Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Growing up is saying goodbye

july 22 2008

Last year a childhoodfriend of the girls popped up.
It was late that evening when the doorbell rang, and just some intuition made me open the door.

There she was, asking me to get the girls. She wanted to speak with them.

I told her that we won't wake up the girls when someone shows up at our door, without any prior message.

The girls now lives in another part of the country.
I can't say her mother made clever choices when she changed het job and moved from a large house with garden in a very good neighbourhood, to an appartment in a large building in one of the lesser suburbs of a large city.

It's not up to me to comment on those decisions, but I told her my thoughts about how she treated my girls when she had them with her for a day out and didn't show up before midnight.

Today the girls was at the door again.
It was late again.

We had a letter last week, with a photo on which we first saw a grown-up woman and only minutes later her.

I had the same reaction at the door.
Only when she began to speak I realised it was her.

Oh my dear!

I don't want to keep my girls the little babies they once where.
Oh no!
I enjoy their developments every day, at least as much as when I did when they were babies.
But I want them to act their age and not ten years older.

The conversation we had was friendly and short.
She expected the girls to come and stay with her for a couple of days and they have to come either this week or next week.

"Maybe they have other plans for those days.", I said.
"They have to change them, because we'll go abroad after that."

Well, I don't think my girls have to change their plans.

They have to decide themselves, and when they make the same decision as last year, they won't go.
They're afraid on the streets there, don't feel well in the smokey rooms, and don't like the fact that they're laughed about when they say they're tired and want to go to bed.

I feel pity for the girl. I really do.

But I admire my girls in their choices.
"We'll tell her kindly that we have to move on with our lives.
She's making choices that don't fit our way of living.
And we feel it's not honest to try and keep this friendship alive as long as only she wants it."

"Growing up is saying goodbye", I found at the whiteboard in their room.


  1. it's really sad but we have to learn to accept it. one way or another we have to let them go.

  2. Oh my, how very wise of your girls! I'm sure you are quite proud!! :)


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