people killing each other, abuse... need I go on?

4. Finish this line: Silently I walk in the moonless night. The wind is blowing softly against my face and I feel like closing my eyes and just walk on in this perfect rhythm.

The lake is almost clear like a mirror and the ducks are sleeping near the side.
Somewhere, very far, a late night bird is calling another. But there's no answer.

I sit down near the water and look to the clouds that are reflected in the lakes like identical twins.

Then suddenly a giant alligator springs out of the water... mouth wide open...
I can not run........

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The Best of What's Around

october 25 2008

The Best of What's Around

1. What's the best new website you've found?

Pfff, it depends on the genre.
There are so many great sites, it''s difficult to mention just one.

2. What's the best movie you've seen?

Out of Africa

3. What's the best quote you know?

A very actual one:

It's easier
to rule a country
than a family.

Chinese proverb

4. What's the best book you've read?

I've read so many beautiful books, and some weren't even considered literature.
Sometimes books fit a certain time of life perfectly, like Heidie, and at other times they just take you away from place and the present time.

I remember I was pregnant of the twins and things were difficult.
Ofcourse I've forgotten the name and writer of the book.
It was about a caravan through the dessert.
It was so fabulous that I almost felt each step of the camels.

5. What's the best thing someone's done for you?

Love me for the person I am.
Stand behind me in my fight about the right education for my autistic son.
Make me feel at home with a cup of cinnamon tea on the couch, looking star treck.

All different people.

And the kids - I'm not mentioning them.

6. What's the best thing about your job?

I'm not able to work at my profession (psychology) now.
I loved the combination of caring for people and helping them live their life in a way that made them more happy, and research.

I'm a mom now and I like to see children grow up.

7. What’s the best CD you own?

Depends on my mood.
Michel Fugain often makes me happy.

8. What’s the best new TV show you watch?

In two hours: Casualty on the BBC.

9. What’s the best car you’ve owned?

A Dinky Toy, or was it a chocolate car? I can't decide.
We don't have a car.

It's interesting that this meme often mentions cars.

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no party because of the storm

october 25 2008

Today we were supposed to have some healthy grilling at a neighbourhood party.

I was looking forward to it and even though I can hardly move because of the back injury I hoped I could move there and sit a while at the meal.

It's such a nice way to meet new people and to have a talk with others I almost never see.

But the party is cancelled.
Storm is expected and the tent they have constructed in a large open area is already broken down and according to the children half of the parts are already loaded on a large truck.

The chairman of the neighbourhood society is meeting in an hour with the board to decide what to do.
Either the butger takes all the meat back. Which can be done at no extra cost,
or the grills will be distributed to people in different streets, with equal parts of meat and people can go there to collect their part.

Well, we'll wait and see.

Friday Fill-Ins

october 24 2008

  1. Right now, I'm feeling tired of the pain in my back, but I wanted to finish this friday meme.
  2. Scotland, somewhere in the highlands near a lake is where I want to be.
  3. How does one find an old friend who seems to have disappeared from this earth?
  4. Humor keeps me on track.
  5. Please don't tease me at the moment.
  6. Looking at my kids when they''re asleep fills me with joy.
  7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to the end of it, tomorrow my plans include trying to get rid of the pain and get something done in the house and Sunday, I want to feel relaxed!

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camelmilk chocolate

october 24 2008

Ofcourse the news is full about the drop in the financial markets today.
For the kids it's a real live lesson in economics, so we're all in front of the TV each day.

Today there was also other news which caused a lot of reaction.

In Dubai the first bar of camelmilkchocolate was sold.

Camelmilk is less fat than cow's milk.

People are hooked up on the real chocolatetaste though.
Some considered the camelchocolate bar far too sugary, others complained about the aftertaste.

I am a bit curious myself whether I´ll like it or not.
I love good tasty chocolate, melting in my mouth.

Well, let´´s wait until it reached the shops here.

Friday, October 24, 2008

a neighbour

october 24 2008

One of the neighbours of my past has passed away this week.

I planned to go to the funeral service, but because of the problems with my back and the consequent immobility I remembered her here.

She was a nice woman. Always ready with a kind word and some sweets.

In a way she didn't fit in our neighbourhood.
She always wanted what other people had and so she took away the joy other had when they purchased something.
Within no time she had it too.

My mother got a green coat, she bought one too.
My mother bought a new lamp in the livingroom, she wanted and got the same one.

It went on and on, until one of the women of the neighbourhood was fed up with it.
She told her that her husband had bought her two real diamond rings.
She conveniently forgot to mention they were as fake as could be.

For a long time we didn't she our neighbour.

One way or another she got the message, and she got over her addiction to copy others.

In my mind I still hear her call the neighbouring women when she was hanging the laundry outside and wanted to talk a bit over the hedge.

Those scenes I now only see in movies about the 40ties and the 50ties.

The gardens now are fully grown, and people go their own way, without expressing their need for contact so much.

She added her smile to my childhood.

I''m grateful she never ever told my mother the secrets of the evening.
My mother never found out how I got in when she closed the gardengate when she considered me to be too late.
I think she thought my father let me in the last minutes before he went to bed.

But in fact I sneeked through the garden of our neighbour, through the row of furry trees and then put my bicycle in the shed which I opened with a copied key.

I haven't seen the neighbour for over 30 years, but it´s strange to realise she isn´t in the house anymore.

Food 4 Thought Friday

october 14 2008

What is your favorite place in your house and why? Describe it or add a photo.

Right now: my reddish new Ikea couch.
When assembling it I hurt my back and I can hardly sit or walk.
It's a comfortable place to lie down.

If your spouse or significant other were a light bulb, what wattage would they be? 25 -60 -75 -100 or a dim black light?

Hun, it's just broken, and I haven''t found a new one yet.
So it's still there, making that typical noise of a broken light.

Name something that would disqualify you if you were a contestant on Fear Factor.

I don't know Fear Factor, and thus I don't know the rules.
I've studied hypnosis, so I know how to deal with the other contestants.

Midnight Snack
What is something you do that helps you to escape for a while?

Gardening, blogging,reading and drinking coffee at a friend.

Recipe for this Week
(instead of your recipe for life - what is it for just this week?)

Mix perseverance with humor. Add a bit of optimism.
When you have to serve a person who doesn't respect you, add knowledge and straightforwardness.

Last week

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Thursday, October 23, 2008

the continuing story - I was right.

october 23 2008

Last week I went to the legal department of the council to motivate my objection against the decision of a council representative regarding my son''s need to go to school. ::see here::.

Today I got a letter from the legal department stating that indeed there has been made a mistake by the council representative. (WoooHAA!!!!)

Proper procedures were not followed. I was right in that.

The council representative has to consult an independent expert to assess the ability of my son to attend auti-classes.

So there is still a change matters will be settled in a good way.

Now I'm waiting for an appointment with that expert.
I expect it to be just one of the doctors of the medical department of the council.
So when he doesn't accept my opinion and take it over I can protest again, saying he's not in expert in autism.

I'm glad there is something to balance the troubles we have with that $%%#@ school.
::see here::

Wouldn't it be nice when matters will be solved in a way that brings rest to the family?

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who's the cook today?

october 23 2008

On days like these when much needs to be done I either eat something made the day before, or I eat something someone enjoys making.

Because some of the children were at home early there''s plenty of time to get some groceries and prepare something special.
Something from another country.

The girls decided to have a look at MyRecipes and found something interesting:
cornbread dressing.

Together with some other healthy findings this resulted in a grocery list and quite some items on the table in the kitchen, ready to be used.

One of the boys was ordered (very professionally, LOL!) to do the shopping and one of the older ones will supervise.

Sometimes it's fun that the kids are growing up.

The joy of change is a mess.

october 23 2008

Today the new coach would be delivered and I expected the man in the house to stay here and help.

But yesterday it turned out he had other plans.

More and more I have the feeling of running the place here all by myself, and it is that he pays for the food, otherwise I would present him a bill for his meals once a week. LOL!

So he left this morning and after him the kids who have to go to school one by one, and it was up to me to make enough space in the hallway and livingroom for the new coach.

Something in me told that the delivery would be early.

We're the nearest town near the loadinglocation of the trucks.

I was right.

I had the stuff aside just one moment and the doorbell rang.

Two large packets were put in the room, I had to sign a paper and that was it.

So now there's a large heavy leather bank and a not so heavy other one standing at it's side.

The joy of change is a mess.

Cleaning up my entrecard inbox

october 23 2008

I like entrecard.
It's a kind of reaching out to the world each morning.
There are so many sites I would have never seen otherwise.

The last time I feel more and more walking through a street full of advertisements.
Some blogs seem to have no other posts at all, and some don't even bother to have another theme than those offered at blogger on the spot.
Because of all the advertisement campaigns these ads look even the same.

So I've decided to clean up my inbox at entrecard.

I love blogs with real content, so I'll keep those and I stop dropping at the all advertisement blogs.

Change of eating habits

october 23 2008

It's the time of year that many people feel tired.

When I worked as an almost fulltime psychologist we saw a significant rise in request for psychotherapy and even assessment.
More people with depression and grief needed support and we always said to each other: "The falling leaves...".

Often I wondered if those falling leaves were the only reason people didn't feel well.

The change of eating habits contributed to the problem. Not for everyone, but for some of them.
It was like their body needed to adjust to the vegetables of the season.
Many ate healthier.
They skipped the BBQ sauces, the drinks and sweets.

It made me wonder whether orovo detox might make a difference for them.

Why clean the boby at spring, and not at the beginning of autumn?

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

the continuing story - oct 22

october 22 2008

Got a letter from school again.

Ofcourse my last letter was completely ignored.

We're forced to have a meeting with the person I filed a complaint against (You know, the one stating that autism is the result of bad upbringing) and the mentor.

They have subscribed him to the final exams.

I sat here crying for a while.
No one at home to see it.

Then I wrote a mail to the psychiatrist of my son, asking if he had any idea how to solve matters, or provide someone to go with me to that meeting.

I'm afraid I'll get so mad there that I shout at them.

I'm not that kind of person, but I know that everyone acts unlike himself when there is far too much pressure. And I don't think I'm a saint and can stay nice to people who put in not the least effort to understand a child.

The fact that they took the decision to force him to take the final exams goes beyobnd my understanding. But it makes clear they haven't understood one little bit of the reason why Nyo wasn't able to do his exams.

I don't know how to deal with this at the moment.
I'm so angry and so completely tired of this all.

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stealing on internet

october 22 2008

Some time ago a few boys abused another teenager to get at his runegame points.
The kid was forced to give them his password, they got into his account and transferred his points to their own accounts.

Soon after that a discussion started if that's stealing too.
It's virtual property and you can buy nothing with those points in real life.
But on the other hand, you can use them on internet.

Yesterday a judge ruled that it's stealing and he sentenced the abusers quite well, both for the abuse and the theft.

I'm glad with the outcome.
And you?


october 22 2008

Most of the time I'm looking forward to the mail falling on the doormat.

It's like a link to the outer world, especially on days like today. It's so dull and grey, that I kept the lights on. I feel like I'm in a box with light in a grey world.

Today I got a mail from the health insurance about my request to pay for certain meds.
The person who wrote the mail suggested that I bought the meds over the counter, but that's not true.
They're prescribed by a specialist, because I'm dealing with a metabolic disorder that requires those meds to keep me alive.

The discussion about this matter is dragging on for years.
Each time the result is that I have to pay for the meds myself, and each time again I tell them that when a heartpatient gets a prescription for meds to stay alive he's getting it refunded, so I have a right to get a refund too.

Maybe it's time to look around for another insurance.
A friend suggested NC health insurance.
Do you have experience with them?

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

10 of the best meals I've ever had

october 21 2008

10 of the best meals you've ever had
  1. The best meals I had were those at my grams.
    She made the best soup in the world and every sunday morning my dad and I went to her to have coffee and later soup.

  2. When I was in England my aunt made me sausages. I loved them so much I had them with breakfast, lunch and dinner and if I'd been able to sleep with them I would have. LOL!
    I was 12.

  3. Much later I was one of the leaders of the Pax Christi marches. From little villages we walked through as much nature as possible to the town of 'S Hertogenbosch (Den Bosch), to the Cathedral of St. John. Being a leader meant to accompanied a group of about 17 to 10 young people during 3 days and nights. We talked about everything, which also meant in that time we talked quite a bit about religion too.
    After one of those marches my fellow leader took me to the railway station restaurant where he ordered mussels.
    We were very tired, very happy with gorgeous days and a bit sad we had to say goodbye to a group of wonderful people.
    On the menu it said that we could eat and order as much as we wanted.
    So we ate all the mussels they had.

  4. Hans. He was one of the best people in my life. I wish he was back from Oregon.
    We used to study together.
    I remember a fall day like today. We worked hard at the university and he invited me over for an evening meal.
    On our way we stopped and bought carrots and a lot more and had a nice talk with the shopowner.
    Before his room, on the landing, he had a little spot where he was able to prepare food and cook. We sat there and made things ready.
    I remember having a good time talking and thinking.
    We ate at his room, listening to music and after dinner he played guitar for me.
    How I wish I would have been like the other girls and have expressed my feelings more.
    But maybe the fact that I didn't made us such good friends.
    And maybe I didn't need to express my feelings. I was happy, and that was enough.

  5. I was one of the editors of a magazine and we celebrated an anniversary.
    To make it special we went to a very expensive hotel and had dinner there.
    I remember I had fish. The others had something else.
    With the fish came so many dishes that they had to bring a sidetable all for me.
    But apart from that, it was absolutely delicious, the company was good and I came home safe.

  6. When I arrived he made me tea and then told me to wait for him while he would get fresh breadrolls and something to eat for that evening.
    A week before I bumped, literally, against him at my department of the university where I was working.
    He was a guest, following some courses.
    I was lucky his friend was with him and it was his friend who saw my emotions and who adviced me to pay a visit.

    It was strange to see him after 3 years of trying to forget my love for him.
    But it was even stranger to find the present he bought for me all those years ago. A little booklet of Tagore, hidden between the other books, but not too far away not to be noticed.

    Later that day he was slicing a piece of pork, holding the knife with his large hand.
    Ofcourse I got the honor of slicing the unions. LOL!

    We had dinner together and it tasted great.

    He's a famous man now, one of the topmen of a large business.
    Regularly I see his face, and the little lines that makes him look like he's going to smile in just a moment.

    I guess I'm just one of the people of his past. I miss him.

  7. It's been about 27 years ago when we got lost in the woods in Germany.
    Thanks to the signs of the different walkingroutes we found our way to a small village and from there home to the hotel we stayed.
    The hotelowner was all over the place, ready to ask the police to send out a searchteam.
    We were cold and wet.
    When we came down after redressing, she had a meal ready of ham and potatoeballs. It tasted heavenly.

  8. Somewhere near Kendall, Great Britain, we went to a gentlemen's club.
    Because I was just 12 I was allowed to go in with my uncle and dad.
    We had a meal near a tremendous large window overlooking a beautiful panorama of green hills.
    Wish I had remembered where it was.
    It was one of the places I long back to.

  9. Sandwiches shared with friends on a bench near the river.

  10. This meal is part of my future. I'll reserve a place to describe it here.

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Just a bussy day

october 21 2008

Another day with appointments.

One of my daughters is wearing a brace and she needed a check-up.
The last time the orthodontist wasn't very nice to my daughter, so I went with her again.

This time he was very nice and complimented her with wearing her brace so well.

After about 7 minutes and after paying 32 euros we had our faces in the rain again.
She went to school and I went home with 2 fresh breads with me.

A few hours later I was on my way to the other side of town for a meeting with the psychotherapist of one of my sons.
She's a very nice lady and it was a pity for all of us that it was the last session.

I expressed my worries about the way my son deals with stress and told her I'm seeing more autistic features emerging these last months.
She'll put it in the report to the coordinating psychiatrist and I'm sure he'll deal with this next time we visit him.

We evaluated the last months and she expressed her confidence in the way we're dealing with problems.
It's good to hear my son has progressed and I'm dealing well with matters.
But I was a bit too tired to really feel on top of the world because of that.

On the way home I was lucky to find a place to sit in the bus, and when I entered the second bus I had the last place, right in the back. It was so quiet there. The sun was shining and I nearly dozed off. LOL!

When I arrived home I put away my coat and started making dinner right-a-way.
In the meantime helping the girls with homework.

Before I knew the evening was almost over.

Money needs to roll

october 21 2008

This morning in the waitingroom a guy asked me about my vision on the present economic climate for investers.

Well, he wasn't just a guy, but a former classmate who still remembered my excellent results in economics at school.

"Money needs to roll, according to my opinion", he said, "what do you think about online trading?"

"Well, ofcourse we need to keep buying and investing.
When we do, production is kept alive and thus jobs are kept.
When we won't buy the usual things, the production will drop and people will loose their jobs. And because they're not able to buy as before, production will drop further and more people will be jobless.

Investing at random and blindly might not be a good idea, but online one is able to keep track of changes in financial matters right as they happen.
You have to watch out that you make wise choices.
Don't settle for high commissions. Firstraders uses a $6.95 flat rate for online orders.
And you have to look for low margin rates and no deposit.

Ofcourse you need to be able to react as fast as you can. Firstraders provide a 3 Second Execution Guarantee for qualified orders, so that's a low risk when you place an order."

So we kept on talking while we were waiting to be called.

When it was his turn, he told me he'd certainly look in the matter and he's going to let me know what he's done.

So I'm expecting a mail from him soon.

He switched his phone off and not on again. LOL!

october 21 2008

Yesterday dad called one of the boys and because we all knew their father had to be reached and why, he could warn his dad there was no need to go to the balletstudio to get the girls.

They were able to come home themselves when it was still light.

Late in the evening I wondered why we still got no call from the firm that needs to deliver the new couch.

Then one of the boys mailed me he was trying to get his dad... and it turned out he switched the noise of his phone off and forgot to switch it on.
He had more than 20 messages to listen to.
He didn't like that at all, so I expect him to switch his phone on next time. LOL!

uber amazing blog award

october 21 2008

Chica and Pumuckl have awarded my blog with this wonderful ribboned award.

Thanks a lot!!!

Uber (synonym to Super) Amazing Blog Award is a blog award given to sites who:

~ inspires you
~ makes you smile and laugh
~ or maybe gives amazing information
~ a great read
~ has an amazing design
~ and any other reasons you can think of that makes them uber amazing!

The rules of this award are:

* Put the logo on your blog or post.
* Nominate at least 5 blogs (can be more) that for you are Uber Amazing!
* Let them know that they have received this Uber Amazing award by commenting on their blog.
* Let them know that they have received this Uber Amazing award by commenting on their blog.
* Share the love and link to this post and to the person you received your award from.

And now I'm off to find 5 blogs top mention here.

So look later again.

Monday, October 20, 2008

He's not answering his phone

october 20 2008

It's one of those days...

The girls had a short day at school, so they were home in time.
That was nice.
We had a long talk, made fun and then they devoted time on their homework.

But on mondays we have a special rythm of hurrying and haste, because normally they come from school, eat a bit and leave for ballet.

Now I remembered them just in time and they went.

Not long after that I got a call.

They had tried to inform their dad that they were on their way home.
Because someone died in the family of their teacher there were no lessons today.

Well, it's not only that they can't reach their father, neither can I.

Right now he's on his way to the balletstudio and there he will hear that the girls are already at home.

I recharged his phone yesterday, so one way or another he doesn't answer his calls.

Well see why within half an hour I expect.

Showing muscles

october 20 2008

One of the boys had a discussion at school about legal steroids.
In fact they are prohormones, which are metabolised in the body to a useful product when you want to grow muscles fast.

The subject is of great interest to these young people, because the school has a huge fitness hall where each day many of them spend an hour or even more.

My son is proud of muscles too.
But he developed them over many years, sporting like his life depended on it.

He now swims a lot too.

Ofcourse the girls uttered their oohs and aahhhs when he showed his upper arms.

The climbing rose too.

october 20 2008

It's such a beautiful day here.

Even though it looks like fall the temperature was so good I could wear a t-shirt and no cardigan or coat. Even in the wind.

Most of the children were to school again, so I took the opportunity to cut branches, downsize the bramberries and get rid of some other things in the garden.

I was too hasty and I've downsized a climbingrose too.
I hope it's not a kind that needs pruning in spring, and I sure hope I haven't cut it too low, otherwise I might have created a problem.

It's stupid, I know.
But I was cutting away the thorny branches of some berries and didn't look well, because I wanted to reach a tree that needs pruning too.

By the time I was there, I couldn't find the saw, so what I really wanted to be done isn't done yet.

Well, the garden looks a bit better anyway and I've put all the branches and leaves in a corner, so the little animals will have a nice home for the winter.

Manic Monday #138

october 20 2008 2008

How long does it take you to get out of bed in the morning?

Noop. It's eyes open and I'm part of this world. I grap my things and I'll get out.
It has grown that way. With so many children and with my profession it happens too often that people need me right away, and that I need a clear head immediately.

Do you usually sleep on one side of the bed or another?

One side.

When we were students we used to live in an appartment where the bugs came in through the window. So I slept as far away as possible.
I still do.

Something you wish to accomplish before the end of the year:

That's a difficult question.
I've learned not to plan too much because there's always something more important or something unexpected happening.

I wish to have my son loose weight.
I wish to motivate politicians to take more responsible decisions for autistic people.

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Sunday, October 19, 2008

sleeping in

october 19 2008

Yes, I have been able to sleep in.
And it was great!

My alarmradio started somewhere in the morning and it was said that our bank needed governmental funds to keep on going.
All I thought was that I'm such a happy person to have no savings.

So I turned around and fell asleep again.

An hour later I woke up and heard two of the children talk to each other.
It was so very quiet.
What a delight!

Then I launched myself from the bed into real life, hit the showers, put one load of laundry in and took the other load downstairs to hang outside.

Lunch was breakfast.

Then I was ready for the oldest to remove those nasty bugs from my computer...

After a long wait I got a call. He'd forgotten.

So I was completely awake and right in the middle of my life.

unconscious mutterings #299

october 19 2008

1. Magical :: Mysterious
2. Shrimp :: Cockles and musles
3. Project Runway :: never heard about it
4. Economy :: Keep your own economic life healthy
5. Porch :: Gate
6. State of affairs :: circumstances
7. .com :: internet
8. Fifty cents :: half a euro. Well, my opinion is worth more. LOL!
9. Ripping :: taking with force
10. Bull :: a stupid one following the red fabric

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A pretty amazing evening

october 19 2008

It started out as one of those boring saturday evenings which have only one highlight: Casualty on BBC 1.

So I watched this episode of the series, had another cup of coffee and then suddenly we hard someone slam on the window.

Ofcourse I jumped up about half a meter from my chair, but I've learned first to think at those unusual events.

So instead of going to the front window I had a look in the back garden.
They thought I was nuts, untill I explained that maybe some people wanted to divert our attention towards the front of the house, so they can steal a bicycle out of the back garden.

Another thump on the front window, made me have a quiet look through the door that leads to the hallway.
Even though the glass is milky, I can see rather well who's in front of the house.

No one.

I even had a look outside, but I saw nothing.

After the third thump, about half an hour later I decided to go and have a walk outside with the father of the children after a wait of about 20 minutes.

So we went outside, ofcourse I had my flashlight with me.

Nothing in the playarea between the houses, but I saw something move at the end of the path towards the street.
I quietly walked there, with the father of the children following.

At the corner two boys with jackets and hood on their heads were looking towards our house.

I started to talk very quiet.
"What are you doing here?"

I directed the flashlight to their faces and switched it on.
Looked like kids of about 12/14.
It was 1 hour after midnight!!

I expected one of them directing a foot at me...nothing.
They just stood there and looked at me, so I had enough time to study their faces.

Then another slash on the window and two boys ran towards us.
They stopped and looked at me.
So I directed the light at their faces too, and they didn't even protest.
They were about a year older than the other two.

Ofcourse I got no answer when I asked them why they were enjoying themselves at the expense of other children.
But I didn't hear any rotten words either.

So I told them that they should go home and stay there.
They'd better use their PS3 and not disturb the lives of other people anymore.
In case I would see them back, either this night, or anytime else in the future I wouldn't hesitate to call the police.

They walked in front of us towards the playground and two of them wanted to move to the left.
I told them to go to the right and disappear. I added that I knew their faces now, so they should better stay away from me and my house.

We experienced no troubles anymore.

A bit later one of my sons accompanied me on a tour through the neighbourhood.
We walked the streets quietly, but all was silent.

I can't believe those boys were so timid and didn't even think of warning the others or running away.
I didn't see them show any pleasure in what they had done.
So strange!

I wonder why they choose our house.
Or were we the only ones with the lights still on?

Saturday, October 18, 2008

The remains of Marlies van de Kouwe are identified

october 18 2008

When Marlies van de Kouwe disappeared at Bonaire at september 21 this year, we all had to think about the Natalee Holloway case.

Marlies seemed to have disappeared without a trace, but careful police investigation revealed that people had seen she was dragged from her bicycle and taken away on a scooter.

She was 24 and worked in the drugstore at the island.
A nice young women.

The storm Omar revealed body parts near a waste dump.
Analysis of the teeth established the identity.

4 suspects were taken into custody. One had nothing to do with the case, the other three are still behind bars.

Ryan P. the prime suspect, has been taken to the jail at curacao.

The media have dealt with the disappeance of Marlies in a respectful way.
No one trying to get in the limelight and no one hunting for american media interest.
The parents have been left alone as good as possible.

I feel so sorry for them and for the rest of the family and friends of Marlies.

But I'm glad it hasn't been the same media circus as it was with Natalee Holloway's case.

A very nice award.

october 18 2008

I feel happy that Modern Mom granted me an award.

“These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in prizes or self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers! Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award.”

I feel honored.
Thank you very much!

With all the awards sweeping internet it's difficult to find 8 people who fullfill the requirements of the award and haven't had it.
I'll check out the blogs I have in mind before I'll post them here.
But I'll have a try.

So keep looking here.

You Wear It Well

october 18 2008

You Wear It Well

1. What are your favorite shoes?

Flipflops. But as some people don't consider them shoes, I want to mention my blue shoes too.
They're dark blue, flat and comfortable.
I have some nice shoes for summer too, so don't worry. I'm able to look very elegant if necessary.

2. What does your favorite shirt or blouse look like?

I have to think, right now I don't have a favorite shirt or blouse.
My favorite wear is a t-shirt under a wide dark kind of short coat with a batic/die and dye effect at the bottom.

3. What does your favorite tee shirt say on it?

You can't control me.

Isn't that appropriate?

4. Do you think you look better in casual or business attire?

I have the tendency to slightly overdress or look overdressed, whatever I wear.

5. What do you sleep in?
T-shirt, unless there are people around.

6. Do you wear expensive sneakers?

No, ofcourse not!
15 euro the most. I know where and when to get my favorites in the sales. I buy two or three pairs and use them for ages.

7. What is your favorite hat?

Glengarry and Tam o'shanter.

I have seen a nice hat I would love to have, in a shop abroad. So I expect it to be gone when I go there.... ever.

8. Your preference for men: Boxers or briefs?

Depends on the man. But boxers will do.
With those white legs sticking out of them I can have a good laugh.

9. Your preference for women: Suits or dresses?

Suits? You mean men's suits? Nej!

When the choice is between denim and dresses, I'll take denim.

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the bicycle

october 18 2008

With 4 boys it seems there's always something that's broken or ruined.
Now we got a call from one of them, reporting his bicycle "gave up".

Gave up???

And did it gave up all by itself or was there some very clever aid involved?

The bicycle was getting old, I agree.
And the noise it made could be fixed within a minute with some tape or a screw.

This young guy was lucky not to get me on the phone but his dad, who remembered with his very slow-working memory suddenly within a second that he'd seen a nice second hand bicycle at a shop in the town where he works.

So he completely forgot the groceries he was supposed to get and went away. 1,5 hours to and 1,5 hours fro, to get the bicycle.

So I guess we're eating spaghetti tonight and when things won't go right we'll eat it all week long. LOL!

Friday, October 17, 2008

Friday Fill-Ins

october 17 2008

My first time.

  1. Follow the noice of the drops and you'll land in the rain.
  2. Lipcare is something I always take with me on vacation.
  3. To achieve your goals, you must dream, work and persevere.
  4. That I collect giraffes, little houses and fountain pens, and I would love to have a pocket watch is something I'd like you to know about me.
  5. I have a dream.
  6. Bubble wrap floats.
  7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to a few moments for myself, tomorrow my plans include getting the groceries in and watching casualty in the evening and Sunday, I want to sleep in, so everybody be silent!

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Iceland and money

october 17 2008

The financial crisis reveals the stupidities of councils and other organisations.

Iceland has been hit very bad and some banks just died, leaving people and organisations with only the proof of their deposit.

A couple of councils here have put their money on those icelandic banks, and I've heard that some englisgh councils and governmental organisations have done the same.
The district of Kent deposited 65 million euro and the organisation that runs the busses and metros in London 50 million.

Nearby a council sensed things were not going well and they requested their money to be deposited on another bank.
They had to wait for news and when it came in it was clear they had been lucky.
That council is able to renovate and built the schools as planned, and are able to repair roads when needed. But many councils have to postpone these necessary improvements.

Today I heard that many British non-profit organisations followed the advice of the English government to use foreign banks.
The National Council for Voluntary Organisations estimated that at least 60 organisations lost about 120 million pounds.

The relationship between Iceland and England didn't improve at all when the english used the anti-terrorist laws to freeze the icelandic assets in the UK, causing problems for the large bank Kaupthing.

I'm curious how matters will be solved. Iceland already had huge financial troubles and now they're only bigger.

The girls came home with new t-shirts

october 17 2008

The girls were invited by their oldest brother to stay there for a night.
So they went yesterday afternoon and came back this evening.
Later than intended, but it's still vacation.

Ofcourse they've had a good time.
They watched a movie, computered, went collecting acorns and beautiful leaves and went to bed far too late.
Being away from mom should be fun and going to bed late is fun in the eyes of the oldest.
The girls told me they begged for him to stop the movie to give them a chance to go to bed and finish it the next day.
Well, it's between them.

Today they went to the backery for tasty fresh bread and visited the next shop and bought white T-shirts.
He's able to print things on fabric, so they spend hours looking for a nice graphic.
The T-shirts are lovely.

When they came home they had heavy bags from all the stuff they brought home.
Hundreds of acorns. LOL!

And ofcourse the funny t-shirts, some very good old cheese and all they things they had taken there.
Because I didn't see them leave with their stuff, I didn't know they took half of their belonging with them: cushions, furr animals and more. It was like they had been away for a week.

It's nice to see the relationship between them and their brother evolve in such a nice way, and see them so happy about this short trip to the other side of town.

Food 4 Thought Friday

october 17 2008

If you could jump into any book … what would it be and why?

Pfff, what a difficult question.
I think I'll want to jump into a photobook about travelling in Western Africa, or in a book about old native spirituality and art.

Tell how you are feeling today in the form of a weather report.

A clear sky today, with almost no wind. Temperatures according to the time of year and a bit of fog in the evening.
Tomorrow I'll expect less quiet weather.

What activities make you lose track of time?

Blogging, but I guess everyone will say that.
Designing, ballet and reading have the same effect.

Midnight Snack
What were you doing one hour ago?


Recipe for this Week
(instead of your recipe for life - what is it for just this week?)

Enjoy the moments of silence around you.

Last week

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Meeting about legal matters autism - school

october 17 2008

I didn't sleep many hours, but I slept well.
I even enjoyed the autumncolours on my way to the busstation and I felt very alert, observing and ready.

When I got a questionaire about the use of the busses, I realised how focussed I was, because I saw the guy's mouth move and had to ask him what he said.

I was half an hour early.
I asked a key for the toilets and the woman told me only the toilets for the disables were available.

I saw the read cord near the floor when my bag rested against it. After cleaning my hands I took my bag, and then the bell rang. Ugh! That's me!
Because I couldn't use any stress I ust left the toiletarea and handed in the key.
Very calm I went to the expositionarea.
Only after about 3 to 5 minutes the responsible person realised the bell was ringing and it took about another 5 minutes before people arrived who were allowed to go in and help.
So in case I want to have heartfailure tat that place there's no need to expect I'll survive, as it's said the first 6 minutes are the most important!!

When it was finally time someone came to get me for the meeting the woman who approached me looked very familiar.
She was the repacement teacher for one day my son had in basic school, who told me his behaviour was normal for an autistic child. And with that remark she was the first the acknowledge what I had been saying for some years already.

She recognised me too, but we both kept it silent.
I did, to keep the relationship clean.
She then told me she was only a replacement, because she wanted to start new studies after many years working with these children. Well, clearly she studied law successfully.

Another lady was waiting in the room. She was very nice too.

I was able to make my points and I saw in their eyes they were OK.

On of these points was that the council representative based themselves on the opinion of my son's psychiatrist, whereas the law states that it should be an independent expert.
And that my son's psychiatrist states he was unable to go to any school apart from one with auti-classes, which said nothing about my son's ability to go there.

They didn't expect that turn, but where interested.
Asked me whether I thought an independent expert would consider my son completely unfit to go to school.

Nicely I said that I, ofcourse, didn't have the intention to sit on the seat of the independent expert, but that enough things had happened after the indication for the auti-classes had been signed to have serious doubt about my son't ability to go there.

So then I told them what happened. That he first was accepted and that they asked us to come there to meet the new teachers and instead we were told that he wouldn't get a place there after all.

Told them it had taken a lot to prepare him to go there, because he was treated so badly at his former school, and that after this experience his trust in grown-ups diminished dramatically, and I fear it's beyond repair. It certainly won't come back in a natural way.

I got very empathising reactions.

They asked me how the situation was now.
So I told the school wasn't investing in him at all.
That a letter of 26 september still had no reply at all.

And also told about the way the guy reported to the council representative that I had given him no reply at all, whereas I asked him whether the council representative agreed with homeschooling the very next day and it took them more than two weeks to give a reply. Including the remark of the council representative that she was going to have a meeting with me about that.

The women reacted that not only he didn't cooperate very well, but that he also was troubling the relationship between the council represenative and us. They both expressed that such behaviour is unacceptable.
(Ofcourse they already knew this from the files, because I'd send a letter to the council representative right away.)

As a reaction to another question, about what woudl be an acceptable end result, I said that it either should be the freedom not to subscribe our son to a school, or accept that there is no place for my son at all and act accordingly.
He, nor we, should be enforced to stay in contact with his former school where he got severely depressed and troubled. A school that has stated that they're not able to support my son, and that is also not on the list of indicated schools.

The nice woman said she knew, because she'd been educating autistic children for a long time.

So I left rather content about the meeting.

Now we have to wait for the result.
I hope it will be something that is far less stressfull as the situation is now.

Thanks all for supporting me during this long time of trouble.
I hope it will come to an end soon.

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It's not permitted to download.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

about computer again

october 6 2008

After a very bussy day I'll first report about the computer.

I'm finding some problems with spybot, when I clean them, the taskmanager works again, untill I open internet explorer.
So I know keep spybot open and clean again.

Surfing with a cleaned internet explorer is no problem.

Closing and then opening again... taskmanager is gone.

AVG and Panda. No problems.

Kasperky gave something, but I have to run a full scan tomorrow.

Right now I'm scanning the file it reported to contain something yesterday, to see if it's still there.

My son wasn't able to do much today, so that'll be the weekend.

I've installed firefox.
I've never liked it and I still hate it.

In IE I used to play around with the html of the source to make new pages offline.
I haven't found a way to do that with firefox.

So all advice will help.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

It was the 13th on the 14th.

october 14 2008

It should be possible to delete some days.
Just hit the button and it's gone, with all the memories and certainly with all the consequences.

Someone threw a virus, trojan or other computer animal on my beloved computer and I couldn't remove it before going to bed.

Spybot caught it, but as soon as I opened the browser it was there again, disabling task management.
I hate it!

Luckily I had another computer at my disposal, so I changed passwords and now I'm writing this.

Some children in the house were very quiet after hearing about the zoo at my computer, so I think they took advantage of the time I was cleaning upstairs to get some of their emailing done.
They know they're not allowed on my computer, but ocourse that makes it even more interesting to slide on the chair and press the buttons.

When I'm offline, or when the site here disappears, you now know why.


Wrong choice, my consequences

october 14 2008

Last week I got the results of my bloodwork.

I'm borderline anaemic.
Because my body doesn't take in extra iron in a normal way, I have to have shots every once in a while.

Before the hysterectomy I've had lots of them.
So many that I was fed up with going to the doctorspractice or asking nurses in the hospital to give me a shot when I was for a check-up in hospital, so I took over to give the injections to myself.

So when I heard last week that it was almost time to start again my first reaction was: "Oh no!"
My agenda is full enough, I don´t need extra appointments.

I should have had a better second reaction.
I didn´t.

Now I´m tired all day, have a headache luring all day, and feel like I´m made of lead.

Now one of my teeth feels like someone is kicking with an electrical shoe against it every so many minutes.

It´s too late to change my decision now, as I need to be fit on thursday and the doctor´s office is closed. It´s vacation here.

Well, all I can do now is not sink in the pit of feeling sorry for myself, but keep on going and keep on cheering me up.
Maybe an extra cup of coffee will do the trick.

Monday, October 13, 2008

the last warm day

october 13 2008

OK, I know.
Writing about the weather is terribly boring.

But it was so warm today!
The leaves were dropping on my head
and the acorns were falling with a loud noise,
I nearly made a slide on the wet leaves and trodden cherries and berries on the gardenpath,
but the temperature was like summer!


It was 22 degrees celcius!!

The last warm day of the year.

I've enjoyed it as much as possible, even though I had no time to sit in the garden.
But I had the door open and heard the birds tell long stories to each other.

Ofcourse I had my mind with my son in England.
We haven't heard from him, so I assume he's OK.

I started the last preparations for thursday.
It's a legal meeting and I have to motivate why I protest against the decision of the council representative on a legal request to allow my autistic son not to be subscribed to a school.

It's a strange thing that the meeting will be held, because the legal department should have told me that I couldn't protest against the decision on legal grounds.
But they didn't.

So they've made a mistake and the council representative made a mistake in the procedure and in the letter they wrote me about the result.

I don't know if this has consequences for the way they're treating me and my autistic son, but it sure makes clear that they can't keep on doing just what they want, with a lack of knowledge of the law.

Tomorrow I'll read through more legal stuff, make some copies and then put it aside.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

worries about my son in England

october 12 2008

Yesterday he, my second son, first msn'd where they're staying.
A very nice vacation parc near dover, with not tool much luxury to make it expensive, but a small swimmingpool and very clean, comfortable houses.

Knowing he'd arrived well and finding out he was enthousiastic made mee feel OK.

Later in the evening he contacted us again.

Before understanding you must know he's got a girlfriend for a few months now.
She's pretty, a bit shy, nice to me.
Last week she went on vacation with school and my son was restless. Missing her and being a bit afraid she might fall for the avances of a boy who told right before they went that he wanted her and that he was going to have a go at her during the vacation.

When the girl came back she wanted to see my son (Yes, he was ordered to meer her after her yogaclasses) and she told him she liked the other boy too and she couldn't choose.

You can imagine the feelings of my son, and with those feelings he went to England.

So he messaged again yesterday evening, telling he felt so sad and he didn't think he would be able to stay there all week.

Oh my dear!!

All we could do from here was advice him to talk with the parents of his friend.

So I couldn't fall asleep last night untill it was very late and I expected him to be fallen asleep.
All day I feel like waiting for him to call.

I don't know how to reach that girl and she can be happy with that.
But at times she walks through the street.
I won't wait at the window, but when I see her she's in for a good mother-daughter talk.

For the first time in his life my son is able to go to England and she spoils it this way.

My son has and autism spectrum disorder and he has trouble struggling himself away from thought that have fixed themselves in his mind.
So you'll understand I feel powerless and worried.

unconscious mutterings #298

october 12 2008

Zoo :: caved animals
Neighborhood :: changing
Salute :: last post
Immortality :: I need it to get everything done I want to do.
Dominion :: my house is my dominion (as far as the kids allow that.)
Rhonda :: Lewis
Parties :: I would like to go to one.
Prince of Darkness :: it's a movie, that's all I know.
Garbage :: every monday morning
Standard :: norm

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Logo made by me with tubes from Lamanouche.
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Saturday, October 11, 2008

Return to Sender

october 11 2008

Return to Sender

1. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?

To the school that is supposed to educate my autistic son.
It was in fact the second time I mailed the same letter, because I didn't get a reply on the former one.

2. Can you change the oil on a car?

No. But we don't have a car.
Why do I find questions about cars so often?

I use a bycicle, and, yes, I can change a tyre.

3. Name three things you have on you at all times.

Passport (we have to)

4. What’s your life motto?

I have more than one, because I need some special ones at times.

I love this Chinese proverb:
It's easier
to rule a country
than a family.

I also like:
Just be yourself, that's crazy enough.

Live today.

Understanding makes peace.

Children deserve to play and to be happy.

Children don't have to live up to our expectations, they have to live up to the expectations they have from themselves when they're grown up.

He's autistic, get a life yourself.

How an autistic child reacts is not a matter of upbringing, it's a matter of how other people react to him or her.

Need I go on?

5. What’s a word that you say a lot?


6. What were you doing at midnight last night?

Waiting for my son to return to sleep the last night at home before he went to England.

7. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?

That's not a thought,
that's a primary reaction like when eeing the biggest spider of the world. Ugh!

8. Who is your worst enemy?

The contactperson from the school of my autistic son.
The council representative who forced a prolonged subscription at his (former) school.

9. What does your watch look like?
It's rectanguar, little and old.

I want a pocketwatch with very nice hands, beautiful cyphers and with a good feel.

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Logo made by me with tubes from Outlaw by Design.
It's permitted to download it to your own computer and upload it to your site.
Please don´t direct link, as it slows down my site. I´ll change the link regularly so you´re left with an empty space or a red warning sign.
Please credit properly.

Friday, October 10, 2008

He's to Dover, England

october 10 2008

Quite a while ago my second boy was invited to go with a friend and his parents to England.
Today we packed his last things and had a few good talks about a girl who showed him one of her worst characteristics.

Right now, when he's stepping in another aspect of growing up he also steps out of the country.

Rather early we took our walk past the lake.
There were far more lights than we're used to.

It made me think about how dark it'll be at sea.

Tomorrow he'll see the white cliffs of Dover.
In his mind another song is sounding than in mine.

He said goodbye far more often than expected and within 15 minutes he was back.
No, not to stay, but to hand us his laptop. His friend's parents told him not to take it with him, and ofcourse he listens to them far more quietly than to us.

So it was goodbye again.

I always wanted to go to England with him. Show him my favorite places, the quiet hills, the cottages.
But I can't go with him.

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be able to go to England again.

Deep in my heart I want to live somewhere in Scotland, England or Wales.
Will I ever be able to realise it??