Thursday, May 31, 2007

may 31

I can't believe it's the last day of may.

Yesterday the girls got their ballet report card.
Ofcourse all was good.
They were so very proud. It was fun to see.

The schoolinspector of the schools mailed to make an appointment to phone me.
Wow! She certainly got the message that I'm not available all the time and that there are more efficient ways of dealing matters than just calling.
She wants to know how the school reacted to our complaint about bullying.

Well, we haven't bothered to talk to that lousy fill-in principal, but talked to the orthopedagogue.
She took it up very serious and matters have improved considerably.
So that's a good result.
That she called also indicates she'll keep an eye open.

Had a meeting in the morning that took a lot of energy. Afterwards I went to town to have a look around.
My leg still hurts, but I needed some time away from home. And as I was in town already...

Found a little bag that comes handy with bagpiping. And found a blouse.
I've been looking for that kind for quite some years. It's a finnish design, too expensive for my wallet.
6 dollar. Not in blue, but in brownish colours. Right my size.
I fitted it: perfect! No stains, no smelss, no signs of wear at all.
Must have been from someone who bought it and was precise with it.
At home I washed it and it the starch and exess colour came out, so the blouse was brandnew!! Wow!

Had a look for shoes, but couldn't find a pair. The shoes are so very expensive at the moment. It's nuts!

When I came at home I had a terrible headache and after that I started to feel ill.

I'm not eating some bread to keep my bloodsugar OK during the night.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

may 30

One of those days that has no rest available.

The girls went to school early, one of the boys half an hour later, another one another hour later.
I tried to do the laundry, but got a few calls, and then teh first boy was home again.
Even in the afternoon when I tried to practice bagpipe, I first got a call and no two minutes later the mailman was at the door, asking me to bring a package to the neighbour when she gets home.

Tried to get some quiet time computering. Haha... no way!
Another little part of the same molar broke off, so I'll try and get an appointment with the dentist for friday.
I hope he can fix it, otherwise I'll have to agree with more drastic repairs. Get the molar out and get an implant. I have a molar out at the other side, so it would be a great solution... expensive too. But I doubt if he can fit an implant at the other side, because the bone is very thin.
Well, we'll see.

Had only a little time online, so I made some summerpages with a set I gave myself with money I made online.
That way I can say thank you to someone who offers a lot of linkware.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

may 29

The girls have a day off.

I'm glad I hadn't called the dentist to get my molar fixed. A piece broke off this weekend.

Cancelled the meeting for next week with the woman who was going to fill in all the forms for subsidies.
It was said she knew everything about it, and I was the first or second person she worked with! She acknowledged she knew nothing about it.
Forget it!
I need someone who knows where to get things and how.
I need a laptop for my autistic son.
He can have one at school for a hundred dollars a year, but he's not allowed to take it home.
And that's the problem: I need one at home.
Or some other computer he can use to play his games.
There are organisations who assist in getting them, or hand them out, but I can't find anything about them.
And that woman is of no help at all.

I also mailed his new physiotherapist.
He thought that boxing might help him against bullying.
Great. But he uses it in the house and threatens his brothers.
I'm afraid he will use it at school when he has a meltdown.

So I wrote the guy and Oh dear... I stepped on some long toes.
Got a mail telling me there was research it's beneficial, bla bla bla.
The feel of the mail wasn't good at all.
I don't want competition when it's about what's best for him in this area.
I'm his mom, I know him best, and the guy has only seen him once.
He got a friendly mail back and he understood and stepped back.

Monday, May 28, 2007

may 28

I think they forgot to put the day into the weather. Ugh... it's so dark.

Another day trying to get my autistic son to read for his exams. He can't oversee a complete book, so I offered to read with him, chapter by chapter and take notes.
His dyslectic brother did and it worked out so well, that his dad sat typing 4 pages of bookreview. LOL! I think it's a bit too much for a review, but at least he had a through go at it.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

may 27

Just another one of those days..

It's no fun to have so many people in the house with autism spectrum disorder. If one gets his emotions up, the rest goes too. Grrrr....

Then almost all afternoon and evening internet was not working properly.

But I managed to get the watermelonpages done just before that.

Yesterday evening I tried to find something about my dad in WW2.
More and more information about the RAF is on internet, but I can't find anything about him.
I did find, however, a story by a veteran that described the escape route in such a way that I recognised it from the stories dad has told me.
Still I would like to know what he has done.
I found an emailadres where infor can be asked, but it can only by the widow.
My mother isn't interested and she will never permit me to ask for info, so I either have to go to Kent myself or wait.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

may 26

I'm still flabbergasted about yesterday.

My autistic son and his father are going to an obesitascourse.
today my son had his first time of fitness.
One of his brothers brought him there, and all was well.

He told the teacher kids at school bully him and the teacher gave him a thourough boxing lesson!!!!!!

So either the guy doesn't know anything about PDD-NOS, or he doesn't know how to use his brains.

If he uses his new knowledge at school he will be thrown out and not accepted anywhere else, and when he uses it on us, I doubt whether we'll have a chance.
When he has a melt down he just does what he sees fit and when he's taught boxing helps.. Oh my dear, what do we have to expect?

So that's another extra job on the pile.

When he came back he was quite happy about the exercises, but later in the evening all the stress had to come out and he yelled and screamed.

My leg is a bit better today. Took more rest yesterday and today, and I got a walkingstick.
I'm too young for it, but it's handy when my leg hurts again and I have to go somewhere.

And now I can collect those stickbadges.. LOL!

Friday, May 25, 2007

may 25

They made us expect a sunny morning, instead gloominess has been payered upon us.
It's again damp and horrible.

The morning began with a big noise: the father of the kids moving the bathroomcloset to look for something, that was not even there.
He spotted a bended pipe... the one we argued about two years ago.
He's forgotten he's done it himself, and he blames me.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

may 24

Just another day...
I was shot from some dream into real life.
The sun was shining and still is. It's going to be very warm again.

Another autistic refussal to shower.
When I went outside to hang the laundry, a huge thing was put at the chair I always put the laundry on... And as I still have a lot of pain in my leg... I had to wake up one of the boys to move it.

The girls went outside with far too thin clothes for the early morning, and my autistic boy zipped his coat up to his chin...
Had to remind him of his pill, and he told me his dad was forgotten to write letters for school.

I always eat a piece of gingerbread in the morning... it's the only thing that doesn't make my glucose spike sky high.
Well, there was only half a piece left.

Then it was finally time to get a cup of coffee and enjoy the silence...
Just a few birds making fun...

I was just in time for the bus to an old university friend.

Haha...he didn't recognise me immediately when I was in the waitingroom. Mainly because he expected me at another place.
I didn't recognise him either at first glance.
His skin was even darker than before, his hair curlier, he was wrinkled and he just looked so serious and... a lot older.
I guess he must have thought the same about me.

But when he smiled I recognised him well.

Life changes people. His eyes weren't as clear and joyous.

Like others he wanted family therapy and had a hard time trying to convince me.... without success.
In all the years he was the first one who really was concerned about the girls.
He wants my son back in therapy, but I don't know he wants too.

I had the strange feeling he asked me how I was doing as a mother of this family just out of politeness. I think I'm wrong, but he just wasn't convincing me he was interested in the answer.

We hugged when I went, after we had a personal chat about his life, and that was it.

On my way home I realised I had expected to feel at home with him.
I felt at ease... that was it.

I feel glad I've had friends I feel at home with... It's a pity I only see one of them just once in a few months for a few minutes... but it means more.

Well, the coffee was good, and maybe I should ask him to go for a drink sometime. Maybe he asked me not only for my son, but also to talk about his life.
He said he was divorced and he made me feel he feels empty.
He was not nourishing..... Yea...maybe that's the best way to put it...

I hope I can do something for him...

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

may 23

Was asked for coffee...
After that there was enough time to go to the shoppingcentre and have a look around for shoes.
I saw a nice pair, but they were too small for the extra soles I need.
I like the modern shoes, but they were so very crazy expensive. I'd better have a look somewhere else.

The weather is changed suddenly from far too humid to far too warm.

Yesterday there was a haze everywhere, now the sun burns, and the cancer society has issued an alarm for the next two days.

Tomorrow I have to go for a meeting with a former studyfriend. He tried to diagnose my second boy and I'm curious what he has to say.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

may 22

Another far too humid day. Bah!!

Went to the eyedoc.
I can imagine how it feels at an old people home.
I was one of the youngest..

Well, my eyes are OK.
I now can do without reading glasses for the first time in my life. Who would have thought that!

Before going I made adjustments to the sole in my shoes, so my feet are supported better.
Still, I could hardly walk.

At home it turned out that the girls had submitted their names for the evening four days marches, completely against my will.

Knowing that they had managed to get permission and money from their father.

I'm so mad because they have manipulated themselves into it.

So they're grounded for the rest of the week and they have a nice job tidying their room.
They did so for the eye.. well, they can do it now for real. Grrrr...

Sunday, May 20, 2007

may 20

Woke up dreaming that I got calls over and over again from the schools, complaining about my children.I heard the voices..

Had a huge problem getting my autistic son to shower. He got so angry he had to clean himself that he threw over a board of chipwood, ready to be used, and I tried to catch it and got a huge splinter in my hand. I was glad when I managed to get it out.

One of the boys is dyslectic and he had to make a bookreview about a german book.
It's a real job to keep him focussed on the book. All the associative thoughts clearly interferes with straightforward thinking.
One can see his energy builts up and he started to make repetitive movements, noises and then started to walk around.
After many many questions he started to remember a few things he read, and at last his bookreview was written.

Ofcourse the laundry didn't dry, it's far too humid here.

My leg isn't one tiny bit better.

may 21

My autistic boy complained about being tired after throwing a fit yesterday because he had to go to bed. He refused, and now he has to pay.

I went with the girls to the schooldoc.. I thought. It turned out to be one of te nurses.
At home I filled in all the forms and quationnaires and there they just went through it all again...for over an hour!!
Well, height and weight were measured too, and one lady is just below average and teh other above.
At birth it was the other way round. I've always said they were switched at birth. LOL!

Managed to get my old massage instrument and it still worked, so I took the time to treat my leg. It felt a bit better afterwards.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

may 19

Woke up with a terrible headache and I was not the only one.
What a terrible moist weather.

Got a letter from the school of the boys, inviting us for a talk at tuesday 16.00 hours, which is at a time we certainly can't manage, and apart from that... it's too short notice.
And I don't want to go for a talk anyway, because I'm fed up with people who tell me what to do, whereas the only firm question I have is that the school stands up against bullying.
The boys would bring home less stress, and would do far better at school when there's no bullying.

Well, I'm writing a letter now telling him that again the fill-in principal is misinformed, that we already have taken steps to better the care for the children and that we are very content about it.

Got a mail from the doc.
Like I expected I'm aneamic, and my diabetes has worsened.
There's no problem there, although the aneamia is surprising.
The reticulocytes are too high,, which is either meaning the aneamia has been worse and my body is catching up, or there's another problem.
Well, let's hope the problem is not in that leg, because if those two are connected that means problems.

Friday, May 18, 2007

may 18

In the afternoon one can almost feel the moist in the air resting on the skin. It's awful.

Then, just before sunset, one of the boys tries to plug in a lamp and the whole electricity goes down.

First we think it's the whole street.. hard to know it's not when there's noone at home.
But when the sun goes under, the outside lamps go it's our problem.

Called the emergency line and they promised to send someone within two hours.

I went for a walk with two of the boys. Maybe that a walk will be good for the pain in my leg, I don't know.

It was so moist outside that we felt sweaty without sweating.. so bad...

Then there were big dark clouds in the sky that were almost orange... it looked horible and sinister.
Luckily one of the boys knew a shortcut and we came home just 5 minutes before the clouds burst open and there was an enormous amount of rain clashing down.

After two hours there was still no repairman. The father of the kids waited downstairs and I went to bed... couldn't do anything else and I didn't want to put candles on... in case one of the boys might like it and cause problems again.

Just when I managed to get my cushion the way I wanted, the lights went on...

Thursday, May 17, 2007

may 17

Another official holiday in our country.

So the whole lot is at home.

One of the girls can't find her library book.
I[ve told her over and over again to keep it at the same place.
So they're searching their room and I'm motivating them to rearrange things.
Ofcourse Jim keeps telling others what to do.. mainly using his butt and mouth, and certainly nothing that's between his ears.

I want to change things at my site. Add things. But I'm too tired to have any creativity boiling up.

Looked around at internet to find some help with the kids and landed on a site that stands up for people who care for others. The membership is a peanut, and I get a voucher for a few flowers too, so I got a member for about 10 dollar for the rest of the year.
They help with taxes and offer help with legal matters. So they have a rather good idea that beside being friendly, there's also support needed in other areas.

Also mailed the local organisation of volunteers to make them aware that there are more care providers than those who care for dementing old people.
Caring for kinds on the autism spectrum requires different skills, and it would be great to have someone jump in here now and then.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

may 16

One of the boys has misread an official letter and didn't see we had to get in contact within 7 days after april 23. Grrr..
Hia father said he'd call and then he handed it over to me.
When will it ever stop that I have to take care of all their mistakes.

My son didn't like it when I told on the phone that I had no clue there was a letter and he didn't read it properly, but what else could I have done?
The secretary looked if the papers were still in their care and they were, but she was not quite willing.
Then I started to chat that it's sometime so difficult to give children with an autism spectrum disorder the independency that belongs to their age, and still keep an eye on everything, and then she became a lot friendlier.
We will be called back on monday.
It's a holiday here after today.

When I put the phone down I got a migraine. Ugh.

Called the doctors office to get my bloodresults. She didn't give them, I have to call the doc.
Well, I won't.
I'll mail him for the results.
I already told him yesterday my glucoselevels won't be good, and probably the cholesterol will be a mess too.
I can't care too much at the moment, but I want to know the results when I call. So he has to put something on my file telling her to give the results under all circumstances.

Didn't go to bagpiping due to pain in my leg...

Made the wrong choice for practice. We had to do: "When the battle is o'er, and I did: after the battle. LOL!

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

may 15

The father of the kids went with his autistic son to the meeting about them two having a training to loose weight.
They had a good talk.
They expect the insurance to pay for our son, as the weightgain is a result of the medication. So that's great, and his father has to pay a part himself.

I went to the doc for the first time in ages.
To my idea I had a problem with the tractus iliotibialis, the outer part of the leg, and the doc agreed.
He checked for chronic problems and damage.
Apart from a loose knee (too much movement possible), and some minor damage to the cartilage, the knees were fine. So that's a relief.
No need to go to the therapist, I know the exercises from the time I did ballet.

He gave me a compliment about all the muscles in the legs.
Acoording to him I don't have fat legs, but muscled legs.

I also asked about my back, where a disc in the upper part has fastened.
It made him frown, whereas I think it's a gain, as I have far less shoulderpain.

I use some calcium, so I have to mail him how much. He wants to substitute the right amount.

It was good to talk again with him.
And on top of it I had a good chat in the waitingroom before seeing him, with a nice guy from the neighbourhood.

I have to walk each day outside... which I can't.... But we'll see.

Practiced on the bagpipes.
I can play La Baum, fairly well with one drone open. So there's progress.

Monday, May 14, 2007

may 14

Went to have a talk with someone who is helping to fill in the paperwork for the grants.
She was very kind, but the woman told it was her first time and she knew nothing about it.
So it was another meeting that was completely of no use.

A wrong referaal from the psychiatrist. Ugh.

I was in so much pain in my leg going home that I nearly didn't make it.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

may 13


The girls had made me quite some drawings and "glued art".
Got the presents I bought for mothersday for my autistic son to give.
And that was it.

There wasn't even something nice to go with the coffee.
So much for being appreciated...

Friday, May 11, 2007

may 11

No problem with my autistic son going to school.

I have problems walking, and after yesterday it only got worse, so I've made an appointment with the doc for tuesday.

may 10

He threw a fit trying not to go to school.
As his dad has quite some criticism on how I manage things I thought it would be wise to let him handle matters.

So I showered with my son yelling downstairs he would never go again to school, and his father trying to outshout him.

I had to go with the oldest to see the place he can go to: a sheltered living house, a training facility.

When I called from the station, my autistoc son was home.

The people at the traning home were very kind.
My oldest will get a rather large room... I did with less when being a student.
They share shower and toilet with two.
Everything is aimed to learning them independecy, including washing machine and dryer.

When going home I nearly cried in the bus. I have taught him everything, but he doesn't remember, or doesn't care.
So it's sad that other people think they can do it better than I did.

After that livingplace he will go either to an independent room or house, or he will go to a facility for protected living.

At home my autistic son was quiet and without much todo went to school to get two lessons.

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

may 9

Father and son were supposed to go to have a look at the psychiatric clinic.
We decided to keep the appointment as it was good info and was also a nice way to "motivate" the son.

I have severe pain in my leg the last weeks, so I stayed upstairs, thinking that Jim was awake.
He overslept!!!

So he didn't go to school either.

In the afternoon all the stress came out, so I was here with a yelling and loud moaning boy.

I hate that!!

He was also very clear: no school.

Well, there will be school or psychiatric clinic. His choice.

I'm at the end of my energy. How long can I keep living this way?

Mailed a dr. in the homeopathy. She's very good and maybe she has a way out.
I think the Ripserdal doesn't work at all and only causes side-effects, but I'm afraid to stop out of fear it works a bit and there will be more problems.

Didn't go to bagpiping. I haven't touched the thing in two weeks.

may 8

My autisic son is off to school...woohaaa!!!!
It took quite some patience and soft pushing.
His oldest brother went with him to bring him to the gate, and he muttered untill he was over the bridge.

At school he was welcomed by his pedagogue/counsellor. That was so great, as she got my mail the day before with just the message that he would come.
I gave him a letter explaining to the teachers what's going on, but they all were well informed.
That woman means a world of difference.

Went with my ADHD son to his psychiatrist.

I sat laughing and chatting with him in the waitingroom...perfect actress. Then my autic son's psych passed.

I felt stressed but knew she would notice my behaviour and make her own conclusions.

During the session with the ADHD psychiatrist she gave some steps towards the matter and I climbed them. LOL!

I said what I had on my heart, and when I said she didn't even see my son her face clouded and when I said she didn't even ask how many times he threatened with suicide and if he made the impression to take action, she looked away..

We went way out of time, but I really thought it was worth it.

My ADHD son needs strattera, which we have to pay ourselves, as the insurance doesn't cover it. Grrrr.
And he will be put on the list for behavioral therapy to control his impulses.
I'm fed up with his namecalling and attention seeking behaviour. He's bothering other people, at school too.

When we came home we already had a mail from my autistic son's psychiatrist, telling that it was not her intention to push him into the clinic, and she would cancell matters. Woohaa!!!

He was very happy and so were we.
Well, now it's waiting for the reaction to all the stress....

That woman has put us all under extreme stress.

Monday, May 7, 2007

may 7

Slept 5 hours, and woke up with the sound of light rain.

For the first time in ages it's a dark and gloomy morning.
It feels strange, like waking up at an evening just before sunset.

My autistic son is a real problem. Especially in contact with others.
I feel extreme pressure to decide to let him go to the clinic. Let others take care of it.
I'm so tired of it all.

But the prospect of isolation rooms and the fact that we're not able to go as often there as required, puts me off.

But I ask myself if it's possible to get special care in the mornings to accompany him to school. If only I knew someone...

If we won't get an appointment today to get help for filling in the forms for special aid, I will have a go at them this evening.

I will ask help from the neighbourwoman. Stupid I haven't thought about that!

To my surprisehe asks if he's allowed to shower. Wow!

In the afternoon I get a mail as an answer to my question to the psychiatrist why she doesn't want parttime psychiatric help.
She says he is too severe.

I answer that I think she's misjudging the case.

He will be attending a special obesity course with his dad, is going to school tomorrow and is doing quite well.

I also tell her that maybe she doesn't realise that he has 3 brothers, 2 sisters, a lot of friends of them walking in, so he doesn't need outside contacts.
Maybe the rule that he should have friends can be handled different in a large family.

Ofcourse I add that we consider the clinic an option that is too much a burden to the family as a whole.

In het mail she used the right name of the psychiatric help centre near our house for the first time, meaning she has read into the matter.

That means she must have seen that they are experts in assisting schools with these children.

Worth mentioning to her that it adds value to a referral.

Well, let's hope the lady comes to her senses.

In the evening I suddenly realise my emotional reaction is not only of a mom who doesn't want to loose her kid.
I have been in a children's home and I have been very lonely there.

I have sworn I would never allow someone to go through that experience.

Sunday, May 6, 2007

may 6

Couldn't sleep at all.
This is not good, because I didn't feel tired until after dinner.

I went downstairs and started writing a kind of letter of complaint.
When it's put into words it's bugging less.

Found out she sent in an application after we said we didn't want one.
Me oh my, was I angry. And I still am.

I'm also bugger by her saying that she expected this for a long time.
So that's why she didn't even bother to try other meds.

I have been struggling and feeling guilty I couldn't get through to him, and she just sat there with folded arms.

That's as unethical as can be.

This psychiatrist sure has lost my confidence.

We had a good talk with my son and told him about the ways psychiatric clinics work to modulate behaviour. Didn't hold back about the isolation room that is available there and used.

It scared the hell out of him... goooood...

He asked us to control this issue. We told him we do what we can, but we can only keep this from happening when he changes his behaviour, accepts our help to do so and goes to school.

Tomorrow he will use to get prepared and tuesday he'll go. Wow!!

I sure hope he does.

He needed a new matress and we got him one...

When dealing with the whole subject of the psychiatric clinic I realise that he's always has a bad time before he's moving to a next stage of development.

If only I hand't been as tired as I am...I would have seen it and not mention the problems to the psychiatrist.

The girls came home all happy and bright.
They had a great day walking with the neighbouring woman, and making birdshouses, playing at the playground and eating pancakes.

I guess I'll get some photos tomorrow.

The weather is changing.
The temperature has dropped, there are clouds and the wind is even worse.

may 5

Did loads of laundry...

Had a good talk with my autistic son about the implications of the pressure put on us to send him to the psychiatric institution.

We're trying to put things to halt... but we're not sure of we can when he doesn't go to school.

It was freedom day and I didn't even watch the concert. Missed it for the first time in my life.

Friday, May 4, 2007

may 4

Didn't sleep a minute last night.

I feel that sending our autistic son to that home is a wrong decision.

She hasn't seen him a minute... last time she saw him after taking the decision.

I've asked her why she didn't use the available afterschool care, where the kids go to from school and get the therapy they need.
I also found a mail from last time where she said there's a daycare available near our house.
I have spoken to the coordinator there and she said there was nothing available. What's going on?

I've mailed my doc about my feelings that sending him that far is wrong and asked for a second opinion.

Thursday, May 3, 2007

may 3

Went to the psychiatrist with my autistic son.

She wanted to talk to us...and left him alone in the waitingroom.

Well, it wasn't a pleasant conversation.

Partly because she was only there to get our son placed in a home for a couple of months, and we have a responsibility for the whole family.

We're not against placing him in a home, but we're against the fact that it is so far away.

She adviced us to get a car (!!). When that wasn't accepted, she said we should ask friends to loan their car. Well the kids father kindly told her he would be pleased to come and get hers... LOL!
Then she told me to get a motorcycle... no way!

Then we should contact the volunteerservice... etc etc.

She kept telling me that I was not ready for the decision.

And that made me angry... and to tears at a moment.

I told her that we were ready to bring him the next morning when she would admit him to hospital, but that we weren't able to travel that distance without a car, and that we first wanted a solution found to the problems.

Well, then she found out we could have a certain subsidy...

I have tried to get that paperwork done more than once, but I'm too tired to sort it all out.
At the first session with her, she said we would get help, and never ever it was possible, and now suddenly we could get an appointment.

She kept us from getting sleepingtablets for our son... now we got some... 5 to be precise...

I felt like a child holding it's hand up to receive some gifts after doing something right. Ugh...

At the first session I said the main problems were between the two youngest boys, and they needed therapy for their interaction.
They only offered familytherapy at our house, which I refused.
I won't involve the girls in therapy when it's a problem between two of the children. And in fact is mainly caused by the ADHD-son.

So there was no help at all.
And now it was suddenly written down...

So I felt very irritated... doing nothing for two years, let me solve all problems myself and than force us to put him into a home...

She is saying there is no help at all in our town... one of the largest towns in the country!!

I feel that placing him so far away will break up contact between him and the family, and we'll get a very angry boy back.

I don't feel happy with this at all, but I'm afraid to go against it.
The last year child protection missed some dysfunctional families and the parents killed the children.
Public opinion went against childcare and now they want to prove they don't make mistakes. They do so by taking children out of the house more often, by force.
I'm in fact afraid they legally take our son from us.

She wanted us to go for an intake... and we said we agreed with him having a look there with his father, next wednesday.
And we'll take it from there.

In the meantime I'll contact our own doctor, because I'm not feeling well with him going so far.

I also feel bothered by her saying: they make him again a happy boy who enjoys life.

Well, he never has been a happy boy enjoying life.

I also feel I have failed...

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

may 2

More sun, more wind.

No matter how I feel or what I want, when teh father of the kids plans something, it has to take place.
So he's away for a day out with the girls, and I'm here with the whole lot.
I wonder why I got girls, because I never have the chance to do something with them out of the house.
Well, go to the doctor and visit a balletperformance once in so many years.
I guess I had my outing last sunday. I was away three hours.

I'm very mad at him, and at the girls too. They should have spoken up.
They're growing into the same demanding jerks as the boys are, because he gives them what they want. Buying love.

Marriages are not made in heaven, they're a manmade illusion to give men a free workhorse.

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

may 1

Lots of wind.
In the evening I realised I forgot to take the laundry inside... ugh.
I don't like spiders...
So I kept the lot outside. It's mainly towels and male underwear. LOL!

Well, it turned out the boy who broke the carmirror has acknowledged it to the police.
So the matter is straightforward and my boys are only witnesses.
They were treated rotten though. One of them was being yelled at that he should confirm their opinion that he has done it.
Well, he sure has lost confidence in the police by now.

They also threatened to tie them to a lamppost when they talked to each other.
Man, are those cops in problems here. I'm going to file a complaint.
Thami's cellphone was dropped by the policewoman... shhh...

Well... the only decent thing was that they brought my boys home a lot earlier than the other two.

queensday april 30


The temp was OK, but the wind is firm.
At the last moment the girls wanted to go to the children's market to sell some clothes.
Well, I had a bag with things that were too little.
They didn't sell anything. They went late... a bit too late to sell something.

Two of the boys went to the free evening concert with two friends.

On their way home one of them kicked a mirror from a car.
That boy has made trouble before and I often have said that I didn't like them to go along with him.

Well, they were arrested, had a hearing at the policestation.

I was waiting for them here. Their father went to bed.
When I woke him up, worrying about the boys still not being home, it turned out he had switched his phone off.

Ofcourse there was a message from the police.
Calling them, they told they were still hearing one of the boys.

Because we called they would speed up things and bring them home.

I'm so angry...

I have been going along a bit with how they look... I hate their hair and I hate their clothes.
All I want to do is cut their hair, redress them and send them to a camp to discipline them..

We have a saying here: who is befriended with tar gets dirty from it.

About a year ago one of them got a ticket because he had a skateboard in a no skateboardingzone.
He wasn't skateboarding.
We know for sure, because he took the skateboard to town because it was broken.
I'm afraid the police won't be so kind handling him anymore.

I feel so ashamed... and worried too.

I so long for a normal life...