Monday, December 31, 2007

Happy new year!

december 31 2007

I want to wish you all a happy 2008.

I'm not sad to leave 2007 in the past.
It has been a very stressful and bussy year.

The way 2007 ends promisses a far better 2008, so let's keep our fingers crossed.

Have a wonderful 2008!
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Sunday, December 30, 2007

unconscious mutterings

december 30 2007




  1. Memorable :: past events

  2. Resolution :: new year

  3. Goal :: dream

  4. 2008 :: looks OK from here.

  5. Sensational :: fireworks

  6. Popular demand :: snowvacations

  7. Old :: perkament

  8. Music :: bagpipes

  9. Intense :: love

  10. 2007 :: OK, it's almost over. And I've survived. Phew.


Happy new year!!!


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Saturday, December 29, 2007

Lucky

december 29 2007

I've just had a look at some furniture the neighbour doesn't want to take with her when she moves.

I needed a wardrobe, not too large, and she wanted to get rid of one.

It's precisely the one I need.

And on top of it she had the corner bureau I've been wanting a long time, but the father of the kids didn't want to buy one.

Well... he has no say anymore.

When the holidays are over we're going to get the furniture and put it right at it's place.
No comments needed there.

The girls were very happy with a clown on a swing, and some CD's.
And my autistic son got a doormat with a cat.
It's new, so he can use it in front of his bed.

You should have seen his face!

I feel lucky!
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Friday, December 28, 2007

fireworks and kids

december 28 2007

We're getting nuts from the fireworks all day.

The shops have opened, but even though it's forbidden by law to light the fireworks before old year 10 AM, kids can't stick to the law and they walk the streets, throwing around their noise.

The whole afternoon we were bothered by very hard sudden explosions.

The last years the fireworks have become heavier.
Also more beautiful...we can see that at new years eve,
but now most of the time it's about noise.

It's interesting that the whole evening just two boys were bussy.
One is the son and the other is a guest of an army officer.

One expects them to know the law and keep it.
But even after 22.00 hours they kept making a lot of noise.
So much, I didn't dare to leave the house to put things in the dirtcontainer.

When it was far past 22.00 hours one of the boys took two pieces of fireworks and scared the hell out of them. (I don't agree, but had to laugh.)

They ran in the house, and didn't come back.

Well, at least we know how to handle them. LOL!
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friday's feast

december 28 2007


Appetizer
Name 2 things you would like to accomplish in 2008.


Perform on my bagpipes
Get my autistic son in the auti-class

Soup
With which cartoon character do you share personality traits?


I really don't know.
I never watch or read cartoons.


Salad
What time of day (or night) were you born?


Early morning.
It was freezing. Even in the hospital.
The water in the glass beside the bed of my mother was froozen.

Main Course
Tell us something special about your hometown.

It's the oldest town of the country, with a ruin of a castle near a river.
I used to take walks through the oldest part of town, where there were very old houses, and history was breathing all around us.
Now it's all taken down and rebuilt in a kind of modern classical style. Narrow streets and such. But I can't find the old spirit back.
It's nice for tourists though.

There have been so many changes that even in the part I grew up I have to look for cues of the old times.

So the feeling of being at home in my own town is disappearing and I'm quite willing to move abroad if we get a good offer.

Dessert
If you could receive a letter from anyone in the world, who would you want to get one from?

It depends.

I would love to renew a friendship. I'm sending him a mail this afternoon.
I would love my childhood friend to get over his superiority feelings and make up again. (I criticised him on putting his wished before his sons needs.)

I would love Michael Palin to ask me to travel with him.
I would love to go into an honest discussion about peace and the use of the army. Themes: defense tasks, ethics, protecting your own boys and girls, and a lot lot more.
I would love to get a letter asking me for a choreography.
I would love to win those millions that are given away.

I guess I first need a letter from a mailbox company offering me a larger one. LOL!


Happy New Year!!!!!


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Thursday, December 27, 2007

new layout

December 27 2007

I'm happy with the new layout.

The double sidebar enables me to keep the things that are bound to me and the site apart from the items that are linked to other sites and issues.

I've seen quite some people struggle with updating their sites with a new layout.
I had the same problem.
Untill I saved all the information from the widgets and deleted them all.

Then I uploaded the layout without problems, adjusted it and added the widgets again.

If it was up to me I would update the look each week, but it's too bussy here at the moment to do so.

I hope you like it.
Otherwise just wait untill after the new year.
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the day after

december 27 2007

Well, we survived christmas.

We had a rather quiet christmas eve, and ofcourse I started to relax a bit and think that we would be able to go through christmas in the true spirit...in peace.

But ever tried to put an a kid with ADHD and one with autism in one bowl, stir it with puberty hormones and decorate with two other brothers with an autism spectrum disorder ?
Haha!!

So each day the energy needed to burst out...
Let's say I didn't like it.

So I have christmaseve to look back on.
Pity the girls were to the choir.

I took a walk in the evening with the two oldest boys and we saw a wonderful halo around the moon, caused by the little icecrystals high in the sky.
It was awesome.

At the lake we sang silent night..LOL!

So there was some christmasspirit after all...
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Benazir Bhutto killed

december 27 2007

Benazir Bhutto, the Pakistand opposition leader, is killed in a suicide attack.

She was shot in the neck and chest after delivering a speech in the election campaign.
The murderer then killed himself.

Benazir Bhutto was rusked to hospital and taken into surgery, at 6.16 pm local time she died.

During the suicide attack 20 other people were killed.
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Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Merry Christmas!

december 25 2007


I wish you all a Merry Christmas!

I hope you'll be able to experience a bit of the special peace in your hearts.

We'll have all the kids at home, so we're going to have a dynamic christmas, without doubt.
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Sunday, December 23, 2007

sunday for christmas

december 23 2007

The snow has disappeared.

It's kind of sad again to look outside, so we closed the curtains early and put the lights on.

The neighbour came with items from the christmasgiftbox she doesn't use.
It's so nice.

These are the little extra's for christmas we all appreciate so much.

I have the idea that the new meds for my autistic son are working.
Maybe he reacts different because he doesn't need to go to school tomorrow, I don't know.
But up till now he hasn't been moaning as much as other sundays.

I even relaxed a bit in front of the TV, watching a travelling program about Croatia.
What a beautiful country!!

And...how is your sunday?
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unconscious mutterings

december 23 2007








  1. Health :: fresh air

  2. Tacky :: little dog

  3. Heels :: high heels

  4. Yay! :: woohoo!

  5. Model :: Long legs

  6. Gather :: meet under the christmas tree

  7. Best gift ever :: a friend

  8. Clients :: on call at christmas

  9. Stomp :: rhythm

  10. Clothing :: fancy dress



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Saturday, December 22, 2007

Son and work

december 22 2007

Just a minute ago one of my sons came home.
He's been working all day in one of the largest stores in town.

At the end of his doubleshift one of the topmanagement called all the workers together and praised them for their hard work and dedication.

Today they have sold more than even before and with the store opened tomorrow for the afternoon and evening they expect a true record.

My son is full of stories.
About the woman who wanted to dye her hair and asked him a colouradvice, about the grandfather who wanted to buy his son a screwdriver and asked my son which one would be most useful, and about a couple of kids who wanted their diabetic gram a basket full of responsible sweets.

Experience comes in handy in those cases.
He could advice them all, including the kids, because I'm a diabetic and he knows what works best and what not.

It's great to see him being so enthousiastic.
He loves his work and even though it's very tiring, he's looking forward to working on days like these.
Well, he gets double pay... that eases the pain. LOL!
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Want to be an elf too?

december 22 2007

Ready to do something christmassy?

Elf yourself.

Get photos of yourself and your beloved ones ready and have fun.

It's one of the main laughs here at the moment.

The kids send their elves to friends and get elves back.

Enjoy!
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You want good wine, so insist on good coffee too.

december 22 2007

We have a coffee maker here and we never use it.
Why?

The coffee doesn't taste well. I think because the water doesn't get hot enough.
All what we get is a mug of riverwater.

I've grown up grounding coffee by hand, pouring coffee and water in one can and let it boil.
Luckily I wasn't of an age to be allowed to drink coffee. LOL!

But when I drank my first cup, I was hooked.
With milk and sugar you would make me happy.

It took a while to get a true taste for black coffee, but I now enjoy a cuppa best without anything to blur the taste.

Like my dad I know my bit.
I love a good brand. Sometimes I'm in for a more mellow taste, but most of the time I'm in for a full mug, or two, or three of a strong brand.

When I really want to treat myself I drink ethiopian coffee.
Quite a few years ago I met two sisters, fugitives, who were part of an African exhibition.
I loved their coffee and the rest of the ceremony so much, that we started to talk with all hands, legs, and facial expressions. We exchanged adresses and we met again when they were able to speak english and a bit of my language.
In exchange for some traditional recipes for me, and a basket full of products to start cooking rightaway, I got a bag of herbs and the recipe of their coffee.
I consider it a treat to make coffee that way, and I treat the herbs with utter care, afraid they are used far too fast.

On normal days I use a senseo coffemaker of Philips.
But I wouldn't mind to have a larger coffeemaker or a real coffeemachine.

I learned to handle those professional coffeemachines a couple of years ago, when I helped out someone who owns a restaurant.
They're terribly expensive, but they're the best.
And why would people buy expensive wines and not invest in a good cup of coffee?

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Friday, December 21, 2007

schools are closed

december 21 2007

The schools are closed.

I don't expect any mails anymore.

It's a strange kind of quietness after all those weeks of utter stress and mailing to keep things going into the good direction.

Now I remember I forgot the mail the schooldoc back.
He wanted to speak on the phone.

Well, it was great he got in contact, but I feel no need to talk on the phone, unable to see his face and see the effect of what I have to say.

I think I'll mail him tomorrow, telling me he can make an appointment.

Almost all the month of january is filled with appointments, meetings and events for the choice of the new schools for the girls and one of the boys.

The girls will finish their basic school, and my ADHD son will finish his finals, I hope.

Isn't it strange that the closing of the school immediately makes me focus on the next year, instead of putting my feet on the table, sigh and lean back?

Maybe now finally things come to rest I feel empty handed...
Pff...I guess I'm not used to not fighting for my kids.....
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the new psychiatrist

december 21 2007

We've been to the new psychiatrist of my autistic son...

We've should have met the guy ages ago....

Wow!

He re-assessed my son. So now he has the proper DSM-4 codes and gets help more easily.

While we were there he wrote the letter to back up our request to transfer our son to the auti-class. Said they could contact him anytime for more info. But his letter was as clear as could be.

Started to change the meds.

And told us all that he was going to start therapy in january.
He's going to work directly with my son.

So I got all I wanted and even more.

He was able to get my son talking in no time, made jokes, and was himself.
Which is such a relief!

I feel we can trust this guy.

We got his phonenumber and email and can get in contact anytime.

I caught myself smiling the rest of the afternoon.

Am I dreaming?
Auch!!!!

Good.........
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my favorite christmas dinner

december 21 2007

Now the Friday's Freast chef is off, we need to create our own fun.
For those who love memes and visiting the blogs of others,
here's a true christmas meme.

Don't forget to enter your site, with the url to the specified entry, to Mr. Linky.
Wishes can go in the comment section.


Appetizer


Soup


Salad


Main Course


Dessert


What do you like to drink during dinner?

What do you drink after dinner?






I've changed the url of my blog.
Please subscribe again to Technorati. (At the left).

Merry Christmas!!!
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Almost leaving...

december 21 2007

I'm showered, wearing a nice outfit, and I'm waiting for my autistic son and his father to go to my son's new psychiatrist.

I hope the guy provides all we need and want.

Untill now I have been guiding him through life with hardly any help at all.

The former psychiatrist only wanted to institutionalise him, and I don't think that's an option.
Certainly not when no one can tell me what they do better there.
On top of it, it was a place where the still use confinement in a bare room, to make people behave.

OK, they will behave in the end, out of fear.
But it changes the personality too of a person, and when my son would come back after such a "learning time", he would certainly start to show the unwanted behaviour all over again.

I've made a little list.

Not because I'm a listmaker, but because I now really want to get things done.

1. proper medication
2. counselling once a week or once in two weeks to have him check his ideas with reality and help him motivate to do more.
3. the paperwork that needs to be done to get the transfer to the auti-class, and a back up in the process
4. have a thorough look at his eating disorder.
5. re-assess him, so we get rid of the PDD-NOS diagnosis and have the right terms on paper.

I'm off!!!
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free hours

december 21 2007

My autistic son didn't feel happy with two hours free between the other lessons.
Especially not as he had to watch a movie in the next hour, followed by his christmasvacation.

He got his dad so far to write a letter stating that his son has already seen the movie a couple of times (that's true), telling that someone was home, in case my son was allowed to go home.

Well, he was.

The year coordinator let him go home.
The same guy reported us to the inspection, because in his eyes we were far too easily allowing our son to be ill and stay away from school because of that.

Now he allows my son to go home.

Well, we already knew the guy is great in sending mixed messages to my son and us.
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Thursday, December 20, 2007

christmasmusical

december 20 2007

Yesterday evening we went to the musical and when we crossed a bridge we suddenly were bycicling in the mist.
I really liked it, because it gave such a special feel.

Then I turned a corner and in front of me was a long street.... white!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I could see the two black lines of the wheels of a car, and the rest was white!!

A very gentle snowfall touch my face.

What a marvellous way to go to the christmasmusical and see my daughter as penguin.

There were only a few seats available at the right side.
We had the best seats we could wish, because we sat right in front of the little choir, and near one of the women who attended the same group during pregnancy.

The musical was as fun as was expected.
A microphone not working, kids forgetting the text, the leading boy singing far too loud and tremendously out of tune, the sleigh of Santa breaking down... all not intended, but it was fun. The kids and the public had a good laugh at times, but there were also moments we could feel everyone to be moved.

It was one of the rare occassions people are together to have a good time and forget to criticise.

When we left the whole world was white, including the trees and the houses.

What a perfect preparation for christmas!!!!
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ADHD Conference: Learning and the Brain

december 20 2007

New agenda ready:


February 7-9
San Francisco

Learning and the Brain


Cognitive neuroscience is discovering how the brain pays attention and remembers. At this conference, you will explore techniques to help students improve their focus on learning, treatments for attention and learning disorders, and the impacts of maturation, temperament, environment and gender on wiring the brain for learning and memory.

This conference brings you the most recent findings from preeminent neuroscientists themselves to help you enhance your work with children and adolescents.

An internationally acclaimed series of speakers will review the latest research in the following areas:

* Educating the Brain
* Mindsets & Attention Networks
* Teaching Adolescent Minds
* Brain Development & Maturation
* Gender, Personality & Temperament
* Reading & Math Intervention
* Training the Brain to Pay Attention
* Nature of Learning & Memory
* Treatments for LD & ADHD
* Self-Control & Self-Regulation
* Brain-Based Teaching & Learning
* Special Ed, Autism & Mental Illness

You can learn more about this exciting conference at

http://www.edupr.com/brain19.html
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power outage

december 20 2007

Yesterday evening we lost power.

It doesn't happen often, so we're not really prepared.
There's a flashlight in the kitchen, and matches, and the candles are in the front room.

It always amazes me how everyone reacts when it's suddenly dark.

One of the boys got his cellphone and gave me some light to take the flashlight and look which switch was changed.

We had power again within a few minutes.

One of the boys kept talking about it, and their father tried to prove that it was not the toaster causing the problem.

Well, as soon as he plugged it in it started to make strange sounds.

I pulled the plug out, threw the thing outside and said that I didn't want a whole night without power for a 10 dollar toaster that had cost only 6 in the sales.

Guessing by the silence the power was out again. LOL!
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christmas and cats

december 20 2007

The last days I've taken time to decorate the house for christmas.

That means I spend more time in the attick than downstairs, opening boxes and finding part of my history.

Because I don't have much time it's a mess there at the moment, which makes it more fun to look around.

OK, I know I have to sort things out, and while looking I do so.

It's a pity children grow so fast that toys have to leave the house.
For each child I have a large box in which I save some toys, drawings and little things.
The rest is together in boxes and needs to be sorted out before I'm leaving for the old people's home.

Today I found a few cats for the collection of my autistic son.

They were given to me by a friend for the second hand market at the school of the girls.
The school decided to skip the market, and the cats landed in the box.

Now I have a happy face, and some nice white cats, staring all day with a blanc look into the room.

Wish they would get alive at christmasevening.
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Wednesday, December 19, 2007

winter

december 19 2007

It's winter now.
The temperatures have lowered, and all the smells and colours of fall are gone.

I start to like the fresh cold air, but when I wake up in the morning with a head full of cotton wool, like I'm getting ill and feverish, I long for spring.

Getting the laundry dry isn't a problem.
The heating does all the work.

Most of the stiff I hang upstairs, but the large items, like denim jeans, get the finishing touch over the heating in the hallway.
The mailbox (which is in the door here) provides enough draft to keep the air dry.

I can't believe it's almost christmas.
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works for me

december 19 2007






Noop, I'm not blogging about christmas...
I'm blogging about the last evening of the year.
We call it old year.


The last years a tradition slipped in and I won't change it for a million dollars.

It was initiated by one of the boys, who wanted sausages just before 12, and threw a fit after closing time of the shops.
He wanted sausages at old year and nothing else.

Foreseeing a whole evening of a bad mood and an angry face, I told him that if he wanted sausages he'd better step in and take care of all the old years preparations himself.

He stepped in and even found in the back of the storage room a tiny tin with 5 sausages.
That posed a problem: we have 6 kids.
So he had to make something that one of the kids liked better.

Another boy jumped in and helped him.

The next year they asked me if they were allowed to do the preparations.
"OK."

Now most of the children are involved in the planning, the shopping and the making of plates with delicious treats.

I have to say, now they're getting older I have more fun trying out their creations.

I still feel odd.
After working for them all year, it's not easy to let them do what they want.
It's not easy to stay away from the kitchen, because I would love to see the mess they have to clean up themselves.

But it's nice to have the time to say goodbye to the year and focus on the new one for a while, before plates with apple pies, cheese sticks and other delicious dishes are placed on the table.

It works for me.


Merry Christmas and a happy new year!!

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teacher

december 19 2007

My autistic son is doing his best at school.
The last few days he's been rather quiet in the morning.

But when he came home yesterday he was angry with a teacher.

Instead of answering my mail in which I requested which chapter my son had to work through, the teacher had a go at him in the classroom, telling he had no time answering mails.
He kind of made my son responsible for both my and the teacher's behaviour, and he put him in the center of attention.

My son had no defense, and went out of the classroom.
His brother said he kicked aside a chair and table, but my autistic son can't remember.
Meaning the that he truly was stressed out.

I guess this is another teacher who can't deal with his job in a proper way.

After reading the mail a simple reply like: "ch.15", would have been enough.

But that teacher is also the person who needs to help this children choose a next school or a job.
He doesn't invest a lot.

At the other schools of my children parents and kids had a meeting with the carreer counsellor and talked about options and such.
This person doesn't do that.

He orders the pupils around, makes them visit each and every information-evening, and loads them with assignments so they'll prove they were there.

I informed the school that I didn't think he was aware that my son needs a bit more than that.
His autism is a work handicap. It makes him unsuitable for certain jobs and a perfect employee for others.

And apart from that: these evenings frighten him to bits. Too many people, too much noise.

I would go with him, if I could.
But his father arrives home 20.30, and the evenings begin at 19.00.
I can't leave the rest of the kids at home.

Last week my son got an assignment:
He has to go the the tremendously large educational centre where he has to interview students of nursing and care.
After that he has to present his findings to the class.

Well, those who read my blog longer know there's an agreement with school that my son doesn't need to present things to the group, only to the teacher.
And even more: my son won't ever be able to become a nurse.

With all the frustrations caused by school this is yet another example of how things are and why I want my son to move to another school.
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preparations for the musical

december 19 2007

This morning the girls left with bags full of clothes and stuff.
They sneeked out, so I guess they have taken some of their best clothes.

Ths evening is the performance of the christmasmusical.
One of them is performing in one of the leading roles.
She has to act, sing and dance.

I'm sure it'll work out.
She's one of the best balletdancers of her group, and she has a clear voice.

Last week I heard her rehearse.

My father used to be a conductor of a large children's choir and I thought it to be time to hand over his best lessons.

So I told her about acoustics, about looking right over the heads of the public in such a way, that everybody thinks she's looking at them in particular.
I told her about using your voice in another way, so she wouldn't sound like a petite mouse, but like a true performer on stage, to be heard in the back too.

The next day she was told she had improved over night.

This evening I can see for myself.
Can't wait, because we're going with most of the children.
The two oldest will video the whole event.

Great!!
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Tuesday, December 18, 2007

10 on tuesday

december 18 2007





10 New Year’s Resolutions


I'm not a person to make new year's resolutions.
I can't plan things, like other people can, because the children pose surprises almost every day.
Life is difficult enough without burdening me with things I need to do, but hej..I'm lucky. I don't smoke, drink, steal, gamble. I just let life pass and hope the future will be better than today.
  1. Get the best care for my children.
  2. Write a book about my experiences with them, the schools, and those who "care".
  3. Don't gain more weight (I managed this year. Woohoo!)
  4. Work a bit more or make more money in the same time. LOL!
  5. Bring even more topics under the attention of those people in the government that can change things.
  6. Try to find some time for myself, not like blogging and watching the kids, but just doing something for myself.
  7. Go to Scotland or visit friends abroad
  8. Get in contact with my university friend again.
  9. Study the bagpipes more often.
  10. Buy myself something once in a while

Merry christmas!


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paperwork...

december 18 2007

Transferring my autistic son to the auti-class will take a lot more time than we expected.

During the conversation with the principal of the new school it turned out that the present school should have requested a special indication for kids with autism spectrum disorder, and even though we requested it, they didn't do it.

Not only does that proof he hasn't had the best care the school could give, it also means we have to proof he couldn't have made it there with that special indication and we have to apply for one, which will take long long months.

Well, I can make a list of problems we bumped against over and over again...in fact we have a list like that...
When the indicationcommission accepts that list it's ok.

We also have to proof which therapies he had.
He had therapy once.

The former psychiatrist refused to give him therapy, so I took it all upon me, day in day out.
(Well, hej, it's my profession.)

But now we can only dream of them accepting this.

Because I couldn't work, I didn't register in the register of psychologists, and I don't think they will accept my data about what I have done at home.

I'm sick of all those official organisations who only care for the rigth forms and paperwork.

Just observe him one day, from awakening untill falling asleep and you'll know.
No paperwork can state it better than he himself in the way he lives.
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Monday, December 17, 2007

manic monday

december 17 2007



What is your idea of a perfect romantic evening?

Hmmmmm.... a good friend, candles... music to listen to and dream away.
Someone who puts an arm around my shoulder, or someone who likes to have my head against his shoulder.
An evening that doesn't end with the harsh reality of the day, each day.

Ofcourse the evening will be different when I meet the man of my dreams.
Ok, the candles, dimmed light and music will still be there......

Imagine you had to take part in the winter Olympics. What sport would you do?


Me? Olympics?
I have been a contest swimmer when I was young, so I guess that'll be my sport.

**looking at your list***
Oh, you mean the wintergames.

Speed skating, without question.
We Duth are good.

And I was good when I was young.
Never cared to win, but when ice skating I skated with the older boys.
That's another story.


What's something that people do in traffic that really bothers you?

Well, I'm lucky I don't have a car.
On the bycicle it bothers me when cars think they can cross the road right before me.


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autism and reading

december 17 2007

I haven't met a father or a mother of a kid with a clear form of autism spectrum disorder yet, who enjoyed doing groceries.

It's a burden, because people judge parents and children at face value.

That a child keeps asking for sweets and throwns a fit when it doesn't get some, or when a parent gives in, knowing the whole store will comment on the meltdown that follows... it's all subject for people to comment.

We, parents. should be more firm, have a better system of punishment, and our kids will listen better.

Forget it!

These children have a handicap, and like people without legs who can never walk, our children can learn only to a certain level, but they'll never the perfect child.

Oh yes, we all wish we had the perfect child.
Life would be so easy.

Apart from 4 handicapped children I have two perfectly normal kids, and I can tell you, they're easy to deal with.
When they do something that's not allowed, I ask them to come to me. We sit down, and we have a conversation untill it's understood what's not acceptable and untill the child understands what I expect.

Punishment is almost never used, because I only need to warn once. That's it.

Autistic children can be treated that way.
When they have a good day they might even understand what I mean, and tell me they will try to behave as a good kid.
But trying in itself can generate so much stress, that they can't deal with it.

Interesting is that they can learn something in one situation, but have to relearn it in another situation.

They perceive the world completely different from moment to moment.

Life is a constant struggle for them and for those who care for them.


Remember I wrote the other day that my sons had to finish paper about a book and that I really didn't feel like helping out?

Someone called me a teenager.

Which is ofcourse a compliment when you're 51.

But it wasn't intended to be a compliment. Not at all.

Like the people in the shops, this person jumped to a conclusion and thought that I needed feedback on my writing.

After dealing with so much the last weeks, after 21 years dealing with kids with autism, I don't need feedback like that.

I was told to take a course, so I could teach my kid to read a book.
Even more: then autistics are able to function as normal people too.

Well, if they could they don't need to be labeled "autistic".

Autism is a neurobiological disorder.
Autistic people perceive the world different , and experience the world far different than we do.
They have problems communicating because they can't see the emotions of others, can't deal with the emotions of others.
And they have a lot of other problems too.

Reading a book is for some of them very difficult, because they have no imagination like we do.
When we read a book, there's an inner movie fed all the time, and we get curious of the writer has imagined the same course and end of the book then we do.
Autistic people lack the imagination, they don't feel the expectancy, the thrill.
We feel the tension between two people in a book, we understand feelings.
Autistic people don't.

Books are one long list of facts that somehow relate to each other.

The school my autistic boy attends has told all the teachers that he shouldn't be confronted with a whole book, because it's simply too much.
He needs help to understand each page, so each page is a struggle.

The treacher involved doesn't care.

So I need to read each and every book, and try to find ways to make him feel involved.

It would be far more easy with short stories. But that teacher just doesn't care.

After weeks of being bussy 20 hours a day (I sleep only 4 hours), caring for 6 children, I'm not a teenager when I'm not prepared to read yet another book to please a non-caring ignorant teacher, I'm just a mom who is too tired and who could do with some understanding for her son.

Well, I'm glad I have some online friends who care. And I'm glad my son will go to a school soon, where they truly understand the struggle of each and every day of kids like these and parents like me.

It'll be a relief to help some of my other children to make their homework and meet normal understanding.



I'm writing
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Sunday, December 16, 2007

friendship award

december 16 2006

I've received such a nice award: the friendship award.


Amanda honored me with it.


Thank you so much!




Ofcourse I want to give it to a few friends too.



To

Andrena

Cindy

and Frances


You've been such a great friends.

Surprising at times, inspiring.

Thank you so much for your friendship!

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reading for school

december 16 2007

I had such different plans for the evening...

But it turned out the boys have to have a book and a lot of questions about it finished for tuesday.

One of the boys has read the book, but can't remember everything.
My autistic boy just panicks when he has to read a whole book, and so the afternoon was crap, and we're now confronted with the fact that I have to read the booklet, otherwise I can't help my son with finding the answers.

I've read the book when I was at school, and went through all the moves to get the assignment finished, but I can't remember a thing about the book.

Jamaica inn... one of the books that are most used for final exams.

We can't use internet stuff, because the teacher can trace where the answers come from within a moment.

So guess what I'll be doing tomorrow morning, instead of vaccuuming, cleaning and decorating the rest of the tree?

Arggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!
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unconscious mutterings

december 16 2007





  1. Interview :: questions

  2. Army :: no comment

  3. Unwrap :: discover

  4. Evolve :: develop

  5. Bus :: to school

  6. The real thing :: love

  7. Streak :: paint

  8. Gorge :: ...

  9. Spicy :: hot

  10. Course :: education


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participate?

december 16 2007

Researchers at Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston are looking for families with a child at least 6 years old diagnosed with one or more of these three conditions (TS, ADHD, OCD) to participate in a genetic study.

All family members will be asked to complete interviews, questionnaires and assessments examining thinking processes.
We also want a blood or saliva sample from everyone for DNA testing.

Families will be paid $100 upon completion of all study tasks.

We are primarily looking for families in the New England area, but we sometimes travel to other areas of the country for data collection.

If you are interested in learning more about this research study, please call the Family Genetic Study at 617-726-9257, or email sglaser@partners.org.
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job description

december 16 2006

I got this job description in my mail.
Maybe it's yours?

To each and every one of you fantastic parents who give your all every day and night to make this world a better place for your our kids!!!

Parenthood - Job Description

POSITION :
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION :
Long term, team players needed for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES :
The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :
None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
Get this! You pay them!! Offering frequent raises and bonuses!!!
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS :
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered, this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.


Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, letting them know they are appreciated for the fabulous job they do...or forward with love to anyone thinking of applying for the job.


** AND A FOOTNOTE:
'THERE IS NO RETIREMENT' -- EVER!!!


autor: unknown
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a disatser before christmas

december 16 december 2007

I can't believe it.

Yesterday our second boy came and told us his computer didn't do anything.

Ofcourse we joked about plugging it in, pressing the start button, but an hour later we agreed, whatever we tried to start it, it didn't do anything at all!

I can't believe it! Just a week before christmas and confronted with what's in our family a main disaster.

Ofcourse I looked on internet, the prizes are far better than in our shops.

In case you think I spend all day looking, forget it.

I just go to Buy.com. They provide prize comparisons for all sort of items, including a new laptop.

Shipping to us will take too much time (if I had the proper content in my walllet), but I can take achoice of products and prizes to the shop where my son bought his laptop and ask for a speedy replacement before christmas on their costs.

Update:
My other son, the computer nerd, has been able to get the lights on in the computer, so maybe he's able to fix it.
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Larger brain more risc of autism

december 16 2007

Joseph Piven, M.D., Director of the Neurodevelopmental Disorders Research Center at the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill and an ACNP member, and researcher has found indications that a larger brain is connected with development of autism.
How it works precisely is unknown, but the correlation will be investigated.
The study is part of the new Autism Centers of Excellence funded by the National Institutes of Health.

More than 500 infant siblings of autistic individuals will be examined with magnetic resonance imaging at the University of North Carolina, Children's Hospital of Philadelphia, Washington University of St. Louis and the University of Washington in Seattle.
Siblings of autistic children will be examined at 6, 12 and 24 months. Some of them are expected to develop autistic behavior during the course of the study.

Knowing the cause of autism might shed light on the treatment.
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animal model of autism

december 16 2007

There is almost nothing known about the causes of autism.

I'm sure there isn't just one cause and I'm sure there are different types of autism.

Researchers in Dallas have found an entry in research.

They were able to exchange the normal mouse neurologin-3 gene with a mutated neuroligin-3 gene associated with autism in humans. The mice showed the expected behaviour.
Now they can try to find a way to reverse the effect.

Wouldn't it be wonderful to give my sons a pill and cure them?
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Saturday, December 15, 2007

spreading the word

december 15 2007

Someone commented on an entry telling me all Christians should tell others about their religion.

I'm not living in America, the culture I live in is different.

We don't talk much about our religion, regardless which, because not initiating a conversation about it is considered having respect for the choices of someone else.

I'm quite willing to answer questions, but I won't start the conversation.

Telling people about religion can be done by going from door to door.
That's just one way.
One can also tell by living what's important.

I know people start looking puzzled at times when they expect certain behaviour and get something else.

Like now with the school of my autistic son.
I'm very straightforward: I want him to go to the new school, because the present one isn't good for him.
So they offered me a meeting to talk about my complaints.

I kindly refused.

I told them there are no complaints.
The school tried, and it didn't work out, because they didn't have the money, didn't have the time, or didn't have something else, to make the necessary changes.

I have kept my anger private. And I certainly don't feel like "paying them back."

The strange thing is, that problems won't escalate, as far as it's up to me.
That doesn't mean I don't say my things.
Oh, don't be afraid they won't hear what needs to be said.

But I ask myself which emotions make me say which things,
how people can pervceive what I say,
and if the way I say things serve the intention.

Well, it's simple, when people feel attacked, the won't hear what I have to say.

Someone told me a long long time ago, that I never could change the world by being kind.
Get lost!
People are used to unkind people who only care for their own good, or their own family. People who leave a path of destruction when they fight their own personal war to get what they want.

Most of the time I get for my children what I want.
Not because I force others, or because they pity me.
It's because my arguments are OK, and because I can make clear what a human being needs.
And even more, because I can make clear that not only my child benefits, but also other children and for instance the teachers as well.

Those who know me know I'm not a softy, but I won't bulldoze others down either.

In a way I just try to care for others as much as I care for my own family.

Sometimes it's not easy.
I was really angry at the former psychiatrist of my son.
But when I had the chance to make her feel bad, all I could do was ask to respect my wishes and not to interfere in matters anymore.
It's a kind of forgiveness, and a kind of care... she tried

I think that changes the world more than spreading religious rules and messages doen.
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saturday special

december 15 2007






1. While cross-country skiing through an old country trail I notice a light through the trees ahead. Getting closer to the clearing, I see the light comes from an old cottage that looks inviting. I remove my skis and walk up the porch steps and knock on the door when __________?:

I hear the sound of highland bagpipes.
While it starts to snow again, I'm listening tp the skilled bagpiper.
He sure knows how to play the gracenotes, and he's able to bring into the tradional music a touch of artistry like it's seldom heard.

Only when I'm really cold I knock at the door.
A women opens the door en shows me the way to the wonderful room where I'm going to stay for the night.

"Your bagpipes have arrived already, but none has seen them yet, so no-one knows you can play too."

We smile and after she has left, I take a short bath and dress myself in the colours of my clan.

I'm a bit nervous.

2. I step inside to a cozy living room and sitting in a big leather chair in front of the fireplace is _________?:

the chief of the clan of my ancestors.
After much research I've found out that I stem from one of the true Scottish Highlanders, and I felt so proud and happy that I asked approval to wear the colours of my clan and top become a guard of the clan.

3. He smiles at me and offers me a seat and a cup of hot chocolate. We talk for a bit and __________?:

then he tells me that after some consideration he has decided to approve me as the first female guardian of the clan.
We have a pleasant evening.
The sound of our bagpipes match perfectly, and we enjoy a good talk with a good glass of whiskey.
The hours pass and I learn more than I knw about my great great great great great great grandmother, sho seemed to be so much like my own grandmother.

When the candles are small, and the cold creeps into the house, we decide to go to bed.

4. Happy and warm I thank them both for their hospitality and go on my way, as I turn to wave goodbye I'm surprised to see __________?:

a vague misty figure waving at me.
She looks like my gram and I feel it's her.

At my pillow I find a blue flower... the flowers my gram had in her garden.
Ouside I hear her laugh, before the silence of the night makes me fall asleep.


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Friday, December 14, 2007

another mail

december 14 2007

Well, one way or another, things are settling down.

School mailed.
Well, we now know who is the care coordinator at school.
We now know who presented him in the Careteam.

She wants to talk in the new year.
About my sons "possible" transfer to the new year.

So she got a nice long mail in which I explained that I certainly don't think in terms as "possible".
We want this transfer, and as soon as possible.

After the experience with the inspector, who had no consideration for the world and feelings of an autistic child, I don't opt for fines and worse, but for a solution of the problem: the new school.

I also asked her who reported my son to the inspector.

We all know who did it.

Well, I hope the mailing to and fro is over for this weekend.

I lost a lot of chances this week to earn a bit of money online, just because there was so much to deal with.

Tomorrow we're going to the new school.
They have an open house.

I hope my autistic son likes it.
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what a week!

december 14 2007

Finally got a mail back from the former psychiatrist of my autistic son.

I mailed her because she mailed me telling she would go to Childcare to arrange the financial aspects of the short stay home for my son.

With everything going on at school and Childcare already wanting to do research on us on false information, her in the game was just too much.

She didn't think my son could benefit from therapy, she wanted him institutionalised.

And as Childcare often takes kids out of their home when they're in doubt, I was simple and straightforward.
In nice and tactfull words I told her to back out.

At the same time I threw all the right information in the files of Childcare and school, and then all I could do was wait.

Well, and talk with that damn inspector wednesday. (second half of this entry.)

The contactperson of school let me know that she told Childcare to stop action, and today I heard that the former psychiatrist didn't go to childcare.

Phew! I hope it is really stopped now.

This morning my son went to school and I couldn't leave it to be unsaid to the inspector.
I reported him my son was to school again and asked him if my son was ill again I should report to him so we could make an appointment immdiately.

I was hinting to the fact that the school reported my son before the legal three days waiting were over, and to the fact that he barged in when I didn't feel well.

Ofcourse I didn't get a reply. But I hope I have made my point.

Leaves the schooldoc.... I'm curious who is going to talk with him first, our doc or I.
He'd better speak with my doc first and apologise to us.

So in short... most is sorted out now, but I'm still mad!!


update

While I was blogging that schooldoc mailed.
He wants to talk to us.

Interesting....
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friday's feast

december 14 2007



Appetizer
Make up a word and give us its definition.

It's actually a word one of my children made up when he was little.
floepstoep (floopstoop)
It's a heightened area in the street to keep the speed of cars down.

Soup
What is currently your favorite song?

The song that keeps popping up in my mind: "nothing compared..."
and the song I'm learning: "lambada del serpente".

I guess the christmassongs will crawl in my mind soon.

Salad
What’s at the top of your Christmas wish list this year?

Well, as my online friends know: we've already had our gift-event: Sinterklaas.
But right now I need a watch. And if I had a choice I would choose a pocketwatch, as it fits well with my bagpipers uniform too.

Main Course
Name a scent that reminds you of someone special in your life.

Cinnamon: remembers me of my gram, a friend that used to make cinnamon tea for me, another one who treated me cinnamon buns.

And fresh baked cake... awww... me and my gram in this time of year.
I got the apples from the cellar, peeled and slices them,
and we threw rum in, cinnamon, lemon.....
Ohh, the smell.......

Dessert
Who is someone on television that you feel probably shouldn’t be, and why?

Ugh... I try not to pay attention to something like that.
I don't like the know-it-all, the one who shocks others to get a point across, who laughs at the expense of others.

I'm not sure if I want to be santa claus...

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Thursday, December 13, 2007

in the paper

december 13 2007

Today I read in the paper that the nurse who was at our home when my second child was born, died yesterday.

She was very kind and it was fun to have her in the house during the hours my little lady lived.

Why do I live like people live forever?
I've often thought about her, but never felt like visiting her.
In a way I thought I could do when the children are older.

She's gone now. Maybe she is with my little daughter.

In a strange way it's conforting that the nurse who bathed her for the first time is now with her.
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fear and school in autism spectrum disorder

december 13 2007

The last days have been very stressfull.
The school asked us permission to see what they could do to make it easier for my son at school.

They only came with that offer after a whole history of random interventions, and after my son refused to go to school where he was bullied far too much.

It also came after it was clear there was a place available at the auti-class of another school.

Did they want to keep him?

6 weeks he was not at school, and he simply didn't miss anything important!!!

I agreed that a caregroup would meet to see what can be done to make my son feel better at school, just two days before I heard there was an auti-place and decided he would apply.

Which made what happened even more rediculous!

The careteam removed the bully from the group. Perfect!
After a couple of days seeing if the school really kept word, he went to school and had the best time of his life.
I wasn't a problem in the morning, came back smiling. So I thought that maybe he'd taken the hurdle and progressed towards a more mature level.

The careteam only added to the burden.
They decided to send Childcare to the psychiatrist. But we've just moved to a new one, didn't leave the old one for nothing. She didn't anything to help him whatsoever, she only tried to force us to bring him to a mental home. (NO way!)

And even worse...because Childcare didn't contact us, I completely went though the roof. When they don't contact parents they suspect negligence or childabuse and the only answer they give is getting the child out of the house.
I don't neglect my children, don't abuse them and the idea of someone even suggesting that drives me nuts.

The idea of someone of Childcare contacting the old psychiatrist was outraging.

I tried to stop the whole event... I was told I succeeded.

Because my son is often ill, or needs time at home to loosse his stress, he's away from school a few times a year.
That was never a problem.
But suddenly, no we're leaving school, it is.
The careteam told us that he was reported, but that it would have no consequences.

Yesterday afternoon I had the "law" at my door.
I was ill, was just sorting out the laundry, had furniture pushed aside because the boys told me they were getting a tree.
I was not in to receive guests. NOT AT ALL!

Well, the guy was confronted by a tearful mother, trying to tell him about her son's school carreer, the lack of understanding and the whole lot.
And guess what, I just don't pity him at all.

It was clear he came to catch me and my son escaping from educational laws, and instead he found a boy asleep and the mother with hanging hairs (I have awful hair, he doesn't know. He thinks better of it, because I kept apollogising for my hair and that I was ill, and thus emotional. LOL!).

The guy said he knew a lot about autism, yet told me that my son should go to school even when he was afraid.

Nicely he told he had all the papers to arrest me, and clearly I answered: "I know, don't you all?"

So he left, after telling me he would take matters further when my son wouldn't show up at school on monday.
I swallowed : "come and drag him". I'm sure he wouldn't see a joke in that.

So I told my son, and he answered that they wouldn't fine me or put me in jail just because he's afraid to go to school.

I cried all the rest of the afternoon and a large part of the evening.
All the stress and anger came out.

This morning I wrote the guy a mail.

Stating my son never has been from school without school knowing why.
That school has never confronted me with it.
That my son alsways got a letter when he returned, but that he often forgot to give it at school. School never made a problem, so I assumed they understood.

I also gave him to know that fear in children with autism spectrum disorder is different from that in others.
When my girls complain about bullying I can tell them how to behave, talk them strong, and have them go to school.
My sons fear only gets worse.

Asked him to wait with legal action untill we have been at the new psychiatrist, so the psychiatrist can inform him about the fear, and maybe even tell him about further diagnostics.

And I told him that it's a strange country where parents are sued because of the handicap of their children.

No answer yet.
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Wednesday, December 12, 2007

works for me



When one of the children claims to be ill, I have a great solution.
Most of the time it works.

I state firmly what I want, for instance: "I know you're not feeling well, but I want you to go to school", and offer a tablet that works for that illness.
I have a box and it contains vitamin C. A pharmacy label states a very difficult name.

That pill does wonders!

It works for me.


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Tuesday, December 11, 2007

10 on tuesday

december 11 2007


10 things you want for christmas
For me alone?
OK.
  1. a gardenhouse
  2. a ticket to fly to my friends abroad and stay in a posh hotel
  3. smallpipes for both bellows and mouth blown
  4. hurdy gurdy
  5. dollhouse furniture and lamps 1:24 and 1:12
  6. new floor in the house
  7. something nice to wear at christmas
  8. a nice fountainpen
  9. a new watch
  10. just something nice

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Ice skating

december 11 2007

The girls went skating today with school.

When they came home they had red cheeks and funny red noses.
And a lot, lot, lot of stories.

One of the teachers had never been on iceskates.
I can hardly believe it, but listening to their stories I think they're right.

She had the courage to put on iceskates and go on the ice.
A couple of kids held her straight up and kind of dragged her from one side to another.

What a pity I haven't see that!
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mad at the schooldoc

december 11 2007

I'm still mad that the schooldoctor asked my autistic son if surgery was considered to realise weightloss.
I have filed a complaint, because I think it's unethical to confront a boy of 15 with a question like that, especially when he's autistic.

I'm not against surgical intervention when obesity is concerned, but I don't think people under age should undergo weightloss surgery. Especially not when it's not clear what the causes are of his eatingproblem.
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Monday, December 10, 2007

manic monday

december 10 2007





For the holidays, are you a last-minute shopper or do you shop well ahead of time?

Well, I used to be well in time.
This year I didn't even have the chance to leave the house.
So it was last minute and done by someone else.
(We've already had our presents festival like at christmas.)

If you had to pick a new first name for yourself, what name would you choose?

Mine s fine.
It's already own choice.

What's worse, having expectations that are too high, or having no expectations at all?

Having no expectations at all.
It's so depressing to have nothing to look forward too, to have no dreams to fullfill.

Disappointment can be dealt with when you're a realist, but no expectations at all....

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Sunday, December 9, 2007

Earthquake: 7.8 - South of Fiji Island

december 9 2007

In the region South of the Fiji Islands the world shook again.
This time at a respectable magnitude of 7.8 on the Scale of Richter,
at a depth of 149,2
coordinates: 25.9 south 177.5 west

update

No tsunami warning
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Saturday, December 8, 2007

Dreaming about diamonds

december 8 2007

Had quite a lot of dreams this night.

I bet I needed some acknowledgements for all my actions, because I received diamond rings, for every finger at least one.

I also went to travel the world.
First made a cruise, then was taken by airplane above all major cities of the world.

I can't believe I was as lucky as that.

Well, in my dreams anyway.

When I was young my grandma used to take me to the jewelers.
Like me she enjoyed to see him work.
My main interest was watching him to take apart watches, clean each and every tiny bit, and assemble them.
he was surprised that such a little girl took interest in it, and showed me how he worked over and over again.

When I was many years older, my father couldn't fix a watch anymore and gave it to me.
I opened it, and now it's still running.

When it was quiet in the shop, the man used to take out the diamond rings and have me rub the dust from them.
I had to wear white gloves and used a velvet cloth to sweetly cherrish the silver, gold and diamonds.

I wonder of he would have trusted me that much nowadays. LOL!
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part 4

december 8 2007

Part 1, part 2 , part 3

Yesterday I did all that was in my power to get in contact with the person at the school of my autistic son who informed me about the decision of the careteam.

She didn't react at all.
Either she wasn't at work, or she didn't dare to take decisions without consulting others.

So I tried to get in contact with the careteam.
Phuh, no adress anywhere.

But I found the email from the organisation that organises the teams.
Mailed them asking for information and just giving enough info to get them interested and send my mail through.

The found out which worker at school is the one who needs to get all the paperwork together for the files.
YES!!!

Took 4 hours to make a mail that contained every little bit of information, making clear that we have found a place at the autism class at my sons level and that we're in the middle of the application which on itself should be enough to stop the team.
Then mentioned all different areas where he experiences problems, giving for each area the professional dealing with it, the actions we take ourselves and stating why they don't need to be involved.

And ofcourse stressing the lack of communication.

Are they nuts????

By the time I was finished my bloodpressure must have reached the height of the mount everest under bloodpressures.
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Friday, December 7, 2007

Good morning

december 7 2007

I was so tired that I nearly dropped of my chair yesterday evening.
There's so much going on at the same time, and I have so many things to attent to, that my place to relax, the computerdesk, seems the bussy workingplace of a one woman organised multinational.

I have changed the url of my site and I have to have it back on the ranks in no time.

But I have to keep my priorities straight...
Problem is that everything is a priority at the moment.

So I feel a fisher... I throw my angle out with a little delicious something at the end of the line, hoping it will trigger a serious of responses that result in what my family needs and I want.

So today I hope to pull in the response of the present, soon former, school of my autistic son.

The key role player in the drama of today is in her little car now, jazzing the roads untill she's at the last long stretch before school.
The noises of the bussy road, students bycicling to university and 2 endless chains of cars moving in opposite directions.

She will sigh when she finally parks her roadhome, she'll cross the large square in front of the school, climb the steps, and move into the large hall with the fairytale steps.

Already her mind of full of the decisions she has to take...dare she call youthcare to call off the whole plan? Or is she in a fatalistic mood, thinking that everything is out of her hands now?

Outside one of the usual winterstorms is raging.
I'm not looking forwards to leave the house for a meeting myself.

The oldest will come home just before christmas untill after new year, because the facility he stays closes.
I'm not feeling happy with the idea of him home again, because his move meant changes in the house and at the moment there's hardly a place to put the matress on the floor. (Yep, we kept the matress.)

Change in the lives of autistic kids is like throwing a bomb in a highly crowded school: trouble.

I'm not taller than him anymore, I'm not as strong.
He can push me aside like a match and I don't like that idea.

Well, I guess that's why we're invited for a meeting now.

The clock slowly ticks minute after minute away into the past...

What will today bring??????
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friday's feast

december 7 2007



Appetizer
What was the last game you purchased?


I never purchase games.
Life is a game itself. Can't be improved.

Soup
Name something in which you don’t believe.

Hmmm.... I don't belief in forcing my faith/religion into the minds of others.
There's no need to put a sign on my site, or religious texts, because it's not about how good my mind knows everything, it's about being able to live in the way I feel is good.
I don't belief in following the rules, because it buys me a place in heaven. I belief in the urge of my soul, heart and conscience to become a good person, regardless if there's a pay out in the end.

Salad
If you could choose a celebrity to be your boss, who would you pick?


Michael Palin, the english TV traveller, and Monty Python Comic.

Main Course
What was a lesson you had to learn the hard way?


To stand up for myself and my family.
To move straight forward without pushing people aside.
To see through manipulation and to kill actions, even of large organisations, by using the right arguments.

And to learn that I'm all alone.

Dessert
Describe your idea of the perfect relaxation room.

Just give me my dessert. LOL!

My perfect relaxationroom depends on the mood I'm in.

One side looks out on the sea, the other side on the mount Everest and another one on an active vulcano.
The fourth wall ia a huge projection screen where I can project whatever I need at the moment.
There's music and my friends visit me whenever I'm thinking about them.

No kids allowed..and certainly no schools.


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Thursday, December 6, 2007

good news

december 6 2007

The whole story? Part 1, part 2

This morning I went to the new school to meet the principal.

While waiting in the hall I could see a couple of young people cooking and having fun.
It looked like an ordinary cooking lesson, except for the fact that they kept rather a lot of space between them.

Then I met the principal, and we had a talk, a tour around the school, and then we sat down to talk again.

By that time I was very happy with the choice.

They offer all autistic children need.
Piece and quiet, structure, routine, zero tolerance for bulbying, zero tolerance for screaming. Their own place to study, and a lot, lot more.

She frowned quite a few times when I told her about the way my son was treated at the other school, and also about how I had to ask for treatment plans and a lot more.
She agreed that Youthcare shouldn't be on the case.

It felt like being with a good friend and get finally the support that's needed.

She needed some paperwork, but I almost knew for a 200% that I didn't have it. Yet I looked it up at home and didn't find it.

Things are moving and I'm so happy with it!!!
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oh my dear! That key!!

december 6 2007

The oldest didn't want to walk through the rain from the busstation to our house to get his bike.

Instead he arranged it in such a way that he had his next brother foolish enough to go through the terrible weather and bring him his bike home.

I was furious!!!

That lazy worm having his brother go there all the way through that weather while he doesn't want to take one step outside of the busstation!!

He didn't even give him a dry T-shirt, or put the coat or trousers in the dryer, before his brother went to the busstop to catch the next bus.

Now I have here all the wet stuff and a boy begging for new trousers.

We talked about it... he came home rather angry... and finally he decided to get calm and go to bed.

I heard him brush his teeth, move around and then he came downstairs.
Big smile...

In his hand the keys of his brothers bike!!

Sorry...I can't stop laughing...I just can't....
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I had to call

december 6 2007

I was rather angry today.

The oldest phonmed if the girls could come to the busstation to fetch something.
The should hurry as he had to go back as soon as possible.

One of the other boys was supposed to go with them, but his bycicle didn't work properly, so the girls went alone.

That wasn't the problem, because it was still light.

They couldn't find the oldest, so they went back home, but on their way, he called and asked them to come back.
So they did.

Instead of sending them back, he took them to the shopping centre.

It got dark and they still didn't come back.

Untill I called...........


Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
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Wanted and got an appointment

december 6 2007

When I calmed down after this, and writing her a mail stating that I didn't want youthcare to go talking about us anywhere (they do anyway), I started to think how this ridicilous situation can be anded as soon as possible.

First I wrote the Porpeffor in psychiatry a mail stating why I thought he needed to make an appointment with me and my autistic son straightaway.

It's not our mistake that we're not getting proper psychiatric care.
We're dependent on what those psychiatrists do with their agenda.
OK, I can protest, but they decide.

The pedagogue said in her mail that they also agreed she should contact the school with the autism classes.
She said she had last year and she had put my son's application in, but I never got that confirmed.

I thought it best to get matters into my own hand and not be dependable upon the actions of others.
There's one way to tell youthcare they should have contacted us first....
Drive the train myself and take another direction.

So I went to the site of the school with the autism classes and got help from above: the weekend of the 15th the open their doors to new students and their parents to have a look if they like the school enough to fill in an application.

Thanks!!

So I contacted the school, tolf them that my autistic son tried special education but that he had difficulty dealing with some of the behavioural problems of the other kids, and asked if the day was also for kids and parents who start at another year than the first.

Got a very nice mail back.
Ofcourse it was also for us.
We're very welcome.
Just provide the adress and they would send an invite.

Then I started looking for the person that was contacted by the pedagogue.
To my amazement her emailadres was on the site.

So I mailed her, said she had received an application from the pedagogue but it was never confirmed, and that I was attending the open day with my son and looked forward to meeting her and have a little talk. Maybe even make an appointment.

Within two minutes I had a mail back.

There was a place available soon at a higher level than my son is in now, but she thought it would be wise to have a talk before the open day.

I mailed back: tomorrow morning I have a slot at 11.

The reply was simple: "See you then."

Wooooooohaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!

Interesting is that this school uses the serviced of the best autism psychiatrists and psychologists.
The organisation we applied for (and got the papers back because the psychiatrist didn't use the right forms).

Sounds good, doesn't it?
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Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Works for me 2

december 5 2007




Shannon asks how we solve the problem of shortage of time, lack of ingredients, and the demand for food... NOW!!

I'm great at making a dinner that feeds the crowds.

First I make soup.
When the freezer doesn't provide the vegetables, nor the poultry or meat to fly through the water, I just add special instant soup ingredients that are also used by restaurants.
Hej...with 6 kids in puberty life here is like running a restaurant.

Then I either bake left over potatoes.
Put unions in the pan and glaze them.
Add the potatoes,
when they started to get brown, make space between them and shed egg in there.
Spice up with whatever you like.

Sometimes I even put the vegetables in there, making it a one pan dish.

It combines with whatever vegetables there are.

Some like it with cheese over it and grilled.

Dessert: yoghurt.
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Unwanted developments

december 5 2007

When I was ready to go to bed and just had a look at the mail to see of there was something I should see, there was a mail from the school orthopedagogue.
The careteam had spoken about my autistic son and they had decided to report him for staying at home. (He stayed at home because he was ill, and afterwards because he was bullied terribly.)
Without any consequences, she added.
Hmmm...

And someone from youthcare is going to psychiatry to coordinate things.

That really made me angry!!

I asked to be at the meeting and they didn't invite me.
And now they even went behind our backs to inform about us at psychiatry.

No wonder I got the report about the meeting a week too late. They first had to make their moves.

I'm so very angry!!

The school has all the chances of the world to cover up their mistakes and keep us away so we can't say anything, and now they land at that psychiatrist we told to get of the case!

Haha!! No wonder the professor himself wanted to take the case of my autistic son. Ha!

I love email!! It means someone can destroy all my good feelings anytime!!

It also means I can take my time to write things down.
Well this time I told her that I thought they went too far!

I don't want youthcare to stick her nose in our business, especially not when we have no say in it.

Well, it's under this new government that parents have less say about their children.
They can even take away your own child without giving a parent any word at all.
So I feel this stincks.

My son was ill, and after that he was afraid to go to school, because that bully was troubling life for everyone in that group, and especially for him.

Even before they pulled that bully our of the group they took action on our son ..and us...

The day after that special meeting that boy was put in another group and my son went to school a few days later when he had ensured himself that he could feel safe again.
Today he was planning for tomorrow and expressed a real need to go to school. How about that?

But now we're booked as bad parents, otherwise youthcare wouldn't have played the game behind our backs.
You know, even when the intention was positive, it's how I feel.
Youthcare is one of those organisations that "knows the best".
They both help parents and put them in jail.

I don't like it that someone forms an opinion about me, just by looking at the children.
Most people, even of youthcare, know just a little bit about autism, and they certainly know nothing about puberty and autism.
I'm living the knowledge everyday. I'm writing the book as I live, like many parents in my situation.

I've seen these youthcare workers destroy whole families.

Here in town they took away a little baby right after birth. They said it was endangered by his parents.
Turned out the father was a bit impulsive (buying too many things, changing the garden a couple of times a year) and went into therapy. By his own free idea and will.
Things didn't work well with that psychologist, and he decided to go to someone else.
Auch! ...the ego of the psychologist was hurt...
She reported him and said from her own sick feeling he was a danger.
By the time everyone knew and believed the truth it was months later.
The parents have missed the most precious time of their baby.
And it makes me so very sick. Sooo sick!!!

That's why I feel ill when I hear a youthworker who hasn't even told us her name, hasn't even spoken with us, just acts on the stories of school.

(The school mailed me that my other son (with ADHD) skipped classes and would be reported... He was with me to therapy.. and the school was informed properly. You see what I mean??)

So I mailed the pedagogue, said her how I felt about it.
Also said I repeatedly asked her questions about certain matters she's taken action on now.

Well, I don't think she likes the mail... But I don't like to be played with.

Then mailed the Professor asking him why he is interested in the case, who presented it to him.
Told him the date January 30 2008) is too far away because my son needs better medication, because we need continuity, especially with regards to school.
Told him someone from the careteam of school, presumably youthcare would adress the department, explained the situation about the bully in two lines, and then told him that our own family doc had pressured the department for an appointment soon, because we all worry about his eating disorder.

I ended with telling him I always value people who really care and want to get involved, but that now we're standing with empty hands too long.

Sent a copy to our doc.

Email is a great medium.

I don't know what's going to happen.
I don't like it when people don't play their game out in the open.

I'm afraid of youthcare because they don't base their decisions upon straight facts, but only on what they think is right.

People who don't even bother to talk to us, have their opinion ready.
It's sick!!!
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works for me

december 5 2007






Well, most of the time I really have to think about ideas that other people don't use.

Last night and today I've been through so many emotions because I was once again confronted with manipulation of organisations that "know better", that I suddenly realised my gram and dad gave me some sound advice when they were still alive:
don't accept manipulation, go for what you think is right all by yourself.

I will explain the complete situation in another entry a bit later this evening.
But I can tell you this.

Last year the pedagogue of the school of my autistic son said she had submitted a place at a far more specialised school.
I never received a confirmation, so when this schoolyear started I politely asked her about it.
Once, twice, three times.

Never got an answer.

Because things didn't go well at school a careteam was involved and they not only went behind our backs with trying to get psychiatry to inform them, but they also said it would be good that the pedagogue would apply for a place at that special school.

It gave me the ill feeling that we as parents had nothing to say at all.

So I jumped against the roof.. I hate it that people consider us incompetent.

So I mailed the new school and got an answer within minutes.
There was a place at level 4 (a bit above his level now), and they would appreciate a meeting.

So I suggested tomorrow morning.

This places the decisions again in my own hands.
And it also speeds up procedures a lot.

I hope to have good news tomorrow.

Keep your fingers crossed!

Going against manipulation and keeping actions transparent and honest is always one of my main goals when I'm confronted with organisation of people "who know better".
Often it turns out I can do the job better, faster, and I can guard the wellbeing of my own family far better.

It works for me.


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Tuesday, December 4, 2007

The prof

december 4 2007

Remember we were jumping from joy that we finally had an appointment with psychiatry for my autistic son?
Next friday we would meet the new psychiatrist.

I got mail today, in which I was asked to get in contact with the Professor of Psychiatry.

Well, he's a nice guy, very involved in research, so I thought that maybe he wanted my family in a researchproject for families with more kids with autism spectrum disorder.
I've tried to get the department here interested in initiating a clinic for adolescents.

I should have know better than to let my phantasy jump in.

He wants to take the case of my son.

Well, I'm OK with that.... guess they think I'm difficult to handle. LOL!

Because the guy is bussy we couldn't get an appoitment earlier than.... january 30th!!

I accepted, so the date wouldn't be even later.

But that date.... it's so far from now...

So far!!!!
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the psychologist

december 4 2007

Right when I left the garden it started to rain...to pour!!!
It was really bad.
I was right on time at the psychologist of my son with ADHD. She was very nice.

For the first time in ages I felt comfortable there at the centre.
She really listened, asked questions to get things clear.

Fior the first time someone "heard me" about the fact that my autistic son and his brother with ADHD would profit from some extra support to accept each other's disoder and to learn to live with it.
I can't do everything.
They're at an age they won't listen to mom all the time.

She was very interested in how the school treated and treats us, as she'd spend quite a lot of time with my son talking about school.

I said that the shcool should be far more involved in the way the children are treated.
They now think that many reactions are conscious improper behaviour.
That makes me feel they don't know enough about the disorders and react only from their own feelings.

We shoudl have met this woman years ago.
Things really would have been far different.

When i went home I had a very good feeling about this meeting.
And I'm still happy with it.
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he made dinner

december 4 2007

The oldest called. He had bought fresh food to make dinner, but it wouldn't be used.
How I liked it when he came over and would cook for us. If I had some potatoes and cucumber, he would be fine.

What a great idea!!

I didn't feel well, and after cooking each day weeks on end I could really do with a break.

Ofcourse he came half an hour late, so the soup was ready, the potatoes were almost ready.
But having dinner served out, eating a delicious piece of fish and enjoying some quiet after a bussy day... that really worked well.

Ofcourse there more behind this offer.
He has a good freezer there, and he didn't ask the money back... so ...???

Next friday I'll have a meeting with his counsellor... I think it'll be interesting.

Maybe he'd better feed me well a couple of times more before that meeting. LOL!

I'll first go to the therapist of one of the other kids who has ADHD and dyslexia.

On the phone she sounded old, and I didn't get the feeling we connected well.
Turned out that she had spoken before with the father of the children who had told her I couldn't come at all... and when she had me on the phone I told her I would do everything I could to be present.

Right now I have a splitting headache and I'm on the verge of yet another cold.
So being at home probably means taking it easy.

So I'm going and see what she has to tell and wants to know.

I'm also curious who is behind that voice.
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Secret Santa

december 4 2007

The last week I took part in secret santa.
An event between designers.
We exchanged, online, graphics we've made.

I got a few very nice items and ofcourse mailed quite a number too.

Because I was completely new to the group I didn;t have the faintest idea who the other members and participants were.

So it was really Secret Santa.

Within a few hours from now, we'll hear who was who.

I'm so very curious!!!
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to school again

december 4 2007

My autistic son finally went to school.

I was surprised and when he was on his way I could hardly believe he had left the house.

The silence was great!!!

Ofcourse we had pushed and pushed, and threw in the argument that the new psychiatrist would ask about going to school and would make her decisions including that information.

Woo, he didn't like that...

So I expected a lot of problems this morning.

Instead he took a shower without a problem, dressed himself properly and didn't get mad when his coat seemed to have disappeared.

Within two minutes the coat was found, so don't worry.

It was a relief to have a bit of time in the house.
No time to sit down, but time to paint behind his bed, and do some other odd jobs I had on the list.

Pity was that his mentor was ill, so he came home 3 hours early.

But the laundry was hanging and drying, so the most important was done.
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