Friday, September 19, 2008

loneliest time in life

september 19 2008

When was the loneliest time in your life?

That was certainly the night after my second baby/first daughter died.

We were back from the hospital.
Friend who drove us to and fro were on their way back home.
My husband fell asleep.

And I was there, in the one light that was shining in the whole neighbourhood, together with the huge feeling of empty arms.

I realised the following day a nurse would come and she would wash the clothes of my little babydaughter.
So I got them and washed them myself.

The clock ticked the time away so slowly that that night was an eternity in itself.
I had to accept the fact that my beloved grandmother died a few months before.
All those months I didn't want to grief because I didn't want to burden this growing baby with all the stress.
So I carressed all the good memories, learned to smile and enjoy the stories.
I learned to accept the happiness of knowing her to be more important than missing her.

And now I had to go through that all with another dead person: my little daughter.
But I had almost no memories.
Just a day and a night.

Part of me stayed in that night.


1 comment:

  1. My heart is breaking for you. Your words were beautifully poetic and I could feel your grief. I'm so very sorry about losing your child.


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