Wednesday, December 31, 2008

A pond, flooding

december 31 2008

We've had a very strange night.

The nights around new year I can't sleep well, so I stayed up waiting for the boys to come home.
They were watching a video movie at a friend in the neighbourhood.

They arrived home late, but still at a reasonable time.
Just when we were ready locking doors, someone knocked at the door.
He wanted us to open up again.

Ofcourse I had my comments, but then he told us he had seen lots of water streaming out of a garden.
So the boys went with him to have a look.

It was decided to wake up one of the people at the house where the pond flooded, but then the neighbour woke up and came down and outside.

Turned out the pond was flooding because the equipment in it was broken...we guess through the cold. It was minus 10 or 11 celcius!!!
The boys helped the man trying to solve the problems.
Luckily the water wasn't running into the house, but still.
The fishes won't survive this.

The people involved are on vacation and all the other times they handed ovber the keys,m but this time they forgot.
While working to stop the flooding, they could see the keys on the table.

If only they had them.
One turn would have stopped the water streaming.....


december 31 2008

The old year's day reminds me of one many years back, when lots of factories were closing because of a bad economy.

People needed a flexible mind to adapt to new circumstances.

I remember the husband of a dear online friend who lost his job after working for over 30 years with the same business.
He got depressed, because he lost touch with the value he has as a person.

Some people seem to be dependent for their identity on their work, and they're not aware that being someone is about being a good friend, a good father etc etc, instead of only being a good paid worker.

We emailed a lot in those days, and gradually he was able to reflect on himself as a human being, and he regained a feeling of self confidence and self esteem.

Like often, the new positive feelings towards himself were a signal life was taking it's course again.

He soon found a job at a work holding.
It was below his level, but they soon saw his abilities and as he grasped all opportunities, he soon was promoted and became one of the most valued employees.

I hope the next year people won't loose track of who they really are.

Happy New Year!

Sunday, December 28, 2008

ice skating

december 28 2008

Thank you, thank you for all the good wishes and nice mails and comments.

Today it was relatively quiet here.
It doesn't haqppen often that I can lean back and drink two cups of coffee without the need to give someone else my full attention.

I just could lean back, see the blue sky and wonder if I'll ever be able to skate on real ice again.

It's freezing enough to enable the first marathon of this year on natural ice today.
Three places wanted to be the first, and the icemasters worked hard.
Two of them thought that nr. 3 wouldn't win, because he represented a very religious community, which respects the sunday rest very close.
But yet, Haaksbergen won (the nr 3) and so this evening the women will start for the marathon at 19.00 hours and the men an hour later.

The ice is about 4.5 cm's thick, so that's rather good.
The quality is almost perfect, as the wind was not too bad and the days were cold enough, but not too cold.

It's interesting that each year, when it's getting cold, people are completely pulled towards thinking they can skate everywhere.

Today many were not only called from the ice, but had to be rescued.

I have always taught my children what makes good ice, and when they're able to iceskate safely and especially when not.

Want to see some videos people made themselves?
You can see them here.

When I hear the squeeking and cracking of the ice I really long for the old days.
I learned it on the wooden skates the boy in movie 2 is wearing.

Do you ever skate on natural ice?

Woolworth closing

december 28 2008

I've just heard the news that Woolworth is closing it's doors.

Another of the great institutions filing for bankruptcy.

One way or another I expected it to be there forever, waiting for me to come to england and visit.

I have happy memories of walking through the stores, looking around.
It was a way of sniffing what was different from my country.
Especially interesting for a girl of 12.
Those days there were completely different things on the shelves, and even products clamed to be made in my country had the British characteristics all over.

I was quietly talking with my aunt when my dad dragged me over to a stand with "Dutch Cheese made in Gouda" on all sides.

We first had a good time laughing, then asked for the manager.

He was a real gentleman.
He listened, then invited us to his office and offered a cup of tea.

There we sat, smiling, trying to hide a chuckle, sipping or tea which was far too hot.

When I left the office my tongue was slightly burned, but the weight of the goodies in a bag distracted me enough.

The goodies were a thank you for preventing Woolworth to become a joke.

The cheeses they presented as real Dutch cheeses were indeed made in England.

How we knew?

Not only the color was too dark for our cheese, but the cheeses were square, instead of a flattened ball.

I'm sorry so many people will loose the jobs they've had for so many years.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

a meme in 2008

december 27 2008

Crazy Sam's Last Meme of 2008

1. What was the best thing that happened to you personally in 2008?

I saw the sea again.
After so many years I managed to go there for a day with some of the children.
For some people who are going on day trips and vacation each year it's normal, for me it was the first time in more than 20 years I had a day of relative peace. (Well my homecoming wasn't nice, but the hours I was away were.)

I found out that the person I have always been before I was caught in this marriage is still there.
It was good to find out that I'm still the person who loves to play with the waves and who can forget everything in nature.
But it also meant the confrontation again with the life I'm living and the enormous urge to leave everyone behind and just move to the mountains.

More than ever I want a house near the beach or move to Scotland.
I need to be able to walk out of my house and just be alone in nature, safe but alone.

2. What was the worst thing that happened to you personally in 2008?

The worst was the trouble with the council about my autistic son and the fact that he can't go to school anymore.
To be threatened with a courtcase is something that is not in my book of living.
Someone theatening me to bring me to court when I give my autistic son homeschooling.

They gave me hope when they adviced me to apply for permission for him not to attend school anymore, they rejected.
Then I appealed and they just didn't listen at all.

It hurts me so deep that people are just so focussed on rules and regulations that they don't see what going to school does with a classical autist who doesn't care for a social life at all.
They want to mold him to a person they think he should be, instead of respecting the person he is.
I think he'd better spend his time to become someone who can care for himself, instead of a person who is good at a job.

I think it's a disgrace that our society doesn't want to care for people with special needs anymore, that our society doesn't respect mothers anymore, because all what counts is a paid job.

I feel I'm spit out by society, because I have to care and stand up for my autistic children.
I've given up a good career, my own personal life and financial security in the future to care for my children, and they don't even respect me enough to trust my personal and professional judgment about my children.
That makes me so very angry....I have no words for it.

3. What was the best thing to happen to all of us in 2008?

Maybe it's the economical crisis.
Many countries are more aware than ever that it's nuts to get products from far away when we can grown them nearby.
The amount of dirt and pollution we create should be diminished and one way is to wear our clothes longer, use our furniture longer, don't use cars for every step we need to move.

I always thought it was nuts that people lived on loans, lived on money that wasn't theirs.
Ok, they're going through a rough time now, but I hope they will find themselves to be happy again with little things.

4. What was the worst thing to happen to all of us in 2008?

It's the fear of terrorism.
We have all been manipulated by other people and many forgot their own moral standards.
We had to give up privacy, the feeling of safety and then I'm not even talking about the gloom and terror spread over us during each newsprogram in the media.

I don't think any of us is better than anyone else.
I'm sick of countries telling they are better than others because they have more freedom of speech, a better religion or whatever.

It's about who we are in our own life and when we're not able to respect others and respect ourselves in who we are and in our actions we're at least terrorists in our own life.

I grew up in freedom, with the feeling I could become the person I wanted to become.
Now we tell our children so many different things.

What a future to leave to our children. Horrible!

5. What was the best gift you receive during the ’08 holidays?

The gift of friendship online.
And in the tactile form: potatoes for the boys with special needs that stayed with us.

6. What was the best gift (most appropriate or best received) you gave during the ’08 holidays?

A warm place to stay for those young people.

7. Do you have any regrets about what you did in 2008?

Does that help?

8. Do you have any regrets about what you didn’t do in 2008?

I should have gone to the international media with the story about my autistic son.
I didn't, because it would have meant an invasion in the privacy of the others and the rest in the home.

But I've been able to use my experience to get some children's rights organisations wake up about the rights of children in the western world.

9. Did you meet anyone that became important to you in 2008?

Well, I've met some nice people online.
But, no, I haven't met anyone who became as important that I got a hug.

Looking back on this year I can say it has been very stressful and very unhappy.
I have never ever written so many mails and letters to so many people to get their attention to the lack of places at schools for children with autism.
I have never ever explained so many times that autism is more than not being able to communicate at a 120% level.
I have never ever been told so many times that people couldn't do anything for me.
And never ever so many times people told me they could manage things far better than I did. I felt so hurt when people told me they would get my son a place at a school. Like I didn't do everything that was in my power.

But they had me laughing some time later, because they couldn't manage things either. LOL!

Well, I won't look back much on this year...
what better motivation is there to move into the future?

Happy New Year!

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Young people and their future

december 27 2008

I enjoy being with young people at this time of year.

Most of them are so cheerful and most of the young people I've seen today were full of the new plans and challenges of the year ahead.

Don't tell me young people are untargetted projectiles in our society.
They aren't.

I've heard such good plans to use their talents and create opportunities that they've given me confidence in their futures.
It was fun to hear that one of them planned to contact an international shoe designer, another one wanted to work at Subway franchise, the famous chain of restaurants, one wanted to become a journalist, etc etc.

Often I don't value my age and my age doesn't value me, but this time I was happy, because it meant I could bring them in contact with people who can coach them.

How I wish we all could have a coach to help us keep hope and confidence in our own abilities and the future. Someone who helps us to be realistic and working hard to become the person we want to be.

Friday, December 26, 2008

An inspiring christmas

december 26 2008

Don't steal a gift I gotMerry Christmas to you all!

Christmas here is celebrated at 2 days, because it's a main event.

But now all the boys are to their sleeping places and they'll see the caretakers tomorrow again.

No christmas angel flew over, no santa dropped in.
So I went over to some "friends" nearby and asked for potatoes and lettuce.

I made a meal with lots of soup, potatoes, sausages and eggs to share, lettuce and I opened all sorts of cans with vegetables.

Somewhere far in a corner I found some cans with fruit, so we had dessert.

I felt like feeding the passengers of a bus stranded in a snowstorm from a sober meal for a few.

Well, we had music on, and created some smiles.
And the enormous amount of little bowls with content gavce us a rich feeling and even though not all stomachs were filled as much as those from some readers of this blog, sure our eyes were filled.
We all laughed about a joke told for the third time, and it was OK.

I had hoped the christmasbox from work would bring something usefull, but it was a disaster.
I guess the items in it were choosen by a bachelor who hadn't been celebrating christmas for ages. The bathrobe and towel were nice, the massage oil will go to the physiotherapist nearby, and the scrubsalt even smelled salty, so we all wondered whether it would also work as an anti-ice device one of these days, because it started freezing a lot.

We all had a sip from the fruitjuice, and we opened the can with fish in oil for dinner, but gave it to the cat of the neighbours. It smelled weird.

It was the strangest christmas ever.

My head is still spinning from the stories I heard, the discussions we had and the lack of complete silence.
Well, I asked for an hour of rest after dinner yesterday, trying to visit the sites of some friends to wish them merry christmas on the day itself.
But I hardly got through, because the connection was crap.

One thing that made this christmas even more different from other years was that I wasn't drained as much as I had expected.
I feel strengthened to fight my battle for autism even more than before.

When someone feels different and thinks different he is not a lesser person.

One of the boys said that maybe santa was autistic himself.
Who else would have such perseverance to visit so many people with only one thought in mind: to make them happy?

Some boys will be back to celebrate here "old year".

Traditionally that's an evening together to look back on the old year, and eat a lot of special dishes.
Then we all count down to the new year and welcome it.

Well, I'have one goal more to fight for:
No closing of facilities for people with special needs.
No closing of the places they consider home, unless they agree with it and can go somewhere to feel at home.

Happy holidays!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

A christmas gesture

december 23 2008

Because the facility my eldest is staying closes tomorrow until the so-maniest of january I wrote a letter to the board, stating that it's their home and it's not a decision that is thought through enough.

As a consequence they had a talk at dinner there and it turned out that some of these young people have no one during christmas and the new year.
They're staying somewhere at a lonely room, just because their home is closed.


I was almost in tears when I heard this.

Even though we don't have much, and certainly no posh christmasdinner, I invited them here for the days.
It's warm and there is company that understands special needs.

I have absolutely no idea how to feed them all and how to manage, but I think that some families will take their children in after all, and I can only hope we'll be able to get some bargains tomorrow just for closing time of the shops.

I should have believed a full 200% in Santa Claus.
I'm sure he would have helped me out.

Now I'll just make the best of it and hope something unexpected goods will happen.

Merry Christmas!

Monday, December 22, 2008

Manic Monday #147

december 21 2008

If you were at a friend’s house for a holiday dinner and you found a dead cockroach in your salad, what would you do?

Before finding it in the salad I would have spotted it in the kitchen, because with a good friend I would have spend quite some time talking there and possibly helping prepare dinner.
One spotted cockroach in the kitchen and I would have created the best excuse possible to leave.

I almost never eat salad, because I'm allergic to most fresh vegetables.

If you could put anyone you know on Prozac, who would you choose?

Hahaaa!! Good question.

When I keep in mind the strict indication of an anti-depressivum, I'd probably have a go at the council representatives who have made this year a living hell.
I'm sure they'll feel a lot better and be a lot more efficient in their task to distinguish between parents who violate the law by not teaching their children to go to school and parents who are dealing with a child that lacks so many social skills and social interest due to autism that it can't see the use of school and is afraid of the great big world.

I also would add it to the water of most people, because so many people feel depressed about the economic situation.
We're not living in remote parts of africa when we are able to use a computer, we can survive.

How do you feel about public displays of affection?

When it's positive affection and no aggression I'm OK with it as long as it doesn't look like people are eating each other to the bones.

I know there are people who want to ban kisses on the streets and who object against people of the same sex showing affection.
Well, it's said: "Love each other".
So please show me that you like each other and you care for other people.
Keep some aspects of that in the privacy of your own home, but I'm perfectly fine when affection outweighs ignorance, unkindness and aggression.

Merry Christmas!

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Sunday, December 21, 2008

Those sundays before christmas

december 21 2008

Don't steal a gift I gotI'm having those pre-christmas-day feelings I used to have when my gram was still alive.

The weather suddenly wasn't important anymore when dad and I bicycled to the school where masses were held every sundaymorning to give the Jesuits a chance to have a mass with public and us a chance to escape from the gossiping crowds in our part of town.

We always saw the same people there and it felt like coming home.
I never really liked drinking coffee after mass, and in many churches it's still wasn't a habit in those days, but there it was.
String black coffee in white thick mugs.
The weight was a punishment for the sins of the week gone by and a reminder not to take that coffee for granted.
The cookies were thin during the first years of sunday morning masses, but became thicker and thicker and by the time I left they were the best chocolate chip cookies I've ever eaten.

They were also the best masses, and sometimes I would love to see those preachers step out of their graves and have their say about life itself one more time.
They weren't married, but they had some good insights that have helped me many years after I heard them.

Those sunday mornings gave me the feeling time had no end.

After church we went to my gram and indulged ourselves in the rest and quietness she always had around her.
I helped her prepare lunch for those who would walk in and sit down, and in the kitchen we took sips of the soup to see if the taste was right and to warm ourselves.
At that time of the day it was cold in the house, as there was only one coalheater, in the livingroom.

By the time the cuckoo of the clock had outdone himself with louds sounds of time the smells of the soup would hang everywhere. It even got my youngest uncle out of bed.

The sundays before christmas were special.

It was as if the sounds of the busses and cars on the streets were kept far from the house.
As if the christmastree created an unseen barrier to prevent unwanted sounds to wander in.
It's light was reflected in the windows and we were all the perfect christmasadvertisement family.

It happened once that on our way home it started to snow and that by the time we reached our own house the world was covered in a white fluffy layer.
In my mind it happens every sunday for christmas.

Those times were so special....

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Holiday Cheer

december 13 2008

Holiday Cheer

1. Does the holiday season stress you out? If yes, how do you cope?

Well, I try not to give it a chance to stress me out.
Showing my stress would mean that those who are autistic sense it and feel troubled, because they can't deal with the emotions.
Some people think autistic people are not aware of the emotions of others. Well, my kids are, they're just not able to deal with it.

How I cope?
I try to solve problems at the moment they arise and I try to prevent them.
That means being with my ears everywhere.
A peaceful conversation can end up in troubles when there's a little misunderstanding.
Someone can feel irritated when another person enters his space with terrible music, for instance.

Etc etc.

2. Are you ever so busy in December that you have to force yourself to chill?

Oh yes. But it's not limited to december.

3. Do you sleep well at this time of year?

I never sleep well.
When you ask if worrying interferes with my sleep: no.
I just sleep not well, because I'm the only one here who can stop certain problems. So I'm waking...

4. Have you ever taken a sleigh ride? If yes, tell us about it.

Not in one of those beautiful large sleighs.
But I've had my fun when I was little, and people who knew me when I was young still remember that 4 year old that had fun with the older boys sleighing down the steep slope of one of the streets near the house I grew up.
It's fun to hear them tell about me.

5. Do you live close to the parts of your family you spend the holidays with?

Well, people here don't travel as much as americans do.
My country is a little one.
But I consider the space between my family far enough not to go there.
Part is physical space, and part is psychological space.

When people tell me the special needs of my children are just a modern fling and they don't believe autism is something that really excists, I don't belong there.
I also hate it to have to deal with all the unwritten rules and regulations and the enormous amount of gossip.
I'm happy for my sister she has such wonderful well conditioned children. But stop bragging about them right in my face. My children aren't perfect, but I deserve at least a bit of respect for not putting them into institutions.

6. What will you have for Christmas dinner?

Nothing special.
The money put aside for it was spend to replace the stolen bicycle of one of the boys.
We just have to see what's fresh and affordable this week.

When we serve something our of the routine, the boys will freak out.
No way I want that at christmas.

But I think we'll have icecream for dessert.

7. Do you diet after the holidays?

I'm on a diet of chocolate now. LOL!

8. What’s the best part of the season for you?

Don't know yet.
I try to take each moment as well as possible, without looking back too much, and without looking to the future too much.
So the best moment might be something on TV, a friend who sends a card, the mailman with his smile and good wishes, or maybe the robin in front of my back door.

9. How many generations of your family get together during the holidays?

2. When it's three there will be a problem, on either side. LOL!

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saturday six #245

december 20 2008


1. On an average year, how many days before Christmas do you generally finish your Christmas shopping?

Well, as our presents-part is already finsihed at december 5th...called Sinterklaas, I'm finshed shopping for gifts before that.
Groceryshopping is done well in time for christmas, but when we want something special we need to be in the shops when they prize the special products down. So that's during the last hour.
The year before last year we really had special things we would never ever have been able to afford.

2. Is the economy making you spend any less on gifts this year, or are you spending about the same?

We have been spending a lot less.
In fact it was a complete shame we had nothing more to spend. Ugh!

3. What part of the Christmas scene do you find the most chaotic?
What part do you generally worry most about?

Well, that's a new question in all those memes about christmas.

Most chaotic will be the evening of december 31.
This used to be a quiet and calm evening, but now the boys are older and use fireworks I don't feel at ease at all.
They walk in and out, friends come in at the back and the front. My house feels like a public space instead of a home.

My worry is about having one classical autist and 3 with autism spectrum disorder along with their father who doesn't want to acknowledge his autism spectrum disorder.
I don't feel like an angel of peace during those days, but as the police of peace or even the devil of peace.
Everything to keep the herd calm.

That my son with asperger sleeps here too is not only inconvenient, but I'm afraid one of the reasons of irritation, because we have not enough space and people have to go around him in the mornings.

Well, we'll see.

4. Take the quiz: What Movie is Your Christmas Most Like?

Well, as the outcome was a movie I don't know at all, I've left the answer out.

I think my christmas most resembles Tarzan. Me flying through the jungle! LOL!

5. What Christmas movie is your favorite? Which one is your least favorite?

I don't like fighting movies on christmas, but I like a sweet movie that leaves me in tears because it ends all in peace and happiness.

6. What Christmas tradition from years past do you miss the most now?

Going to sing at the choir with my dad,
going to visit my gram and have all the family around,
walking through the wood with no one there, not even santa

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Friday, December 19, 2008

Friday Fill-Ins # 103

december 19 2008

1. Said the night wind to the little lamb, I'll only whisper to you as you're to small to blow away.
2. The first Noel, the angel did say, the sky is too cold and the snow feels like clay.
3. Christmastrains carry you, Over the hills and everywhere.
4. It came upon the midnight clear, it was a pity the mailman had to take the box back as no one was here.
5. When you have no heating and there's no help in sight don't worry, Let your heart be light.
6. And the thing that will make them ring is the carol that you sing and you can be sure they'll ring these bells so loud that you have to shout, because you sing so bad that they all go mad.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to being run over by a reindeer, tomorrow my plans include to deck the halls and Sunday, I want to be kissed by Santa Claus!

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Food 4 Thought Friday

december 19 2008

Do you still have gifts to buy or are you done with your shopping?

In a way I feel a bit lost when all these questions about christmasshopping are asked.
We've had our presents in a traditional event called Sinterklaas, which is before the christmasseason starts.
All we need for christmas are the normal items like vegetables. I'll buy them next week.

Has the economy affected any part of your Christmas this year? How?

We had a shamefull empty-feeling Sinterklaas, because we had only 3 very little presents for the children.
There was almost no way to make some money online for me, so we had nothing extra.

Christmas doesn't bring any luxury either.
I can only dream of the abundance of the past, with cake, puddings and lots of chocolate, and I feel very sad I can't offer that to my children.

What is your favorite Christmas tradition?

None at the moment.
I'm sorry, I'm just not in the mood.
I'm far too bussy with other things than christmas. I haven't even been able to go to the dentist.
Don't steal a gift I got
Midnight Snack
Are you feeling like a Jolly Elf or a Grinchy Scrooge right at this moment?

I'm feeling like the little girl with the matches.
I have to tell myself all the time to ignore myself, to be as bright and cheerfull as possible, because when I show even a little bit of how I feel the kids will sense it, will feel disturbed, and this christmas will turn into one big stressfull event.

Recipe for this Week
(instead of your recipe for life
what is it for just this week?)

Smile to each christmasornament you'll see,
ond sometimes it'll twinkle back.

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early morning call

december 19 2008

I couldn't sleep this morning, due to pain in my hip, so I decided to go downstairs.
Especially after last night, when everyone was late at home after the christmas event at one of the schools, it was good that they were still asleep.

I was just enjoying a cup of coffee when the phone rang.

The contactperson of the trainingshouse rang to talk to me.

They're closing the trainingshouse and I'd send a letter to the board stating that those young people call that place their home and that it's nuts it's closed at christmas. Especially as they have to pay part of their own money for the rent.

In fact it was a letter to the board, suggesting they could free the money and hand it back over. That way my son could stay at a bed and breakfast, for instance.
We have only a mattress on the ground for him and never full rest, because the last one to go to bed and the first one to be up have to step over him.

Well, I understand why the doors are closed there, but I don't agree with it. As simple as that.
It's OK with me that the staff will have a vacation, but they're into care, and at hospitals and hotels people have to work too.

There's an organisation nearby where my son can have a little room and bed, but he doesn't want that, he told us, because he had to stick to strict rules.
During the phonecall it was agreed that he doesn't need to stick to homecoming hours and dinners in the large restaurant.
He can go to sleep there anytime he wants, or stay away.

This gives room to breathe in my opinion.

He can find a little privacy there and a place to rest, but when he wants to sleep here, he can, with all the disturbances included.

To me it's something, I hope my son agrees.

But it doesn't solve the problem well.

Autistic people thrown out of their home at christmas..... it still applies.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

The continuing story --- it's never ending, I fear

december 17 2008

About a month ago we got a letter stating that one of the council medical carreermakers, specialised in youth, had decided that my autistic son was fit enough to go to school.
She'd only spoken with the council representative, who is harassing us now nearly a year about this issue, and she'd read a letter of his therapist, who stated he was only fit for an auticlass, which won't accept new pupils.

I had no words for the fact that a doctor forms an opinion without even seeing the parents of the child.
In fact the whole issue stressed me out completely. It almost never happens, but I couldn't talk about it anymore.

I fought the fact that that doctor made a decision that way.
To me it was also clear that the council shouldn't have taken our request to process it, because it was not completed up to the legal standards. So I also stated that at a hearing.

Well today I got the result.
It was like they didn't even hear me or had seen my letters.

They have decided that my son is fit to go to school.

So the whole problem starts over again........................

and I just can't take it anymore.

I guess that it'll be a courtcase...

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Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Can anyone stop the time, please....

december 16 2008

Time is moving far too fast, and I can't keep up.

The new showercurtain is nice... and it doesn't protect the world from the rain.
After a couple of the men here took a shower the whole floor was a pool.

Problem was that the dirty laundry was standing beside the shower.
It never caused a problem, but with this leaking thing...
Everything got wet.

When I had cleaned up the lot and filled the laundry machine, I tidied things in the backgarden.
Someone had thrown some boots in a corner.
I went through my back when I was busy there and up til now nothing has made it feel better.

On the contrary.
The flue that has almost the whole town in it's grip, leading to only half filled classes at schools, jumped on me.

Dizzyness, nausea and some other inconvenient symptoms took over control of my body and all I could do was to give in. Ugh!!
After a couple of hours of half-sleep, I managed to get the already peeled potatoes cooked.
The freezer gave me a few packages of red cabbage and spinach and they got ready too, and that was it.

I slept through CSI.
Unforgivable!! LOL!

So you know now why I'm not making my rounds commenting.

I've lost almost a complete day.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Manic Monday #146

december 15 2008

Have you ever returned an item to a store for a refund after having used it?

Only after something broke because of a manufacturing mistake.
Not like some people do to wear it to a party and then return it.
I can't do something like that. I'd probably blush from head to toe when I'd try.

You are going out for the evening. If your partner objects to what you are wearing, would you change your clothing?

Well, when the partner would be more of a partner, maybe.
But how things are I decided myself.

To be honest, most of the time I object to what he and the kids are wearing.
They have no feeling for occassions, so they'd probably wear a denim to a funeral and black trousers to the fair. LOL!

What item that you don’t currently possess would you most like to have in your home?

I don't so "most like", because I won't be able to realise it.
Maybe that prevents me from being jealous, because I hardly have feelings I want to have what others have.

So, let's think. What do I want to have?

A new floor downstairs.
And I would love to have a grandfather's clock with a Big Ben chime.

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One of those mornings

december 15 2008

Yesterday evening I went to bed in time.
I was tired from the negativity on the news, the lack of creativity on TV, and my own stuffed head.
Maybe I could sleep the flue out of the system.

This morning I woke up far too early and witnessed the whole early morning rituals of the boys and their dad, something I will desperately try to escape the next hundred months or so.

Shaving is a whole ritual with stinking ointments and gells.
I could live with that if it weren't followed by acne treatment, which involves some nice smelling lotion and cotton wool that never ends up in the bin, but a few mm's beside it.
I think it needs certain skills not to throw them a few mm's further.

This all followed by a long time sequence of showernoises, which always make me think that the water they need might give a whole city to drink for a year.
What a waste!!!
They don't like me asking if there were so dirty that they needed so much time showering and such a lot of soap and stuff.
Often they'll escape, because the smells trigger an asthma attack and I end up taking meds and being angry.

Today I was awake early enough to escape and treat them with the best seasonal treatment there is: open windows.

Whoever showers too long will have me tidying their sleeping facilities and opening the window to get the clean crisp winterair in.

I always announce this early enough.
So they hurried up and I'm now enjoying the silence of an early morning.

I can't use the shower yet.... the smells....uhuh!

Sunday, December 14, 2008

unconscious mutterings # 307

december 14 2008

1. Travel :: and never come back.
2. Expensive :: life itself.
3. Backspace :: backstage
4. Traffic noise :: it used to wake me up when I lived at a busy street as a student.
5. Now see here :: and listen well...
6. Vegetables :: Potatoes and a bit of fish or meat.
7. Chat :: talk.
8. Your calling :: I hear it, but I can't act on it.
9. Weekly :: Mutterings.
10. Oh! :: No!

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Saturday, December 13, 2008

Bugs and a box

december 13 2008

Don't steal a gift I got
Waking up wasn't a pleasant experience.
Even though we had sliced unions beside our beds, most of us woke up with a headache and a very stuffed nose.

It's the perfect weather for a cold and some nasty bugs are going through the schools and now our house.

The only one who felt healthy went to a friend, and in the afternoon the girls went to play with a friend too. They were invited for dinner and they were also taken to choir and back.

So it was a rather quiet day.

For dinner I made a kind of shepherds pie, adjusted to what I had available.
So no lamb, but minced meat.
When I was adding spices the pepper box shot open... I reacted rather fast, but quite a lot disappeared into the mushy lot.
I feared the worst, but because those who were at home all were dealing with the cold, no one complained.
In fact they liked the prickly taste. Gooooddd!

One of the boys works at the supermarket.
He brought home his christmasbox completely unexpected.
It was full with things he and we like: plenty of chocolate, some coffee and tea, two luxury drinks, candles, cookies and tomato puree. LOL!
Maybe the last item landed in the box by accident, because it didn't fit in with the theme.

Well, he was very happy and quite willing to put things away for christmas.

So that's a good start of the christmastime.

'Tis the Season

december 13 2008

'Tis the Season

1. Do you enjoy receiving or giving presents more?

To be honest: both.
I love little presents. They break the day.

2. What is you favorite holiday film?

Most years the rest of the family has enough to watch, so there's not really a chance to make my own choice.

I hate violence and that stuff though.

3. Have you started or finished your gift shopping?

Finished, because the gift season is over here.

4. What does this time of year mean to you?

It means that I have to be a kind of social police woman, communication translator and a lot more, because 5 people with autism spectrum disorder are between the same walls all the time.
I need to be available all the time to prevent them misunderstanding each other.
This time is stressfull and allows me, in a way, no room to be myself.
My online friends are not available, because they're with their own families and friends.

I miss those who died and who made these days in the past pleasant.

Already I feel like running away.
Two years ago I said I wanted to spend christmas in england or scotland... please send me the tickets. LOL!

It's like hibernationtime and I can't sleep.

5. What is your favorite holiday song?

The first noël.
I used to sing it with two of my friends. One of them died three years ago, the other a few weeks ago.

6. What do you love about the holiday season?

The nice graphics.
And the fact that my girls like the season.

7. What do you hate about the holiday season?

Almost everything.
Especially the fact that people talk about peace so nice and they do nothing to create peace in their own environment, support war, etc etc.

8. Do religious ceremonies play a part in your holiday traditions? If yes, how?

We went to church, but my children don't care about how others think about them. They can't sit still long enough.
We have to travel too far to go to church anyway.
When we go home there are no busses anymore.

So I watch mass on TV and have my own silent moment when everyone is to bed.
I think God can deal with that.

9. Who will you spend the holidays with?

5 autists and 2 daughters.

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Friday, December 12, 2008

Food 4 Thought Friday

december 12 2008

Do you have a real Christmas tree or an artificial one?

We had real trees, but I felt rotten every christmastime, untill we discovered the asthma attacks were triggered by the tree.

We have an artificial one, and this year we needed to buy a new one, but alas.
We kept the old one, so it's either the old one or a very little one.

I was always able to get the christmastrees happy in the garden.
One is taller than our house, and I offered him the mayor this year.
He already had his ordered... maybe next year. Because the tree is too close to the house.

Do you give a Christmas gift to your nearby neighbors each year?

Our giftevent has passed.
At christmas we the only gifts come from work. A giftbox...hopefully with food and sweets.

Have you ever done the 12 Days of Christmas or had it done to you? Was it anonymous?


Midnight Snack
What time do you typically get to bed on Christmas Eve?

Very late, untill the christmasevents on TV are over.

Recipe for this Week (instead of your recipe for life - what is it for just this week?)

Keep in mind that autistic children feel like their whole world has changed, even when you've put only one ornament extra on the table.

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Friday Fill-Ins #102

december 12 2008

1. Friends are very important to me, but most are far away.

2. Don't talk about my health; it's crap at the moment.

3. I'm ready for a real vacation, but it doesn't seem that this christmastime will be the best time for it.

4. Tender roses is one of my favorite perfumes or aftershaves or smells. But I have to say that my asthma acts up when confronted with many smells.

5. The oldest ornament I have is a tiny bird from my gram.

6. Take some cinnamon, clover and anice seed, mix it all together and you have a nice mix to throw in cooked water and make your house smell nice.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to my favorite TV programs, tomorrow my plans include getting all the groceries in and Sunday, I want to try to get someone else to cook!

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A changed blog

december 12 2008

Remember this?

I gave my blog a complete make-over and I hope you like it.

If not...well, there will be a normal winterlook after christmas.

Grown ups

december 12 2008

I've lived in this town all my life.

Whenever we have the opportunity we'll leave the country to live in a country were we feel more at ease.
This country of utter freedom is changing into a controlled societal laboratory and I want out!!!

But I don't want to leave my town.

The last days interesting things are happening.

A former neighbourhoodboy is mayor, and a schoolmate ended up practicing law at a high level at the university.

They both have different opinion about an issue that is too complicated to describe here.
It comes down to the mayor limiting the hours young people were allowed to stay at a certain area, for two weeks.
Protest against this are still going on, despite the fact that it all had ended and won't be repeated.

The mayor said that people better spend their time on more worthwile issues, and now the legal guy tells him he can't say that, because lawful appeal is possible even after years.

The whole situation is a bit ridiculous and it gives me the feeling two boys are quarreling.

The interesting things is that I regarded them both as grown ups of my age, until today, when I was reading the paper and I suddenly saw two young schoolboys shouting against each other that the football belonged to their own team.

The fight goes on in the local paper.

I wonder if the whole toodoo would have been published by someone else that the present editor.
He's one of the old schoolmates too. LOL!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Can you hear the phone everywhere?

december 11 2008

Can you hear the phone everywhere in the house?

I can't.
And it irritates me to carry my cellphone with me all the time.

Unlike other years I want a wishlist ready before my birthday, and I've decided I want a cell phone repeater or a cellular amplifier.
It will make such a difference.

We've always had trouble with the phone in this house.

The livingroom is situated in the back of the house, the stairs are in the middle and one way or another the sound is absorbed before it reaches the rooms upstairs.

I'm aware that I'm making such noise when being busy that I overpower the sound of the downstairs phone.
I can't vacuum without a noise, and I can't do a handwash without splashing with the water. Let alone that I can tell the laundrymachine to turn quietly. LOL!

In summer the problem is extended to the garden.
Even with the door open I can't hear the phone and I can hardly hear the doorbell.

So an amplifier should do the trick.

I'm cooking Brussels Sprouts and I hate it!

december 11 2008

Well, when you've read the title of this post you know what I'm doing: cooking Brussels Sprouts. Ugh!

Some idiot wrote a piece at wikepedia that when you cook the sprouts well they won't smell.


An old farmer told me that the smell when cooking wasn't depending on the cooking, but on the ground they were grown on, the temperature, the time of year and how large they are.

That's my experience too.

I clean them, make a cross through the stem and boil them in a bit of water, with a few spoons of milk.
At this time they're tiny and sweet, so some of the children like to eat them.

The smell I cover with....baking shoarma.

Those who love brussels sprouts don't like shoarma very well, and vise versa.

My nose can deal with the two at the same time far better... so....

Well, the mashed potatoes are ready, the shoarma too and the sprouts are almost ready.

Time for dinner.

See you later!

school and the first dirty spot

december 11 2008

The girls came home all down and depressed, because they got bvery bad results on a test.
In fact 25 of the 29 pupils got bad results, not related in any way to their preparations.

In fact kids that didn't do their homework got rather good results, and those who studied hard not.

I mailed the school, asking for an explanation.

The only explanation I got was that the test was not as long as other tests, and that they have plenty of time to outweight these bad results with new testresults.

That's not an explanation at all.

The girls tried to talk to the teacher... but it didn't change anything.

The first dirty spot on the good name of the school.

I told the girls to ask the teacher to go through the same chapter again.
When 25 of the 29 can't made the test sufficient, either the test is crap, or the way that teacher composed her results.
My girls learned well and new their work.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

lost in time

december 10 2008

There are so many things to do each day, that I really had to think when someone asked me which day it was.

In my mind I thought back what I did on sunday, then decided it was tuesday, remembered that the girls were home early, so it must be wednesday or either friday, but friday was too fast, so it turned out to be wednesday.

This morning I had a meeting with and about one of the boys.
He wants to live on his own, acknowledges that he needs extra care, but he doesn't want to make any adjustments to his ideas.

He's helped the father of one of his friends to paint his new house, and now he's decided he wants a complete house too.
Well, it doesn't work that way.

But whatever we said, he just kept on clinging to his idea even more.

This morning his social worker just said: "You can forget THAT!"and he kept silent about it the rest of the day.

It's always different when someone who isn't the parent tells him to be realistic.

She knew about an organisation that provides living situations for young people with special needs.
They rent appartments to young people with special needs and also provide special assistance and support in the building, without being present the whole day.
He's able to be his own boss in his own appartment.

So it's a completely different situation from the trainingshouse his brother stays, where they provide 24 hours of supervision each day, tell them when to clean their room etc etc.

Both my son and we are ready for him to move.
He's 20 now.

The second bird sitting on the edge of the nest.....

too polite?

december 10 2008

A few months ago my autistic son was referred to the pediatrician because of his obesitas.

It was medicine introduced and we hoped that proper neurological examination might reveal the reason of his ongoing craving for food and continuous feeling of extreme hunger.

But the pediatricians won't take on obese children anymore and they refer automatically to some gymnasticsprogram for kids.

He tried it, but they were not able to meet his needs.

They didn't even bother to mail me a change of teachers, even though I had requested that with emphasis.

In the meantime he has joined another program at a physiotherapycentre.
It's difficult enough to motivate him to go there at least once a week, so I don't expect much from a group further away.

Today they send me a mail.

I think I'm too polite. I really think so.

Instead of telling them we agreed they would only contact me when they had a program aimed at autistic children, I kindly told them "thank you for contacting me."

Well, at least it's in the christmasspirit to be kind....

But I could have done something more worthwhile than explaining yet again the reasons why I want small groups or individual options for autistic children.

Congrats friends!

december 10 2008

As a mom of twins I'm used to repeated similarities or double coincidences, but what I had in the mail today really did it!

Two friends posted their Manhattan resumes on a site in the hope to get a new job before the new year.
They didn't know it from each other, even though they're members of the same blogginggroup.

When I came home this afternoon and checked my mail I saw they both mailed me with a nice subjectline.
So full of expectancy I opened the first mail and "yes!", my friend had been away for a jobinterview and got a job.

The other mail was from my other friend, telling that she had a jobinterview this morning and please would I keep my fingers crossed for her, because she really needed a job before the new year.

While I was writing my mail back to her, she already mailed back, telling that the idea to post er resume online had been the best someone gave her in years.
She got the job!!!

I carefully asked her which job, because it would be a coincidence.... intuition was right.

Both friends will be collegues.

I'm so happy for both of them, because they're caring and hardworking ladies, who love to make fun.

Congrats girls!!

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Forecasting: more cold

december 9 2008

Someone said I was a fool when I said that we would have an early winter.

Well, I could understand him coming to that opinion, because it was on a hot autumn day and nothing else than the birds pointed towards the snow we've had and we're having now.
Yes, I was right.
We had a snow day very early in the year and today it's white outside again.

No, I'm not a bird whisperer, even though it would be great to be able to talk with the animals.
I just see them in the garden and hear them high in the sky.

The geese came here a complete month earlier than last years, and this weekend a robin sat just a few cm's from my kitchen door.
He even saw me and didn't fly away.

I'm feeling cold. Even though the heating is on, I've had a hot cup of soup and I've been busy.
I bet even my bones are below acceptable temperature.

More cold is to come.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Manic Monday #145

december 8 2008

What is the most expensive meal you've ever eaten?

The most expensive meal was a meal with all sorts of expensive fish, a few years ago at christmas.
In fact, we didn't pay much, but we were in the shop when they announced they were going to prize down fresh products before the christmasweekend.
There was almost no one in the shop.
We went to the fishdepartment and the guy told us to give him our basket. He knew we have 6 kids, and I think that inspired him to fill the basket to the top and put a prizesticker on that was amazing.
We were ever so gratefull!!

So we had the most expensive sorts for our christmasdinner. Yummy!!

The most was paid for a dinner I attended when being part of an editorial board.
It didn't taste special, but yes, it was very expensive.

What is the fastest speed you've ever traveled in a car?

I don't know.
But I remember that my niece took me to her sister when I was 9 at top speed.
I didn't enjoy the ride a lot, because I liked to talk with her and she was concentrating on the road.

What is the highest building you've ever been to the top floor of?

At university, the language tower? When sitting at the topstorey one could feel it moving when it was stroming. LOL!

Or maybe some tower somewhere.
I loved to climb them.

I just don't know the answer.

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Blogging, how long?

december 8 2008

how long have you been blogging?

I was already blogging offline on my computer, when someone told me about a blogging site.
It was a kind of automatic system, just write and push the button. Not many adjustments possible. But I joined.
It was march 21 2003.

After teaching myself html and enjoying with others trying to overrule the general html to personalize our blogs, I moved to my own system again.
I liked making a new look for each week. It was fun.

A few years ago I moved to here and last year decided to get my own domain.
It's still blogging on blogger, but I might move to a completely handmade blog again.
It's not a lot of extra work when you know the tricks and it gives a real feeling of accomplishment.

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december 8 2008

Two of my sons like fitnessing.
They had it at school and they loved it.

Last year and again at the beginning of summer I had a look at the sites of the fitnessclubs here in the area, but they were so expensive that it was better to have
diet pills for dinner. LOL!

Yesterday one of them asked me again to have a look and I did.

Because of the economical situation the amount of people going to fitness has fallen so dramatically, that the prizes had to be adjusted.

The club most near us was still extremely expensive.
They jumped on the market when it was too late and they need to pay off their credit.

But the next one ... me oh my!

The prizes dropped with such a large percentage, that it's cheaper to get a membership there than to travel by bus.

I'm still amazed.

The prizes were about twice as much as the balletlessons for the girls, and now they're almost half of it.

So we've agreed that where going to have a talk there to get them to become a member.

Lucky boys!!

being on top alert

december 8 2008

The country has been on high alert with regards to terrorist attacks, but we got used to the idea and life was soon as normal as possible.

Even though instructions were given to people when traveling, I don't think many people were looking after their own safety well enough.

Some even thought it to be weird to instruct children what to look for and how to behave when something happens.
Too much a burden...

This week we were informed again that the country is on high alert.
Some stupid guy has made a movie that really offends certain people.
He's a guy not to be taken seriously. He kicks on offending people and kicking them in their backs.
But people in other countries don't know that.

So they make a whole country responsible for one brainless guy.

To the children it's clear one should be aware not to offend people, especially not when it concerns religious matters.
They know they have to take responsibility for what they say.

And they asked me to instruct them how to behave when something happens.

Ofcourse I had to think about my youth, when we were instructed to close windows and then hide under a table in case of a nuclear attack. LOL!

I remember suddenly realizing that those tables would not be able to block radiation, and I wondered how long we were supposed to stay under the table looking to the time that was needed for radiation to drop below dangerous levels.

Oh, that teacher really didn't like me at all at that moment, but when I changed school one of the teachers suddenly asked me to write about the nuclear dangers.

I guess the story about hiding under a schooltable for years must have done it's work well. LOL!

Ofcourse I've learned my children some important behavioral tricks, like staying silent and opening up a mobile phone connection to the emergency room of the police.

But most of all I tried to teach them observational skills, not to panic and to be critical.

the attic

december 8 2008

Yesterday I started to bundle the furry animals and lovely dolls we collected last year for a christmas project I've been supporting for many years now.

A couple in our neighbourhood organises christmas presents for children and parents all over the world, and they fill the space they have left in the trucks with toys, dolls and furr animals.

Because I'm almost always at home, they bring the things here.
I wash and clean the dolls and animals and then store them at the attic, until the weeks before christmas.

When the winter starts I always get a bit nervous.

At the attic is also the tankless water heater in a little room. The door should be free, because the heater should be accessible, but I never manage to keep it empty before the door.

The boxes pile up so fast, that I don't know where to put them.

At the beginning of the winter the serviceman starts his round and I always hope he doesn't come before the boxes and bags are gone and I have cleaned and tidied it all.

A few years he came the day before Sinterklaas and I felt really frustrated, because I had to take the boxes all downs to the children rooms in the morning and had to bring them up again when he'd gone.

I explained my problem and I can only hope he has started his round somewhere else and he will arrive here late January.

Today a mother brought 10 animals and 5 dolls.
The dolls are washed and are sitting in a plastic box to dry, the furr animals are drying on the laundry line.

It's a funny sight.

Within a few weeks they'll make some children very happy.

That's why I do this.

tankless water heater

Sunday, December 7, 2008

unconscious mutterings #306

december 7 2008

1. Love affair :: Fairytale
2. Bubble :: Soapbubble with lots of colours.
3. Pimple :: Isn't that a kind of bubble too? LOL!
4. Knocks :: Sinterklaas!!!
5. Persistent :: Never ending.
6. Infected :: Not well taken care of.
7. Yay! :: Joepie!
8. Repaint :: Yea, the bathroom needs a repaint. I'll do that tomorrow.
9. Daily :: daily concerns... there are lots of them here.
10. Quickly! :: Fast!!! Come on!!!

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Space or Disney?

december 7 2008

Right after publicizing the last post I got a question from one of the kids.

Why I was more fascinated to go on space exploration than to go on one of the Disney vacations.

Well, to me going to space is more grown up anyway, but financially they're both out of reach. LOL!

Disneyland Paris costs 43 euro for one person, that's $55!!!
And with 6 children that's no fun at all.

Maybe when one lives right next to the door it's well worth it, but we have to travel to go there and we need a hotel, so it's as far out of reach as space travel.

We do have our own themeparks here.
Because most people can't afford them, the schools take the children on day trips.

So my children have seen more of them than I ever will.
I don't mind.

Their happy faces were enough.

space exploration

december 7 2008

What is your opinion on space exploration?

I'm fascinated by the sky.

During my evening walks with one of my sons I walk at least half of the time with my head up to see what's going on far away from us.

The sky is different each evening, but that's only for our earthlings eyes only.

Above our part of the universe there are so many changes we can't see.

I'm sure we're not alone in this universe, but I think we make the image of the "aliens" too much from our own frame of mind.
I'm sure we can't capture it all.

I wish I would be able to be part of the missions to the international space station.
It's the first step to a different way of human life more permanent in space.
What will happen in the future?
Who knows.

But I wish I could see it and be part of it.

I've often said that when cancer or anything else incurable would be diagnosed I wouldn't mind to be the first human to travel beyond the distance we've been up to now.
There's no need to worry about me then...

I worry about the costs though.
So many people here on earth have to struggle to survive their day.
Maybe we should clean up here on earth before we start exploring all the other worlds.

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Saturday, December 6, 2008

How Do You Sleep?

december 6 2008

How Do You Sleep?

1. How long do you sleep each night?

That differs between 3 hours and 7 hours.
Most of the time it's about 4 hours.

2. Do you fall asleep easily?

Not always.
Sometimes I want to go to sleep early because I have an early morning appointment,
but then I end up reading, instead of sleeping.

But when I have been up and waiting for the last boy to fall asleep, I completely crash, and find myself waking up with my glasses still on.

3. Do you fall asleep at times not in your bed?

Well, never in another bed. LOL!

But sometimes I take a short nap after dinner. 15 minutes at the most and I'm clearheaded and ready to conquer the world.

4. Do you listen to music or use “white noise” to sleep?

I like music, but I can fall asleep during a good news program too.

5. Do you sleep through the night or get up a couple of times?

I won't get up during a short night, but I'm up about two or three times during a 7 hours night.

6. Do you have trouble sleeping away from your own bed?

I don't know. It's so long ago.

7. Do you need an alarm clock to get you up?


8. Do you ever take medication to help you sleep?

No never, because when something happens I am the one to organise things.
Well, I have taken inhaler meds for my asthma when I keep on coughing or gasping for breath.

9. Do you/have you slept with pets?

Real animals? No. I'm allergic.

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Logo made by me with tubes from Outlaw by Design.
It's permitted to download it to your own computer and upload it to your site.
Please don´t direct link, as it slows down my site. I´ll change the link regularly so you´re left with an empty space or a red warning sign.
Please credit properly.

a reply to accussations

december 6 2008

Well, wasn't that an interesting discussion.

I couldn't jump in because my computer gave up.

But I will come back on the theme, because I think that culture is not to hide behind when it comes to the way parents deal with children.

Someone also accused me of keeping comments away.

I don't, unless people use my blog for their own purposes. I don't agree with sexual harassment of my blog, nor is this a place to shed links to. (It's useless anyway with my page rank. LOL!). That's why I have comments om moderation.

Another thing is that the motivation to write about slapping children is not that I don't have anything else to blog about.
With 6 children I have more than enough to blog about, certainly because 4 of them have special needs.
And when I've run out of inspiration I can also blog about the death of two of my children, due to a then unknown disease.

I can blog about anything..... when I have enough time.

So I'll be back in due time.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

no slaps - potty training and respect

december 3 2008

The way one deals with motherhood says a lot about someone's character and maybe even about the future of the child.

I've never slapped my children, let alone gave them a, what some people call, "good" spanking.

Lately I've had a discussion with someone online because I commented on her slapping her child to get him potty trained.
The result was a kind of child abuse promotion from her friends coming to her rescue.

I don't slap my children for several reasons.

One of them is that I don't own their bodies.

What I do with mine is up to me, but what I do with theirs is completely different.

I feel I have to respect their bodies, at least to teach them their bodies deserve respect and no one, not one person, should abuse them in any way.

A slap is a way to bring a message across I can't bring across in another way.
So to me it's a sign of failure.
It's an easy way to get something accomplished without having to look at myself and ask myself why I can't influence my child enough to make it do what I want.

There are so many ways to bring messages across, that I wonder if mothers like those lack the creativity and knowledge about their child to find a peaceful way to get things accomplished.
With my girls I've found out that having a very good bond is enough.
They know I won't ask something without a reason.

One of them was a kind of easygoing when she was younger, and I sometimes had to use my brains and intuition to motivate her.
Promising to do my best for things she thought to be important was often enough.
I got her potty trained by showing that washing her clothes was taking time and resulted in my being later to start cooking and me being more tired too.
As she thought her dinner to be important, she wanted me to put energy in it, so returned the energy by trying to be a potty trained girl.

Even the boys, who lack understanding for the feelings of others could be trained without slaps or anything else that hurt them.
I kept my self respect and my children kept their respect.

By signing of suns on a chart and promising to feed the ducks together.

When people say they spank children to make them behave, I think they should ask themselves a lot of questions.
Ignoring the fact that a child might feel hurt, says something about ignoring a child's need to feel save and cared for.
You can't erase a slap with telling the child you slap him because you love him.

Or do you accept your husband slapping you because he wants a well cooked meal this weekend and wants to motivate you?

Wrong example?


Tuesday, December 2, 2008

they did well

december 2 2008

Today the girls brought their schoolreports home.

They did so very well, that I'm extremely happy for them.

They're both functioning one level above the one the former school adviced, which says a lot about their happiness.

My daughter with dyslexia did a lot better than her sister.
She can concentrate better and is more motivated.

They asked whether they were allowed to show their reports to the teachers of the former school.

Well, ofcourse!!!

One of them was angry with me for ignoring her advice to put my dyslectic daughter on a school for children with special needs.
Preferable the one where my autistic son was troubled so much.

I might seem nuts, but I'm not a fool.

Both my girls got the freedom to choose their school and level, and the way it looks now, they need that freedom even more.
When they can keep up studying this well, they'll both have the choice at the end of the year to go to a higher level.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Interior decorator

december 1 2008

If you had to could you be on Trading Spaces as an interior decorator?

Well, I don't know the program, but I can be an interior decorator.
Oh yes!

My strength is in using space for as many people as possible.

Piling up children in beds, creating enough space for a laundry machine, the shower, a toilet and a washing place on just a few metres, and hosting as many people in the livingroom without anyone touching someone else.

I'm the one when it comes to good use of space.

You can call me too when you need colourfull advice.

I have so many ideas that I'll gladly help you, because when you pay I can see my ideas realised.

Logo made by me with tubes from Outlaw by Design.
It's permitted to download it to your own computer and upload it to your site.
Please don´t direct link, as it slows down my site. I´ll change the link regularly so you´re left with an empty space or a red warning sign.
Please credit properly.

Manic Monday # 144

december 1 2008

It's "Cyber Monday" today, the ceremonial kick-off of the holiday online shopping season in the United States.

Well, here in The Netherlands, this is just the beginning of december and it is the last week of Sinterklaas.

Traditionally we don't give presents at Christmas, but we give presents from the second half of November untill the birthday of St. Nicolaas, december 6th.

On that day we find the last presents when we wake up. By then Sinterklaas/St. Nicolaas, has left the country.

Christmas in our part of the world is more pure, although I have to say that the way commercialism has taken over completely disgusts me.
The rediculous fact that some people in the world start with christmas already in october signals a trend that local traditions are pushed aside and that people are not living the time of year they should in my opinion.

Sinterklaas is based on the legend that St. Nicolaas gave a couple of poor women the money for their wedding. He threw the money through their window at night, so they wouldn't know who the caring giver was.

The tradition is closely knit to the end of the harvest season, when people gave away the crops they couldn't put away at home or didn't need to survive the winter.

I like living with the seasons and living in the present, so you won't see me decorate the house for the christmasseason until Sinterklaas is over.
I want my children to be aware that everything in life has it's time, so Christmasdecoration belongs to Christmas.

From december 7 tot december 24 de house will slowly change into a christmassy home.
Our Christmasseason lasts until january 6.
That's the day the 3 kings arrived and paid tribute to Jesus.

It's a pity that those who follow the commercial signals are not aware of the importance of the arrival of those 3, and throw the christmastree out of the house on what we call the third day of Christmas.

Singing the song: "Twelve days of Christmas" is only a display of the lack of knowledge when you're not able to respect the real twelve days: the days that lead up to the arrival of the Kings, january 6th.

Im perfectly happy with the fact that the christmasseason here is not the same as the shopping season, even though commercialism tries to make us believe they are the same.

Do you do much online shopping, holiday or otherwise?

No I don't.
With 6 children, 4 of them with special needs, we never have enough money to buy what we want and sometimes not even to buy what we need.

I don't consider us poor, because we have enough to eat and a roof above our heads.
But we're forced to live sober: no vacations, no large extra's and often no real christmasmeal.
We're a bit ashamed we can't invite friends over anymore for christmasdinner, like we did when we were just married. We just can't afford it.
At christmas we're in a sort of social hibernation.

I like to hunt at ebay for something special though, but most of the time that end up in looking how much other people are going to pay for it.

Are you a Mac or a PC user? Why?

I have a very old machine and as long as it works, I'm OK with it.
When it breaks down it might take ages before I can afford a new one.
It was in the planning to blog to slowly built enough on my account to buy a new one when necessary, but since google ungoogled me, there's hardly a post to write.
So I'm a PC user as long as it lasts.

What website do you spend more time on than you care to admit?

I really don't know.

I'm quite open about things.
Maybe it's the NASA site when a spaceflight is going on.
I love the idea that I'm here on earth and I can see the people in the space centre when they're so far above my head.

I guess a little secret lies in the fact that I would love to be able to make a space flight, and I wouldn't hesitate one single second when someone told me I was choosen to go up.

Want to take part too?
Click the logo.

Logo made by me with tubes from Outlaw by Design.
It's permitted to download it to your own computer and upload it to your site.
Please don´t direct link, as it slows down my site. I´ll change the link regularly so you´re left with an empty space or a red warning sign.
Please credit properly.


december 1 2008

For the former members of Whuddleworld I have good news.

You can log in again.

It's nice to see old friends come back, but you need to have lots of patience, because the whole system is full of bugs and problems.

I advice those who are interested in joining to wait untill I blog about the official opening.

Right now you're able to register, but real participation is barely possible.

Let me promiss that I'll blog about the opening so you know when you're able to join.