Tuesday, September 30, 2008

a flat tyre!

september 30 2008

Yesterday my autistic son was expected to go for the first time to a special sportsclass for children with special needs.

It was quite a huge step to take, because he's obese and he's not feeling comfortable with other people, but he left in good spirits, so I had my hope up high.

And then he got a flat tyre!!!

Arghhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Now it all starts over tomorrow: motivating him, giving him a good feel and no options to find excuses not to go.

It reminds me of the days he went to school... waking him up, ignoring his moods, talking under the shower, telling him what to do, etc. etc.
And then the endless moaning and complaining: can't find my socks, can't find my trousers, can't find a t-shirt, my coat is gone, someone has taken my bag...

Every day, over and over again.

Well, the sportsclass is only twice a week...
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Monday, September 29, 2008

Manic Monday #136

september 29 2008



What is the most useful gift you’ve ever been given?

Hmmm, I just don´t know.
Ofcourse I´ve got the laundrymachine as a present, but I consider it something for the whole family. And even though it´s very useful it was not a present for me.

Something for me.... well, I guess it has to be a scarf or handlotion. LOL!

A friend got an audio book today. She says it's the best gift ever.

Name the most terrifying moment of your life so far.

The moment my baby stopped breathing in my arms.

About 5 years later one of the twins suddenly ran on the street. It wouldn't have been a problem here. It's so quiet. But right that time (and only then) some teenage idiot drove his car into our street in such an enormous high speed, that I automatically ran to the street and grasped my child.
It was a kind of movie-moment. I could feel the displacement of air caused by the car when it passed.
Only later I realised that the fear I felt was compressed into one single fraction of a second in reaility time. But it took me quite a long time to loose that feeling.


One hot summer afternoon, while walking through a parking lot at a large shopping center, you notice a dog suffering badly from the heat inside a locked car. What would you do?

I assume I've already cheched the doors, because you say they're locked.
Within one minute I would call the police, and then inform the central desk of the shopping centre, if I can find it.




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Sunday, September 28, 2008

A Thousand Words

september 28 2008

See photo here.

It was like I was waiting for my grandmother entering my dreams, so we could walk the winding road into the park together again.

The leaves of autumn softly sliding like a veil trying to rest on my being.

I've seen the gardener pass by, cutting the branches and hedges like mathematic figures. He always took his time, whistling to the birds.. and they answered.
When the schools went out the young boys used to race on their bicycles and lean aside to take the winding road as if it was a roller coaster. The gardener had to step aside, and when young boys from another era passed him on their skeelers and skateboards he had to do the same.

Now he's old and doesn't garden anymore.
His footsteps sound through the trees even when I can't see him, his tired breathing merges with the wind.

It's many years ago now.
Life has sharpened it's claws on my daily life, and memories are embedded in my brains forever.

I used to hate autumn and it's falling leaves.
The black-brown stems and branches of the trees used to be the giant's arms reaching for me in the dark.
Only the shoulder of a dear friend and sweet kisses could deal with fear and melt me like the springmornings and the little birds hopping from branch to branch.

I'm wiser now, kinder for fall maybe.
I've learned myself to see the sun through the golden leaves, and sense the fairies above my head and in the grass.
The leaves I used to take home to burry them in a heavy book are no longer forgotten.
I've found some nice red and yellow ones, and I will dry them with more patience and care.

Maybe I'm a bit more of a gardener now.
The mosaic of the seasons has become more interesting. I'm allowing the sounds and smells to be bigger than I am. I'm not important anymore.
I could be a tree now, and be patient. Waiting for the sun to reach me, and the red evening skies.

Silence again.

My grandmother used to enjoy the leaves on the winding road.
It was a time people allowed nature to take over.

I ran in front of her, with a little bag for all the acorns I could find. Each one was a miracle, a precious gift.
Sometimes we would sit down at home and make little men and horses. Most could only stand on three legs, because the matches would never fit precisely.
Later I put them in a bowl, to remember me of the abundance of the harvest and of the promiss of new life ahead.
My children enjoyed the trees showing their heads above the grond, and we measured the growth each spring, like nature can be put in graphics and numbers.

Acorns and chestnuts.
The white plums meant they were ripe and we would peal them and eat them, drinking hot chocolate with the doors to the garden wide open.
We had a chestnut in our pocket all year long, against rheumatism and bad luck.
When I was angry I used to rub it against my trousers so long that it got really hot and I would feel the warmth on my skin. But I would never ever rub it as well as one of the boys at school. He burned Nelly on her leg with a chestnut so bad that she screamed and the teachers ran out, forgetting their coffee and cake. She had a red spot on het leg, that slowly became a blister.
Her mother was furious and the boy wasn't seen at school for three days, and the priest preached about the fact that bullying was against the will of God.
He spoke so fiercefully that one of the little children started to cry and her mother needed to take her up and leave the church.
Even the angels on the alter seemed to look down on us with darker eyes.
I was as young that I thought that maybe that was the reason they were replaced by a curtain when the church was modernised.
Now I'm older I wish the angels stood their again, so people would be more aware of who they are in the face of the power of God.

Gram and I used to sing, and I remember the day we went up the hill and entered the ruins of the castle.
Part of it used to be a chapel, and even though only half of it was still upright, the serenity of the touch of eternity was still around.
She started to sing "Ave Maria" and I joined her with my thin young soprano, almost afraid to touch the wind.
We overlooked the river and forgot we were not alone on this earth.
People sat down in the grass and listened carefully, leaning back so the sun could warm their faces and their being could spread out and fill the world.

Gram looked at me and I saw the blue of the sky in her eyes and her smile reaching out.
It was such a pure moment of happiness. We belonged to each other and we belonged to this earth, like the birds and the flowers, and everything else.

The chapel is still there, and so is my smile when I walk there with my girls, humming "Ave Maria" and other songs.
They love to look over the river and hear the stories of a time gone by.
Written history from books and stories that will pass from generation to generation.
My gram handed them to me, and I pass them to my girls.

I´ve told them about my gram when she was young, and her other took her walking down the winding road of the park. Mainly on sunday afternoons, when the work was done and the churchbell didn´t call the people from afar.
She used to pick flowers at places where it´s forbidden now, and she danced at the same places where I used to dance and where my girls express the freedom found under these trees.

When I sit here I feel like waiting.
Sometimes it´s as if I hear the voices of all the generations that passed by.
Children singing, boys racing, and gram and I.




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International Vocal Competition

september 28 2008

With all the audition programs on TV, I was almost forgotten that a competions took place that is at least as impressive and important: The International Vocal Competition ‘s-Hertogenbosch (IVC).

The competition attracts interest from many international singers on different areas of vocal music.
It's not only opera, or heavy music, but also more modern oeuvre.

It's a pity the competition is over, but on the other hand: we'll see the winners and the best performers during the months to come.

Here is a video of two of the participants so you'll get an idea of the exceptional high quality of their talents.





I've written down the data of next year, so I won't forget them.
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renting a house is better

september 28 2008

I've been asked over and over again by americans why we haven't bought a house.

Well, here in The Netherlands renting a house doesn't say anything about income, standing or image.
It's not that renting means we have lower income or are of a lesser social level.

When we made the choice not to buy we had no financially secure future.
Working in science means hopping from project to project, and there might be a gap in between projects.
All in all we've been lucky to have had only 8 months of lack of employment between projects, but it could have been far worse.
We choose for a steady job, paying a bit less, but giving more security.

By that time houseprices were up in such a way that the house we wanted was out of reach, unless we choose to rent. And we did.

Jack Hough wrote a nice article about renting in the USA.

He forgot to mention one important issue.

When houses get older they need repairs.
Leaking roofs, windowsills that need to be replaced, outside painting, electric adjustments to renewed standards, other doors. These are just a few of all the repairs house owners find themselves confronted with.

Here they are all done buy the firm who rents out the houses.
Even the tiling inside the house, a failing toilet, noisy stairs and ofcourse the annual check of the heating system.

Where home owners expect to be able to lean back and see nothing much change on their bank account, they pay taxes and repairs.

All we do is pay each month and make a call when a repair needs to be done.
And when we want to move to another house the only fuzz is a letter 2 months in advance to tell the house owner we want to leave.

No people walking through our home to view the house. It's ours until the last box leaves and the door is closed behind us.
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unconscious mutterings #296

september 28 2008



Hearing :: courtcase
Aggression :: unwanted
Charged :: battery
Traveler :: wish it was me
Hydrate :: give fluids
Detox :: get the pollution out
Qualify :: should get the job
Prison :: legal punishment
Frontal :: oppositional (does that word exist?)
Pep talk :: mental coaching




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Saturday, September 27, 2008

Paul Newman has died

september 27 2008

Just a few minutes ago I heard that Paul Newman had died.
83 he was, and as hadsome as ever.

Don't think I liked him very much when he was young.
To me he was one of the good actors and that was it.

When he got a bit older he got that kind of distant look of enjoyment some people have when they're observing the world and have their own thoughts to amuse them.

I wasn't amazed when he initiated camps for children in need.
In a way he made the impression to be a man who was able to bring balance to his life.

"He loved acting, but his passion was racing."
I'm sure this will be written the next days.
Well, he was also very passionate about spending money to give children a passion too, even of it was only for a camp.

I feel sorry that he died from lungcancer.
Acknowledging that he couldn't act any more because he started forgetting things must have been very difficult, but battling lungcancer and stopping treatment yourself is even worse.
I'm glad for him he died with his family and friends around him.

May he rest in peace.

I'll remember him as a remarkable person.
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What didn't leave the house is still inside, unless it has legs and uses them

saturday 27 september

Dealing with autism on a day to day basis is a challenge... to say it in a positive way.

I'm happy the oldest of the boy has moved out, so we deal only with part of the problems anymore.

Yesterday it was clearly not his day.

Not only literally, because he didn't show up.
First he made an appointment with his brother to come here in the morning, later he moved it to the afternoon, told me he stayed for dinner (when I asked) and had to leave before 20.00 hours, and then suddenly he would come today.

I'm not sure whether I'm looking forward to it.

He promissed a friend to repair something and he forgot.
So the friend asked me if they could get the item back, so I mailed my son with the request.

Well, there's the problem.
He got a very bad mood (one of the reasons he moved out) and I guess it's because he can't find the item.

In the past we've had terrible searches in the house for things he lost.
I tried to enjoy the searches as a way to clean everywhere, so all in all it would be a positive experience.

But I can't remember how many times I had to put everything upside down, only to hear him tell me that he reminded where he'd put it. And 99% of the times that was not here.

I hope he was able to get out of his trouble with the help of one of the caretakers, but I'm not sure whether he tells them what's going on in these cases or not.

I'm glad I've learned during the years to stay calm in those cases, even though I feel hurt sometimes by the things he says.
My adagio: "What didn't leave the house is still inside, unless it has legs and uses them."

It comes in handy when one of the other kids with autism spectrum syndrome gets in a hype because something is lost.

Search systematically.

No need to throw things around trying to find something.


  • Think where you had it last. Search there.
  • Then search where you usually put your item.
  • Search under it.
  • Pockets of trousers and coat (Not necessary when you can't find your bag!)
  • In your bag. (Comes in handy when you've lost your bag. LOL!)
  • Tables
  • Bathroom,
  • Beside and under the bed.
  • At the place of the couch where you usually sit and the toilet
  • Then search larger areas: your room
  • The kitchen
  • Livingroom etc.

Special instruction when you've lost the key of your bicycle: look first if it's still in the bicycle.

It works!

And if not, my house is cleaned. LOL!

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Friday, September 26, 2008

Food 4 Thought Friday

september 26 2008




Breakfast
Who was your role model growing up?

My grandmother.
She was strong, stood up for her 7 kids, has lots of wisdom to share.
Her knowledge of motives and minds of people was amazing. Like she was able to read their thoughts.
She was one of the first women in het time to acknowledge that motherhood was extremely important, but that women needed to get some time for themselves.

She shared everything she had and she had the ability to be happy with nothing.

Need I go on?

Lunch
Who would you turn to first if you were in desperate need of help?

Myself.

Only once the past year desperation got me so low I asked to have a talk with a friend, the doctor's wife.
For the rest I try to figure everything out by myself.

Dinner
Are you generally organized or messy?

I'm not messy, my family is.
When the kids were little people admired me for keeping my house so clean and all the closets so ordered.
I even had the cotton nappies all folded and in straight rows ready for use.

Now I have to give up tidying and cleaning everything all by myself.
Taking care of 4 kids with special needs and helping the girls with school just is too much.

Midnight Snack
What do you do when you can't sleep at night?


I try to fall asleep listening at the radio.
Otherwise I'll read.

Last week I haven't slept a complete night because I wanted to write a letter.
When I found the right tone and words I went downstairs and typed it at the computer.

Recipe for this Week
(instead of your recipe for life - what is it for just this week?)


Hmm... try to get only positive people in your life.


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Family spendings

september 26 2008

I never thought he'd do it. I mistook it all for a joke, but here it is: the WII for my autistic son.

No wonder we still don't have a new floor in the livingroom.
Each time when we've saved a pit of money the father of the kids spends it on something he thinks is necessary.

Our priorities are completely different and it makes me feel to be responsible for important things to be realised.

Not agreeing with me on a new floor can be understood, because he only sees it when it's dark, not at daytime.
But hej... there are so many things that are absolutely needed.

Take the education of our autistic boy.
We haven't reached an agreement with school at all, so I feel we just have to take steps ourselves and maybe offer him an online course, or worldschool.
That is far more important!

Especially because on monday his gymnasticscourse starts.
It's a special course for children with special needs, in his case aimed at eightloss.
To me it seems that doing the real thing is far better than doing to thing in front of a screen.

My mind is overcrowded with all the requests kids and I have to improve life.
One wants a new bike, one wants a new computer, I want to have a memo- or other recorder, so I can tape the conversations with school and the council representative.
The girls need to have new wardrobes, the boys a new bunkbed, one of the boys needs a computer when he's admitted at the school he wants to go to.
I can go on for hours.

Don't think I'm not happy with what I have.
I am.

And I also think that thing that raised my emotions is well spend. .... I hope.
Well, maybe I should use it myself so it's put to use best. LOL!

But I think parents should stick their heads together and spend thei money wisely.

He should... you know...the man in the house... he thinks he is.
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Calm arrest

september 26 2008

I guess there's not enough news to report, so the media jumped on a story about the arrest of two people in Germany.

The airplane they were on was not stormed, they were not jumped on.

These people were onder close observation for over two months.
In their houses farewell letters were found.
It was assumed they wanted to die, maybe in a suicide attack, maybe not.

They were arrested without problems.

All other passengers were asked to leave the plane so it could be searched.
Telling which luggage belonged to them was part of the investigation.
That way it could be assessed with certainty that no luggage of the arrested men was taken abroad.

The plane had a delay of about an hour.
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Palin's interviews

september 26 2008

I've seen one of the three interviews Palin gave.

I've never seen someone running for vice-president so naieve and lacking diplomacy about the roles of allies.

There are many countries working together in Afghanistan. The list is too long to put here.
But it seems that Palin only knows that Americans are in Afghanistan.
Talking like additional american forces only can only solve the problem doesn't take into account that american forces are not welcomed by normal civilians anywhere, and certainly doesn't take into account the fact that other countries have created far better ways to communicate with the local people than the american forces.
Gunpower doesn't only solve the problem of the Taliban, the civilians themselves need to be enforced to stand up against threats and treason.

It was interesting she didn't use the word Taliban at all at that part of the interview. Didn't she know that word?

Interesting was too that she wasn't aware about historical facts of Henry Kissinger.


Ever watched the way she talks?
She clearly was at ease talking about the good and the bad guys.
It was like she transformed the interviewer into a child.

How assuring that mom knows who the good and the bad guys are.
That she wants America to be a beacon of light.

To say that the rest of the world is waiting for John McCain to solve the problems the world economy is experiencing is so terribly naieve.
Does she really belief other countries are not taking actions...yesterday, today, right now?

And does she really belief McCain can solve the problem another partymember has created?
Well either his advice to Bush is crap or Bush doesn't take his advice, because even with McCains interference (or the suggestion of it) matters are not solved.

My impression is that Palin got lots of information the past weeks about subjects she knew at just a very very basic level, and that she doesn't know how to connect the different parts of knowledge, because she doesn't fully understand the way how it all works.
Like a highschool girl trying to keep babbling at her exam so the right words are thrown in what she says. But when you look closely, she jumps like a bird from branch to branch, not even understanding what she's saying herself.

I wish I could have developed a bit more faith in her, because it would make the elections so much more interesting and worthwhile.

As it looks now, the american public will get the president they want, not the one they deserve.
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Thursday, September 25, 2008

The assessment

september 25 2008

We were far too early for our meeting this morning, but it didn't matter.
The huge waitingroom was empty except for two women and us.

These two women had clearly decided to consider the control of their availability for the workingforce to be a day out. So within minutes we were talking to each other, making jokes and having fun about the coffee without cookies.

They both should be hired to keep people waiting their stressfree.

Whenever I'll see them again I'll express my gratitude.

When the docotr came to get my son and me, I immediately recognised her as one of the persistent complainers of the parentsboard of one of the schools.

She recognised me too.

Strangely enough I didn't recall seeing her at the assessment of my oldest boy, untill she started using her favorite phrase: "Now I know it all."

My experience is that with autistic kids one never knows it all, so she's a miracle woman....NOT!!!

She clearly tried to avoid discussions with me.
And she very much tried to be nice, which was very difficult for her.

At the end of the meeting she tried to explain things and she was as unable to get her message across as the time before.

I'm not sure my son will get the chance to go to the special school he needs.
At the moment the emphasis is on getting everybody to work, including mentally handicapped young people.
It's a disgrace!

She tried to tell my son that she'll write a report about his skills and disabilities and that those will be matched in the computer with available jobs.
So he might be told to go to work as the assistant at a Kindergarten.

I smiled at her, but she didn't realise what she was telling.
"And should he accept that job? Being a nanny at a kindergarten?"
"Yes"

"I'm sorry but this is the most stupid example for an autistic kid of 19 I've ever heard.
Unless all these children have disabled vocal cords my son will get far too much impulses to deal with, so within a short time he'll run home and hide.
He needs schooling, so his exceptional talents are put to use.
But we'd better not discuss this any further."

When we got the cold wind around our heads again, we felt strange about this all.

I can only hope that she will write a good assessment.
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About our passports

september 25 2008

Some countries mainly or only require someone to show a passport when the country is entered.

When I was young it used to be the same here.
My dads passport was at home, unless he needed to travel abroad.

After 911 people weren't trusted anymore.
We all know how paranoid certain groups of people where treated.

In order not to discriminate the law here was changed in such a way that everyone needed to have the passport with him or her all the time.
The police shouldn't request it, unless there's a general passportcontrol because a person is in an area where something unwanted is happening, or when the person behaves different from what might be expected.

When one can't show the passport one has to pay a fine.

Within a week my autistic son lost his passport.
I found it back in the garden.

I made a copy and glued it in his schoolagenda and wrote a statement about his autism under it, including my phonenumber and a remark that I would show his passport at the policestation when they'd request it.

When I asked the police to allow it he said that he couldn't make exceptions.

But untill now we have never had any problems.

I hate having a passport with me all the time, because I can never leave the house on impulse. I need to take a bag with me or check whether the passport is in the pocket of my coat.
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movement

september 25 2008



Where the horizon disappears
in the fog
of the everlating circles
around the earth

the movement
of solemn loneliness
splashing against waves of power
driven
by an unseen force to land

It's the shells
that are given
the sounds
and the comforting thought
that nothing is targetted at me
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The cards and the lock

september 25 2008

One of the girls lost her school ID and the key to her locket.

She was quite shaken.
I acted like I was.

I guess its time I'm discovered to act in a movie, because I did rather well. LOL!

The ID has the name of the school on it, so I trust that whoever finds it will return it to the school.
The key was with it. It has no number on it and her locketnumber can't be matched to it.

The boys discovered within a day that the lock of the locket was based on the way ball lock pins work, and that they didn't even need their key, just some item to start turning the thing.

The next day her ID and key were found.
What a pity that they were given to a teacher and no name was left, so she couldn't properly thank the honest finder.
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Heads or Tails blogroll

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important meeting

september 25 2008


A very bussy day is waiting.

Early in the morning one of my sons is expected in town.
He will be evaluated by a kind of insurance doctor to see if he'll be getting a special allowance which will enable him to get special education and maybe even a special place to live.

I went through it all with his older brother and that time I didn't like the attitude of the doctor at all.
She pretended to know what Asperger syndrome is, but when she couldn't escape to answer, it turned out she didn't know anything about it.

Now society as a whole is less willing to help people with special needs, I expect even a worse meeting.
It's said that these doctors won't decide whether a person is able to work, but in fact they do.

I think my son first needs to get proper education.
There's a school waiting for him, but he needs special permission.

When tomorrow goes well, all will be well.

So keep your fingers crossed.
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Wednesday, September 24, 2008

emergency present

september 24 2008

Oops...birthday forgotten!

All I could do was call the troops in and send them on their way.

  • Licorice
  • Winegums
  • Little sweets
  • And a box with lots of diffent places to fill
  • wrapping paper


Within 20 minutes I created a present for someone who can do with a bit of extra weight.
He got the sweets sorted in the different spaces of the box, and ofcourse the box to use later when it's empty.

It was a huge sucess!

I don't like to give money.

He showed the girls all the papermoney he got and our bit would have been just a small addition.

Sometimes it takes a lot of energy to find something special, but it's always worth the effort.
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Pfff, what a morning!

september 24 2008

It was a traditional autism stress morning again.

Not school but a conditiontest with the physiotherapist was on the angenda.

And because he refused to go with us all week to buy sporting shoes, he had to go to buy them too.

Me oh my!

His father was in a terrible mood too, because something from his work needed to be done on his free day.

And guess who was in the middle?

I didn't even know who to calm down first!

It's a complete disgrace a grown man and father doesn't take responsibility for his own behaviour and needs a female power steering rack of high quality to calm him down.

When he finally was gone to buy bread I could concentrate on my autistic son.
He acted as weird as he did when he needed to go to school.
But unlike these times, I was able to calm him down and have him dress himself so we could go to the shopping centre.

I wanted to go to one of the sportsshops, and so we did.
The young man was very nice and helped well.
Within 15 minutes we were outside again.

Luckily my autistic son felt a bit guilty about his behaviour, and he allowed dad to go with him to the sportscentre.

The coffee tasted well when it was quiet in the house.
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Plumbing and food dye

september 24 2008




Sometimes repairs in the house need to be done without male supremacy.
Today the drain of the bathroomsink was clogged enough to irritate me when doing a handwash.

Instead of using chemical dirt or a plunger, I turned the plumbing loose, got the muck out, cleaned it properly, and turned the whole lot together again.

Ofcourse I had to check if it was leaking, but I didn't feel like getting on the floor again.

I took some food dye, put it in the sink together with lots of water and had the whole colourful lot run away, while I held a white bowl under the plumbing.

Not one single drop of coloured water splashed in the bowl.
I even rubbed the connected parts with toiletpaper. Nothing.

The next time I'll use food dye again.

It works for me and I'm sure it'll work for you.




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Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Parents evening and nothing special to report

september 23 2008

Yesterday we had a parents-evening for the girls.

Almost three hours travelling for a meeting of 10 minutes.

And to be honest...nothing significant was said.

It's good it was for both children, otherwise we would have felt even more stupid.

Now the summerseason is over the schedule of the busses is less filled.
So we had to wait at the central station for half an hour.
A slight drizzle made people stand under the roof.
I was lucky to be able to sit, because we arrived just before it started raining.

Isn't it interesting that people start talking under these situations?
They're closer to each other than usual, and it's like they want to know the people who stand in their personal space.

I recognised an old man from the neighbourhood I spend my childhood.
He must be past 80.
It was so touching to see how fragile he was and how white his hair.
I asked him where he was going and he mentioned one of the better homes for the elderly. He smiled and I asked him if he was feeling OK there.
It was nice to hear someone being content about the care he gets. But I also know that he never needed much to be happy.

At school we got coffee.
The teacher was nice, just like I expected.
He asked whether the girls told me things about school and I was glad to answer positively.
"They both have their own stories."

I didn't expect to be as tired as I was when we arrived home.
For the first time in ages I hit my bed before midnight and I fell alseep immediately.
Wow!
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Lots of clothes for the girls

september 23 2008

Today I went to the attick to get some winterclothes for the girls.

Last year someone gave me some piles with T-shirts, trousers, cardigans and a lot more.
The whole lot took a lot of room, but today it turned out that they were absolutely perfect in size.

The girls modelled what I gave them and had lots of fun, with their brothers as public.

I even went up a second time and came down with more.
This time clothes from myself which I saved for hem.

A couple of years I was only 55 kg, and now one of the twins is almost as tall as I am, I wasn't amazed she loved to wear my stuff.

My precious balletsuit, long sleeves, long legs, open back, was a perfect fit.
It's fun that their balletteacher was mine a few years ago.
She loved the suit, so I'm sure she'll allow my girl to dance in it.

Because I expected a thing like this I bought my performance suit after one of the performances. It was kind of tight then, but now it's a perfect fit for my other daughter. It's a bit more glamourous in the front, so I told her I'm not sure her teacher will allow to wear it. No glitters, just a fun closing under the chin.

I'm not sure where to put all those new clothes in their room, but I'm glad we don't have to buy it all.
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Monday, September 22, 2008

Manic Monday #135

september 22 2008


Pick out the most important item you have in your purse/wallet and tell me why it's important to you.

My passport.
Finally I'm not forgetting it every time I leave the house.
We need to have it with us, otherwise we'll get a fine when they find out.

Agenda is important too, because I have to take into account the appointments of so many people.

What would you take from your house if you knew it would be flooded tomorrow?

Well, when we had a floodwarning a couple of years ago we knew we wouldn't be flooded completely, so I moved the photos upstairs.

They're the most precious to me, with the box with all the little things that remind me of both daughters who died when they were young.

If you were stuck in a room for an hour with a chalk board, what would you draw on it?

I'm a great doodledrawer.
But it depends on the situation.
I might draw a tree, or maybe I would compose a piece of music.

It's just an hour, so maybe I won't even touch the board unless I had to.
Being quiet for an hour is a great opportunity to think about important matters and take some decisions.



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The continuing story - sept 22 - sleepless night

september 22 2008

I couldn't sleep.

So I went downstairs and wrote a letter to the Minister of Education, explaining the whole situation and asking him to step in.

I can't live and won't live under the continuous threat of being brought to court, just because it's impossible to find a proper school for my son.

After all this time I was able to pinpoint exactly the problems in the educational system and put them into words.

One of the problems is that our law doesn't take into account that there are not enough places for handicapped children.
Inclusion is great, but not for all children.
And science itself has shown that some autistic children need a special environment.

Another problem is that homeschooling isn't allowed.
The right to get proper education is the same as the duty to get that education and attent school.
But some children need to have a right for education and individual development, and they need to be educated in an environment that's best for them: at home.

Ofcourse I also mentioned the threatening attitude of the council representatives.

One way or another this whole stupid situation must end.

Maybe the minister can jump in.
I doubt he will... but on the other hand...

Keep your fingers crossed.


I've decided to surround myself and my kids only with positive people.

So I'll file a complaint against the council representative who is threatening me all the time, and I'll ask school to replace the contact person with someone who cares.

I don't like filing complaints at all, but it's the only way to get rid of that negative attitude towards us.
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Sunday, September 21, 2008

Thoughts on the International Day of Peace.

september 21 2008

Today is the International day of Peace and our national carfree day.

Don't ask me whether they are interlinked on purpose.

Not all cities participated in the carfree day.
Just a few who want to put themselves in the picture.

The day started in the seventies, when we were very aware of the pollution caused by cars, and when we had a shortage of fuel.

I remember bicycling on a avery bussy large road... under normal circumstances bussy.

Now there was only the car of our doctor passing, the rest of the road was empty.

The silence was almost hurting our ears. And we got a surreal feel.
It was great to byke rounds and make fun.
It made us feel we were the true kings and queens of the road.

Thinking about peace I felt nauseated.
So many countries are in war, so many armies are bussy preparing themselves to kill.

I came across a video about depleted uranium.
How soldiers used it to penetrate vehicles and such, but were not informed about the dangers of the cloud of dust.
Now they're conquering illnesses and some even get deformed babies.

Is war wordt this all?
Is it worth to have a society with a large group of young people who are traumatised for life?

I keep asking myself all sorts of questions about war and peace.

During normal days I'm a very peaceful person.
The last years I had to fight verbal fights for my children.
I don't like those powerstuggles and I sure hate it to be intimidated.

I imagined this afternoon yelling to the council representative who kept on threatening me to bring me to court. Something like: "You can't make me responsible for the disabilities my son experiences." or "You can't make me responsible that he can't go to school, because there's no place."
But I'm sure the guy won't hear it at all, maybe even less than when I whisper those words.
He's in his own world, wanting to have the power and be the upperdog.

Well, what a pity I have the choice not to be the underdog.

I overheard someone today who said that there's a ridiculous situation in the world.
A large country, wanting to tell a lot of other countries to behave.
They even don't have the money to provide all people health insurance, they are a visible risk for the world economy.
Yet, a large part of their economy and society is based on war and power over others.


Peace is in our minds, and should be the attitude in daily life.
On all areas of life.

I'm glad to live in a country I have to choice to be peaceful and where I can bring my children up without educating them to fight others and feel a hero.
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I want proper singing

september 21 2008

The show is on again: the search for Joseph.

A couple of guys trying to reach their dream by singing to the wishes of a jury of celebrities.

I'm kind of sick of their comments which are coloured by their own carreer, but not really by the knowledge the old fashioned teachers had.

OK, I've been lucky to be a member of a talented music-family.
I grew up with a father with a tremendous musical knowledge and talent, and the conducters and music teachers drank coffee with us like they drank it in theiw own home.

The way artists are singing in musicals is like they're hooked up with a supercharger. Lots of yelling and screaming, instead of musical volume.
I'm sure the jury got comments and today they want less volume.
So some are whispering and get the compliments, others struggle with their vocal cords to give power to the soft low notes.

I'd love to hear a good falcetto voice.
I'd love someone use his voice and volume without screaming.

In town a new musical class/school started with a famous artist on top.
But I question what's happening.
Is an experienced artist of 70 really able to touch the talent of all sorts of people, or is he just searching for what he himself is able to or what he himself likes.

Good singing is a combination of emotion, talent and pure knowledge about how to use your voice and exercise and exercise.

I would love to see good teacher in those juries.
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Penguins live!

september 21 2008

I love penguins and I'm very interested in a new initiative from the Argentinian TV.

They offer continuous live images during local daytime, photos and videos for all who want to see the penguins.

Magelhaen-pinguins have left their living grounds in Brazil to move to the south of Argentina to create offspring.

Right now penguins are moving to the south and eastern coasts of South-America, the isles near the coast and the Falklands.

They make a tremendous noise, which partly blends in with the sounds of the ocean.

Oh, I nearly forgot to give you the url: so go here.

Don't forget to switch your speakers on.
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unconscious mutterings #295

september 21 2008



  1. Heist :: a robbery
    Hack :: hacker
    Dane :: mundane

  2. Stings :: from bees. Auch!

  3. Monkey :: How was that money called that could speak through pictograms?

  4. Junkie :: Addict

  5. Pumped :: vacatin matresses

  6. Brass :: coins

  7. Fight! :: and win, please.

  8. Vouch :: I vouch for some people.





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Saturday, September 20, 2008

Would You Take Them Back?


september 20 2008



Would You Take Them Back?



1. Think of all your exes. Would you take any of them back?

Well, I don't have real exes. Married but once.

But I've had relationships. Some were friendships in which none of the two acknowledged the crush to the other.

Do I take them back...

My first real love... with promisses for the future.
Yes.
When I saw him at the reunion I fell for him like in the old days, and everybody noticed. He felt special to me too.
I don't know if in the future, when his wife wouldn't be there anymore, I could lift him up and away of the grief for her and his memories.
But when he gives me a chance, I sure would.
He makes me feel myself. And he makes me feel far more open and radiant than I am with others.

H.W.... The handsome blackhaired crazy friend who loved to see me, and who made me smile.
Even with his arms around me I felt kissed.
I'm not sure...
We were in love a long, long time, and then someone caught him with her nice words, needing attitude.
Whenever I'll meet him again I doubt I want to have him back as a partner.
He doesn't make me feel secure.

Hans. v. L.
He went to Portland, Oregon with his wife and I will always remember his eyes when he stepped in his car.
He visited after 9 years and it made me so happy, even though it was for a few hours.
Often I wish to see him again, because I want to know what I feel about him.
Far too late I realised he's one if the persons in my life that made me feel OK and living in the moment. We were so OK with each other that I realised I loved him when he was gone.
We studied together and accepted each other completely.
He made me search for my deeper me, without feeling uncomfortable.
He was one of the only people who really cared.

And there's M. Kind of crazy, with lots of wisdom.
I wish we saw more of each other at the moment. But he's a loner.

And H, who kicked me out of his live because I loved him more than he could afford?
I'm sure he won't "take me back", because I won't live up to his expectancies.
He doesn't even know how much he meant and means to me.
He's my spiritual brother.... guess it's time he realises that.
But our bond feels like it stretches over many more lives.

2. What was the first car you drove? What happened to it?

I don't have a car.

3. What’s the longest amount of time you have driven a car non-stop?

Well, I've been sitting quit without falling asleep for 5 hours.
Does that count too?

4. Have you ever been stood up on a date? If yes, when?

No, not by others than the father of the children.
He made a habit of it and I didn't realise it was better not to take that relationship any further.
I think I'm still paying for that each and every day.

5. What TV network do you watch the most?

BBC1. That's not even our national network.

6. Pick out a song you like that has special meaning to you. Share with us what song is it, and what’s the meaning to you.

In the autumn it's Donna Nobis Pacem.
When I was at school and at university we went for a walk of 3 days every autumn.
"We" were thousands of Catholic young people. The name: Pax Christi Voettochten.
First I went as a normal participant, later as one of the leaders.
It was great to spend all the time with each other talking about subjects that were important at that age.
Three levels of communication were adressed:
  • me - me (how do I think about myself, how do I improve myself, what do I want, etc etc.

  • me - the other(s)

  • me - God


We often sang the song during those years.

This is a version I've found on internet:


7. Who was your first celebrity crush on?

Ron Ely, the tarzan of the series.

He's older now, but still very attractive in my eyes.

8. What is your favorite romantic comedy movie?

Mmm, have to think about that. I don't know.

9. It has been said, "First Loves Are Never Over." Is this true for you?

My childhood love is over. I've never seen him anymore.

But my first real love... it isn't over.

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The continuing story - sept 20 - I'm furious!

september 20 2008

I'm furious!

Got a mail this morning from the contactperson of the school where my autistic son is registered,because he has to be registered somewhere.

In his last letter he proposed that I would teach my son according to the school's curriculum.
because that's homeschooling, I asked him whether his proposal was agreed with by the council representative.
Her collegue told me in april he would sue me when I homeschooled.

I got no answer, so I made a letter to him yesterday.

Today I got a letter from him, in which he's pasted a copy from a mail of the council represenative.
Reading revealed she agreed with homeschooling.
(That's very interesting, because it's forbidden in this country. Now she has legalised this for autistic kids who are long term ill. Very interesting.
Woohaaa....I got them so far!!!!! Woohaaaa!!!!!)

The copy also revealed that he'd complained about us not answering his letter.
Arghhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!
I answered his letter the next day within an hour after receiving it by asking whether the council representative agreed.
As I got no answer from him I couldn't write a complete answer.

She reacted that she would have a talk with me.
This made me furious!!!

Not only did he talk to her about me completely against the school's instruction not to inform others without my knowledge, but he also gave wrong information.
Resulting in another go of that council representative at me.
And because she's on holiday the first representative is involved again. That's the man who was threatening me all the time to bring me to court.
He's the only man who got me crying from helplessness.

I'm so very angry, I can't tell.

So I first wrote the council representative a mail to set things straight.

Then wrote a mail to the school's director to ask for another contact person,
and wrote a mail to the contact person telling him what he has done wrong, that it's the so maniest time he draws wrong conclusions and informs others in such a way that it troubles us.

Would be nice when the father of the kids backed me up a bit.
Instead he kept telling me that my mails were blabla and that he could do better, but when I told him that he was completely free to take over, he went to get the groceries.

On top of it one of the girls misunderstood the situation and told my autistic boy we were taking steps to get our son institutionalised. (We meant the school's contact person.)
So we got an angry boy throwing his emotions out all over the place.

I'm so fed up with this all.

Wish I was rich.
I would hire some teachers to teach my son at home, have him take his exams at home and told the council representative to shut up.

Instead I have to be friendly and nice, smoothen things out again, and go on fighting this completely lonely and useless battle.


I'm soooo tired of this all.
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reenactment

september 20 2008

It was september 20 1944.
WW2.

As part of the Operation Market Garden soldiers crossed the river Waal in small canvas boats and gained a bridge nearby.
47 Americans sadly died.

Today the crossing was repeated by a small army group.

Ben Bouwman, the only Dutch survivor, gave a short interview in which he said that he wasn't afraid. he is still surprised he wasn't.
The reenactment doesn't revive his memories, as in 1944 the amount of soldiers was larger and the situation was different.





The experiences of WW2 still play an important role in the daily life of many people in The Netherlands.

It took a lonmg time before it was realised that even the children of those who witnessed the war could be traumatised by the consequences.

For The Netherlands WW2 ended at may 5 1945.
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Friday, September 19, 2008

How my gram dealt with poverty

september 19 2008

Now the international stockmarkets are not as stable as they used to be, images of my gram popped up in my memory.

She was the daughter of a vegetable retailer.
They had a shop at one of the most wonderful parts of town... that means...it's now one of the most wonderful parts. To me.

Then it was just the centre of town, and everyone struggled at the change of centuries, at the time of WW1 and the time of WW2.

My gram worked hard and like all women in that time, had to stop working when she married.
Motherhood was considered far more important than it is today.

With 7 children she always needed money, but she was creative and optimistic.
"When everybody feels warm in their skin and their soul all is good.", she used to say.
And that is how I feel about things too.

She had a list of things she strived for:
  • enough food
  • warmth in at least one room of the house
  • clean clothes
  • no debts
  • no problems



I guess she and I were a lot alike.
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loneliest time in life

september 19 2008


When was the loneliest time in your life?


That was certainly the night after my second baby/first daughter died.

We were back from the hospital.
Friend who drove us to and fro were on their way back home.
My husband fell asleep.

And I was there, in the one light that was shining in the whole neighbourhood, together with the huge feeling of empty arms.

I realised the following day a nurse would come and she would wash the clothes of my little babydaughter.
So I got them and washed them myself.

The clock ticked the time away so slowly that that night was an eternity in itself.
I had to accept the fact that my beloved grandmother died a few months before.
All those months I didn't want to grief because I didn't want to burden this growing baby with all the stress.
So I carressed all the good memories, learned to smile and enjoy the stories.
I learned to accept the happiness of knowing her to be more important than missing her.

And now I had to go through that all with another dead person: my little daughter.
But I had almost no memories.
Just a day and a night.

Part of me stayed in that night.


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Daytrip of one of the boys

september 19 2008

One of my sons went to an attraction theme park today: Walibi World.

At first he wasn't very eager to go because he didn't know his classmates very well.
In fact it was a way of the school to give them all a chance to get to know each other outside the school.

The past years they had a party instead of a daytrip, but kids have parties enough nowadays.
Well, my son doesn't care much for parties, so in the past years he wouldn't have taken the chance.

But today he went, telling me he wouldn't go in "all those instruments to make you sick". (His words. LOL!)

When he came back he was happy and relaxed.
They had a great day and he even enjoyed some of the special roler coasters. Without getting sick.

He had a present for me: a shawl with Sitting Bull, a native american.
It's too beautiful to wrap around my neck.
I have to find a place somewhere to show it off.

It was nice to see him so calm and happy.
He's got ADHD and under normal circumstances he's all over the place with energy.

More and more I get the feeling this school is doing him a lot of good.
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It's freezing again

september 19 2008

I can't fool myself any longer.
The summer is over.

Tonight it'll be freezing again.

Outside the air is crisp and fresh.
Even though I like that, I don't like this time of your.
All the toodoo to get dressed before going outside.
Walking through the house with a cardigan in case it's cold upstairs, or in case I have to go outside.

The girls have to bicycle some areas where it's dangerous when it's freezing, because the roads get slippery.

Today I started gathering the summerclothes and putting them away.
Tomorrow I'll clean some wardrobes and then I'll put the winterstuff in them again.

Some coats are already downstairs, so the hall is full again.

One of the girls needs better, say, warmer shoes.

I guess we need to go outside in the cold early tomorrow morning to get everything done.

Ugh!!
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e-cigarette is not a healthier substitute for a normal tobacco cigarette.

september 19 2008

The World Health Organisation is not happy at all with the e-cigarette.

In case you don't know what it is, have a look at Wikepedia.

It uses instead of tobacco a nebulizer.

Adding not only nicotine, but also propylene glycol, creates an experience that resembles cigarette smoking.
There's even a little red light activated when the person inhales.

It's a misunderstanding this instrument can be used to quit smoking, because one can inhale as much nicotine as in a normal cigarette.

The WHO is worried about the chemical substances that are added.
Some can be very poisonous, it's feared.

They're mad that their name is used on the device.
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Food 4 Thought Friday

september 19 2008




Breakfast
What is one thing you look forward to each day? Each week?


Blogging and As The World Turns.
That makes me look a bit superficial, I know, but these are the moments it's relatively quiet around me.

I wanted to answer: seeing my kids and such, but I guess every mom answers that. And... to be honest... I don't like them all days of the year.
I also wanted to answer: walking into the garden, but when it's so cold that I'd better send a pinguin outside, I'm not looking forward to that.

So it's simply blogging and sit down for a soap.

Lunch
Are you a hoarder or a chucker?


I guess none of both.
I'm a bit more of a hoarder, because I often think things can be used later.
Well, I guess the old pieces I cut out of the paper always come in handy when they want to throw away things after my death. LOL!

Dinner
Do your dinner meals consist mostly of home cooked meals, convenience foods (i.e. boxed, frozen, heat & serve, etc.), or fast food? Who does most of the cooking in your home?

Alas: homecooked by me.

We're a country of homecookers.
Sometimes I'm sooo tired at dinnertime that I wish I could send someone to fetch a ready dinner for the microwave.

But I'm a simple homecook.

Midnight Snack
Has the rising cost of gasoline caused you to restrict, limit, or alter anything in your life? If so what?

We don't have a car, so we're hardly knocked down by the prices.
We have to pay more for a busticket though, and the trainprices will go up quite a lot.

Now I have problems walking there's hardly room to change things.

Recipe for this Week
(instead of your recipe for life - what is it for just this week?)


Hmmmm, for this week.

Stand up for what you believe in.
Especially when it concerns children.
They deserve not only the best of you, but also the best of others.
So keep them sharp.


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The continuing story - sept 18

september 19 2008

Yesterday was not all fun and success.

About 3 weeks ago I went to the autism centre to ask for help to get my son properly educated.

She told me she would look into the matter and the result could be a special educational supporter.

Yesterday she mailed me she wasn't able to get information from all sorts of locations, even the school he was supposed to go to, the one with the auti-classes.

I was amazed that finally, finally people realised we have a privacy law that protects children too.

That's for the first time in 22 years I'm dealing with schools and children with special needs.

For a moment I didn't know what to do.

In the past I would write a letter immediately, telling all those people they could hand over information freely.
And in fact I was already doing so, when I asked myself why I wanted them to stick to the rules anyway.

After all sorts of problems as a consequence of someone sticking to his own personal opinions about autism (you know, the guy who said that autism is the result of bad upbringing), I wanted an insight in which information is thrown around.

So I wrote the woman of the autism centre a mail letting her know that she can speak with those people in my presence.
I explained that I wanted the right information at the right place, that I didn't want to bother her in her work, but that I wanted an end at wrong information reaching files and leading a life of its own.

Then I asked her questions.

Why ask the "could-have-been new" school for info about my autistic boy when they have nothing more than the file that is already at the autism centre?

Why ask an organisation that has nothing to do with him for information?
I guess it's because I mentioned that I stopped the council woman from placing my son at a school for kids with severe behavioral problems and who are a danger for teachers and fellow students.
Well, I sure don't want my son there. Not even at a tremendous distance. Because the careteam there doesn't know anything about autism.

And even though I understand why she wants to speak with his former school, I want to be present there, because that school failed in such a bad way, that I doubt they'll suddenly be able to help him properly now.

I guess she'll think I'm a weird and stubborn woman.
In fact I just distrust the people she wants to contact.

Too many friendly words and smiles. They always go for the easy road... the one that doesn't lead to what my son needs, but the one that's easy to travel.

Im so tired of all the energy this costs.
I praise myself happy with the fact that the girls attend school in a normal way.
I'll write about that later.
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Thursday, September 18, 2008

and another surprise

september 18 2008

So we went to the physiotherapist to get his fine movements assessed.

I was asked to do so, because his handwriting was unreadable at school.
It was horrible.

I had to wait outside for a while, which wasn't a problem because a very nice elderly lady was in the waitingroom too and we got into a humoristic conversation.

Then I was called in.

In front of me he put a piece of paper with nice handwriting.
His!!!

The last time I saw it that was was in the first class during the months after he was taught writing.
It was like a flashback.

I was amazed, and immediately realised how much he has been under pressure at school.

The physiotherapist proposed to start the gymnastics classes as soon as possible.
We talked a bit about the referral to the obesity course at the other side of town.
Well, he can go there anyway, but he has so much trust in her that it seems to be a wise decision to let them work together.

He needs to learn again that it's a joy to move and exercise.
Which means that he needs to loose the association with school, and the rotten remarks he got there all the time.

He'll be assessed next wedsnesday and then he'll start in a little group as soon as possible.
That means twice in a week working out for about an hour.
The group is very small and consists of children we can't exercise under normal conditions. So it's autistic kids, kids in a wheelchair, kids after an accident, etc.

We haven't even looked properly to insurance, because it's so important he'll get a chance.

Let's hope this will be a very positive experience.
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A huge achievement! Hooray!!!

september 18 2008

Autists live in their own world and when they're not guided well, they live according to their own rules too.
Most of them don't feel the need to adapt to all areas of life.

With my son water has been a struggle all his life.

Like being in my womb in the water has been a traumatic expreince which coloured all his life.

As a baby he hated rain, hated washing.

He's 16 now and I can tell you that each day it has been a struggle to get him washed properly.

He was 12 when he wasn't screaming from fear for the shower anymore.

But where all other children showered themselves, used deo, treated their own acne, I had to spend hours to get him under the shower, and I had to argue with him to spray some deo under his armpits myself.

(Yes, I use a spray. The only deo spray in the house. Because when I have to touch him with a roler it won't be done at all.)

Today we have to go to the physiotherapist again.
So there was no way I was able to escape the fight to get him washed again.
I thought.

Half an hour ago he suddenly told me he was going to shower.
Kids have to tell that in case I take warm water downstairs and they get a cold stream as a result.

I was so amazed I said: "Yea, go ahead" and then sat down and had a coffee.
Ofcourse I had to tell him to get out, and he did without moaning about the temperature, and wanting a certain towel. He just took the top one of the pile.

Then he used deo himself.

I'm still utterly amazed.

I know it might be a one time hit, a sudden unexpected connection in the brain.

But just imagine this might be routine for the future.
Just imagine....
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Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Make your own files

september 17 2008




My doc complained last week that the computersystem had been down for a couple of days and he wasn't able to look up the results of the former bloodtest.

But it wasn't a problem at all.

Why?

I always write down the results of my bloodtests in my agenda.

So all I had to do was trying to remember the date or estimate it, and look at a few pages.
To make it even easier I put categories in the back of the agenda, like: "diabetestests" and "parents evenings", and I put the dates after it. So I can look up things even faster.

I also write down the results of meetings, questions I have for a meeting or appointment, and when I've send letters and such.

It makes life a lot easier.

In the past I even asked someone to put a signature under my notes to make clear he agreed with them.


This works for me, and I'm sure it works for others too.





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Ozon

september 17 2008

Children often come home with the most interesting questions.

We're now past the questions about the excistence of Santa Claus (Sinterklaas here).
Sometimes I miss all those interesting conversations we had in the kitchen.
"Why this", and "why that".

Sometimes questions were just asked for the sake of asking something.

Those were the years that mom knew it all.

But I'm happy I have internet to assist me.

Today I got questions about ozon and the ozonhole.
I knew quite a bit about the subject and I was able to put it into the right words.

But when I was asked how big the ozonlayer was today I just didn't know.

I found out, however.

The NASA has a site: The Ozon Hole Watch.
You can find it here.
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Nurturing Pregnancy Massage for you.

september 17 2008

It was so nice to meet one of my friends in the same building where the office is of the podotherapist.

She's a midwife and a dear friend.

Because I've been a councellor of parents with a high risk pregnancy she told me she was starting a new series of lessons for pregnant couples: pregnancy massage.
I said it's a pity that only a few parents are able to enter courses like that.
She smiled her famous smiles, and ofcourse I had to ask what she wanted to say.

Well, there a wonderful set of DVD's, that demonstrate how to provide therapeutic massage techniques to a pregnant woman in a very clear way.
The famous Meade Steadman, who is an expert on the subject, guarantees quality.


Here's an example:






You can see the needs of the mother to be are adressed in a professional way.

Each trimester poses it's own problems due to the weight of the pregnancy, the hormonal changes and all the other burdens a pregnant woman has to face.
Massage doesn't only help to relax, it also offers the ability to be in contact with oneself and the other in a very unique way.




I'm a mom of 6 and I know very well how important it is to enjoy pregnancy and to experience the relief of the daily events.

Aesthetic VideoSource produced 2 very instructional DVDs.

Pregnancy Massage DVD I demonstrates full body massage in all sorts of different positions, so you can fully relax even when you're 9 months pregnant. And your baby can relax too.


DVD II demonstrates massage for common complaints, like back ache, leg cramping and shoulder pain. (So these videos come in handy after pregnancy too.)

They're a nice gift to yourself or someone else.
Nurturing Pregnancy Massage Techniques I (2 Hrs. 17 Mins.) can be ordered for $54.95 and Nurturing Pregnancy Massage Techniques II (1 Hr. 7 Mins.), can be ordered for 49.95, plus shipping.
The full set can be bought for $84.00, which means a discount of 20%!



You can order by visiting www.VideoShelf.com or calling 1-800-414-2434.
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Appointment with the psychiatrist

september 17 2008

Before we left for the appointment with the psychiatrist I remembered - just in time - that we couldn't use the special regional card at the busses, but should have the national card.
Luckily there was still one available.

I expected full busses, but we could sit all the way.

It was the first time my ADHD boy had an appointment with the new psychiatrist, but all went well.
Ofcourse I had to laugh when the psychiatrist asked whether his straight upright hair was a side effect of his meds.
But my son took it with a good mood.
He didn't realise that the psychiatrist took the thickest book he had to evaluate his length.
But even all those centimeters and the weight couldn't flatten the hairs. LOL!

My son was glad he could discuss the fact that he doesn't feel the meds working anymore. He got a new and better prescription, and far more urging instructions about the use than he ever had from the former psychiatrist.

He even felt free to ask questions about bloodpressure and how it worked.
He knows, but he just wanted to hear it again, he told me later.

So all in all it was a success.

What a pity this clinic only treats kids untill 18 years.
I'm pleading for an adolescent clinic, because now they have to go to the grown up clinic and the care there is very minimal.

When I was finally home it was almost lunchtime.

Time goes too fast!!
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Tuesday, September 16, 2008

my feet

september 16 2008

The podotherapist I went to yesterday was a nice guy.
I was a bit hesitant to go, because the woman I went to a few years ago was unkind and the soles she provided were not good.

But this one got my confidence.

On the phone I liked his voice.
In reality I liked the way he dealt with everything.

I examined my painful foot very well and found one of the problems rather fast.

He told me that one of the middle bones was out of place and probably trapped a nerve continuously or intermittant.

He pushed the bone right in place and it gave already a hige relief of the pain.
It's strange to realise my intuition made me do what he did properly. because I couldn't do it myself.
He had to give quite some pressure to get the job done, but now I can move my foor far better, stand on my toes again and flex and point at wish. Wow!!

The trouble at the right might be due to chronic irritation, or maybe something else.
We'll see.

When I went home I realised that my feet aren't as sensitive to tickling anymore.
As a diabetic it worries me a lot.
Deterioration of the nerves at the feet and hands are the first sign of nerve damage.
Me og my...I still have so many plans that involve fingers and feet.
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Prinsjesdag 2

september 16 2008

I've written before about Prinsjesdag. Click here.

Friends from abroad have asked me for the video with impressions of the traditional events.

Here's the video of the tour through the Hague and the arrival at het Binnenhof.

In the Golden Carriage you can see
Queen Beatrix,
the crownprince: Prince Willem Alexander
and his wife: Princes Maximá.








Thank you: NOS.
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Plastic surgery. Choose carefully.

september 16 2008


Each morning I look into the mirror and I have a frightening experience.
Not because my face is without make-up. I rarely use it.
Not because I'm ugly, because I think I'm rather average, but I'm well preserved for my age.

But because I don't recognise myself.
I feel so very different from the person I see.

One of the reasons is that my eyelids drop and none can see my beautiful eyes.
They're from an intriguing grey-blue, but they're always in the shadow.

So I need
When I would be invited by the nearest clinic to have eye lid surgery I wouldn't say "no". Except in case I need to be almost naked on TV.

This clinic provides real care.
They evaluate the problem before surgery, and when the doctors there don't think surgery should be done they won't do it.
They're very honest.

Apart from that they have very high standards for hygiene, patient confidentiality and privacy, and aftercare.

A friend went there for a boob job, as she calls it.
She's 5 years older and I can tell you, that when gravity leans so heavily on me as it did on her, I would not only have my breasts lifted and reconstructed, but also the rest of me.
Before the procedure she was informed well about the risks and the results.
The surgeon told her that he couldn't guarantee perfect symmetry, but the results were very good.
She's got a boost in self confidence, because she knows she looks great.

Whenever you consider plastic surgery first make enquiries about the clinic.
One of the main questions you should ask: is it registered by the Healthcare Commission?

Make Yourself Amazing Clinics offer free first consultations. You can get yourself informed about the procedure you would like to have. Often you can meet someone who has gone through it all and who wants to share the experience.
After that you're seen by the surgeon, who will honestly evaluate your needs.

Don't jump into surgery just like that.
Choose for a professional approach by a dedicated surgeon.
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Prinsjesdag

september 16 2008


Today is a day full of traditions for those who live in The Netherlands: the Dutch.

It's prinsjesdag.

Today the Queen will read aloud the plans the economical plans of the government for the next year.

It all started on the birthdays of the rulers of the Dutch in the 18th centuries.
The people celebrated the birthday publicly with lots of enthousiasm, and when we got Queens it resulted in Queensday, which is celebrated at April 30.

In 1814, at may 2, to be precise, it was the first day the government publicly announced the new economical plans for the next year.
Because it entailed all the special ceremonies of the birthdays of the princes it was decided to keep the name: Prinsjesdag.

Prinsjesdag used to be at the first day of november, but it was not possible to realise all the financial requirements before the end of the year, so it was decided spetember was perfect.
A second problem was the monday. It meant that many members of the government needed to leave home at sunday to be in time in The Hague. That was not possible because of their religious duties. So in 1887 it was decided that tuesday was a better choice.

I love Prinsjesdag, because of all the glamour and the political debates that follow.
Everyone has an opinion and for the rest we, normal people, worry how we'll manage the next year.



At the end of the morning the Queen leaves her palace in the golden carriage and takes a tour through Den Haag to the governmental building: Het Binnenhof.
In a special hall: the Ridderzaal, she read the plans aloud for all to hear.
When she's back at the palace she appears on the balcony.

After that the financial plans are presented.

Ofcourse everything presented will be in the papers the next days, so there's plenty of time to indulge myself in watching hats.
We don't have Ascott, but we have Prinsjesdag where all the artistic hats are shown.


For those who want to witness it all.
At about 12.30 the Queen will leave the palace.
It can be seen here.

Fashion changes, which is shown at a video where all the outfits since 1980 are shown. Click here.

Want to see some hats: click here.

For those who speak Dutch a lot more information is to be found here.











Photo of the Queen © RVD. Thank you very much!
Rest of info: thank you NOS
Dividers made by me with tube from Brigittas Place. Thanks!
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10 simple things that make me happy

september 16 2008



10 Simple Things that Make You Happy
  1. When my children are happy, I'm happy.
  2. When I'm relaxed and I see something nice in nature.
  3. When a friend shares happiness.
  4. When someone really cares for my children.
  5. Walking alone at the shore.
  6. When I'm able to sing a wonderful song or bagpipe one without loosing breath.
  7. A good movie without violence, but with a catching story.
  8. When I wake up without looking ahead into a day and a world of stress and troubles.
  9. When I see people really care for each other.
  10. Snow!

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Monday, September 15, 2008

Manic Monday #134

september 15 2008


What's worse, physical or mental cheating? Why?

Oh my dear...What a question.
I don't know.
I guess it's both equally bad, because it means your partner has lost respect for you and for himself.

Maybe mental cheating is worse, because you feel something is happening and you can't say what.
So you're blaming yourself in all sorts of ways for the lack of attention and good feelings between you both.

Do you think men and women can be just friends? Why or why not?

Yes, I do. I've been good friends with men, and it was never a problem.
As long as none of the two gets other ideas about the relationship.

How do you feel about dating co-workers?

That depends on the job and how you deal with each other at work.
When I met my husband we studied and worked together and it was never a problem.
We were able to kiss in private time, and we enjoyed working together and discussing research results.


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Logo made by me with tube from Brigittas Place.
It's permitted to download it to your own computer and upload it to your site.
Please don´t direct link, as it slows down my site. I´ll change the link regularly so you´re left with an empty space or a red warning sign.
Please credit properly.
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Sunday, September 14, 2008

Police

september 14 2008

Almost every evening one of my oldest sons and I have a walk through the neighbourhood.
We're called the nightwatch.

Officially we have no status at all, but young people who hang around disappear to another part of town, and since we make our rounds at the beginning of the night there are less burglaries and break ins.

Yesterday we saw two tents near the lake.
It's forbidden to camp outside.
We caught them in the light of our lamps and we faked a call to the policestation.

This evening there was only one tent.
So we acted the same, making a joke that a policecrew needed to come to finish the job properly.

We enjoyed the clear full moon and the lazy little clouds.

Suddenly a bright light was shining on the tent.
We joked to each other it was the police and walked into another part of the neighbourhood.

When we entered a street that looked on on the lake we saw a police car and a light near the tent.

Seems the police here answers even fake calls. LOL!
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At last I could sleep in.

september 14 2008

At last I had the chance to sleep in this morning.

Yesterday my autistic son made a lot of turmoil, because he thought he could tell the girls what to do and what not.
Ofcourse the girls didn't do what he wanted: go somewhere else so he could watch TV and choose the channel.

This morning they all kept silent and even the noisy neighbours didn't bother me.
I guess the early autumn morning was a bit too cold to be outside.

So it was me in bed and the birds outside, and we all were OK.

For the first time this week I woke up without a headache. What a relief!

I love sundays that pass by like a little stream.
Everyone doing what he wants without disturbing someone else.

Two of the boys went to friends, and one of the girls took her barbies to her friend.

The other girl watched some TV, read a book and then started doing her homework again.
It's interesting that she enjoys learning so much, while she's bothered so terribly by dyslexia.

I admire her motivation.

She often tells me that she feels inspired by me.

I was told I was only able to get some basic education, but I made it all the way through university. Part was due to the fact that the school, at the time of testing, had a huge delay teaching maths.
But, yes, I had to work hard for it, but it paid off.

She also wants to become a bagpiper and started saving for her first set of smallpipes.
She's not allowed to use them yet, but her teacher says she will become a bagpiper.
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unconscious mutterings # 294

september 14 2008


  1. Cut the crap :: stop it
  2. Scent :: fragrance
  3. Vanishing :: veiled
  4. Wetness :: humidity
  5. Cheap :: saving money
  6. Badges :: I need some scottish ones
  7. Puppy :: awww, so cute!
  8. Problem solver :: me?
  9. Gambling :: I'd rather not
  10. Sophia :: Loren. She's old now, isn't she?




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Logo made by me with tubes from Lamanouche.
It's permitted to download it to your own computer and upload it to your site.
Please don´t direct link, as it slows down my site. I´ll change the link regularly so you´re left with an empty space or a red warning sign.
Please credit properly.
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