Monday, June 9, 2008

I can't do it anymore: school and autism

june 9 2008

I'm at the end of looking for solutions to find a school for my autistic son.

The advisor mailed me that he had spoken with someone who runs a time-out school for kids that are too aggressive for a regular school. That maybe we should talk.

I've spoken that person months ago.
A very kind and caring man. Almost too nice for a time-out facility.
He agreed my autistic son shouldn't be there.

And now some idea has popped up in the minds of these men.

It feels as if it's too late.

I was already harnassing me to face the council representative threatening with court again, ready to fill in the paperwork, stating that we want our son acknowledged as "not fit for the system".
(They haven't found out paperwork and laws for "the system not fit for certain children.")

I've already informed the council representative that we will send her the paperwork.

What are we doing?

These men are trying to make a place somewhere for my son to study.
But it's not about learning and getting a diploma alone.

He can't do anything with a diploma.
No employer will hire someone who is not capable of communicating properly. (And for making laundrypegs he doesn't need a diploma).

School is about trying to help him communicate with people under normal circumstances.
When that aspect of life isn't available, making him study means nothing.

I'm just too tired to start it all again.

Tomorrow is his birthday, the day after we'll hear if his brother wil graduate, the day after that I want my other son, who is terribly afraid of dentists to go to the dentist.

Does it sound egoistic when I say I want the whole toodoo with school for my autistic son to end?
I just can't motivate him to go to a school that's not fit to deal with autistic children.
I don't want those mornings and evenings anymore with hours of loosing energy with motivating him to go to school. Hours of complaints and objections. The stress if he's going, or if he's returning. And how he's returning.
Dealing with people who don't understand him, or don't want to spend any energy on someone they can't communicate with.

I'm OK with an auti-class. That's where he belongs.
But I'm not willing to find a dark door somewhere behind a small street where he can slip in to sit and have a book in front of his nose.

We've had the situation that he was at school during some hours, and I've spend hours in the evening motivating him to look in that book again, explaining him each and every subject as close to his way of thinking as possible. The teacher couldn't do that, so I had.

I'm sorry.
We have to accept him the way he is.
And when society isn't ready to accept that, then either they have to release that burden of the law and enable him to stay away from school, or put me in jail.

Might be a nice rest after all those years, after all.

I don't want an improvised place for my son,
I want proper education, fit for autists.



  1. Laane, buzzfuse doesn't take comments, so I've pasted it here.

    You've brought to close a certain period in life, and then someone just throws you back, against all odds and agreements.

    He was going to talk to the council rep, wasn't he?

    I'm so sorry. I can see you're filled with emotions. I'm so sorry people don't want to see how difficult it is to deal with those children.
    They see someone with autism spectrum syndrome and think that they know it all.
    But real autism is different.

    Heads up!

  2. Parenting is difficult under the best of conditions, can't imagine what you go through every day dealing with this problem yet. Hope you will find a good solution soon! Hang in there!

  3. Have you looked into homeschooling him?
    I would. No one can communicate or understand him as well as someone who has known him his whole life.
    Just a thought.


Thank you for your comment.