Thursday, May 1, 2008

Letting go of unwanted emotions

may 1 2008

Some people ask me how I manage to live a life that isn't fullfilling.

How I deal with 4 very complicated children, who don't feel at home in the world.
How I deal with the fact that I can't do what I want so very much. Instead of travelling the world, I can hardly leave the house for more than meetings with doctors, dentists and schools.
How I deal with caving in my creativity between the walls of what others can accept.
How I deal with an unloving husband, who is becoming more and more autistic and who forget what it is to love.

There are days I simply don't know.
Days that I can hardly face up to the next hour, even the next 5 minutes.

But one way or another time passes, and I find myself trying to reach the soul of a politician, trying to convey the need to make the necessary changes. I find myself motivating others with so much energy, that I'm amazed, because I thought there was none left.

There are two main things that keep me going.

My dreams, and my intentions to realise them. I wanted to start bagpiping. And I did.
I want smallpipes (little bagpipes) and I'm sure I'll get them.
I want to travel the world, to meet my online friends, to go to the places of my ancestors and be at their holy places.

I don´t know where this inner motivation comes from, but I know it´s strong, and I know the difference between me and some others is that I believe dreams can come true, whereas others just feel sorry they are not having what they want.

Having dreams makes me bigger than I am today, make me overcome today, make me be at a better place in the future.

And there´s something else that keeps me going.
The dark hours of the night, when all children are sleeping, and I´m able to experience the silence and the inner me.
I know there´s something strong in me. I´ve survived so much, even the death of two of my children. Some call it beingness, presence awareness.

I was able to mourn their death and love others at the same time.
That inner strength is so reliable. It´s a pity I sometimes forget it´s there when the time goes by too quick and I have no time for those quiet dark hours, no time to let go of unwanted and unnecessary emotions.

We are not the emotions we experience, we feel them. And that's it. And because we feel them and we're not completely one with them, we can let them go.
Like a child can let go of the loud crying when he bumps his head and there's no one around to give attention, like a child lets go of the pain after mom kisses the bruise.

Some people are amazed that letting go of unwanted emotions makes them feel so at peace.
That´s because concepts and attitudes like pride and ego are part of the whole burden of unwanted baggage of life.
Many people are raised with the idea that pride is important. But all what it does is create a border between themselves and others.


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